Daughter of Time
Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." C. G. Jung
There is such a language, a process of communication, an individualizing, identifying experience. I believe the 'transcendental function' created that experience, its like a fragmented conversation, the pattern is very commonly identified in psychiatric therapy!
This event was a 'significant event', one of a few other incidents that had been installed earlier in life for future use. I have had experiences with a few memories of trivial seeming events when I was less than 10 years old, that repeated into my mind for no reason I could see but eventually I noticed them and became curious about the strange re-occurrence in my mind. I believe Swedenborg named these as 'remains', installed early in life for later use in the process he accurately named 'regeneration', a life review that prepares a person for life after death. Carl Jung wrote that the first half of life is preparation for the last half. That implies foresight, doesn't it?
When I was in my late twenties I worked for the Seattle King County Health Department. An elderly woman who had retired volunteered to work with us three days a week. She mentioned her favorite book one day, Daughter of Time by Josephine Tey of whom I had not heard. She offered to loan me her copy then brought it in for me to read. I began to read it but could not get interested in it. I intended to bring it back to her but every day I forgot it. Finally she asked me if I was finished with it and asked me to return it.
I kept forgetting the book, even after laying it out so that I could not fail to see it when I left for work. A period of weeks or months passed, during which she reminded me a couple of times that it was a book she wanted to keep. Yet I could not remember to make sure I had the book with me until finally one day I did pack it with my lunch. I never forgot my lunch. I felt strangely inert and was extremely embarrassed about forgetting to return the book for so long a time.
Then one day decades later in 1987 I was employed by Boeing and was at work when the memory of that event came into my mind, then periodically afterwards flashed into my thought. The title of the book, Daughter of Time lingered in my mind for a reason I couldn't figure out but the memory of how I'd not been able to remember to return it was also part of the memory. (The book is a detective story about King Richard that is being re-viewed by a detective who is confined to bed. So he reads the book and as he reads he formed a new, reasonable understanding of the historical event.) "Did King Richard kill his nephews?" He saw details that hadn't been considered that convinced him the King was not the kind of person that would commit that crime. Basically that event in history was being re-viewed and re-interpreted by the detective.
By 1987 events in my life had become strangely intertwined with this kind of 'haunting' retrieval and repetition of memory of an event that had happened years ago .But by 1987 I had barely begun to understand the changes in my mind/body/ physical life and new kinds of thought. I was curious about what was going on in my mind. I was aware by then that when I read certain books I experienced a sense of recognition, of familiarity as though somehow what I read was already known, vaguely but not exactly explicitly and specifically. The best way I can describe how I felt was that it seemed the words I read were somehow already there as words in some form in my mind/body because there was a body effect, sometimes it was like a degree of electric shock.
As a few more years passed (1987-1989) that memory remained somewhat in the forefront of my attention. Other events happened such that I began to have an impression of myself as being 'spoken to' by the content in the retrieved memory. It was saying something to me; the words in the title were being 'said to me' but there was more; I felt and could sometimes see some connection to what I was doing physically! I had grasped that unexpected attribute in a few other events where it was much more distinct. I knew there had been a change in my mind.. By 1989 I had become aware of that distinctly: Also I had recognized a mechanism that altered the direction of my thought, turning it towards me, as though a person was speaking to me. It had also caused me to hear my thought differently. Was all my thought created by me? I wondered. Also in this new 'vein of thought' I realized I heard words from various sources that ordinarily would not have registered at all as I went about my days. It was like a volume was turned up and the content affected me with extra authority or significance. That was at first very confusing and overwhelming but one day I realized that what I was doing was being described to me!
The words Daughter of Time meant I was working with some theme outside of normal time, but it meant more than that as I found out later. I had the impression a mental highlighter had 'abstracted words and ideas out of embeddedness' from the authors' context, putting them into a new context. The new context was talking to me through the borrowed content which wasn't always words, circumstances and situation were more difficult to discern. The effect was, as though a person was saying them to me, creating a conversation in a chaotic way, in which 'meaning' grew as information accrued. The plot of the book began to fold into a context other than the original authors' plot, but it seemed to me an old event was being brought to my attention to be 're-viewed' and re-interpreted. The past as I knew it was being brought forth for review, re-seen literally and a new understanding was to develop.
