Today is December 17, 2005.
1989 was a very busy year for me. This happened:
In 1989 I nearly mowed down a foxglove seedling that was in the path of my lawn mower. I paused and a thought occurred into my mind that I didn't think myself. I don't know where it came from but that it was not me thinking it, wasn't obvious until a few years later when I saw A Field of Dreams. Kevin Costner heard a 'voice' speak in his cornfield "Build it and he will come." Only then did I remember that moment in 1989 when a thought occurred to me while I paused a few inches before mowing down a foxglove seedling: "Dig it up and plant it in your flower box." Then I began consciously to know that all 'my' thought was not produced by me, at least not when certain events happened that released some inner content that I experienced as thought words or a kind of fragrance of words that wafted towards becoming real words. This plant had some blossoms on the tip of a few branches that had three levels of bloom! The part that should produce a seed pod produced another stalk of the same kind of bloom a foxglove normally produces. The plant had several different shapes of bloom and it had many branches, it was different than the usual wild foxglove.
"Dig it up and plant it in your flower box." I hadn't seen foxgloves in our pasture for several years when the thought words occurred into my mind. I did get a shovel and planted the seedling in my empty flowerbox. Then I forgot about it until one day I noticed it had bloomed. (The story of what happened is on the link behind the 1990 foxglove image.) This plant bloomed in 1990.
It was a 'thought generating object' but it was astonishingly linked in my mind to an idea that was accumulating in a new level of mind, a level I can name now but I couldn't then. It was a new understanding that emerged parallel to my 'normal' understanding. Every thing/everything was different without being visually different! Obviously the difference was in my mind. I was doing some strange things and even saying things that made no impression on me, who said them, until a few years after 1984! The 'emerging idea' didn't become connected to the events in my life for several years. That 'idea' had already built in my mind, in a process I barely noticed after I read The Bridge of San Luis Rey when I was in my early 20's. That was in 1952 as best I can date it. I had just met the man I later married. He was born on the opposite hemisphere and he'd had an experience he described as 'sitting under the apple tree with his maker', in which he was told everything he would ever need to know. I didn't associate his experience with Isaac Newton until a few years after 1984. I knew nothing about his 'event' other than what I'd heard and read, which was very little. Neither did my husband, even when I tried to talk to him about the details of his event when I realized I'd had an inner event that was directly formed in connection and as a result of his event. He wouldn't talk about it although I didn't ask for details until later when I was in my late 50s. (My mother 'died' in surgery and I didn't ask her for details until after Betty J. Eadie's book and experiences of my own made me wish I had asked her for more information about the place she was taken while her body was 'dead'."They" had made her come back to life.)
The first plant in 1989 had many unusual qualities but it was the next year plant in1990 which was self seeded, that was most important because as time passed and events in my life happened the thought it produced was linked to events in the real world, outside of my body. "This foxglove will change all foxgloves." was a thought that I didn't realize had emerged from some very remote depth of mind that was waiting for that moment. It was the timing that was so startling and at times confusing to my body. Every year since 1989 I've had a foxglove plant that was a real world object with visible attributes related to ideas emerging in my mental realm. In 1996 I lived in a different city but a plant grew and bloomed in Seattle. I noticed it also when I mowed the first time that spring. I could not understand how it appeared so far from where I had lived. It had a round topper flower that had a door in it, that caused me to believe a closed circle had been opened in reality and a door was opened, much like a chrysalis............ That plant produced a seed pod on the third level, for the first time. I felt a strange kind of knowing, that the plant and its shape and color, it was ultra violet to me, was a statement about a door opening in our lives, in a wider viewpoint in reality.
By 1989 I had noticed this strange alignment of 'thought' and real world events in my life as well as in books I chanced to read, finding them without looking for them, or really being interested in them. A distant thought that I should 'read the words anyway, whether you understand them or not'. emerged as a fragrance of words, then they moved in mental space to become real words. I had never read non-fictions unless I had to, but now I seemed to be compelled to read non-fictions. My thought was different than it had been, I was puzzled and interested in new-to-me-inner-content and a different sense of seeing my body that made me both audience and actor in a drama the people in my life at that point in time were actively engaged in, talking to me as though they were in the same drama.
