HELLO OUT THERE   from an invisible world within you.

This link describes something that happened in 2000 when I went back to Indiana for the 50th alumni gathering of the  class of 1950, 19 of us got our diploma. The Hidden glimmer   It proved to me there is foresight into our lives.

The Four Zoas, Milton plate 32 William Blake's 4 worlds

Psychiatry has moved far away from the point when Sigmund Freud  wrote it down. C. G. Jung's breakthrough was to recognize that a process of human individuation exists and that a certain pattern is  'inherent' in man: "my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (of possibly enduring safely, I would add.)

The pattern was old when I was 9 years old and noticed that men became convinced the 'end of the world is at hand'. It seemed a terrible idea to be affected by, because the world never ended.

 "eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." c.g. Jung 

 It's not uncommon experience, or unusual to feel what I began to experience: watched, manipulated, driven and directed  in different phases and changes in inner perceptions.  I believed I'd had a head injury when the first changes in my mind occurred. Richard Tarnas makes a remark in his Cosmos and Psyche: ”Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition -- that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose but also in some sense (is) a focus of it." That translates to mean 'a sense that one is observed', then of being 'talked to' by a very  strange 'voice'. The psychiatric term is 'centrality' , feeling at the center of everything that happens.  

The Dream  That initiated a new level of thought in my mind late in 1981.

  The Secret about the insane  Beethoven, Einstein and Mark Twain.  Book list  The Medium is the Message

This site is basically the result of an experience I had in the 10 days between July 31, 1984 and August 11, 1984 when Los Angeles hosted the 1984 Olympic Games.  It was not a religious or mystical experience when I understood what had happened, it is a methodical pattern and automatic process. The cause of the experience began in every day life but I was led to understand that the real cause was from an invisible world 'within' each individual.  My life, or a version of my life that I didn't suspect I was living, was opened up in an event  that was inserted into  my mind in 10 days. When I understood it (25+ years have scrolled through Time since 1984) experiences and real world events had proved to me in a way that can't be doubted that every moment in my entire life is stored away and can be retrieved exactly as I experienced it originally, complete in every detail.  I don't believe I'm unusual.

Deeply embedded within an enormous bundle of information was a message, a statement of purpose, guidelines, all of the information required to learn a new language, and understand the role of history itself.  I named that event a mindquake after I had recognized it opened up two fault lines in the past. By then 5 years had passed. Then in 1989 the second and third stage occurred in my mind. It was the last one  that proved beyond doubt that my memories are stored away, and certain memories had been installed very early in my life to prove to me that my life on this planet has been preserved, recorded and any moment or string of moments can be played back, complete in every detail. 

  The 1984 'mindquake' contained the message, the statement of purpose, the guidelines and much more.

Three documents and remains  The message, statement of purpose, guidelines, goals and re-occurring memories an event that happened July 31 through  August 11, 1984

 The Hill  The  event that happened when I was 13 years old.    Martin Gardner and the Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix     What is a mindquake?

It did not come as it was expected to come. An incident that happened when I was 9 years old.

 If there are mixed signals, there are signals     C.S. Nott's Experience   

News on 1-2-32   The news stories of the day I was born, an article about Arthur H. Compton's work with gamma rays    

 Dr. William Cole, Paranoia and the Paranormal   Article about how science looks at synchronicities   

The Safety Secret A very important event     An accumulation of quotations  These have come to me over a span of years.

 "A mystery lurks beneath the magic carpet of science, something that scientists have not been telling, something too shocking to mention except in rather esoterically refined circles; that at the root of the success of twentieth century science there lies a deeply 'religious belief'--a belief in an unseen and perfect transcendental world that controls us in an unexplained way, yet upon which we seem to exert no influence whatsoever. What this world is, where it is and what it is to us is what this book is about....." 

That's a quotation from the introduction to Pi In The Sky by John Barrow  about the 'mysterious'  the way a mathematician understood it. Which I didn't 'get' myself when I read it. Then in the first chapter I read:

 Chapter 1: "From mystery to history: "If we could discover the little backstairs door that for any age serves as the secret entranceway to knowledge we will do well to look for certain unobtrusive words with uncertain meanings that are permitted to slip off the tongue or the pen."   I wrote to the author to ask what 'unobstrusive' words he referred to.

John Barrow, Pi in the Sky

Arthur Koestler author of The Roots of Coincidence:  

"There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant."

Experiences with 'it' , that 'phenomenon', identified me, actually named me specifically in a material way  after the 1984 'mindquake'  and two that happened in 1989. Then it located me specifically in one event that happened in 2000 when I went back to my home town for the 50th alumni gathering.  

I had become aware of being perfectly synchronized with events in the world  at home, but after 1995 events at the Boeing Company where I worked began to produce the same effects , which was a kind of mental 'doubleness' that was very difficult to identify until one day how it happened was very distinct when I was assigned to a new area at work. I observed an almost imperceptible 're-play' of a thought that had occurred into my mind, the re-play created a new context that had a voice like attribute, and the content described what I was doing mentally and physically.  At one point my husband remarked patiently to me during a quarrel: "Your mind is playing tricks on you." which indicated to me he knew and even described to me many times what was going on between us, in a non-physical way.   We belonged to two  clubs, they were small groups of square dancers who were leaving the mainstream level of dancing and trying to introduce advanced and challenge levels to our area. That required removing all gender  positions and roles and that made the mainstream dancers unite in outrage.  Slowly I had to realize that what I'd experienced in my private, personal life at home was just a stage, a preface.

The 'hobby' turned into a kind of school I'd attended where I learned to relate to my own mind and (new to me) its inner productions in an unsuspected (by me) way. I had never learned to 'visualize' my body moving through forms, I had never thought about it.  When the concept of 'phantom people' was introduced to the class, I was unable to move, literally, the square collapsed. The phantoms were not real people but they had to be tracked and interacted with as though they were real. They moved just like real people in our minds but I had no faculty to begin to do that. I had to learn to do it. As I struggled, one day a sense of words came into my mind that I should "learn to subtract my self from what I saw."  It was not a real thought, it was a 'sense of words' that I didn't produce myself. From that point I began to feel peculiar quite often and my thought began to seem at times to be known to people who could not possibly know what I was thinking. When objects other than people began to answer or make reference to what I'd never said aloud to anyone, I felt dizzy, confused and literally at sea, swamped with a new kind of event. A synchronization that seemed impossible a few times began to make me curious.

Eventually I had to realize that this kind of synchronization has happened to others, it's considered to be delusional/magical thinking from the scientific perception; its usually defined as psychosis.  It was more than 10 years after 1984 that I realized it was nothing new, except that it was new to me, I had learned that others have named it the 'voice' of the spirit of the Time, or Gaia, the voice of the planet.

There must be an observer and human recorder, a witness to the 'two unrelated causal chains' , I believe that is the critical ingredient.  Alfred Korzybski believed that we humans are time binders, we have memory, we 'are' information.  This site is the result of an encounter initiated in 1984 with the Zeitgeist,  which I had to discover myself  when events in my life began to synchronize precisely with unspoken content in my mind.  The voice-like attribute of  that experience is nearly impossible to recognize, then describe. It's a strange kind  of 'voice' but it is a voice that creates (or releases from the body) bits of information in a way that I believe authors of books that have a long bibliography experience without awareness of the specific phenomenon that directs attention and activities that build their book.  

The process that individualizes the mundane life events of someone that doesn't write books is a pattern that's very old, it was old when Hesiod wrote about the muses who instructed him while he did  his work. I saw a movie a few years ago, The Never Ending Story in which a boy begins to read a book and as he reads he becomes aware of another 'world' that is affected by what he's reading. That was a surprising kind of 'synchronistic event' because it seemed to me that  my reading books at specific points was caused by being 'motivated' to select them by a will other than my own, and that they literally at times re-iterated in a pictorial or symbolic way what I was doing  and seeing physically. One day at work in 1987 an event happened that caused me to be unable to not see that relationship between what I was reading and actually doing in my life.  The 'safety secret' is a link to that event.

