I had neurological tests done in 1983 that resulted in finding that my handedness had reversed. My left hand was predominate, that was a change that changed everything, every thing I saw, thought, and heard and understood. A new understanding emerged as time passed and changes in my life and the world streamed through my life  I had forgotten one event that had happened when I was 13 but I remembered it when it was retrieved one day in 1984 as the preface to a mental earthquake that was a download of information about my life before I knew the word, 'download'.

.I became aware of a conversation that built itself from the content of my life and other individuals, specific situations in our lives that seemed perfectly timed once I noticed the precise timing and also the relationship to some early in life memories I had that had re-occurred into my mind so that I became curious about them.  A few events had happened that were evidence of foresight in the lives of others as well as my own life.

Behind the prevailing paradigm  of 2017, which from experience I believe can be named the patterns and forms of  'statistical/probability, archetypal analysis', is another world. It is trying to establish contact with someone, everyone, anyone.

In 1984 I was fully waked up into that  pattern driven world, having lived 5 decades in a different world.    The world that I had  lived in  was on one side of a barrier between me and everything outside of my body.  That barrier was gradually, then suddenly permanently  removed so that I was like a new born but I had language and was motivated as an infant is, to describe what I saw. The barrier was visible to me odd as that may seem, because I believed people looked at me 'funny'.  I grew up in a small town and knew relatively few people outside of my immediate family.  My mind was literally empty.  I can only describe myself as having no  thought content  that produced opposites. I remember that I could not think of anything 'opposite', when I was much younger and in my nearly 'thought-less' mind wondered to myself, why I could not think of anything 'opposite'. This state of mind changed early in 1983 when a new 'strand of thought' began to emerge, only occasionally.

As time passed and a new kind of event caught my attention and held it captive, I noticed a particular kind of new meaning emerged spontaneously in my mind,  beneath ordinary words that people said. A new band of understanding accrued from this new kind of thought effects.   These were particular people in my life. The first episodes were confusing and frightening because of the effect on my body, it was so new that I  literally felt dizzy and at times could barely remain erect.  It was of course only tangible as a feeling, sometimes it was a degree of shock, like electricity.

                                                                    The Double Bind

I realize now that I had not learned  the social skills that encourage relationships and develop friends.  I knew nothing about several ordinary seeming habits that would have prevented that barrier from having that  small degree of visibility.

One of the most remarkable 'co-incidences' that I can recognize now, almost 20 years after the first 'shocking' event happened, was realizing that the person who created the first real 'shock',  seemed to know the future because a few words he said to a roomful of people was so perfectly timed because it seemed he read my thought about a certain situation that had never been said aloud.  It was one event that was followed by a long stream of events in the real world beginning in 1980 when Mt. St. Helens  and I erupted and our hidden inner content became visible. At that point I was fascinated by a certain couple for no reason I could see, I felt an irresistible need to get to know him, the caller in the dream.  She had a different effect on me, it was she who told me one day that her husband loved her so much he could not leave her for even one night. And it was their 'hearts desire' that he would become a well known square dance caller which meant he would have to travel. She told me she wanted their relationship to be such that they lived as one person in their marriage. For some reason that seemed to be true then but it was a heartbreaking fact. I noticed slowly as time passed that every song he sang had a theme:

 "The way I am don't fit my shackles."                               

  As time passed and events happened I became aware this man and his wife had exactly the same situation in their life as I had in my life, at that time. The long string of events once I un  derstood what was happening, was a way to hold up a mirror so that I began to see and experience every moment in a different context than my normal.  My fascination with this specific couple began when I  noticed a remark people often made about the man, 'He has no personality." I wondered why so many people made that casual remark  not to the man, but behind his back so to speak. It was the beginning of a 15 years fascination beginning in 1974 approximately until 1989 then slowly a new focus slipped into the man's slot in my thought although I didn't notice the change until another mind-quake happened while I tried to rest a few minutes in a toilet cubicle at work. I could not have created that event. It revealed that  my name had been 'said' to identify me  and other details that I had to recognize were evidence that the first mindquake in 1984 had not been consciously brought about by my husband or any person.  I had believed he deliberately had created the circumstances in our life that caused the grief and outrage I felt when the 1984 mindquake happened to me. Many events from our past had been assembled into a kind of movie  incredibly rapidly displayed but each event was clearly visible.  The source was not a physical person, it was literally extra terrestrial.

