1988    This event was a surprise, I've never had anything like it happen in the past.

I read a review of Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco when it came out. The review was interesting enough to cause me to request the mobile library deliver it to me.

The review said the book was about a message and a new source of energy as best I remember it now. That it was about a message was a potent idea When I picked up the book, it was a
BIG book and I wished I'd not ordered it because at that time I couldn't read the way I had for the first 50 years of my life.  My head felt as though it would burst when I read, but for some reason I felt a sense, an urge that I experienced  as words:  'read the words anyway'. It might have been the force of a deeply engrained habit.  I began to read the book and soon realized  it was somewhat interesting for a fictional book. There were many mentions of 'secret societies', but only two names were familiar to me,  the Masons, and the Rosicrucian's. I had noticed small advertisements for information about Rosicrucians in pulp magazines I read when I was a young girl. I'd wondered vaguely about them.

My mind was a place I was looking into by the time I began t read this book  I had noticed a distant 'sense' within my own thought as it emerged that somehow worked on what I was reading! I was living a very confusing life, and my mind was busy in a way I had never experienced. The idea  began to waft into my mind that the 'secret keeping societies' in the book were somehow connected to the strange new kind of events I was attempting to understand in my every day life. I didn't think of them as coincidences then that word never occurred to me.   A thought formed as I read the book,  nothing very profound at all:  "This is not new. It's old., really old. It's nothing new at all, it's old." The situation in my personal life had seemed to me to be the cause of all those new experiences.  I'd been feeling a sense of outrage at my husband, who had actually said and done almost everything that brought about the circumstances in our life but he had a 'problem', a psychological problem. This was something I'd been told by psychiatrists I'd begun to see. . There was a personal situation  in our life by 1984, and it  seemed to have been deliberately brought about over a period of almost 30 years by this one person. But  it was just a personal problem and nothing more than that. 

It was a situation that generated literally, mixed signals that I felt before I could name them, and I was outraged, alternately with feeling agonizingly grief stricken.

 I took a trip to Westport, in my small motor home and took the book with me, not half way through it.

I went to bed and fell into the kind of 'half sleep' that had become somewhat typical for me.

I was  startled by a sudden color filled image in my mind: A man standing in front of a door was looking directly at me, and he was making emphatic gestures with his hands; there was no sound. He seemed very intent and he seemed to be looking directly at me! Then the scene altered,  to show more of the room. It was a wall of books in a library, very colorful, richly bound books, and one man was sitting at a desk. Beside him were three identical chairs in each of which I saw three men sitting.  An old man was sitting in each chair and from his shoulders a younger man's shoulders and head emerged. Then from that younger man's shoulders, a much older man's shoulders and head emerged than was at the root of this trio of men.

The image did not last very long, it vanished and I was fully awakened when it vanished. HOW STRANGE!!!! I don't have images like that, I don't even dream very often. As I lay thinking about the image, I felt that something subtle had happened just prior to it's emergence: I felt a sense of having been 'coached' to 'remember everything you can'! There seemed to be something very strange that I had to notice, to figure out. What was it? My mind went to work on the image, then something occurred to me: I had seen three chairs simultaneously, and observed a very odd arrangement of men in each of them, but the chairs were arranged in a triangle, and I, the observer (there was no sense of my body) was in the center of that triangle. I saw the men in each chair full faced, there was no profile or side view, each man was visible as though I were facing him, yet that was impossible in a triangular arrangement!

How could that happen? Then I had a sense of having been only a 'point of view', a viewing point without a body, that saw in a perspective of 360 degrees. What was in front, in the back and at sides was right there, all in one image. I cannot describe how it felt, and I cannot re-create that experience, which I've tried to do.

What I felt most curious about was how I had a feeling of being 'coached' before the event, to 'notice all you can, remember everything you can'. And then after wards also prodded to 'think about what was unusual' about a scene in which so much was really  unusual.