 This is an example of a similar event that happened much later in Time.    Andrew Samuels      

Millions of personal events  that had happened from my earliest years gave that event that happened in 2000 when I went back to the hill,  it's context, which was very complex and unique to me. But that's a simplistic explanation of a very complex process, and a pattern that is well known because so many individuals experience it and have experienced it for as long as we have records. Hesiod described it as the 'muses' who could say what is true or what seems to be true, and they taught him while he tended his work. There's a situation where it's almost impossible to decide what is true or what seems to be true but one factor makes it possible to know for certain: it's one's individual memories and experiences, retrieved and displayed like a movie.

I believe the  form of creating it's 'speech' has existed since this was written: "Let him that hath an ear listen to what The Spirit sayeth unto the churches." "Unto" unites all 'churches' under one umbrella so to speak.  Emanuel Swedenborg described 'churches' as 'eras' in Time:  the Most Ancient Church, the Ancient Church and the church of Adam. It's my opinion that all 'churches' are the church of Adam, it is history, all of it,  but that was his way of identifying  a symbolic idea about 'ages' in time, when drastic changes and advancements were made in human life on this planet in Time.   I'll support my hunch by pointing to P. D. Ouspensky who introduced his Tertium Organun by writing: "There was the first organun of Aristotle; the second of Bacon and this is the third organun, but the third was prior to the first." That suggests there's a plan that's initiated in successive stages, in Time from outside of what we experience as stable, fixed material reality.  The event happened in 'inner space', it was a mental event, but partially perceivable. The real world is not the material world. The conscious mind is not where real information emerges, it rises from depths that are galaxies of space away from immediate perception and conscious speech. 

My real  encounter with the 'voice' of the age' happened in 1984 when 'it's real voice spoke only once and that was only a preface to an enormous package of information about my life that I experienced as 'thought' and batches of specific retrieved memories that exposed a view of my past that I had not suspected.   My particular life's events in my personal life and where I worked in the years that followed 1984  answered the question: "Is there some way that nature communicates with us directly if we could but decode the hieroglyphs?"  Rollo May, The Courage to Create   

 The answer is Yes! except that the decoding happens automatically, meaning is produced as 'coincidence' in the form of a doubleness' inwardsly occurring in the mind, in a way that's difficult to  notice and then describe. It's nothing new as I had to discover, many people experience it.  Meaning of 'coincidental events' is 'received' in a form that C. G. Jung realized was 'art itself'; a kind of perception that creates 'second sight',  overlaying events in every day life, in the individual's experience.

"The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget  My central idea which was that there is a 'secret about the insane' was communicated to me in that language. It was embedded in two books I'd read and been affected by when I was young.  The ancient language of 'symbolic correspondences' or 'symbolic re-presentation' has a new version. It is second sight, literally.

 IS IT A  PATTERN MOVING 'LIKE' A SIGNAL THROUGH TIME, CARRYING FORWARD A SINGLE IDEA: THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THE PHYSICAL UNIVERSE?

"After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing. P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition. Ouspensky had grasped that there is a pattern at work in Time. Ouspensky's remark indicates he had picked up a single thread, an ongoing endeavor, concealed beneath seemingly different philosophies, and different concepts that attempt to explain reality.  It has been at work before recorded history began, I have reason to believe.   This site is about my experience with it, that pattern, which seems to me to be a living signal moving through Time and how it explained itself as it also taught me a completely new form of language. Ouspensky wanted to find a way to get new knowledge and this process created new information in my mind Many people believe G. I. Gurdjieff was the source of Ouspensky's  ideas. There isn't any statement in any of  Gurdjieff's writings that is so original, concise and accurate a statement about reality as this one.  Gurdjieff's work is important but he is obscure in a way that Ouspensky never was. In their lives as well as in Time itself, 

I combined an image from William Blake and an idea from Rudy Rucker's Infinity and the Mind, about 0, 1. Binary language has always existed. William Blake wrote: "I give you the end of  a golden thread;  Only wind it into a ball,  It will lead you in at heavens gate, Built in  Jerusalem's wall."  William Blake and the Tree of Life, Laura DeWitt James      Jerusalem is a heavenly female, the counterpart  to heavenly male Los, who  lives as Albion without his female 'Emanation' because he has  fallen victim to the 'false tongue of Beulah' that he experiences with Vala, a false 'female' companion in the Mundane Shell on Earth. William Blake was not taken in by  the way science accepted Newton's 'folly'. But there is hope...

Ptolemy's Cosmos: " The earth, in relation to the distance of the fixed stars, has no appreciable size and must be treated as a mathematical point."

Zero in space.  From which space exploration is well under way. The timeline below has numbered points on only a few years: 0, 1984 and 2001. Two years,  1984 and 2001 were made significant by books, 1984 ( Big Brother Is Watching You), by Eric Blair (George Orwell) and 2001 Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke.  Attention was directed to those years by  books before the years actually scrolled through Time on this planet, which is a real 'zero' in space now. Why those two years? (Click on 0 below, it's a link)

...............................98765432101234567.........1984...WAKE UP NOW!! .......2001.....2012?  

              . . .98765432101234567. . .

There's a 'function of mind' that Freud described somewhat without naming it and I believe this site is the result of that function: "Often in explaining his ideas Freud resorts to analogies or conceptions from the physical world. Another conception of his is “that among the psychic functions there is something which should be differentiated (an amount of affect, a sum of excitation), something having all the attributes of a quantity—although we possess no means of measuring it—a something which is capable of increase, displacement and discharge and which extends itself over the memory traces of an idea like an electric charge over the surface of the bodyfor the present it is justified by it’s utility in correcting and explaining diverse psychical conditions. Collected papers, Vol I, p.75"   His definition which only recently  I read  in a book  about Freud, described the 'transcendent function' quite accurately and I've experience to back up my belief. It created a complete idea that I didn't know about originally.  C. G. Jung mentioned a 'transcendent function' that operates similar to a mathematic function, but Freud's description is exact in my opinion. I've learned what this site is about from experiences that I believe are the result of that 'function' in the process Jung named as 'individuation' and F. David Peat described as an 'interactive force' in his Synchronicity, the Bridge Between Mind and Matter. Emanuel Swedenborg described it as a process that prepares a person for life after death, and he named the process 'regeneration', a term that is literally and symbolically accurate.

I don't know enough to believe its about preparation for life after death  but in life this 'review' process has been given to me as my life task, to recognize it in my life and recognize it's real message, which is only implied not stated in exact words:. "The medium is the message."  It's extension in Time is that it functions 'like' a perpendicular;  it's a pattern but extension through Time makes it  also like a signal, a kind of constant  in time, 'like' a mathematical constant in some of it's attributes. There's a process of learning to get information and a new understanding of everything from  the 'wisdom dimension'. How does it operate? 

 That function sorts out content, it creates significance, importance and relationship in the process of self observation,   which is the primary attribute  because overall it created a real highly personalized life re-view. But it's more important to understand that in addition it brought my central idea to my attention over a span of decades, sorting it out from millions of books, trillions of words.

Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post quotes Jung, at the end of Remembering Jung, a video documentary)     

In Carl Sagan's book, Contact a sentence is embedded that caused me to think about the book in a new way, it wasn't just a fictional book. It was helping me describe to myself an eruption of inner content that had happened in 1984. It was thought, no images, masses of retrieved memories that I didn't have the feeling "I" was producing.  In 1984 I was watching, listening to every facet of life in a new (to me) way: Ellen  Arroway gets confirmation that the signal she's picked up is contact from an alien intelligence: "In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices. The idea that there is 'one thought voice' among all of the new-to-me kinds of thought in my mind was planted firmly when I noticed this sentence, which was not when I first read the book. Other events, long strings of them had already suggested that there is really a 'kingdom of heaven' and a 'world within you'.

