REVELATIONS 2
Verse 7. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches. To him that overcometh, will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God.
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I remember that when I first read this paragraph I wondered about the word ‘unto’. “Unto?” Why ‘unto’ instead of ‘in’ the churches?” I thought about ‘the spirit’ and ‘unto’ the ‘churches’ and the idea developed in my mind that these words limited and united all churches behind ONE voice, because it said, ‘let him hear what THE Spirit SAYETH, UNTO THE Churches.”
The distinctness of A VOICE speaking to all churches grew in my understanding from my reading that paragraph, when I read it in the 1980’s.
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Every life has a sprinkling of events that don't vanish from memory, unless I'm unusual, which I don't believe I am. This which follows is an example of what I believe P. D. Ouspensky referred to in the first paragraph of his A New Model Of The Universe: "There exist moments in life, separated by long intervals of time, but linked together by their inner content and by a certain singular sensation peculiar to them. Several such moments always recur to my mind together, and I feel then that it is these that have determined the chief trend of my life." They are installed in a special way, a complete recording of an event that happened only once. They are established as 'different' because they re-occur at times, for no apparent reason and one begins to be curious about them...eventually. This may require decades of Time, at least that's how it was with me. There have been a few other incidents somewhat similar to this one, in which without knowing I was doing it, I was an observer, a witness of inner/ mental content emerging in my mind about something that was happening in my real life.. It was a 'thought event' that happened the way an 'event' in the outer world would happen, and be 'observed'. The fact that this event 're-occurred' later, many times flashing briefly into my thought has marked it and others that were similar as 'different'. This one is one of the most important ones:
When I was about 9 years old my Sunday school teacher told her version of the Christmas Story. She began with what had to be her version of the history of the Jewish people. She told about how they had expected a messiah for a very long time, because it had been foretold long ago that a 'messenger' would be born. He would be the king of the Jewish people. She told as well about how Mary and Joseph came to be in Bethlehem when the baby Jesus was born and why there wasn't any place for them to stay.
When she told about how the long wait for the expected messiah ended when baby Jesus was born, she told us the Jewish people did not recognize their 'messiah' because, her exact words were: "when it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places."
I remember hearing what she said because the words repeated in my mind exactly as she had spoken them, but as 'thought': "When it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places." The repetition of what she'd said was followed by another thought. It was a kind of response that I realize now would seem be made by another person, one that had heard what was said, and then responded, although this was an inner repetition. This 'other's response' was this: "The messiah was a He, not an it. She should have said "When He came, He did not come as He was expected to come. He came in the lowest of all places."
If we had not been learning about pronouns at that point, it may not have happened that I noticed the incongruous use of 'it' rather that the appropriate 'he' pronoun. It did not occur to me then that this was an unusual event.
This moment when a Sunday school teacher told her version of the birth of the Messiah was the 'key' moment in my life: noticing a thought about an inappropriate use of an impersonal pronoun rather than a specific gender based pronoun: he. Everything that happened in 1984 depended upon the 'installation' in my memory of this moment. Other memories were important but this one set a foundation for the future when 'thought' other than my own had to become distinct. The memory of the event just as it had happened originally was re-generated throughout my life at times so that I noticed it, then eventually wondered to myself about it. This memory was of the thought content of the event.
I believe this photograph of a moment was what P. D. Ouspensky referred to as full consciousness but without any understanding. He mentioned that he'd had 'recurring moments' in his life: "There exist moments in life, separated by long intervals of time, but linked together by their inner content and by a certain singular sensation peculiar to them. Several such moments always recur to my mind together and I feel then that it is these that have determined the chief trend of my life. " That's how he described what in my opinion, Emanuel Swedenborg had already written about as 'remains', i.e. 'goods' that are instilled without the knowledge of the individual during states of innocence for use later in life in the process of regeneration. His term, 'remains' as well as his term for the process itself, 'regeneration' is in my opinion, from my own experiences literally accurate and correct. Many authors of very highly regarded books often begin by telling about some important event that happened when the author was very, very young. Douglas Hofstadter described in his Pulitzer Prize winning Godel, Escher, Bach, An Eternal Golden Braid, how at age 3-1/2 years old he became fascinated with 'threeness', for example. Theodore Reik wrote his The Creation Of Woman because of something that happened when he was 9 years old, when he 'heard himself say', something aloud that he had not thought about. He had been listening to his Jewish grandfather argue about the two different stories of the birth of Eve that are told in Genesis I and Genesis II. (I had not noticed the differences myself until I read The Creation of Woman, and it was not easy to locate the book until the Internet.)