The exact idea was brought out when memories of something I'd read or experienced when I was young re-surfaced in my mind. An example: I felt an urge one day to re-read a book I'd read when I was about 16 years old, My First Two Thousand Years but I couldn't remember the authors name. Libraries had card files then, computers were not so common . When I looked for the authors' name it was Eldridge, which made me laugh because that's my maiden name. At about the same time I read a book The Lord of Thought, published in 1923 in which the authors wrote about what was unique and different in the life of Jesus. After I'd closed the book, an unusual thing happened, its happened only a few times in my life: I had an enormous inflow of ideas about the life of Jesus that had never occurred to me, and they were not mentioned in the book. The ideas seemed unthinkable, heretical and unspeakable literally but they seemed true to me, actual net effects of the life of Jesus that were practical and real. A planetwide fixed point in time for instance was a net effect of his life. He knew the future and the past but more uniquely he talked about a 'kingdom within you'. He was the only religious person to point clearly and constantly to 'a kingdom within you'. 'You' is both singular and plural.
I re-read Contact by Carl Sagan and noticed references to the irrational number pi that I'd not noticed when I read the book. The word 'palimpsest' was more meaningful because I had uncovered layers in my mind and noticed a situation in my home, in my marriage that had created a relationship, a connection to a new mindset. Nothing mysterious, it was a kind of bond that often forms between individuals in groups and families. "Bonding" between parents and offspring was not an idea that I heard often the way I hear it now in 2019.
Many somewhat similar events happened before I realized what was causing the title of the book to have the 'literal sense' of Daughter of Time' being 'said' to me. I am a daughter of Time, we each are children in time. A mechanism of mind that 'reflected' that content, it was a selector like a highlighter, took a few years to begin to identify distinctly because its so rapid and it reflects like an echo but with new context for the content. I had noticed a strange change in what I saw outside of my body during 1986/1987 when a few events happened that caused it to be quite visible and distinct.. Events happened and I gradually realized this was an effect caused by a 'switch' that created 'self reference' for a period of about 9 years. It changes slowly into forming a new opposite to whatever it contained, this is a moebius form, imo, it is like a point, moving on a moebius band form. This 'switch' seems to me to be one that establishes significance, but it's also a 'me/not me' distinction that is not simple in it's effects although it is a very simple switch itself. .
The literal words "Daughter of Time' meant something specific in relation to a flow of experiences I was having, which at that point I had not consciously related to a broader scope than my own personal life. The abstract sense of the words in the title of the book described something about me, to me, in relation to 'work' I was doing, for another level of life in Time itself. But the origin of the work was outside of time. That's not a grandiose idea, I knew nothing about philosophy or other 'esoteric' ideas that were written very much about long before I or anyone I knew was born.
The situation in my family and a number of people we were involved with at that point began to be a real model for a change that was taking place on a broader scale than a personal family change and the changes two small groups of square dancers were trying to introduce: advanced and challenge levels where all gender roles are removed. Since 1984 everything has changed, genders are being blended and at challenge levels of square dancing gender is removed. That's when the first gay club began to join the reluctant mainstream dancers that were trying to learn All Position Dancing and Dancing By Definition, not by gender roles. The two callers that were teaching the two small groups of dancers were in a kind of war about how to teach the very difficult new level of square dancing. One caller was literally 'hard to learn from' because his manner of teaching was strict and he seemed 'mean'. The other was more gracious, welcoming and encouraging, anyone could dance in his group. I'd had an unusually vivid dream in which these two callers and I were the actors. Non-stop thought about the 'mean' caller had begun and continued so that I was literally Sleepless In Seattle before the film came out. I wondered how a brief dream could produce so much thought. I didn't notice when the content of my thought slowly veered away from the dream into ideas in books I had begun to read, books about mathematic history and quantum physics.
The new level dancers felt the tensions to some degree, between callers and mainstream dancers. We were pawns being moved by the situations that prevailed then. We had no place to dance, that was part of the situation, but other factors made the hidden REAL CHANGE almost impossible to discern. The detective that re-viewed the mystery in history of King Richards' reign saw clues that others had not. In the late 1970s and 80s something old but also new entered reality when the past was re-viewed from a new mindset carefully timed to enter the common reality, slowly but perfectly timed to happen to just this group of individuals in their specific life conditions. It, the new way to relate to the past was just the barest edge of possible to recognize, when real events and what these two groups of people said, did and actually lived through from about 1977 to 1989 converged then entered the stream of Earth Time. I read almost constantly, worked full time, tried to deal with my changed thought world, and my horrible marital bond just when a big change was advancing towards Final Assembly where I'd been assigned.
In 1989 I had the second and third mindquake that proved to me in a way I can't prove or doubt that C. G. Jung was correct when he wrote the first half of life is preparation for the second half. The second event happened when I was trying to rest a few minutes on the toilet but I realized only then that an incident my husband had experienced and been affected by was the same kind of event I'd had in 1984. He seemed to have deliberately created the condition in our marriage that made the first mindquake seem to be so personal but suddenly was revealed to have originated from a source beyond our personal world.