The words on this site are the result of  something that seemed impossible every day for a long span of years.  I read those words  for the first time on a poster one day at work, when the Boeing corporation was preparing for it's 75th anniversary: 1916-1991. "Doing the Impossible Every day" was one of their slogans, but reading the words made me feel 'funny'. Why? Years later I understood that meeting words that described to me,  something that was happening really, produced an effect in my body, varying from very strong, to just enough to notice that content.  The 'force' of the change was at work behind that celebration. This ongoing kind of relationship  had already happened in actual every day life in 1984, and afterwards in  my mental space but I didn't know that space had any separate visibility.  It was a fact that had to be discovered.  In 1984 the  mass of  content that  began with information from my past emerged in my mind. It was an event that I named a 'mindquake' when I understood it, that definition emerged as time  passed. There was a lot that was not visible to me embedded in the content that I did experience as thought,  that became obvious later. Embedded in the content was a message and much more than the message. Five years after 1984 I had became aware that 'thought' in my mind  synchronized occasionally with exact words I met in some form in the exterior world.

 To clarify or at least give a hint about how this was experienced, I will mention Carl Sagan's book Contact which I read almost a year after 1984. It exposed me to words such as 'palimpsest', ideas about how transmissions from Earth travel outwards but much more than that.  Now I realize that what the book was about had a distinct relationship to events that I  was living through, when I read it. That is not unusual to mention now, (2010) but in 1985 it was not typical to recognize the personalizing effect, the emotional influence of reading a book. That was not an easy association for me to recognize, it was almost overwhelming to feel  the 'influence' constantly after 1984. It described to me what I could not describe myself and in a real way it identified me specifically. That was not an easy fact to be certain about, until 2000 when I went back to Indiana for my 50th alumni get together.  In 2000 an event happened that proved in a way I can't doubt that I have been specifically guided to a certain location by that influence. I had been named and in a way 'talked to' on this planet.  The link "The Hidden Glimmer  is about that incident.

Many people experience some degree of what I had to discover was symptoms of pathology to us, but which in more remote periods was a normal way to get meaning! Interpreting every day life events and situations is what psychiatry is about today.  It seems to me this is a real 'sense' that should not be misunderstood just because science cannot verify such personalized life situations that extend through Time over decades, not days, minutes or hours. 

I had to discover the  material that was embedded,  'bit of information by bit of information'.  Every 'bit' created a doubleness that was not easy to recognize or name. The word coincidence never occurred to me when I noticed thought in my mind met it's exact  or symbolically similar match somewhere in the external world. The effect was 'dizziness', not 'woo woo' or anything like that, it was dizziness for no reason I could see, occasionally in the beginning;  1982-1984. After a period of time this synchronization happened  continuously, my unspoken  inner content continued to synchronize perfectly after 1984 with what was happening in my life, outside of my body.  It was almost devastatingly confusing to begin to experience that kind of synchronization.   Inner space? Where is that?  How do you see into it, and how does everything look when perception is from that location?  "Goethe wrote: "I saw not with the eye of the body, but the eye of the soul." He must know something about inner space and perceptions that include my body and what it's doing.

This site is not about spirituality, shamanism, mysticism, near death experiences or religion except in the sense that religion is  about whether we are alone in the universe.  And that religion its self is defined as: "a careful and scrupulous observation of what Rudolph Otto described as the 'numinosum'.., a dynamic agency or effect not caused by an arbitrary act of will that seizes and controls the human subject which is always rather it's victim rather than it's creator. It's an experience of the subject independent of his will."  Loss of personal volition but a sense of observing everything, including my own body  mentally with a new kind of 'sight', and  eventually of being observed my self by some 'other presence' is only part of what this site is about.  I was identified specifically. Colin Wilson wrote that some day 'man' will have a sense that reveals directly the purpose and meaning of life on this planet; he  named it Faculty X. When the body itself is a 'point of contact' with what's outside, the kinds of events that I began to experience can be almost overwhelming until a sense of meaning and new contexts are built up, and that's what this site is about. The years since 1984 have brought almost unbelievable changes into every day life on this planet.

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There's a 'function of mind' that Freud described somewhat, it was mentioned by Brill:  “.... among the psychic functions there is something which should be differentiated (an amount of affect, a sum of excitation), something having all the attributes of a quantity—although we possess no means of measuring it—a something which is capable of increase, displacement and discharge and which extends itself over the memory traces of an idea like an electric charge over the surface of the bodyfor the present it is justified by it’s utility in correcting and explaining diverse psychical conditions. Collected papers, Vol I, p.75"

 That function sorts out content, it creates significance, importance and relationship in the process of self observation, and overall it created a real life re-view, and in addition it brought my central idea to my attention over a span of decades, sorting it out from millions of books, trillions of words.

 The result of that 'function' is a very personalized life and this site is  the result of how I experienced a visible, but purely 'mental event' in 1984 that initiated an interface with  something hidden, but which is abstracted from events that happen in ordinary daily life. I believe it's a connection to another world, it's been identified as a spiritual world, but I believe it's more appropriate to think of it as a world accessed mentally, through 'thought' and other  specific to the individual, mental content.  A foundation had already been  prepared when I was less than 13 years old. I don't believe I'm unusual except that the timing of events couldn't happen to everyone; 1984 happened once.  The oldest records contain references to 'input' from another world. That world identified me in every day life in a specific way.

I was 'told' what I was doing and what was happening in my life, earlier in my life but I didn't have the 'sense' then, it was there in some events but they were embedded in every day life.  It was those events that helped to prove to me there was foresight in my life,  even when I was 22 years old,  when I saw a movie, The Collector then read the book by John Fowles. It's a story told from two mindsets, a man and a woman's. He does not 'get' the kind of meaning in life that she does. I had just met the man I married later and to say we had a cosmic level communication problem from the moment we met, is still an understatement. The male and female in the book had the same relationship but it was John Fowles remarkable ability to write from both genders that surprised me.

I remember reading a line in a booklet that I bought for a quarter in 1981 at  Christmas time in Roseville, California at the 'auction' which is a giant swap meet, manufacturers outlet and market. "I will take you into the center of all things..." They were just words on a page until so many other events happened that  I realized they were telling me, describing TO me what was 'in the winds of change in my life on this planet'' when I read them.   Reading  certain books at a specific  point in Time played a particular role in how I became aware of being 'observed' and even 'talked to'., having my daily life 'described back' to me. 

 Plato mentioned an 'organ' more worthy of development than the five  senses. That sense created the ideas I try to explain in this site, which is very much like the 'chaos itself' from which the ideas were abstracted.  The psychologically sensed 'world' has a 'voice' that abstracts its self from the chaos of every day material world events, any individual life contains 'events'. 

Our planet in the new sense, on a new scale is a point in space, a 'zero' from which space exploration is now under way. The new sense creates information in it's own language, which can teach itself.  It taught me about an idea I didn't  originally know about: Moebius Twist Concept. I suggest reading this link:    News on 1-2-32  The word 'coincidence' cannot be applied to the kind of 'events' that individualize a persons life content.

 Another such apparent coincidence happened when I read Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay, The Oversoul and he wrote "..what is meant for thee, even now wings towards thee..'  The words triggered  response in my body, those particular words although at that point in time I had not a clue as to why certain words and events in the exterior world generated a kind of 'shock'.   I read The Oversoul a few weeks after the 10 days when the Los Angeles Olympic Games were played. As I read the book there were points where I was 'given' information about my past, problems I'd had that I'd not understood were explained to me. It was years before I understood consciously what happened when I read The Oversoul, because the depths and consciousness have so much space between them. When I could name it as a 'doubleness'  caused by an extremely rapid inner replay of content, that was after I had experienced a kind of 'twinning' effect for a few years.  (1984-1988) It  was extremely difficult to be certain  this rapid 'replay' was happening and that it created  what seemed to be new contexts for every aspect of every day life. 