What is the significance of this incident? The misuse of a pronoun, an impersonal 'it' rather than a specific masculine pronoun may seem to be a trivial thing, not worthy of mentioning. However there have been three other events that happened later in which displaced or replaced pronouns occurred in thought that came into my mind, that I do not believe I generated myself. They were 'inserted', or 'embedded' in every day thought, and all thought seems to be 'self generated', by me. That some thought is 'given' to me, or 'transmitted' to me may be difficult to detect without some means of comparison. These events in which I observed a kind of 'conversation' arise, i.e. a thought and then a comment about the thought were related together over a long span of time. Their relatedness became obvious after 1989 when I had the second 'mindquake', which I named the 'pi' quake. The same kind of 'inner dialogue' about something I read in the copyright statement happened, and then the most unexpected event brought forth evidence that from the first memory I had on this planet, I had been carefully monitored and prepared for not only the 1984 event, the two that happened in 1989 but also for the events that were to happen in the years afterwards. By 1996 when globalization was well under way, I was noticing that a pattern I'd noticed in my personal life, was now at work on a much larger scale, beginning locally, in the job I had at Boeing Commercial Aircraft Company. When I read The History Of Pi, by Petr Beckmann then at some point glanced at the back of the book, reading the copyright statement, and 'wondering' to myself why 100,265 was not rounded off to 100,000 or 100250, or even 100,500 then turning back to the first of two pages of pi decimals, I was unawares of any connection to those early life events but suddenly it was exposed, clearly and distinctly. Long strings of memories of events that had happened in my real life flashed into my mind, and I had by then learned to understand a language that actually taught itself, over the period of time between 1984 and 1989 when the first of two 'mindquake's happened. The first one exposed the fact that I had been 'named' and that I had learned a new language, the second one linked clearly and distinctly back to my earliest memories, retrieving strings of them, assembled in a movie like 'story' that conveyed to me that those moments were not only accessable easily, but that certain mental content was 'transmitted' to me, not generated by me.
That event brought forth a hidden vein of activity in my past, that began when I had my first memory and then at about age 9, an impulse, just a thought impulse, caused me to learn something from it. No physical person 'talked' to me, it was the impulse itself.
That is what I believe is the critical point, that I did not produce the thought in that event, or the other events that involved manipulations of pronouns that I could not have accomplished myself. They were moments of 'input' into my mind which I 'looked at , heard , remembered ' when it was retrieved and replayed afterwards, for no reason I could see. The 'replaying' made them stand out....eventually.
This memory flashed into my mind afterwards, throughout my life for the next 3 decades. But it obviously flashed into visibility from such a deep level of mind that I was in my mid forties when I noticed, then questioned myself about them! It's likely that by then they were 'closer' to a conscious part of my mind in my late forties because only then did I wonder to myself about them. And also 1984 was approaching. I realize now (the date is July 9, 2006) that the 9 years between 1975 and 1984 was a period of gradually being made aware of certain habits I had as well as of this kind of 're-occurring memory'. And other mental activity began that I noticed but did not understand until many years later, involving two books that I'd read in the past, and been affected by, each in a very different way.
There were a few other memories that 're-occurred' in a similar way but they were quite different in content. Each memory was distinct, unconnected to any other memory. Noticing each of them and becoming curious about them occurred during the 9 years prior to 1984. In retrospect I can see that I noticed small details in that period that were critically important to what was going to happen in 1984 and afterwards.
The fact that I could not have devised such a complicated way to make me aware of 'non-self generated material' because I'm not that smart, is obvious to me. One of these events in which 'displaced pronouns' were significant prevented me from assuming the experiences I was having came from people I knew. That event made me know for certain these experiences were not coming from the material world or anyone in it, but THROUGH what was actually material in my life.
After 1984, when my life had changed radically, I began by believing these events and circumstances were caused by situations in our lives, because several people were involved, not just myself and my husband. A second event, a second stage event happened in 1989 and it provided evidence that the real origin of this 'flow of events' was coming 'through' what was visible to me, but the people involved had no knowledge of how I understood everything, even when they acted and spoke as though they did! This second level event clarified some confusion, but I couldn't accept it very well for many reasons. It was followed by a third event, also in 1989, that exposed the link back to my earliest memories, especially to those moments when I was supposedly alone, then of all things, to pi, the irrational number. That event made me know in a flash of time that this 'project' had been going on throughout my life, hidden, embedded within all of the every day events in my life. Those that were relevant were lifted out from embeddedness, linearly arranged moments from my past that I remembered and displayed at a speed, that had to be less than a tiny fraction of a second.
That 'connection' had begun when I was about 9 years old built from certain incidents. One such incident was important, very critical; an impulse caused me to make my first moebius band after reading a simple definition of how to make one. It said. "Take a strip of paper of at least 12" long and an inch wide, twist one end a half turn and tape the ends together." As I looked at the result of taking a strip of paper, twisting one end a half turn then joining the ends with paste, a thought occurred to me to "Cut it around it's center." which I did do. The same words repeated, so I cut my band again around it's center. I was very surprised by the result. The second cutting resulted in two bands, joined together but separated in a way that could not be undone! It was a personal discovery of a single 'band', a continuum, that can be severed completely apart but still be conjoined forever. Over a period of almost 23 years since 1984, I have begun to believe this double continuum has some potential to explain reality itself, phases and points of radical reversals of patterns that have been very little noticed, but which could be at this point in Time.