For example the word 'mandala' came into my thought spontaneously when I looked down at the unusual topper flowers I'd picked in 1989, tossing them thoughtlessly on the ground. (I did not know then what a 'mandala' was, I'd never heard the word but it was the 'mandala foxglove' afterwards, so the name came to me, I did not pick it out. The mandala is basically a circle, and a circle is closed.) The next year, 1990 I had a flower box full of self sewn seedlings, each plant being quite unique but each having a topper flower and many lower branches which is not natural on wild foxgloves. Only one plant was topped with a mandala foxglove, but I had a real chrysalis shaped topper flower that year and didn't notice it at all until a few years later. I have never seen a chrysalis shaped flower anywhere.
In 1996 I lived in a different place, 14 miles away from the farm. The first time I mowed the yard where I lived I noticed a foxglove plant near the fence and it had developed to the point where it was obvious a topper flower was developing. It did not seem likely any seed from the original polyploid foxglove could have found it's way to that spot so I was puzzled. When it developed and bloomed it was a delicate color that I thought of as 'ultra violet' and although it was the same shape as the original mandala it had a real opening that I thought of as a door in it! During the years since 1989 many new ideas had become available to me but somehow they were related to 'opening a door' in what had been a 'closed circle'. When it became obvious this flower had developed spontaneously, in a color unlike anything I'd ever seen in a flower and that the 'door' was not a split or malformation because it had distinct ruffling along the edges where it was apart, I could only accept it as a validation that I was not imagining the connection between 'thought', books I chanced to read, events in my actual life and this evolving representation of my 'central idea'. The idea had become somewhat distinct by then, as having been shown to me in detail in a way that I could not believe I alone was responsible for creating in any way.
Somehow the precise timing of the physical and the mental were aligned in an almost unbelievable perfection, but this was not accomplished by me or any intent of mine.
In 1990 my flower box was full of self sewn seedlings from the 1989 plant.
This morning I watched Joseph Campbells' Mythos documentary. In the last segment he discusses chakras. The diagram of the chakra that he used is identical to the shape of the foxglove that I named the mandala foxglove in 1989. The perimeter of the foxglove was not like any flower I'd ever seen and I knew nothing then about the mandala, Jung's writings or mythology of any kind. The word 'mandala' came into my thought spontaneously and without any purposeful intent of mine, but it seemed to fit so the foxglove was the 'mandala foxglove' immediately.
If you look at the bloom you see they are not typical foxglove stalks. The bottom is typical but the second level is a saucer like shape, and this is the shape that was identical to the 'chakra' image that Campbell used. The edges curl back somewhat but it's possible to see the elaborate fluted edge if you look carefully. What is really strange about each stalk is that in the center where the seed producing parts would be there is evidence of another level of bloom developing instead. This is what really did emerge although I'd picked the stalks in 1989 thinking the plant would be more bushy, but that meant they could not develop. The strange thing about the three levels of bloom on each stalk is that while I looked at the plant 'thought' of a very great variety presented itself to me, seemingly given to me, not thought 'by' me.
I could write a book's worth of content about the 'thought' that was generated by looking at the bloom, noticing various things about it and wondering to myself about small details as I noticed them. I could not have imagined what this plant was really trying to manifest, actually to 'speak' to me about. But during the years since 1989 I've had a foxglove bloom of some kind that physically expressed part of an idea that was not even in my mind in 1989. The 'three levels' on the plant had at that point no meaning to me, there was no connection to a book I'd read prior to seeing the blooms, Tertium Organun by P. D. Ouspensky. It began with a strange statement: "There was the first Organun of Aristotle, the second Organun of Bacon and this is the Third Organun, but the third was prior to the first. That read as 'odd' to me until I considered that the 'third' was prior because there were 'stages' and planning involved, a goal had been established before the 'first' Organun of Aristotle. (Of whom I knew almost nothing then.) Nor did the 'three levels' on the plant have any connection to a sermon I'd heard within the same year at a Swedenborgian meeting in which the minister described the 'three churches' in the past as Swedenborg wrote about them. The Most Ancient Church, the Ancient Church and the Church of Adam were the terms he used. These unrelated ideas emerged rather gradually as I looked at the plant but there was no comprehension as to what any of that content meant.