The word 'replay' was 'suggested' when I read a book by Ken Grimwood named Replay in which both the plot and the title of the book had great impact.  That became a pattern but it took years to notice it and be certain it was really happening to me. I  didn't use the word coincidence, that never occurred to me.  A kind of inner repetition of content, thoughts at times, but  mostly a sense of familiarity seemed to occur,  occasionally at first then constantly. My thought met a match, an exact match at times somewhere in the exterior world but that required experiences,  many of them to become distinct. The effect was that something was different in my perception, every thing was changed. It, the change had begun when lights at night seemed 'like' eyes. Nothing was different except the paired-ness, later I thought it was  a 'twinning' effect, an extremely rapid 're-seeing', literally it was second sight, a literal  re-view of  content . New meanings and context arose from that re-viewed content, separately. 

 That effect took a long time to notice because it overlaid every aspect of daily life.    I named the result of the 'twinning' within 4 years after 1984,  they were  'second under lying contexts' to me after a few years of  experiences. A Jungian analyst told me that was an excellent and accurate description  for 'meaningful coincidences', although in non-Jungian psychoanalysis the symptom  is defined as 'getting messages from irrational sources', i.e., 'ideas of reference'.

They were happening all my life, embedded in 'ordinary every day life' but were invisible until the 'sense' that created 'significance' abstracted them, highlighting them for what seemed to me for several years, no apparent reason.  It was after the second mindquake in 1989 that I knew what they were about: creating an understanding and a context  created from my own experiences  of words that I met later in psychiatric texts and in esoteric texts.  It was somewhat like a story that developed in scattered fragments that adjusted themselves into an understandable framework over a span of 5 years. But it was obviously created from experiences of my own, some that related clearly to things that had happened before I was a woman and the most important had happened when I was alone and I'd never  told anyone about them. That was difficult to notice as a pattern.  That is where 'wisdom' lives probably, when the most private moments in life are the basis.

 By 1989 I had learned the language directly from whatever the 'spirit of the times' is, in its self. It's 'voice' had identified its self as being embedded in the world of  other inner content. That became distinct when such unusual, irrational sources as a remark embedded in Contact by Carl Sagan created an 'affect':

Ellen  Arroway gets confirmation that the signal she's picked up is contact from an alien intelligence: "In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices.

The words that were the thought in the mind of a character in a fictional book  lingered in my own mind, then as time passed  the idea of 'one' thought voice amidst a clamor of other thought voices was planted in my own mind.  I had not noticed that remark the first time I read the book. And I'd not noticed the many references to pi, 3.14159265... when I read the book the first time. The book fell from a table one day and landed open to that page, which was bent  and as I smoothed the wrinkled page I noticed a reference that made me laugh almost hysterically: Carl Sagan had written that pi is coded.  I'd had  two mindquakes in 1989, the second mindquake happened when I glanced at the two pages of pi's decimals in Petr Beckman's History of Pi.   There was a sudden and completely unexpected arrangement of numbers that I realized nobody but me would ever recognize when they were revealed. I didn't look for or expect what happened in a brief glance.  It was obvious a life time of preparation had happened, because some situations had happened when I was less than 9 years old, that   were directly linked to being able to recognize what was displayed, when my mind processed what was in front of me, like a slide show that was shown extremely rapid but somehow visible and fixed in my memory.   

 "I" was my 'thought' until a certain distance from my  own inner content made it something like an 'object' to be looked  at, listened to.  I 'got messages',  i.e.,  (information that told me what I needed  to understand at that moment)' from many kinds of event but did not realize this 'kind' of information is considered to be 'delusional associations' . Its experience that cannot be verified by scientific means. It was so unexpected and new to me that it's impossible to describe how it 'felt' to my body. This kind of event is presumed to be a symptom of certain mental pathology. It is not. It's a life process that's been named a variety of names and it moves 'like' a signal through Time.

 It operates through real people and real world events, precisely timed to align with 'thought' that is at first un-expressible because it's in a region of mind far from any form of expression , inaccessible except  from inner perception.  The 'synchronistic' event had happened throughout my life but I couldn't recognize  them until after 1989. A recognition of those earlier events came much later in life. Foresight became obvious  slowly as events unfolded, through apparent 'chance'.  Events that brought words to me that  I needed  as though they knew where on Earth I lived were not easy to notice. It's completely unexpected that a thing can describe itself and identify itself  and also identify me by that means.

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The Plural Psyche incident.  The Safety Secret    David Blatner, standing beside the pi model     Choosing a password         I was busy doing my work when this happened:  Late for Dr. Phil      Synchronistic events at Boeing, The 737, 777  June 23, 1995 

Martin Gardner's Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix

 2005 Driving the Other Person Crazy   Events in  2008   

 C. G. Jung        The Shadow 'knows'     

The pictures  below are links, each was a 'synchronistic' event or the result of a string of synchronistic events that happened over a span of decades! The pi model is in the Boeing Fabrication Division in Auburn Washington inside the security gates.     Moebius Twist Concept  It's a concept in every aspect of the material and immaterial world.

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 A picture of pi with a twist, white at the center.   The pi-moebius 'twist point'.

  Two twists appear in the sky in the movie Baghdad Cafe  

"eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." c.g. Jung  

 "The psychic life is in 'higher space' and it's point of communication with the visible world at a given moment is through the brain."  Maurice Nicoll, page 117 from Living Time and Integration of the Life. 

"We live a double life whether we know it or not. We live our own life and we live the life of our Time." Laurens van der Post, C. G. Jung and Our Time. 

Theodore Reik's  double thought     John Barrow    Douglas Hofstadter  Theodore Reik   

 Relevant quotations from various sources.

 To make the moral achievement implicit in science a source of strength to civilization, the scientist will have to have the cooperation also of the philosopher and the religious teacher.   Arthur H. Compton   New Page 1

Below are some pictures of a foxglove that I nearly mowed down in 1989 and it's successors.  I had a 'field of dreams' thought,  (15  years before the movie came out) when I noticed it: "Dig it up and plant it in your flower box." That  kind of thought was not  'normal experience' but I dug the  seedling up and planted it. What caused me to notice it, pause and remember how many wild foxgloves we'd had, but I'd not seen any for years? What caused me to begin to 'think' in a new way about the object, the plant that didn't look like a foxglove was supposed to look?  A foxglove is 'opposites' already. It's  the source of digitalis which can save a life or destroy it. The first plant had three levels of bloom on some of it's stalks but the plant had 7 different kinds of 'topper blooms' on it! The next year my flowerbox was full of self seeded foxgloves, Every year I've had a foxglove plant that in some way represented in a material way some facet of a new to me world where miracles really happen, but nobody notices them. 

                                              

                      1989 foxglove             1990 foxglove                Backside of 1990                      1995 open door          

                                                          

              Success! Healthy seed pod matured in 1995                 1994 Chrysalis foxglove. I've never seen the 'nautilus' shape in any flower.

There is a communication process that became evident to me over a span of 25+ years since 1984. There's a kind of 'voice' that carries the 'ongoing endeavor in Time' forwards. What is the 'ongoing endeavor'? 'Civilization' itself and exploration of space didn't just happen, it's the result of foresight from an intelligence other than 'man's own. The International Space Station, computers, satellites, globalization are results of careful planning, that's a fact that can be proved, it's just not simple to do.  It's 'like' a signal in some ways, I think of it as a signal moving through Time, but Time itself is the medium, the pattern itself.   What I mean is that 'contact' doesn't come through radio waves, it comes through a well known pattern. I just didn't know about it myself until after 1989. I began to experience the pattern without prior knowledge after a mental event in 1984, in a kind of isolation that was purely mental. This link is the best example I've come across of such mental events: C.S. Nott Socrates experienced contact with it: 'the god within that tells us about our universe'. Without prior knowledge or experience I had named it the 'Larger Domain' by 1989 when I was certain it was really working in my life. It was synchronizing thought and what was outside of my body. That formed a nearly overwhelming new relationship with every aspect of every day life, from which information emerged, in a fragmented form. How? Nothing unusual other than precise timing for a long span, 77 years at this point. It's nothing new.  Contact by Carl Sagan is about the reception of the first transmission from extraterrestrials. "In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices." The book fell open one day and I just happened to read that sentence. It gave me a clew that I needed, just then at that moment. It's happened too many times to be 'accidental'. I began to realize there are many thought levels in the mind. One thought voice spoke to me in 1984 and it has not stopped speaking, it's been globally speaking since...? Every aspect of that 'voice' is created by the individual that has become 'energized'. My body felt trembly, literally by 1984; every aspect of every day life was different yet nothing was really changed except in my mind, that became obvious.  