That band has a 'twist point' in it, a point where everything reverses into the opposite direction, backwards becomes forwards, up becomes down, front becomes back, inner becomes outer and there is /no point that is not accessible on that band.
When these particular events happened, no person was there, it was just me and the impulse, which was generated after reading a simple definition of how to make a moebius band.
I was given proof of this unsuspected 'input' into my mind even when I was a very young girl in the third mindquake. It made the point very clear: the real source was that the experiences came 'through' physical world people, events and circumstances, the events were shaped by their actions and words but the cause was not 'local' to quote a character in the movie of Carl Sagan's Contact. That book is about a signal, the first contact with extra terrestrials.
"It did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places." was a statement made originally about the messiah, but it was 'morphed' into a different context relating to the 'contact' we on this planet have been searching for. "The kingdom of heaven is within you.", but where, and how does 'it' communicate? A pattern moving through Time, steadily can be a signal, carrying a message, merely by it's extension through Time.
This idea that a pattern can be a signal grew slowly but this is an example of how the idea 'grew'. In the the mid 1990's I turned the television on and the first screen was surprising: a black background with white words on it like we see in silent movies: "THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE." The words were new to me, they were intriguing enough that I sat down to see what they meant. The show was an Agatha Christie, Murder She Wrote mystery. A medium was murdered but I could not see where 'The medium is the message." fit anywhere in the plot. The words haunted me afterwards, in a way I've gradually begun to detect as meaningful, only because they did become full of meaning. The search for Extra Terrestrials has been a material world exploration, but the idea merged (from many books I'd read and experiences I'd had for two decades) that a pattern moving steadily forwards in Time could be thought about as a 'signal'. The 'medium' was that pattern, the 'message' was conveyed by implication thought it's continuation, it's extension in Time that it was the same 'gods within' that the Greeks and apparently many 'psychotic individuals' even in the remote past had experienced....and still do experience. Something new was added to what was outside of my body and over a period of a few years it became obvious that what was new was not outside of my body but it overlaid everything outside of my body, everything that caught my attention.. I don't notice everything, obviously. The idea that there is actually a 'secret about the insane' and that a comment about that 'secret' had been embedded within a book, one book among billions of other books, and that it had been brought to my attention as though I'd been 'manipulated' and guided towards noticing it, indicates a kind of 'contact' had been made, even when that comment really caught my attention. The 'secret' about the 'insane' is that a process of human 'individuation/regeneration' has been identified in the past by C. G. Jung and Swedenborg but the very 'field' of philosophy itself is about such 'contact' as these patterns create.
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The most important event involving 'displaced pronouns' set a foundation to prevent an error I would have made about the origin of my 'strange experiences' if it had not happened.
It happened when I was a very young girl, and a few incidents that happened later in my life established that I did not 'think' or devise them, because I could not have foreseen the way people in my life, in the early 1980's began to interface with my unspoken 'thought'. This began and continued for several years, in a confusing way that affected my body very much. I would have believed the causes of everything were in front of me, on this planet. In the second 'mindquake' that happened in the fall of 1989 I was made aware by an enormous inflow of memories of experiences I'd had after 1984 that this experience came through what was visible, in a form that created 'words', of a very different kind that we read, but I'd learned to understand a new language by then. It's a kind of language that had been already named by other people, of whom Emanuel Swedenborg and Carl G. Jung were only two important contributors.
Although I had not read much about Jung at that time, I had read enough of Swedenborg to realize that his term, 'regeneration' and his idea that a 'literal sense' to stories in the Bible had a much more modern relationship to what F. David Peat described as an 'interactive force', i.e. synchronicity. I had thought of it as an interactive force, because I felt a real 'force', a drive, a powerful motor had assumed control and authority over my body, all components of my life, except a certain 'observer', a 'listening part' of mind, that had a very great mystery to try to understand.
This was the truly difficult aspect: everything said and done in the real world after 1984 by people I knew seemed to fit precisely into 'thought' in my mind, that had never been spoken aloud to anyone. This did not become obvious immediately. The 3 years after 1984 became a flow of 'body based' confusion and activity. I felt literally a 'bottled up' literally until I began to grasp what was causing the sense of disorientation and confusion: I was literally seeing another world of activity, one I'd never seen before, but it 'talked' to me! And it was demanding of me that I 'name what you see', 'describe everything you see'. That's an activity that one of my toddlers seemed to have been 'driven' to do until he went to school! I 'recognized' in some way a growth of 'information', revealed in a 'word' I'd had to learn to 'read', in 'events and circumstances' that caught my attention and in books that I just happened to find. in various places at just the right point in Time. It was the timing that really began to seem impossible. But in this ongoing flow of experiences that was evident, after a few years when a 'body of content' had been built up.