88888888888888888888888 Some context:
In the spring of 1989 I drove my motor home to Westport, where I spent a weekend. I took with me a copy of Foucaults' Pendulum by Umberto Eco which I'd begun to read. That night as I lay half asleep a sharply colored image came into my mind, flashing briefly then vanishing. After the image vanished, I had the sense of having been told just before it flashed into my mind, that I should 'look very carefully and remember everything you can'. Although how I had experienced being 'told' did not involve actual words, I have to use words to relate the 'sense' I felt of being warned, or counseled but somehow words were not involved until I try to relate the event.
When I thought about the image I felt a gentle sense of having been warned, to 'remember' what I'd seen and there was a sense that something was strange, which I was to figure out. It was a brilliantly colored scene, a room and door that had been opened by a slender dark man who was looking directly at me from the image. His piercing eyes seemed to look directly into mine for a time then he began to gesture emphatically with his hands, making it clear this was coming to me. He gestured as though I was present. Not a word was said however.
Then the scene changed to show a library full of lovely bound books of many colors. I saw an old man sitting in a nice wing backed chair but coming from his shoulders was the shoulder and head of a much younger man and from that man's shoulder yet an even older man's head and shoulders seemed to grow. Then I saw that there were three wing backed chairs and in each chair the same 'three tiers of men' were sitting! The image vanished.
That's when I had the 'sense' of having 'heard' something just prior to the image and at that point I felt I'd been warned to remember everything I could. I thought about the man gesturing to me, of the shelves with beautiful books, then the first image of the man in the chair, then the younger man growing from his shoulders and yet a very old man growing from his shoulders. The image was unusual in every facet but what was really strange? What had been so unusual that I had to figure out, something 'strange' when every detail was strange? I have not had brilliant colored images suddenly appear into my mind!
Then I remembered something: The chairs had been in a triangle but I had been looking directly into the face of the three men in each chair. There were no side images, no half face images, each chair and the men sitting in it had been directly in front of me! That is impossible! I thought. I cannot possibly be in the center of a triangle and see an object at each point directly in front of me. It became obvious that I had somehow experienced 360 degree vision, being able to see all around me. I had been an 'observing point' in the center of a triangle of objects and observed what was at the side, what was behind as though they were directly in front of me. Later a thought occurred that puzzled me somewhat: I'd read a newspaper article about a rare form of Siamese babies in which the infant had two faces, one at the back and one in the normal front. I wondered if that might not be an advantage, seeing 360 degrees. The image and its connection to something I'd read....? I'd had other experiences somewhat similar except for the image.
When I resumed reading the book the next day, a chapter in the book began with a description of a scene that was very nearly identical to the scene in my 'image'. I felt very startled when I began to read that chapter. I remembered that I'd read a review of the book and ordered it through the mobile library service. However when it came I was alarmed at how big the book was because reading was no longer easy or enjoyable for me. My head felt as though it would burst at times and I could not remember what I'd just read. Words seemed to fall into a black hole at first. But then over a period of time I had become aware that 'thought' containing words I'd read in some book was appearing into my mind. This seemed very odd to me but it was evidence that what I was reading was going somewhere, not into a black hole.
I did not seem to be able to choose what to read either, so I had not been able to NOT read Umberto Eco's very large book which was about a hidden energy source. As I read the book, I noticed within my mind a 'dawning' of sorts, as I read realizing that the strange flow of circumstances I'd noticed in my real life was somehow connected to the 'secret societies' that were mentioned in the book. At one point I noticed words of thought, occurring as I read: 'This is old, it's very, very old, it's nothing new at all." and the word 'this' formed an association between the 'secret societies' and a strange kind of event that I had begun to notice in the advanced and challenge level square dance classes that my husband and I had become involved in. They were introducing advanced and challenge levels which made square dancing much more difficult. We went to the dances and classes of the two square dance clubs more often than some really religious people go to church! But I knew nothing about 'cults' other than religious cults.