It has been my experience in life to have been led to recognize the form of the 'human language that does in fact alter with the 'spirit of the times', it's been named the zeitgeist.  I had named it the 'larger domain' after I became convinced it was really what was making my life so 'strange'. The 'thing' itself, the 'form' itself led me to recognize it's form and it identified me specifically as to my location, what I was doing and my specific past. It is a process of identification using  both the psychological definition of 'identification' parallel to the everyday world definition of 'naming' specifically.  That's what Adam had to do when God brought every thing before him, we each begin life having to do that.

 This link, The Soul Code says much and better than I can write that there is a sense, one that Plato mentioned was more worthy of development than the five senses, although I believe the body itself is where that sense can be found.  "All sacred writings contain an outer and an inner meaning. Behind the literal words lies another range of meaning, another form of knowledge.  According to an ages old  tradition 'man' once was in touch with this inner knowledge and inner meaning. There are many stories in the Old Testament which convey another knowledge, a meaning quite different from the literal sense of the words.

The goal of myth and religion must here be sought outside of themselves in a fundamentally different sphere.  Ernst Cassirer, Mythic Consciousness 

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The years before 1984 had been a preparation for the years after 1984, the past had somehow 'known' to prepare for the future.  C. G. Jung wrote that the first half of life is preparation for the last half of life although he did not write about how he came to believe that. But the idea points towards 'foresight' of some  kind, from some source. Isaac  Newton wrote that Divine Providence should have become obvious when the messenger that had been prophetically announced did finally appear. Anything that's prophesied for centuries and thousands of years ought to point towards Providence other than mans, but that didn't happen. The messiah was not what was expected, and 'it did not come as it was expected to come, it  came in the lowest of all places'.

 "There is another world, but it is 'in' this one." Paul Eluard, Morris Berman, The Reenchantment of the World

"I saw not with the eye of the body, but the eye of the soul." Goethe, from Theodore Reik's Fragment of a Great Confession

In the other world, a very strange kind of conversation can  be discovered but it's not the typical 'voice' that speaks in that other world. It's created artificially!  It uses whatever is available to the individual, the specific individual. This quotation is from War In Heaven by Charles Williams. Read it through then read only the underlined words: "When Mr. Batesby had spoken that morning it had seemed as if two streams of things: actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world. He reminded himself now that such a simplicity was unlikely; explanations did not lucidly arise from mere accidents and present themselves as all but an ordered whole."   

I repeat this several times on this page because associations are often formed from a different kind of knowledge than one acquires from personal experiences. That's a fact that  I've learned from my own experiences with the 'voice' like aspect of ongoing synchronization myself. The flow of events over a span of more than 2 decades at this point in Time were un-validated until I read this quotation sometime after 1989 when I was beginning to learn about mythology and it's way of conveying information: Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence: "There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." He is describing 'synchronicity' although the word 'synchronization' is more accurate.  The 'two unrelated causal chains' were my normal understanding but an opposite strand of thought emerged so that gradually a new understanding built up from an accumulation of new information  as it was created from daily experiences. How that second strand created information required thousands of events to happen and be experienced.  A change in my mind that I believed was the effect of a blow on my head and 'severe menopausal syndrome' after a complete hysterectomy and a sudden change in my marital situation initiated a new uncomfortable condition  in my body.

 After 1995 the situations in my workplace , where great changes were beginning were often the source of experiences from which I recognized that 'explanations did present themselves as an ordered whole'.

 Example: In 1995,  I read a book, The Arrow of Time by Peter Highsmith and Roger Coveney which mentioned 'constant change' in a way I didn't understand. My attention was drawn towards visible examples of 'constant change' that I'd walked by at work every day for years.  My attention was being directed/focused, that was obvious to me by 1995 . That's when 'getting lean' began at Boeing in  Final Assembly just before the cigar shaped body of the first 737X, a new generation plane YA001 advanced.   The quotation from War In Heaven described exactly what I began to witness: "actual events and my own meditations ..... flowed gently together.",  creating one of the 'two unrelated causal chains'. This was astonishing but by then I had learned to get meaning from a new kind of language. Meaning was built from what was in front of me, specifically me, now or had been sometime in the past. 

YA001  (Y A zero zero one) was the first 737 airplane number that had vowels in it. In the past the nameber had been consonants and numbers, now a vowel was added. Somehow that was significant to me in my private world.  It was known as YAHOO 1 when it left Final Assembly because a string of seemingly unconnected events happened that brought the word 'yahoo',  the excremental vision,  anality and the return of Greek patterns into focus over a few months span. The events were connected in my mind to the first mindquake I'd had in 1989. It had happened when I tried to rest a few minutes in a toilet cubicle at work!  I'd recently  read Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown and found new to me information in  two chapters about the 'excremental vision' and it's origin and evolution from the Greeks, the misogynists through Martin Luther, captitalism, and even a pattern in toilet training that led to a person becoming 'up tight'!  

 I read much to my amazement that Martin Luther's great revelation had happened when he was on the 'privy in the tower'. I laughed for some time and felt somewhat a kinship to a pattern in Time, I was 'on the john' in more than a literal sense. Other events, such as the production of a new version of Gulliver's Travels that was much advertised then, and having new situations at Boeing that created a sense that a pattern I'd become familiar with in my private life was repeating in a much larger arena. The term 'yahoo' didn't mean anything to me until I chanced to read Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown. The book was so full of new information (to me) but it also fitted perfectly into what was happening at Boeing when the new generation  airplane and new ways of operating were already under way.

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 There are psychiatric names for the kind of experiences I've had but I didn't know about them. I had to define everything myself, just as Adam had to do in Genesis, using my own knowledge and understanding. I felt compelled to do that. The seemingly miraculous aspect was that I became aware over a span of years after 1984 that the thing I felt forced to describe actually  was being described TO me, FOR me in a way I could not have suspected. But that took a long time to become certain about because nothing happened in a strictly linear form. Events that had happened when I was a very young girl were the most significant proofs that a definite plan in Time itself had been designed to prepare for what was going to happen during those 10 days. A great change was initiated then in the physical world and it's a global  change now 25 years later. A small scale model of the change was taking place where I lived. Two small groups of square dancers were leaving the mainstream level and were trying to learn the much more difficult levels of advanced and challenge levels of square dancing. There were 7 levels in 1975 and one requirement is that gender roles are removed, each gender has to learn All Position Dancing, APD. It was the 'f' word to mainstream dancers in 1984.  A short dream unlike any I've  had initiated what I described as 'non-stop thinking' on a band of thought about the dream. The Dream  

The  timing of certain events that happened after about 1975 was a factor that took a long time to notice. After 1989 it was impossible not to notice the perfect, precise timing of events in the physical world that synchronized with certain thought in my mind  . A 'second underlying context' was created from 'reflected content'..but by then I had become aware that certain thought had been prior in my mind to the event where it met it's exact match and this happened for several years.  The idea of deja vu, karma, re-incarnation, fate, destiny and processes that have been described  as a 'life re-view' could be explained by a mechanism of mind  that created an effect that caused  'hearing again' or 'seeing again' certain abstracted content  that was outside of my body by this mechanism. This material accumulated and from it the new understanding built up  from that content which was 'reflected'.

The reflection occurred at a speed so great there was no space between the words. the reflection was a unit.

After 1984, this kind of 'phenomenon' has created a kind of 'voice' that I heard first in 1984 and it's never stopped 'speaking'. In 1984 I felt as though the planet itself had begun to speak, just to  me, although now I  know it's a pattern that was probably old even in the Greek era. A mechanism of mind created that 'voice' although it took a long time to acquire information and experience to be certain about that.  The source of this 'voice' knew the details of my most intimate moments, the most private moments when only thought and impulses motivated me when I was very young as well as later.  It is impossible to describe how disorienting and confusing this new kind of event was to me because so many people I knew then seemed to be active participants. Their activities and at times their conversations merged and meshed perfectly with thought that was already there in my mind!  That connection began to happen about 2  years before 1984. It was  when objects that use words, such as radios, televisions, books began to seem to 'speak' to me as a person would that I really felt 'dizzy'.