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A few words about generalizations and specificity.
There are two kinds of specificity: generalized and unique content. When 'thought' that was utterly unique in content met it's exact match a few times in the exterior world I was silently astonished and puzzled. The thought content preceded the words, that became a thing to be curious about. In 'generalized content' that I read in books, where an entire book had that sense of having already existed in my body as word because there was an emerging sense of familiarity, as though in some way I knew already, this content.
In reading Consciousness Without an Object by a Frank Merrill Wolfe, I felt I was reading something written in a foreign language although I could read every word of it easily.
When quite by chance I came upon another book by the same author, Pathways through to Space, it seemed absurd to read it, because I understood nothing I read, it was 'senseless' stuff. But I felt a 'drive' to read the words anyway. Then by chance I found Men Who Walked With God by Sheldon Cheney a book that somehow began to make an impression, especially after I read about Socrates and his 'voice within that tells us about our universe'. That was followed by finding another very strange book: Cosmic Consciousness by Richard M. Bucke, which in a way linked with ideas in Sheldon Cheney's book. It was about a sudden change in consciousness, an 'enlightening of the life' that changed that life forever. This may read as impossible, but when I read these books it was at after the experience I'd had in 1984, but I had not 'related' to it, I simply didn't KNOW I'd had that experience yet!
This did not in any way cause me to relate what happened in my mind in 1984 to what I was reading. There was no relationship to that event and any material world event until 3+ years after 1984.
I changed radically after 1984, and had no control over my body, but I watched it and listened to what I said in a completely different than normal for me, way of hearing, seeing and understanding, and 'doing' in my habits. My habits were familiar to me, and the new habits were also familiar to me, this became obvious as time passed. They were 'normal' habits of someone I knew very well and intimately. A new kind of 'bond' had been formed and as I look at it now, a new mind emerged from the condition in which two people live as one, two that were diametrically opposed at that point. What had made relationship comfortable and possible when their mindset was 'complementaries' (like the right hand and the left hand) switched into the opposite, where contentions of all kinds in all situations prevailed.
(The source of contentiousness as a female quality was framed into words by William Blake: "Oh, God, why didst thou the feminine will create?". This was apparently a 'projection' of misery caused by his wife Catherine's refusal to allow him to have children with a mistress. He remained loyal to his wife however much he regretted her strong will in that situation. (William Blake and The Tree Of Life, Laura de Witt James, Shambala Press, and "Jung, Blake and the Collective Unconscious by June Singer).
The fact that long ago qualities were not masculine or feminine was one I became aware of for the first time when I read Spirit of the Valley by Suki Colegrave which is about Eastern 'thought', of which I had no knowledge until I read it. As a particular female, I had certainly experienced what a shameful thing it had become for a man to have a feminine quality, even long before I was born. There are words for females that I've never found a masculine counterpart for: The female can be a castrator, ball breaker, etc.
I'd read a couple of books about 'coincidence', Alan Vaughn's Incredible Coincidence, and been very much affected by F. David Peat's Synchronicity, The Bridge Between Mind and Matter. There's also a booklet published by Swedenborgian authors, God, Man and Communication that explains 'symbolic correspondences' to some degree but there is no connection in any of those books to certain symptoms that are attributed to mental disorders at present in our Time. Those 'symptoms' are the same as what Jung named 'meaningful coincidence' and he experienced them in his 'psychotic, creative illness', from which he emerged, informed about the 'depths of mind', in a masculine defined world, history itself, all of it.
I became aware myself, privately in many hundreds of thousands of daily events, that the 'symptoms': ideas of reference/thought broadcasting/magical thinking/racing thought' , inflation, grandiosity, and other terms were names for the changes that brought about the kind of hearing and perception I'd had as the result of a 'marital bond' that formed a 'united mindset'. Overall this 'bond' is somewhat similar to Swedenborg's descriptions of the deepest relationship of a man and a wife in Conjugal Love. It was a relationship that may seem unnatural in 2007, but it was a couple whose marital bond was truly that kind of bond, in which 'two people living as one' that had been brought to my attention during the years prior to 1984!! This particular, very unique situation between this couple was perfect in the 'big picture', although on what we think of as normal, it might have seemed that one person had assumed control of another persons life, consciously intending to control it and use it. In 2007 such relationships are barely beginning to be talked about, particularly on Dr. Phil's 'in your face kind of therapy'.
In the 1984 mindquake: Five sentences that had occurred into my mind at various times were retrieved from my memory and the pronouns in them were changed into actual names: mine and the man I was married to. The gender of the pronouns was reversed in this strange transformation that was so important and significant to the first 1989 mindquake in which the implication of this detail was made explicitly clear to me. The implication was that moments in my past were as accessible as data that's been stored on a computer. I had not noticed this specific replacement although I remembered that these five sentences had occurred into my thought, as quiet thought comments, while I watched a certain man who was only a casual acquaintance. He was not a very attractive man but I felt a very strong attachment that I could not understand. I had an almost overwhelming need to 'get to know this man'. The 'thought comments' that occurred were related to his relationship to his wife and they were very specific, She had told me he loved her so much he could not bear to be away from her for even one night. That and other things she said to me apparently aroused my curiosity at first, then her statement that he seemed to be unable to bear being away from her for even one night did seem to be true. But there was a sense of something somehow horrifying about this couple's relationship that perhaps love was not the reason he could not bear to be away from her for even one night.