What the two square dance clubs were actually doing was connected in my mind at that point to ideas I'd read in books about quantum level physics and very strangely to ideas I'd begun to grasp about psychiatric 'therapy' that I had been urgently trying to bring into my family life. There was a common denominator that I had barely begun to grasp in 1989. I was 'working' on something that had happened in my mind in 1984 and had barely begun to understand that my mind was working on it's own businesses. A huge mass of information had erupted suddenly in my mind in 1984.
I named it a mindquake, because it was so unexpected and it opened two fault lines in my mind. The few years between 1984 and 1989 had been 'event' filled in a way that made me aware that in the 5 years between 1989 I had learned a new form of language from a very invisible teacher. But also I had been 'told' my name, my first name in one almost hilarious form and my last name in a quite different form. I was made aware that the 'circumstance' that I'd believed had begun in my home, in my marriage had really begun outside of my personal life. It had begun in the relationship I'd experienced with one man before the dream which had initiated a flow of 'non-stop thoughts' about him. I was curious about the strange fact that this dream produced so much thought, until I was made aware the flow of thought had changed from being about the dream, to content I'd begun to read beginning with Other Worlds by Paul Davies, and then The Presence of Other Worlds by Wilson van Dusen. I recognized something literal in the names of the books and the content of the books seemed familiar to me as though the words were already present in my mind! The stream of thought was no longer about the dream, it had been shifted to ideas about quantum physics and my memories of how a 'secret' about the insane had developed over a span of decades in my mind!
This diversion was made very clear although I did not accept it immediately. It was difficult to exonerate my husband's apparent foresight in creating situations that resulted in drastic changes in our life at a time when I was very debilitated already, just prior to 1984. I had begun to feel a 'drive' that would not let me rest in any form, the way I would have normally done. Then the dream and it's relentless 24/7/365 flow of thought content about the dream, scrolled relentlessly through my mind, always was about the one man in it, and was connected to the flow of circumstances in the two square dance clubs endeavors! Which was related to 'leaving the mainstream level', literally! We were introducing genderless challenge levels and the mainstream dancers were outraged. Then without my noticing the change at all, thought content unrelated to the dream or the man in it had filtered in. I was made aware that for several years I had been focused intently on a 'band of thought' scrolling through my mind 24/7/365 and that this 'band of thought' had contained not only the visible part of my 1984 mindquake, but the message itself was embedded in it and that in 1984 this 'band of thought' with it's entire content was in a memory unconnected to the 'now' in which I experienced it. It was a level of mind that produced content that was strangely visible but it was even more remote from words that I could either write or speak aloud.
The net effect of the dream was to focus attention from outside my body to what was going on in my head. There was a distinct location established in my mind, by the long never ending band of thought, which had been for all my life until about 1989, a location where an inarticulate part of me was somehow watching, waiting, observing and at times recording what was going on in front of me, in a particular way.
88888888888 The first 1989 mindquake:
In the fall of 1989 I was nearly worn out all the time, I worked at Boeing in Auburn in the 17-05 building which is about 7 acres in size and the work I did involved moving parts all over the building, many times a day. In the past, I'd gone into the rest room to rest a few minutes between breaks. I knew smokers often took a 'smoke break' in the 'john' as they called it so I didn't feel too bad about my unauthorized rest breaks. I took one of my shoes off and wedged it behind me because when I leaned back the hardware of the toilet gouged into my back. I breathed a few times and somehow went somewhat close to sleep. Quite suddenly a very brilliant image filled my 'mind screen'. It was a hand, my hand and in it was my lower bridgework. I recognized it because it's silver and the upper is gold colored. Briefly the single image of my had remained fixed, then another hand, mine reached in, picked up the bridgework and turned it over, then over again. This continued for a few turns then a thought occurred: "Chew on it some more. Turn it over some more. Think about it some more.....think about the implications...think about the implications of the whole thing." Following the words 'think about the implications of the whole thing..." I 'saw' an enormous display of memories, retrieved from the years after 1984 and until that moment. I'd read Wholeness and the Implicate Order by David Bohm, which was the basis for the 'implications' but the 'whole thing' reached back beyond 1984, into 1982, to a specific night and what had happened that night. I was made aware at that point that my first 'mind quake' had happened that night, I remembered it when it was replayed, but in 1982 I'd had no idea what it really meant or what had indeed happened then.