 I saw my body and related to it as though it was an object, in a drama where I was an actor with other people but was the only audience.

 I began to try to verify with others whether I was really seeing and hearing what I believed I experienced. I couldn't verify anything until I called a Jungian psychiatrist in 1987 and asked him if there is a process of human individuation to which he answered :"Yes". I asked him if 'ideas of reference', 'thought broadcasting' and other 'symptoms' I'd read about were meaningful coincidences  or another name for the same kind of event: synchronicity.

 An  'it' was creating this flow of content from outside of what we call 'time'.   It held captive and focused my attention on that one man,  from 1974 to 1989. By then I  realized my attention had been focused on this couple because their relationship was a mirror of my own life, at the time. We were at that point in time living the same kind of life in many ways.

 Some intelligence other than my own was holding up a mirror to display an aspect of my life! The man was a square dance caller and I'd had a vivid dream in which  two square dance callers initiated a stream of thought that was about only one of them. The dream itself created a stream of thought that didn't stop after it began, that kept me awake 24/365 until the late 1980s.  I wondered how a vivid dream could produce so much thought..  I laughed because I was literally Sleepless In Seattle when that movie came out years later. 

 In this particular situation this person in the dream was constantly offending and discouraging the people who could  have helped him achieve his hearts desire. What I saw was maddeningly strange for several years.  I became aware  rather slowly, that everyone involved in  this scene believed he was harsh, verbally cruel and was deliberately demeaning.  One day something happened that caused me to wonder to myself, how a kind and gentle person like him could do what I had just seen him do:  be  cruel to a small dog while a number of people watched him. The sense that it was not 'normal' for this person to be harsh and cold, began to 'dawn' on me along with a need to explain to myself why people who knew him remarked quite frequently that he had no personality. He was quite good, even remarkably good at devising flowing but difficult square dances. The two callers in my dream were trying to introduce advanced and challenge levels of square dancing to the outraged mainstream level dancers. That level required removing all gender based aspects, the females and males had to learn to dance all positions. APD, All Position Dancing was difficult and most square dancers didn't want to work that hard, it wasn't fun to them but a few diehards loved it.

From this real world basis, a conversation emerged. Nothing I can write about in the depth that it's necessary to do, can explain how actual experience in my life  created a kind of conversation that described what I was doing and even told me my name. It used  events, memories and situations that were unique to me, in the life that I had lived and was at the time living in the real world.  Something new was actually beginning to be taught to the mainstream square dancers in our area so  I was not alone in experiencing the new levels, advanced and challenge levels, that these two callers were trying to introduce.  We were engaged in an activity that was specific and new to the square dancers in our area.

Thought  in my mind was different and I wondered if I was thinking it. Then after 1984 certain people  seemed to know what I was thinking  because they made comments that addressed thoughts I'd never said aloud to anyone. Which startled me very much for a few years. I heard people speak and objects that use words  act as though they were connected to and were speaking to my unspoken thought! I was confused.

This event was years long and it happened to and involved a fairly large number of couples, individuals and their actual life situations.

Living in that world  in which I had an enormous blind spot until I was nearing my 5th decade, I was completely  unawares of the 'pattern' driven statistical/probabilities; archetypal world' or the commonly sensed Aristotelian 'world of forms' , logic, or how prevailing it is.  It was like being born at an age where I had acquired language and experiences of a particular content, and in a specific particular context that were necessary to recognize the prevailing world, the world that some males have experienced  when it began to talk to me. It created a  voice but not like a human voice.