My attention had been riveted on the man after a brief very vivid dream in which he and one other man were the only people. The dream and it's particular content occurred on a 'streaming band of thought' that began, which would not let me sleep at night for years. I described it as 'non-stop thinking', but it began and continued with specific content, i.e. the dream,until about 1986. After that a slow change altered the content of that 'band' of non-stop thought content, although I didn't notice it myself. This also was pointed out in the first 1989 mindquake. The 'band of thought' was identifiable because of the long period of 'thought' about the dream that had aroused my curiosity because I could not see how a brief dream could generate so much thought about it. This went on for a few years before new content began to filter in. I had begu reading books that just happened to catch my attention, primarily about quantum physics, a topic I knew nothing about but I felt 'compelled' to read about! This 'new content' and the fact that this new content had begun after I began to read books about quantum physics, was pointed out to me in the 1989 mindquake. This was embedded within a very huge batch of information that would require me to write more than two or three books and even then it would not convey the strange way a number of people in my life at that time seemed to merge and mesh with thought in my head that I had not said anything about to anyone...because it was emerging in a separate, very deep level where thought is received. When that content met it's match, in my opinion I believe that is what caused a body response of 'strangeness', at sometimes almost as an electric shock, a form of 'coincidence' and at times what has been defined as deja vu.
A reason for these five thought 'insertions' became obvious, that in fact I was actually being 'schooled' into noticing non-self generated thought.
Seeing the 'inappropriate use' of pronouns in these instances was just part of beginning to understand certain memories that flashed into my mind long after the original event had happened. Why plant an absurdity except to make something obvious?
I remember this incident in a unique way because it was a recurring thought, emerging into my mind for no reason I could ever see, for years after the original event happened. This incident was recurring into my mind when I was in my mid forties, and it was only at that point that I wondered to myself about why this memory plagued me the way it did. I began at that point to notice this re-occurrence in a few other individual memories, although I did not think to myself that there were several different memories marked by this unaccountable regeneration. The content of each, the exact words in each of them was aimed towards a different context, ahead of me in the future.
The words of my thought, by that I mean the content of each unique event was displaced from that original event that generated them, then the words were applied to another situation, to a kind of birth of my own, brought about not by myself it seems to me, into a higher dimension of life on Earth.
"But when it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places." now refers to the experience I had in 1984, which I believe was a global experience, bounded by all of recorded history. 1984 was a year that was made significant by a book authored about it. It was a year that a real contact was made between that group of people in my life at that point in Time, and an intelligence that exists outside of Time, at our comfort level. Time is the measure of motion, and since 1984 there has been increasing 'stress' on this planet, as we are 'driven' to include more and more activity and computer generated technology into our 24 hour days. "If time were not shortened in the end times, no human flesh would survive." The word 'end' does not mean 'termination' in my opinion, it means 'goal'. The 'goal' of Time reads quite differently than the 'end of time'. A point of drastic change, the end of 'this system of things' has happened in the past, but this change happened when there were observers on the planet who could read not merely the written word, but 'events' in a psychological 'sense', then remember and record what was observed. ,
Before recorded history, was....? We have records that indicate there was an awareness of gods, many gods, although I had never read them or heard about them until I began to read about the Greeks. I was affected oddly when I read in Sheldon Cheney's Men Who Have Walked With God about Socrates death, which he accepted because the 'god within that tells us about our universe' was silent when he was told he was to die. He said that silence indicated there was no harm in the poison.
I grew up hearing the word 'crazy' and even 'insane' without any knowledge of the past. Eventually I came to understand, as though a teacher were present and was focused on making the idea distinct, that whatever it is that we experience now, as 'madness' was experienced long ago in two forms: either as an effect of the divine or otherwise as being the result of 'real world causes'. The Greeks established that 'madness' from the gods was a good thing. It would seem to me from my experiences that every day life can 'drive a person crazy', in many ways, but the feeling of being 'crazy' is due to 'mixed signals', where one's eyes and ears do not see what one has believed and expected. If there are mixed signals, there are signals. .
Knowing nothing about such ideas, it was only my lack of prior knowledge that permitted me to experience this connection as though it had never been written or talked about by anyone else. And then feel driven to 'name what you see', 'describe what you see' as though I were a toddler, which may be a pattern that I didn't go through when I was actually a toddler. Then again, it may be normal for patterns to repeat when one is older.