He referred to his experience as 'sitting under the apple tree with his maker'. He told me he had been told everything he would ever need to know and that only his maker had any influence with him. That was correct.
The words about 'doing work for another level' and the idea of another level of life had come from reading P. D. Ouspenskys' books in which he mentioned doing 'work for another level'. I had felt somehow 'forced' to read his books, particularly his Tertium Organum after a weird experience when I read his Strange Life of Ivan Osokin. A magician told the tortured Ivan that he had inadvertently guessed a very great secret and I had experienced a long string of events about a secret I'd read in The Bridge of San Luis Rey and in Childhoods End. But before reading anything Ouspensky wrote I'd had an experience of myself, sitting up suddenly in my bed, looking upwards, and sobbing: "I'll do it. I'll do the work." I heard myself say that as though a different person said the words, I had no reason to say such an idea to the ceiling. That happened before I read about 'work done for another level' in one of Ouspensky's books, but I read the words in his book rather soon. The memory of myself alone in my room, suddenly blurting out something like "I'll do the work." was retrieved when I read them in the book. I had begun to weep every day, so many tears that I couldn't see how my body produced such a flood of tears, every day for more than 7 years. I read a mention of 'archetypal weeping' and that turned my thought away from my local situation, my home, our stressful attempt to find a place to dance, and the problems the two callers were creating because their teaching methods were so opposite that dancers dropped out so the clubs didn't grow. The hearts desire of the 'hard to learn from' caller required dancers that could learn the higher levels.
There were many reasons why I felt like a Daughter of Time, inserted into Time at birth in 1932 to accomplish a definite task, one that had been revealed quite gradually after 1984 then towards 1989. By then I understood to some degree how my mind was at work, creating from my own memories, a kind of conversation aimed directly at me based on what had been told to me in the 1984 event. Which began when my husband had an experience in his late teens when he lived on the opposite hemisphere. We met at a square dance in 1952.
I had become aware of a 'switch' in the mind, that caused thought to be 'repeated back' to me, as a person would speak to me. The 'switch' became quite evident, slowly, over a period of time between 1984 and 1987. There have been points of change in my thought and in my 'understanding' in the Swedenborgian context, a faculty of mind.
THIS WAS NOT EASY TO NOTICE, THEN DEFINE, nor to relate the regenerated memories to what was actually right in front of my eyes because so many changes had occurred in me. When I recognized for the first time without doubt, that the 'thing itself' was explaining it's self to me and creating a kind of conversation aimed at me through these 'abstracted memories from my past', when they related to what was happening now in my life, I was almost literally 'floored'. That is, it felt like the floor had become Jello, wobbly and unstable. I felt literally unbalanced.
The same flow of events that created information that explained what was happening at the moment often enough to be very astonishing, I realized was describing back to me what I was physically doing.
A few years ago I chanced to come across the book Daughter Of Time on audio tape and listened to it. The story is a 'detective story' in which a hundreds of years old crime was 're-viewed' and the crime was completely restructured in the light of a new viewpoint on that crime.
This is a particular kind of 'coincidence', in which something in my past was being also completely restructured, in the light of a new viewpoint. The plot of the book had become more than significant at that point in Time. In my own life, a Rare Event, one that could only happen once had happened, one that had to be witnessed by a mind without preconceived understandings and without prior knowledge, so that it could make distinct what had been at work for centuries and thousands of year, in the stream of history that is Time to us. Now.
What is ever- present becomes invisible. It is likely that any individual could be a 'son' or a 'daughter' of Time in life, having to become aware of what I named the Larger Domain's particular interface with the specifics in any individual life.
I had by then realized that an enormous amount of information about my life had erupted into my mind, as thought, without imagery of any kind in the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympics had been played in 1984. I know this reads as very strange, that something could happen in my own mind, that I had not been able to 'relate' to when it actually had happened. That event had to be discovered for reasons I couldn't have suspected, I didn't know enough. And there are real depths of mind and different generators of thought, impulses and restrictions of those products of the mind-brain. The mind-quake had occurred in a memory not connected to 'now', the moments during which it emerged. But it was visible to me, in some way even then. And now some part of my mind and that part of 'me' that saw the 1984 event when it happened was at work , methodically retrieving memories from my past that had some connection to the content of the package. When I read Carl Sagan's book, Contact which is about the first contact with extra terrestrials, many new ideas entered my mind and that part that was conscious in 1984 went to work with what I had begun to read, a steady stream of non-fictional books. I read few non-fictional books until I was in my fifties. I'm in my mid eighties today August 9, 2017 making changes in this document. (It's 2019 now, the 6th of May 2019.)