When new kinds of 'thought' occurred spontaneously  into my mind, when  certain memories and experiences from my earliest years were retrieved into  my mind, I was curious as well as close to being overwhelmed because it was such a new kind of event. That was extremely confusing for several years, 5 years after 1984. By 1989 I had learned that memories from my past were being retrieved for a reason, there was a connection between the content of those memories and what was happening to me 'now', they described to me, some aspect of what was happening now! This took a long time to notice, then understand.

 This 'voice', once I recognized it as a voice created by a well known pattern, is functioning like a signal moving through Time, carrying a message. The medium is the message: it's duration and extension through Time functions as a kind of perpendicular in Time itself, a straight line unlike height, width, depth in the Cartesian sense but in a new sense.

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 This site is about how 'it', that other world speaks', it has a voice. It's form of language , which is a use of symbolic re-presentations (and I mean this is re-presentation literally) is probably built into our body. I only can be certain of my own experiences with 'it'. In the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 I received an enormous package of information about my life as it has been described in 'history' and I knew very little of that: It began with retrieving events from my past with my husband and then revealed the stereotyped female and Eve, the patterns of woman.

 By 1989 I had learned to relate to events in my everyday life in a new way, it was only new to me though. I realized that what was new to me was really very old after the second stage happened  in 1989. The way I became aware that this 'new kind of event' was very old is simple: I read a book by Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum and had a very, very strange experience when I was about halfway through it. He wrote about secret societies and I'd known nothing about them.

"eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times."  C. G. Jung 

 C. G. Jung's breakthrough was to recognize that a process of human individuation exists and that a certain pattern is  'inherent' in man: "my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." I have had experiences that cause me to believe the pattern that he named individuation had been named 'regeneration' by Emanuel Swedenborg whose writings, Jung had 'devoured'. Also that what Jung named as 'meaningful coincidences' had already been identified and  named as 'symbolic correspondences' or as the experience of 'double thought' by Swedenborg. In modern psychiatric texts the word 'psychosis' defines that kind of experience. Other authors have used different names for their discovery of the process, in their lives.  P. D. Ouspensky the author of The Fourth Way is the author I read when I happened to pick up a worn copy at a swap meet and paid a quarter for it. His Tertium Organun and A New Model of The Universe are evidence that the pattern  itself guided his life.

This quotation is embedded in a large book: "After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition.

C.G. Jung: "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning.

After reading how he experienced 'visions' in his 'Seven Sermon to the Dead' as well as his recently published Red Book, I believe he experienced contents from the very depths themselves as a consciousness separate from his waking  personality. This may be true of other people, I became aware of this strange fact in the years after 1984 not from reading books but in my personal life. Becoming aware of that fact was a painful experience, but it was essential to learn directly from experience. It is beyond doubt that Jung experienced the symptoms of psychosis for a period of time and recovered, having discovered and learned to interpret the productions from his own unconscious. I had to learn to do that myself, without any prior knowledge or experience; it was a terrible period of isolation and confusion.

The unconscious seems to me to be connected not only to the past but to the future and to every moment of 'now' in Time.  He said that the 'unconscious is really unconscious' but it's been my experience there's a great distance between the unconscious and the conscious mind, the unconscious never sleeps. It's always alert, poised and taking in what's outside of the body as well as what's in the mind and storing in a separate memory certain mental content for future use!!  It's like an almost unimaginable camcorder, Global Positioning Satellite, computerized pattern that can store and then retrieve a moment complete with inner content and outer world content when they are required.     Examples of psychosis

David Peat wrote that 'synchronicity' is an 'interactive force'.    Force is a good word to select but its an information generating 'force';  'like' our GPS systems but much, much more than that:  it's an identifying process using all definitions of the word, identifying. That means the psychological definition as well as the common definition must be understood. It names, identifies, locates and 'operates' through the specific daily content of an individual's life.  

Behold, I make all things new." Revelation 21:5    It makes everything new.

 Three documents    The message, the statement of purpose and the guidelines.

"He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that receives it." Revelation 2:17  

The Language  of Time itself can teach itself:   After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing. P. D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition. Ouspensky had grasped that there is a pattern at work in Time. Ouspensky's remark indicates he had picked up a single thread, an ongoing endeavor, concealed beneath seemingly different philosophies, and different concepts that attempt to explain reality.  It has been at work before recorded history began, I have reason to believe.   This site is about my experience with it, that pattern, which seems to me to be a living signal moving through Time .  It explained itself as it also taught me a completely new form of language. Ouspensky wanted to find a way to get new knowledge and this process created new information in my mind. Many people believe G. I. Gurdjieff was the source of Ouspensky's  ideas, I don't. There isn't any statement in any of  Gurdjieff's writings that is so original, concise and accurate a statement about reality as this one.  Gurdjieff's work is important but he is obscure in a way that Ouspensky never was. In their lives as well as in Time itself, the pattern was bringing new ideas and information into many seemingly different fields of knowledge. Ouspensky was trying to find a way to get new knowledge at a point when new knowledge was everywhere!

Gregory Bateson mentioned that paranoia is 'like' knowledge. As I understand what 'like paranoia' means, it is metanoia turned around backwards. Few complex ideas can be clarified in less than an encyclopedia but Silvano Arieti's book, Creativity is an encyclopedic book and I suggest it, rather than more currently popular books. The  kind of 'word' that built this site requires understanding the origin and evolution of psychiatric ideas, as well as much about history itself.  The essay about 'paranoia'  in the link, ironically describes it perfectly! To understand 'metanoia' I suggest Maurice Nicolls' book, The Mark which is about the parable of the good seed basically.

"Somebody said that it couldn't be done, at least no one ever has done it."

" What happened in the past is dependent on what is to happen in the future." Paul Davies, Other Worlds   The past is prologue. Norman O. Brown.  

IN 1932, Los Angeles hosted the Olympic game, that's the year I was born. Then 52 years later, Los Angeles hosted the Olympic games in July 31-August 11, 1984. A few weeks before the games opened, I remember this incident happened: I was sewing, the television was on but I wasn't listening to it until suddenly I heard the words:  "The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed." as though the volume of the television had been turned up. I looked at the television. It was an advertisement for a new automobile, the Infiniti I believe. "How ridiculous!" I thought to myself. "Advertisements don't have to make sense. A 'new world' in a new car?", then I went back to my sewing and my thinking, (which had been about a few unusual events that had recently happened in a square dance group we belonged to.) But the words in the advertisement didn't leave my thought. They began to be regenerated, re-occurring for no reason I could see for several days. Then over a span of time that I can't be certain about I noticed that memories of a few incidents that had happened in the past year came  to mind along with those words in the automobile advertisement. Those incidents had puzzled me somewhat but I'd not thought about them after they happened, but now they were retrieved and batched along with the strange fact that I'd not thought about them after each event happened. Now the words in the advertisement seemed to link up with those few  events which had been  unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. The words 'The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed.' and those events linked up in my mind. Very gradually I began to sense that I was in a 'second world where all the rules are changed." I was watching my mind at work, without knowing consciously that at the moment my attention had been re-focused to a new world, my inner world.  In that world, thought of a new kind had been scrolling through my mind for nearly 2 years, about a dream I'd had. The television had never seemed to say something that made me think about my life, until this incident happened. Why was my attention suddenly shifted, at just that moment in Time?

Just exactly at the point when I was thinking about those unusual events that had happened in the past few months?

"The psychic life is in 'higher space' and it's point of communication with the visible world at a given moment is through the brain."  Maurice Nicoll, page 117 from Living Time and Integration of the Life. 

 Richard Tarnas makes a remark in his Cosmos and Psyche: ”Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition …… that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it.