This part of the 'flash' informed me that I had been having experiences prior to 1984, that were related to 1984 which I had not fully understood although I remembered them.. It was during the 5 years after 1984 that I began to notice and understand what my own mind was doing, and by 1989 I'd had some experiences that convinced me there was something quite purpose filled behind everything that was going on. I had become aware that what I later found out was 'meaningful coincidences' were 'symptoms' of delusional thinking' in psychiatric texts and that the psychiatric 'problem' I'd been told my husband had, was really related to an experience he'd had when he was in his late teens!
This is a very complicated 'moment' to have to describe but in a flash of time I was made aware of several details I'd not noticed myself: The first 'mindquake' had happened in 1982! Enormous batches of memories from my past made it quite clear that the experience my husband had had, which he mentioned only as 'sitting under the apple tree with his maker' had been the foundation of my own experiences in 1984. This was material retrieved from the past, long strings of events that somehow seamlessly caused 'understanding' and were very convincing evidence. The truth was evident because he had said things to me during the first 10 years of our marriage that I remembered but had not understood. These comments he'd made indicated he somehow had an apparent foreknowledge of what was going to happen in 1984!
My first impression in the 1984 event was that he had tricked me, and it was made quite evident in this 1989 event that my first impression had been wrong. I had believed he had deliberately brought about a situation he'd told me he hated, yet he had somehow begun to seem quite happy! I had noticed he seemed relaxed and even easy going when he talked about a certain situation in our life, that was connected to money. This event that had happened before we met had had an effect on him, and through him, the same source had brought about all of this 'experience' that was so puzzling to me when it began. It had begun in his teen age years and by the time we'd met he had already been through certain phases of what seemed evident to be a continuum where there were points of change.
This is a lot to have to try to write about. In the first years of our marriage he had told me he had a 'problem' among other unusual statement that I never questioned him about, and that I should not let him prevent me from doing what I needed to do. There were some very strange statements made to me during that first 9 years that I didn't know were 'strange', among which was that he told me 'he was programmed to do only one thing, and that he was not programmed to do what I asked him to do" (???!!!!). Imagine not questioning such a statement! That is difficult to believe but his relationship to that experience 'under the apple tree', as well as how it affected him in the first 9 or so years, then a subtle change occurred so that 'affect' of that experience altered somewhat slowly. It was evident only in small offhand remarks he made; after a time span of about 9 years the problem was not his problem, it was a 'problem in the family', and he somewhat looked at me, mentioning an aunt of mine he'd met only once, but who had seemed to him to be 'crazy'. There was a 'sickness' in our family after this change, which was the only evidence that he regarded the original experience from a somewhat detached perspective and in a different way. Then after yet another 9 or so years a still different 'form' of the same 'affect' had caused him to speak of the 'sickness in the family' as my problem, meaning me and that he had nothing to do with it. I was in my late 40's by then and we had several terrible situations in our life to deal with.
They had happened prior to 1984 but I'd not really been aware that a long stream of thought had begun late in 1981, connected to a dream I'd had or that this long scrolling stream of thought had gradually veered away from being content about the dream and a man who was in it, to a completely unrelated string of content. The content in that 'changed string' was quite different than it's beginning but it was made clear this was a single 'line of thought' and the content had begun to change, or seem to change when I had begun to read books about quantum level physics after reading Other Worlds by Paul Davies in about 1986 or thereabouts. I'd read several other books, David Bohms' was the second book about quantum physics but I'd also read Teilhard de Chardin's Phenomenon of Man and had some experiences then that were brought back into mind. I'd been reading a book by Chardin one day at work on my break, and as I read his description of the Earth as a 'space ship', quite suddenly the volume of all the noise around me seemed to have turned up. As I had been reading the noise had receded because I was engrossed in what I was reading. But as I read all the whistles, the clanging, the churnings of motors, somehow merged with the words in the book so that I 'felt' I was on a space ship, really.