The irony of this experience is that I became aware of an automatic function of mind that I experienced as a 'motor' that drove me to do many things I would not ordinarily have done or said. One result of this 'motor' was that I read books I found in random places that I began to notice related to what was in my thought. Eventually I had to recognize they were actually describing what I was doing on the planet, at times specifically, physically and where I was!
There was a process of lifting out the words that 'described to me' what I was doing very specifically at times, as well as pointing my attention and my body towards activities and people we knew at that point in Time, that indicated to me, in their speech that they seemed to know exactly what we were all doing! When it began to become obvious to me this apparent participation could not be validated by asking those who seemed most involved in my 'thought world', I began to understand P. D. Ouspensky's ideas in the Fourth Way in a different way. He wrote that 'man does not remember himself' and that a long period of self observation is required for man to even begin to become conscious.
The experience that I began to notice was difficult to recognize as a 'flow of doubleness', and the 'doubleness' was that a 'second underlying context' formed in my mind automatically. It was a product of 'bands of thought', only one of which was filled with scrolling non-stop thought about a dream I'd had. Other kinds of thought that I had never experienced began to attract my interest, I wondered if I was 'thinking' this new content. Through a very complex kind of interaction I recognized the 'thing itself' had described itself by selecting certain events, in which certain words occurred and then the words were 're-directed', regenerated in a flash, into a quite different, personal context, which at times described what I was actually doing! (In 2007 the word 'morphed' is understood by most computer uses and movie goers. The original context, my 'normal' way of understanding what I heard read, and saw 'morphed' into a 'second underlying/under 'lying' context' and this 'second tier of meaning' began to assemble into a gradual growth of understanding, as though a story was emerging, one that made sense to me.
It, this process of 'abstraction' described every detail necessary to understand it by abstracting out certain material already present in my ordinary every day life yet the utterly precise timing of many events was evidence it was nothing I was doing, or was causing to happen.
Too many people and too many actual real world events fitted into a drama that emerged in my mind, roughly based on ideas in a steady stream of books I'd read that had affected me to extremes, in a variety of ways when I was much younger.
I noticed rather slowly that the titles of such books as The Hidden Dimension by Edward Hall, and The Silent Language also by Edward Hall had a strangely factual relationship, that a 'hidden dimension' was 'speaking', developing it's own words, in a very complicated form of 'word', that was literally a 'silent language' !
How can an intelligence outside of Time make it's self clear, distinct and obvious in Time, through generations where each generation re-discovers the same things, but names everything differently?
It can describe the future before it happens.
It can describe what is happening 'now' in a particular way.
It can convey indirectly the actual location on the planet of the individual.
I don't know how to write about how this happens in a scholarly or poetic way, because it is very ordinary and simple once the idea is accepted that it can happen. It happened to me, I could never have imagined or fabricated such a perfect, utterly precisely timed experience myself in which so many real people were apparently more aware than I was of certain 'inner content' of mine!
Theodore Reik describes how 'inner communication' between people occurs, in his Listening With The Third Ear. That's another book in which the title of the book eventually assumed a literalness that 'described to me' what I was doing when I read the book. I felt a very unique closeness to Theodore Reik, who described inner processes in a way that even made sense to me.
It has happened to others, but they have never been believed either: the reason seems to be agreed upon by those who study the mind, memory and history that an entire field of experience has been eliminated from the 'rational' mind. There have been periods in the past when certain kinds of symbolic content was 'read', and understood, that the Western mind does not experience, therefore does not believe is 'rational'. The 'irrational content' does not remain submerged, suppressed or repressed, it bursts through not only in the individual's life but the collective life at intervals of Time.
I hope that many people can begin to grasp how this, describing a future event before it has happened ought to point towards the 'world within'. A real world that even. Isaac Newton recognized although that side of his writing was eliminated because it was 'irrational'. Christopher Columbus became aware of it late in his life and wrote a book of Prophecy in which he came to understand the reality behind the every day world as well as the part he played in 'discovering new lands'. The form by which I became aware of it is not uncommonly experienced as 'contact' with another world or with what seems to be literally, alien. Swedenborg wrote that man experiences God as alien to himself. There are many people who do have a variety of encounters that cause the sense of being observed, controlled, manipulated, even harassed but a mechanism of mind that is difficult to isolate is attempting to do it's work, by directing attention and activity in a process that Swedenborg and Jung defined as a natural process of life. Metanoia and paranoia can be the same thing.
. The feeling of being observed, is difficult to relate to a mechanism of mind that exists but is very poorly understood, although it's inferred in the way Eve 'heard' a snake talk, and in the Greek era a young male 'god' Narcissus saw and related to his own reflection but could not realize it was his own reflection that he was talking to and adoring. 'Thought" is a reflection, literally.
The exterior world does 'reflect back' certain inner content in that process but that is not always the situation at least in my life, we seem to be transceivers, receiving and sending information. This idea was not one I would have or could have imagined, it had to be experienced that the mind 'receives' content also. Projections of one's 'own' differ only if they are made distinct from projections of material that was never 'self material'. The way I heard a Sunday school teacher make a 'mistake' and use an impersonal pronoun rather than a proper gender pronoun was simply aimed towards the future.