What this remark means to me, is that the individual feels like someone is watching, someone is listening, it's like being both audience and actor in one's own particular  life setting. What causes the sense of being watched? I don't know but that's phase, in my opinion on a continuum of points of change. Paranoia can develop there, I've known people who seem to live in that phase permanently. Then it becomes obvious in a subtle interaction between different levels where thought occurs, (which few people seem to have mentioned)  that there's a director behind the scenes. But that director seems to want to know what you see and what your name for what you see is!! Somewhat akin to how Adam had to name everything brought before him!  It's been my experience that when a certain 'switch' is initiated, every individual daily event that one notices develops a 'secret meaning', a 'double bottom' to quote Theodore Reik, in his Fragment of A Great Confession.  It's a switch that may be as simple as creating a reference to  'me' or 'not me'; the result is that event is experienced as: self referenced  or other referenced.  The mechanism was, in my opinion , what caused Narcissus to be unable to recognize his own 'reflection' not in the water but in his mind. Thought is a reflection. A lonely female Echo repeated the last words she heard him say. I've been Echo, but I believe I've also lived the pattern in my life of Athena, (born fully grown from her father's head, and the word 'head' means 'history itself', since the Greek era when patterns were given names of gods. It came from a masculine mind, there's no female content in it) The Dream      When it came it did not come as it was expected to come.        The Hill  Booklist

This site is the result of a purely mental experience I had in 1984, during the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympic were being played. It was an enormous package of information about my life at the time, but 5 years passed before I understood this was  an initiatory event, Stage 1. After 2 more mindquakes happened in 1989, that was  obvious to me.  The first one initiated an encounter with a voice, from the 'world within you'. We all hear it at some time but in 1984 I didn't know how it's heard. That event began with a memory from my past. It was retrieved and replayed complete in every detail although it was an event that had happened when I was 13 years old . Following that memory many strings of memories from my past, retrieved and assembled into movie like linearity were replayed as a unit, revealing a life of woman that I'd not known about in contrast to a limited version of my real life after I married. It was a package that I later named a 'mindquake' because 'fault lines' were exposed in a more remote past than my own life span. I've had several smaller 'mindquakes' since the first one; part of a single package, probably.

There was a message embedded in the package  within an enormous package of information; a single 'event'  occurred into my mind over a 10-day period, July 31, August 11, 1984.  It's been  'unpacking/decoding' itself since 1984. I've had to learn how that was happening. I had to learn a new language but that happened as part of the package because  it contained it's own method of instruction. By 1989 I had learned a new language and had realized a Larger Domain of life was 'speaking' through the external world.  Authors of books that have a long bibliography probably experience the same 'guidance' towards information  they use to write their books.

The message, statement of purpose, guidelines: Three  documents and Remains   God, man communication  Somebody said

The timeline below has numbered points on a few years: 0, 1984 and 2001. Two years,  1984 and 2001 were made significant by books, 1984 by Eric Blair (George Orwell) and 2001 Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke.  Attention was directed to those years before they scrolled through Time on this planet, which is a real 'zero' in space now.

                          ...000000000000001234567.........1984...WAKE UP NOW!! .......2001 

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 John Barrow wrote in Pi in the Sky: "A mystery lurks beneath the magic carpet of science, something that scientists have not been telling, something too shocking to mention except in rather esoterically refined circles; that at the root of the success of twentieth century science there lies a deeply 'religious belief'--a belief in an unseen and perfect transcendental world that controls us in an unexplained way, yet upon which we seem to exert no influence whatsoever.  What this world is, where it is and what it is to us is what this book is about....."  

 An enormous package of information was received in a mental form, thought but more than thought,  from that perfect transcendental world that controls, at least some aspects of every day life on this planet. It's not that we don't have options to choose whether to be influenced or not to be influenced... Ouspensky        C.S. Nott     A common link between Ouspensky and Swedenborg   Theodore Reik's obsession     Theodore Reik enters the scene

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This site is the result of an encounter I've had with the zeitgeist in 1984 and to the present day.  Its an unexpected kind of 'voice' that  speaks 'words' built from every day material world content!  The synchronization between thought, every day life and words that somehow affected my body with some degree of shock was almost overwhelmingly confusing for about 5 years after 1984. Then I had my second and third enormous mindquake which made  me aware I'd been identified on this planet, my location exactly was pinpointed in a way that is almost impossible to describe to anyone. There's a new  form of language; it can teach itself now. 

 The Zeitgeist and Language

 Richard Tarnas makes a remark in his Cosmos and Psyche: ”Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition …… that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it.

 I can describe in great detail what it's like to begin to feel the focus of  'it', many individuals already experience it.  It's not a lot different than a function  much 'like' the rovers we've sent into space.  They are carefully manipulated from afar, seeing and sending back images of what is in front of the camera.  It's  an experience much like being an alien on this planet, many are aware of feeling manipulated but the source of the 'controlling agency'  is displaced from 'within' to what's outside  of the body.  That stage of 'projection' is only a phase, it's preceded by a span of  years when 'insight' into one's own inner content produces the so called 'coincidences' or 'psychotic delusional thought'.  Years, not days, months of experience when 'doubleness of thought' as it's been described by
Emanuel Swedenborg and no other author that I've read, produce a complete story. It's built from the individual memories and understanding of the 'isolated' individual; in this encounter it is me. I've had to experience what I write about and it explained everything to me, this 'which 'focused' on not only my  life but those individuals who were important at that point in  Time.  And the most painful aspect is that science as we  practice it at this stage  does not validate personalized life spans in Time and there's not a lot of respect for individual interpretations of life events and circumstances.

 Alfred Korzybski wrote that we are 'time binders', and that each generation has the benefit of the experiences of prior generation. It seems likely to me that the individual in certain situations embedded in every day life is a finely focused camcorder, with a program that creates in the particular individual, a laser-like 'point of view' that functions somewhat like Occam's Razor to exclude every extraneous detail (like happens in a movie plot) so that only what is significant and relevant is gathered and retained in memory.

What is it like to sense that you are the focus of a 'larger ground of meaning and purpose'?  Feeling you are being 'looked at', feeling you are 'on a stage', you are an actor but are also  increasingly made aware you are the only person in the audience, the only person that hears and feels the drama? What can explain the  addition of an awareness of seeing your body, watching what it does, watching your own 'thought', from a 'once removed' location in the mind? Seeing and hearing everything 'out side the body' as well as what's in your own mind but having to discover that the new sight occurs in the most remote depths of mind, at first? Galaxies of space, inner space separate what is being produced in the depths of mind until it is slowly brought to a location where speech begins to be possible!!!  What can explain how it's possible to listen to what your own mouth says without curiosity at first, to even begin to witness what the body does seemingly of a will other than my own?  But this person writing now emerged eventually from those depths where articulation was not possible; so I watched the ascent process as it happened. I had a thought occur into my mind on night  in 1982 that I was seeing a miracle, slowed down so that I could watch it. A lot happened that night that was new experience to me, it was explained to me in 1989 in the first mindquake I had that year. The content that occurred into my mind that night was retreived  then presented to me in that event. I had learned to relate to my inner content in a different way by then.

 Because this site is the result of 24 years of being the 'focus' of  whatever 'it' is, it's the way the pattern and process created information and showed me how to understand it, I have to insert a lot of personal experiences. The result is not the same as the process, the pattern, the content of every day life events from which I was really born again in 1984. I would never have thought of that as a 'second birth' myself, something happened to cause me to think about the long period between 1975 and 1984 as a long travail. By the time the Games began I  had begun hearing a voice  coming at me in the strangest form, through every day events. The mechanisms of mind that produced the 'voice' are probably well known because the 'voice' as I found out slowly after 1984 has already been identified. It's been named the 'zeitgeist', the 'voice' of the age. It is a voice and voices require language; language requires interpretation and understanding. "It " is complete in itself, a pattern, form and content in Time. All that is required in Time is the exact moment, the precise location and the specific individuals assembled for each 'event' to happen. In 1984 two small groups of challenge  level square-dancers were struggling to leave the mainstream level. I was one of them when the drama was initiated in our lives. It began with a dream late in 1981.  It was unlike any I'd ever had but I don't usually dream anyway. 

e ═ mc2                                                "There is another world, but it is in this one." Paul Eluard                                                i + 1 = 0

"We live a double life whether we know it or not.  We live our own life and we live the 'life' of our Time." Laurens van der Post. C. G. Jung and Our Times

Carl. G. Jung wrote at the end of his life in Memories, Dreams, Reflections:: "As a matter of fact, day after day we live far beyond the bounds of our consciousness. We live  without our knowledge  the life that is the result of the unconscious mental activity that is also going on within us." ....The unconscious helps by communicating things to us or by making figurative allusions.  It has other ways too, of informing us of things which by all logic we could not possibly know.     