 It is a form that has become virtually invisible because it's ever present yet it seems to me it moves through time as a signal. It creates its own language. Its not unusual, it happens naturally and frequently in families, marriages, in the workplace, and even in psychiatric relationships.

It began without any warning in the early 1980's with a strange change of hearing when a new to me perception began to emerge.  I experienced this change in my body immediately and recognized content in my mind that was evidence to me of  a shared mind with  my husband. Some kind of biology based chemistry  had created a new mind in us, it was  a real role reversal. It was literally a role reversal but I recognized it myself. He told me there had been a 'role reversal' between us but his context was not literal and true the way I understood the 'role reversal'. 

John Gribbon wrote in his book, The Double Helix, that with the discovery of the cell, biology had found its correspondent to the atom. Therefore it makes sense to understand that the body carries a kind of information that generates thought, impulses as well as activities and  passivities that are experienced with some degree  of feelings, pleasure or discomfort. My body was changed and my mind changed radically. It was a reversal of the content of my habits and there is a simple explanation for what happened in chemistries between individuals, and probably groups.

 I had neurological tests done in 1983 that resulted in finding that my handedness had reversed. My left hand was predominate then.

A peculiar kind of inertia, and heaviness made it difficult to do many of my 'normal' activities, I felt sluggish yet I felt a continuous 'tremor-like' sensation that I couldn't describe that  wouldn't let me rest or sit still and concentrate.   I suspect now that  energy was re-directed towards certain 'new activities', at least they were new to me. I remember trying to describe how I felt, 'shimmery, trembly' but those words didn't seem to make sense to the psychiatrist(s) I had begun to see.

However a shift in the content of several of my normal habits was distinctly  noticeable to me so that  I recognized a particular kind of 'role reversal' had taken place between my husband and myself, in  our marital bond. Without awareness a fixed pattern of  'shared activities and passivities' had replaced whatever had been individual in me before we married.  A confusing kind of 'double-ness of context' began to occur between us, but I realized fairly quickly that it had always been there in his mind.  A part of the change turned offhand remarks he had made often  into important comments that seemed to relate to the future, and this flow of unspoken thought in my mind. This was very nearly overwhelmingly confusing  until I realized he had experienced much that I was trying to describe in the early years of our marriage! He had told me that my mind was playing tricks on me one day. It may really be a trickster kind of mechanism that even Plato mentioned was a feature of an organ more worthy of development than the study of mathematics.

We were middle aged so the change of life may be a pattern  that became a real drive in our life. As time passed and events happened in the new flow of inner content that began to accumulate, I realized a  hidden stream of the future had been embedded in my life, in my home, in school and in my marriage. In my marriage offhand remarks that were utterly absurd and out of context had been said to me through out our marriage.   I simply had not been able to 'hear/see'  them although I remembered them, until the time was perfect.  The marital bond created a single binary unit, much like Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about in his Conjugal Love.  They were off handed remarks he'd made, embedded in every day conversations until a special sense began to highlight what was relevant to our real life situations at the time.  He seems to have had foresight, perfectly functioning but he didn't remember any thing he had said when I began to try to talk to him about his 'under the apple tree with his maker' event.

I didn't know it was a special sense until about 1988 and I'd had 3 mindquakes by then.

I felt and experienced what it feels like to become 'bottled up', I felt 'restrained, contained' in my body; that was a radical change, quite painful in my body.

However, the effect produced a particular 'tunnel vision' focused on minute details, which to me at least, had been invisible! When I noticed myself glancing at automobile license tabs, seeing the numbers and letters that ordinarily I would never have paid attention towards, I also noticed my mind trying to make something sensible out of them. It was an utterly useless endeavor that did not seem to be mine; it was a change that  I barely noticed at first. Trying to 'make sense' out of senseless endeavors was an important attribute of the change itself. However eventually I realized that some extremely curious toddlers must also experience the same patterns that I noticed  in myself. I tried to understand what was working in my mind and thought, as I 'discovered' them,  attribute by attribute.