The faculties of mind that caused this long period of 'self observation' became visible after I had lived half a century with an empty head, and literally had a 'thought'-less mind.. When my 'thought' less mind began to be 'full of thought', this was a change I could not fail to notice. The quiet mind that was 'normal' for me was replaced with a different 'mindset', one that was not difficult to recognize because it generated 'thought' in a style that was familiar to me; I lived with a person who was literally that 'purely rational mind', embodied. There's a refusal to change or an inability to remember than one does and says many things, which if one remembered could force that person to accept ideas that seem 'irrational'; like chaos itself speaking; silly, absurd or impossible.
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In my life each memory was of a real event that had happened. The memory flashed into mind complete with how I felt, what I was doing at the time as well as the thought generated by that event. One recurring memory was the name and the story plot of an old movie serial, The Missing Link. It was about a woman scientist who sought the link between man and apes. The two words, 'missing link' came into my thought, in the same way the memory of my Sunday school teacher's 'mistake' flashed through my mind. Another memory was of two words, 'common denominator', that came into my thought and I always thought of fractions then. I noticed those two words occur sometimes as I read something or looked at something. not as often as 'missing link'. Ouspensky seems to have experienced his in a slightly different way than I did however. I experienced each individually and didn't realize that I had experienced a 'batch' of re-occurring memories until the late 1980's. The idea I have about them at this point is that Emanuel Swedenborg also wrote about 'regenerated memories' in his short Doctrine of Remains although he wrote "Man does not know this, partly because he does not reflect upon it, and that it is not permitted to know..." , that 'remains' are stored up for what he believed were good angels to use without man's knowledge.
This is not a complicated idea if it is kept in mind that the contents of one's own mind have many attributes that can be noticed only if one pays attention to them. This is what psychiatrist did when Freud and Jung wrote down their ideas and when P. D. Ouspensky was working towards understanding the 'psychological method' in his life. He did not accept Freud or Jung's kind of psychological interpretation, it seems to me, he was far beyond their level of experience when he was a very young man.
In my 1984 'event' I had already begun to 'watch/listen' with a primary attention (that means I had limited energy and attention for 'normal' activities) certain content that was streaming through my mind: It was thought of a new kind, new to me at least, that had began after a short extremely vivid dream. The stream of thought was about a man that was in the dream, only that one man although another man had been in the dream. There was a significance to this other man in that each 'represented' a fact literally, one was a teacher that used taped recordings of famous square dance callers in his club and the other man called his own material, directly teaching his students. There was a 'tape caller' and a 'real life caller' represented in the dream. This stream of thought containing nothing other than 'thought' about the live caller/man in the dream kept me awake day and night after the night I dreamed it. At a certain point in time however, my thought veered away from the dream and I recognized 'thought' content in that stream that clearly related to books I'd been reading. I had the sense that even when I didn't understand what I was reading, felt 'forced' to read, something in my mind was using it. At that point my mind was different. It had seemed to me I could not read and remember anything that I read, I could not answer a question anyone asked about what I'd just read! However, it became obvious that what I was reading was generating new thought because I recognized occasionally 'thought' emerged in that band that had carried nothing but thought about the man in the dream, that was drawn from what I'd read. .
"When it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places." refers to only one of my recurring memories. It was an event that had a meaning I could not have grasped myself, until it was made explicit to me that it referred to a 'second coming' in the context of Emanuel Swedenborg's writings. He wrote that the second coming is not a physical coming, but a 'spiritual' one. I cannot use the word 'spiritual' because it was a 'mental event', clearly visible when it happened. The event had to happen in a deep place in mind, one unconnected to 'now', the moment it happened because I could not relate to it when it happened. It was literally inexpressible and I suspect that 'getting connected with words in some form in the exterior world' was necessary to be able to relate to that content! I typed the message one day without recognizing what I'd written, in fact I was not even curious after I'd glanced at the ten items along with introduction that began with the experience on the Hill.
I remembered the content of the first event in 1984 but could not relate to it until t after I had discovered it, word by word I believe, idea by idea, in the years after 1984. After reading Contact by Carl Sagan, and many other events that were significant happened, a thought occurred into my mind: "It was a message. I got a message." It is very odd that a mind can produce visible 'material' that must be discovered this way
There was a message in the enormous package of information that erupted into my mind while I struggled to make a full circle skirt out of a remnant of one way mirror image plaid that ought to have been very easy for me.
Although this incident of 'impersonal pronouns' happened when I was very young, I believe it was intended to form a special kind of memory, and to isolate the depths of mind from which it emerged.