When I resumed reading Foucault' Pendulum the next day,  I read a description of a scene between three men in a room very similar to the one in my image. It was not identical, but at the time this happened the relationship was more distinct than it is now after so much time has passed. Everything in my life seemed connected to everything else at that point, and that has changed

Everything that I knew also seemed connected, I could not separate one idea out, to give a speech at the Toastmaster's Club I'd joined. When I looked for a definition of a word in the dictionary I could not find one definition, they all had to be used. This was a very confusing factor in my life, but I clearly remembered having been able to 'select' one definition and understand it in the past.

This event caused me to begin to consider that the situation in my personal life was not merely personal. It was somehow connected to 'secret keeping societies', to some kind of pattern that was old, and I'd not known until I read that book, about the societies that Umberto Eco wrote about. The strange flow of perfectly timed events, consisted mostly at that point  of reading book that somehow came to my attention in various places. I didn't look for them, they just caught my attention and I saw my hand reach for them, in a way I had not experienced, as though it was moving without instruction from me.

I bought books in this strange almost comatose condition then I felt 'funny' when I read them. It seemed to me at times, that often what I read was finding a match of some kind that was already in my body/mind/thought! What I read had another factor that I had noticed a few times; what I was trying to describe was being described to me, literally. This became very distinct when I chanced to read The Hidden Dimension by Edward T. Hall and then also my chance another book by him, The Silent Language. A feeling emerged that I was working with, or for, another 'world'.  There had been a long period of feeling different than was normal for me, and the idea of doing 'work' for another 'level' had first occurred when I was alone in the house in the early 1980's, sobbing in my bedroom. I felt  my body raise up to a half sitting position and then heard my voice say, very tearfully: "I'll s it. I'll do the work." There was no curiosity about what I said or the strange sense of 'seeing my self', and of 'hearing my self' do what I had not thought about, and didn't understand!

A literalness that I would never have expected caused the titles of the books to have that meaning, that they were literally describing to me, what I was feeling so curious about, what I felt driven to describe!!  Eventually I found words to describe the 'effect' of some change that altered words in books I read, that seemed to find a match in my mind, sometimes very specific and distinct other times more general but some how familiar. I felt a strong sense of familiarity quite often. Then a few events happened that made the effect quite distinct: A 'second underlying context' emerged in a way I cannot describe that caused me to read words as I would ordinarily have done, but this  new effect turned the words around, seeming conversational . It was something new, the words somehow seemed spoken TO me directly after two very unusual events. One was perfectly timed, , the other 'used' thought generated by what I was doing physically one day I clearly saw the thought was 'replayed' extremely rapidly. That was just a hint, another event happened that made the term 'second underlying/under 'lying' context' come to my thought.

At this point, 2007, it seems to me the 'interconnectedness of all things' may not be a factor in the external world to the degree that it is in the internal world of a person's individual understanding in their individual life. This detail about personal 'understanding' was in the third statement of the message, but earlier experiences with reality, in the play  'Rashomon' and in real life had caused me to know people do not share a common mind in their conscious life.

3.  Each person from the first opening of its eyes on this earth begins to create an internal dictionary of meanings which is built of that individuals' perceptions and concepts, through which the world (reality) is heard and seen.  (This dictionary in the most accurate sense is a memory bank of meanings which is formed as one lives, and is consulted as one listens to another, ones thoughts are formed from it, according to the patterns of the personality, which are very habitual. All thought, all meanings passing through the filter-grid imposed by personality before entering the level of conscious perception.)

After this event there were other somewhat similar situations that happened just before waking up in the morning. I was in bed but a kind of book was in front of me and I was reading the pages, rapidly and understanding what I read. After I woke up I had the faintest sense of being prodded to remember what I'd just read, and this continued over a period of time. I made an effort to remember what I'd read before waking up, and at times I did carry the memory forwards into full waking but the words made no sense at all!