 By July 31, 1984 the change had altered every aspect of my life and my body. Thought' of a distinctly different kind which had emerged quite gradually, became pervasive, overlaying every part of my life. I had been 'empty headed' until the early 1980's, then I became 'thought full', really full of non-stop thinking, of a distinctly unique content at first. The 'stream of thought' was an object to me, that I 'looked at/listened to' without awareness, but with plenty of curiosity after it was initiated. It was a few years after 1984 that I realized an inner change was altering everything outside of my body but this had been 'normal' to the  'man' in my life.  A distinct kind of 'doubleness' emerged, timed precisely to create a second string of context from what I normally understood. I noticed that jokes often create that kind of double context when I began to experience old age and laughed at jokes that had never been funny.

A 'shift' of attention occurred sporadically at first in the early 1980's. It caused me to hear differently as though for some reason the 'volume' was enhanced on certain specific content  that  ordinarily I wouldn't have noticed. This alteration in my every day life was extremely uncomfortable to my body, I believe now, because I was seeing or hearing something completely new to me. For a few years I experienced a state of 'no compute' because there was nothing in my past by which any understanding of context would be generated. I became aware that 'understanding' is ALWAYS created from my past, but after 1984 I began to become aware that in 'history' there is another reservoir of experience that is not mine, it is history itself. This huge reservoir of 'experience', which Emanuel Swedenborg described as an 'internal memory' much vaster than the natural memory of 'man' was unknown to me, completely unsuspected to exist by me. 

The 'initiation' into the Larger Domain, as I named it after 1989, began under the guise of natural world causes. Within a few years it was obvious to  me that the natural world is a world of objects that we can see, but the Larger Domain is really what directs the attention of we two legged uprights on this planet. The search for extra terrestrial intelligence ought to begin 'within', because the 'kingdom of heaven' is within. 

I believe it was initiated under the guise of a couple of real world causes, (learning advanced and challenge levels of square dancing and the 1984 Olympic games). But  it's real cause was in regard to what I experienced in the 11 days that the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played in 1984 to a very confused individual: me. An enormous package of information about my life occurred while I tried to make a circular skirt from a warm brown, one way mirror image remnant of wool fabric.

 It was almost a year later that I heard myself say aloud as I walked to my car after my shift at Boeing: "It was a message. I got a message."  I had recently read Carl Sagan's fictional book, Contact. The books plot is an outline of what I  went through, finding one level had to be understood before the next level emerged  as I lived my every day life.

The experience, overall created a conversation using a kind of 'voice' created methodically and mechanically, in a form that I believe is experienced by many who do not realize how their 'thought' is generated, or how their 'ideas' emerge. A completely new idea emerged to me, in a chaotic form based on something I'd read in a couple of books that influenced me, each in a different way: The Bridge Of San Luis Rey which is about one man's attempt to prove the existence of God; and Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke. Odd to say, some imprints of the book carry a statement from him: "The contents of this  book do not express the opinions of the author." Apparently Joseph Chilton Pearce and I were not the only individuals who experienced this book as a kind of powerful lived experience, during reading it. 

The 'thing itself',  described itself but in a nearly unbelievable way and formed the answer to a clew that there is a 'secret about it just out of sight, around the corner' . The word 'it'' refers to insanity in the book but there is an It in the background of our experiences.  That sentence was originally embedded within The Bridge Of San Luis Rey in a chapter titled: Perhaps an Intention! The remark made by an abbess who was talking to a visitor from Span,  had to be brought to my attention and I watched the process of 'abstraction' that drew it out of embeddedness in the two books.

 It is an indisputable fact that this clew is contained in a chapter titled, Perhaps an Intention although Thornton Wilder may not have grasped that the title of the chapter was 'given' to him by an intention  other than his own, operating through him,  long before George Orwell's book, 1984 was conceived! 

.I hope I can describe enough of how that happened to be credible, because it seems incredible, but it did explain its Self, to me. It told me my name, and it identified to me, and it  obviously knew where I was going to be,  physically on Earth several times!