One level of thought would become distinct, different from other thought because the incident re-occurred into my thought in a distinctly noticeable way. The memory flashed into my mind even when I was nearly 50 years old and it was only about that point in Time that I really wondered to myself, why it had done this 're-occurring'. I noticed the re-appearance of each eventually, but I wondered to myself about them after almost 3 decades had passed!
"When it came it did not come as it was expected to come." means something specific to me: "The second coming of the messiah is not a physical event (yet, but I don't rule it out), it is a mental event, as visible as any event in the exterior world.
At some point in time a connection formed in my mind with the strange use of an inappropriate plural pronoun in the Bible: "Let US make man in OUR image." It has puzzled others in the same way it puzzled me, if there is only one God, how is it possible that it was said by that One, "Let US make man in OUR image."
The inappropriate use of pronouns, has been a benchmark that marks a certain deeply embedded 'train of thought', I believe that was initiated in fall of 1981 after a short extremely vivid dream and 'thought' about the dream afterwards that I experienced and described as 'non-stop thinking'. The only way I could describe it for a few years was that I could not sleep.
That content was visible of course, but I became aware 'thought' was literally so far below speech that it was inexpressible. I could see it, hear it as one does hear one's thought then eventually I wondered to myself about how my mind could produce so much thought about a fairly short and very simple dream. Until a very lengthy effort brought it towards a place where a word, then gradually a few words could be written down, then spoken aloud, I could not say anything about what I 'saw/heard' in this stream of thought.
There were occasional experiences in my life after 1980 that I experienced in a different way than 'normal' for me, but I believed a complete hysterectomy in 1979 followed a year later by a terrible blow on my head was the cause for the changes in my body and in my mind.
In 1987 I began to realize that the causes for the changes could not possibly have their origin in either the surgery of the blow on my head. I had begun seeing a psychiatrist in 1983, and quite by chance or so it seemed I noticed a book in his office and asked about it: "Reality Therapy" by William Glasser. He offered to loan it to me and I read it, slowly it seemed to me and painfully because then it seemed that I got no meaning from words, they seemed to fall into a black hole. Watching myself try to read, wanting to put the book aside because it wasn't interesting and I didn't 'get' anything from it, I experienced the 'force of habit' which kept me reading, even when it was very uncomfortable. My head felt as though it would burst for a few years. The thought "all the words seem to fall into a black hole' occurred to me frequently because I could not remember the beginning of a sentence or a paragraph, a page or a book when I had finished it .
I always remembered the word 'black hole' had been in a book I'd read when I was in my mid twenties: One, Two, Three Infinity by George Gamow. It was about Einstein's theories and my husband had just finished reading it.
I could not understand one word in that book although I could easily read it.
There is an unsuspected problem in the visibility of that level of mind: what happens cannot be related to when it happens. If I had not read Contact by Carl Sagan I don't believe I would ever had noticed the way my mind had begun to work, using memories from my past other than the few 'remains' that I realized eventually were trying to describe to me, or get me to describe to myself for the first time in my life, non-tangibles. There is a 'material world' full of objects, but in the 'immaterial world' a psychological 'sense' is required and that is a 'sense' I did not normally possess.
An intelligence other than my own was purposefully at work, that became so obvious I can never doubt it. It has access to my past, every moment of my life. That has been shown to me so that I suspect this faculty of mind was at work in those who wrote about the 'Akashic records' and Swedenborg in his writings who said that not one whit of experience is not saved.
This has been made very evident to me, that my memories are stored away and are available singly or in strings that are very carefully assembled so that a 'story' becomes quite evident.
88888888888888888DOCTRINE OF REMAINS from Emanuel Swedenborg’s Arcana Coelestia 561:
‘Remains’ are not only the goods and truths that a man has learned from the Lords' Word from infancy and has thus impressed on his memory but they are also all the states thence derived… These states together with the goods and truths impressed on the memory are called remains, which are preserved in man by the Lord and are stored up, entirely without his knowledge, in his internal man.
Emanuel Swedenborg Arcana Coelestia 561
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"Consciousness creates a memory." P. D. Ouspensky
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"There is another world, but it is in this one..."
Paul Eluard,
The Reenchantment Of The Earth, Morris Berman
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Ouspensky: Abstracted from his book, The Psychology Of Man's Possible Evolution on the last page of some editions:
"...what we can get depends on our own efforts and one must work at ones' own risk. But after some time one begins to see: "I got this that I did not have before" and "I got that that I did not have before." So little by little one can be more sure. "
Mr. A: I suppose also you can give no guarantee as to whether people will suffer from some delusion as regards personal experience? One may take illusion for fact?
Mr. Ouspensky: "Yes, very easy, but if one remembers all that one was told, (in the beginning) one learns to discriminate." The words ‘in the beginning’ were in an edition that I read, or my mind added them. Such an ‘addition’ has happened in the past only a very few times and it was only as time passed that I realized something had been ‘inserted’ by a mental faculty at work, using my memories and what I was reading or looking at in the exterior world.
"......if one remembers all that one was told...one learns to discriminate...."