Behind the prevailing paradigm which from experience I believe can be named the 'statistical, archetypal world' is another world. In 1984 I was fully waked up into that pattern driven world, having lived 5 decades in a different world, that I can only describe as having no opposites. I remember that I could not think of anything 'opposite', when I was much younger and in my nearly 'thought-less' mind wondered to myself, why I could not think of anything 'opposite'. This state of mind changed early in 1983 when another 'strand of thought' began to emerge in occasional episodes when a particular kind of 'double context' emerged beneath ordinary words that people used, particular people in my life. The first episodes were confusing and frightening because of the effect on my body. The world that I lived in had a barrier that was visible to me odd as that may seem, because I believed people looked at me 'funny'. I grew up in a small town and knew relatively few people outside of my immediate family.
The Double Bind
I realize now that I had not learned any social skills, I knew nothing about several ordinary seeming habits that would have prevented that barrier from isolating me. One of the most remarkable 'co-incidences' that I can recognize now, almost 20 years after the first 'shocking' event happened, that the person who created the 'shock' had the same situation in his life. Neither of us had learned much about the necessity to be 'polite', to measure one's words so that one doesn't offend or discourage , and in this particular situation this person was constantly offending and discouraging the people who could have helped him achieve his hearts desire. I became aware rather slowly, that everyone in this scene believed he was harsh, verbally cruel and deliberately demeaning. One day something happened that caused me to wonder to myself, how a kind and gentle person like him could do what I had just seen him do: be quite cruel to a small dog while a number of people watched him. The sense that it was not 'normal' for this person to be harsh, cold, began to 'dawn' on me and along with it there was a need to explain to myself why people who knew him remarked quite frequently that he had no personality. He was quite good, even remarkably good at
There is nothing I can write about in the depth that it's necessary to do, that can explain how actual experience in
. Living in that world until I was nearing my 5th decade, I was completely unawares of the 'pattern' driven statistical, archetypal world' i.e the Aristotlean 'world of forms or how prevailing it is. It was like being born at an age where I had acquired language and experiences of a particular content, and in a specific particular context that were necessary to recognize the prevailing world, when it began to talk to me, in a form that has become virtually invisible because it has become ever-present. There is nothing more difficult than to see something that is right in front of you, in which you are embedded.
It began without any warning in the early 1980's with a strange change of hearing and in perception began to emerge but I experienced this change in my body immediately. John Gribbon wrote in his book, The Double Helix, that with the discovery of the cell, biology had found its correspondent to the atom. Therefore it makes sense to understand that the body carries a kind of information that generates thought, impulses as well as activities, passivities that are experienced with some degree of discomfort. My body was changed and my mind changed radically.
A peculiar kind of inertia, and heaviness made it difficult to do many of my 'normal' activities, I felt sluggish yet I felt a continuous 'tremor-like' sensation that I couldn't describe but it wouldn't let me rest or sit still and concentrate. I suspect now that energy was re-directed towards certain 'new activities', at least they were new to me. I remember trying to describe how I felt, 'shimmery, trembly' but those words didn't seem to make sense to the psychiatrist I had begun to see.
However a shift in the content of several of my normal habits was distinctly noticeable to me so that I recognized a particular kind of 'role reversal had taken place between my husband and myself, in our marital bond. Without awareness a fixed pattern of 'shared activities and passivities' had replaced whatever had been individual in me, before we married. A confusing kind of doubleness of context began to occur between us, but I realized fairly quickly that it had always been there. A part of the change turned offhand remarks into important comments that seemed to relate to unspoken thought in my mind, and this was very nearly overwhelmingly confusing. Offhand remarks that were utterly absurd and out of context had been said to me but I simply had not been able to 'hear/see' them although I remembered them.
I felt and experienced what it feels like to become 'bottled up', I felt 'restrained, contained' in my body which was a radical change, quite painful.
However, the effect produced a particular 'tunnel vision' focused on minute details, which to me at least, had been invisible! When I noticed myself glancing at automobile license tabs, seeing the numbers and letters that ordinarily I would never have paid attention towards, I also noticed my mind trying to make something sensible out of them. It was an utterly useless endeavor that did not seem to be mine; it was a change that I barely noticed at first. Trying to 'make sense' out of senseless endeavors was an important attribute of the change itself, but eventually I realized that some extremely curious toddlers must also experience the same patterns that I noticed, and tried to understand as I 'discovered' them, attribute by attribute.
By July 31, 1984 the change had altered every aspect of my life and my body and 'thought' of a distinctly different kind which had emerged quite gradually, became pervasive, overlaying every part of my life. I had been 'empty headed' until the early 1980's, then I became 'thought full', really full of non-stop thinking, of a distinctly unique content at first. The 'stream of thought' was an object to me, that I 'looked at/listened to' without awareness, but with plenty of curiosity after it was initiated. It was a few years after 1984 that I realized an inner change was altering everything outside of my body but this had been 'normal' to 'man'. A distinct kind of 'doubleness' emerged, timed precisely to create a second string of context from what I normally understood.
A 'shift' of attention occurred sporadically at first in the early 1980's. It caused me to hear differently as though for some reason the 'volume' was enhanced on certain specific content that ordinarily I wouldn't have noticed. This alteration in my every day life was extremely uncomfortable to my body, I believe now, because I was seeing or hearing something completely new to me. For a few years I experienced a state of 'no compute' because there was nothing in my past by which any understanding or context would be generated. I became aware that 'understanding' is ALWAYS created from my past, but after 1984 I began to become aware that in 'history' there is another reservoir of experience, that is not mine. This huge reservoir of 'experience', which Emanuel Swedenborg described as an 'internal memory' much vaster than the natural memory of 'man' was unknown to me, completely unsuspected to exist by me.
The 'initiation' into the Larger Domain, as I named it after 1989, began under the guise of natural world causes. Within a few years it was obvious to me that the natural world is a world of objects that we can see, but the Larger Domain is really what directs the attention of we two legged uprights on this planet. The search for extra terrestrial intelligence ought to begin 'within', because the 'kingdom of heaven' is within.
I believe it was initiated under the guise of a couple of real world causes, but it's real cause was in regard to what I experienced in the 11 days that the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played in 1984 to a very confused individual: me.
The experience, overall created a conversation using a kind of 'voice' created methodically and mechanically, in a form that I believe is experienced by many who do not realize how their 'thought' is generated, or how their 'ideas' emerge. A completely new idea emerged to me, in a chaotic form based on something I'd read in a couple of books that influenced me, each in a different way: The Bridge Of San Luis Rey which is about one man's attempt to prove the existence of God; and Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke. Odd to say, some imprints of the book carry a statement from him: "The contents do not express the opinions of the author." Apparently Joseph Chilton Pearce and I were not the only individuals that experienced this book as a kind of powerful lived experience, during reading it.
The 'thing itself', described itself but in a nearly unbelievable way and formed the answer to a clew that there is a 'secret about the insane, just out of sight, around the corner' that was originally embedded within The Bridge Of San Luis Rey. It had to be brought to my attention and I watched the process of 'abstraction' that drew it out of embeddedness. It is an indisputable fact that this clew is contained in a chapter titled, Perhaps an Intention although Thornton Wilder may not have grasped that the title of the chapter was 'given' to him by an intention other than his own, operating through him, long before George Orwell's book, 1984 was conceived!
.I hope I can describe enough of how that happened to be credible, because it seems incredible, but it did explain its Self, to me. It told me my name, and it identified to me, where I was physically on Earth several times!