The 'other ways of informing us'  that C. G. Jung mentioned happened to me after that 'mindquake', in the form of 'figurative allusions'. He could have used examples but that kind of example isn't validable by the scientific method except at the pattern level. I didn't know that form originally!! I had to discover every detail, discover and name every 'bit of information' during the 5 years after 1984. then a second stage mindquake, actually two of them in 1989 happened and obviously to me, they built on what I'd learned in that 5 year span of time. The memory that had been retrieved in 1982 while I stood waiting for a square dance class to begin was a 'figurative allusion' that depicted what I had done when I left grade school and entered a new school, junior high school. A new classmate had come over to talk to me to make me feel less angry and lonely. The content of that memory was a picture of what was happening to me that night in 1982. 

A new friend in my own mind had already begun to do a few subtle things to get my attention!  Thought that I didn't have the sense I produced myself occurred a few times in situations that ought to have made me really consider what had happened. I remembered those events, but had very little curiosity about them. Entering a freeway one day, a thought came into my mind: "You will have to work very hard for this." The strange thought and the location, entering a freeway, where traffic is one way was one incident. The 'figurative allusions' described to me details in my material life,  precisely timed, perfectly merging,  actually synchronizing perfectly,  meshing with every day situations in which other people  participated, apparently consciously. Earlier in my life certain experiences had happened that made it possible to become aware of foresight in my life and careful planning for 1984. It was not, could not have been  my own foresight, obviously  because too many people scattered widely in Time were involved in those early life preparatory events. There were a precious few events that were the most private kind of event, only an impulse was involved. The Seed was planted early in life.  

Jung also wrote (at the end of his long life) that the first half of life is preparation for the second half. That requires foresight, i.e. pre-knowledge in the unconscious. That's the location of our individual, very unique interface with the real reality. In my life it and circumstances in the physical world in 1984 were ready to begin to speak: from the very remote but strangely visible contents in the depths of mind. It's content is more visible/audible now 25 years later and I can relate to my thought when it occurs, that distance had vanished by 1995 when  new phase where a pattern I'd become familiar with in my home began to repeat at Boeing, where I worked. The 'coincidences' were such that I could recognize them at the time they occurred most of the time. n.

    

                    David Blatner, author of The Joy of Pi    The image is a link, click on it.

          

            The Message in symbolic form. The image is a link, click on it.

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HELLO OUT THERE: "The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget  

 In 1984, during the 10 days the Olympic Games were being played and as I went about my 'normal every day activities' I had an experience in my mind that I had to discover afterward. That's not easy to describe as to how every 'bit of information' was recognized when I 'met' it. That's  because I 'felt every bit' in my body, varying from a real shock, to just feeling dizzy literally, for no reason I could see. When 1989 scrolled into Time  I had learned a new language and had begun to understand how my mind and my past were being used to 'talk' to me. The most astonishing discovery was that events in my life were functioning as a kind of 'echo', they were 'describing back to me', what I was physically doing! My location was distinctly necessary for that to happen as often as it had happened. The second mindquake proved to me that I had been 'told my name' in a most unexpected and almost impossible to describe form because events over a span of decades happened to make me aware of how my maiden name had been 'told' to me!  My first name was also 'said to me' in the same form over a span of decades! The third mindquake in 1989 gave me evidence beyond doubt that I have never been alone on this planet.

In each event long strings of memories from my past were exposed, arranged systematically. I was literally almost 'floored'  when the second 1989 event happened. The first 1989 mindquake had made me aware that I'd learned a language and had noticed how it was generated although 'regenerated' is an accurate word to use. That event happened in a location I thought I would never be able to tell anyone about.  I was trying to rest a few minutes in a toilet cubicle. That event informed me that I  had been 'told' my name in this language and caused me to realize I had learned a new form of language.my pi code

 The second 1989 mindquake was quite different, it was so unexpected. It retrieved memories from my very earliest years. It clearly revealed a long line of events leading directly to this moment. My first memory and many experiences I'd had when I was less than 10 years old were retrieved. A distinct impulse that had caused me to learn something from it that I later learned in an other way, often named something  else by other people was exposed. That impulse has often caused me to look up at a certain time, or over my shoulder when I just happened to notice something, or it caused me to do something for no apparent reason and that impulse clearly knew always where to direct my attention!  That last 1989 event retrieved memories assembled in a linear form that told a story in a flash of time, reflecting back to my earliest memory and many memories I'd forgotten. They were retrieved, displayed on a single string in a 'story like' linear form and 'understanding' what was said in that event happened instantly, understanding was part of the package.

The location and the time that each of these events happened is critical, because precise timing was essential and that happened for years!!  Then and only then I realized it's happened throughout all my life but I simply was not able to 'see/hear/feel' what has been named 'meaningful coincidences' until a special sense made it possible. This 'sense' heightened attention, a directed attention, focused my will, and I felt my own lack of will very much but not immediately. I'm a slow learner apparently, it took a few years for me to be curious about things I said without having a reason to say what I did.

 The sense of being invisible began to emerge when I tried to talk about something I was seeing. A  terrible feeling of being stifled from saying what I wanted to say became a real solid barrier. An almost unbearable feeling of grief gripped me after a thought about someone I was looking at, and that grief didn't go away.  My entire body and mind are probably involved in that new sense. The initiation of this special sense came under the guise of what I believed was the effects of a complete hysterectomy late in 1979, and a terrible blow on the head in 1981 in an automobile accident.

Then late in that year I had a dream in 1981 that initiated a scrolling 'band of thought' that was so ever present I could not sleep normally. This band of thought was there, visible/ audible and that's what I was 'looking at' without knowing a 'switch' had removed the exterior world from primary attention.  I was seeing a very different inscape as I began to think about what was happening in my mind. This 'band of thought' began to be what I 'saw' primarily. I had been literally 'empty headed' until this 'band of thought' began to move relentlessly through my mind. When 1984 scrolled through Time on this planet I was already feeling very different, believing the changes were caused by those conditions.

I was very curious about how a dream could create 'constant thinking' , non-stop thinking was how I described it to the first psychiatrists I went to.

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The last 1989 event happened after I glanced at the copyright statement at the back of Petr Beckmann's History of Pi then turned back to the first of two pages of pi's decimals. I named that one my 'pi quake'. What  happened was that I saw a kind of 'movie show' in the first block of decimals that nobody but me would ever see and understand. It happened in a form that was familiar to me and this exact pattern has happened twice, in different events but both related to pi.

I realized immediately that this 'slide show had been created  from experiences in my past from my first memory.  Long strings of events from my past were retrieved.  I was made aware that from my earliest memories, a well planned process had been at work, aimed at that particular moment in my future.

The 1984 event had to be precisely timed to coincide with many events in the personal lives of people I knew, it was not an event that only one person could have created. After 1984 I felt confused, nearly overwhelmed at times for years but could not see any reason for the strange sense of 'dizziness' I felt .  I couldn't see a reason for  why I had to work so hard to do things that had been easy to do in my past. My habits seemed the opposite of normal for me but that eventually gave me a clue that pointed to the reason. It was nothing mysterious but something I didn't suspect had happened. It had begun when I met the man I married and we'd lived a certain kind of relationship that I didn't know was possible although now I believe it's been very common. The bond between husband and wife, between parent and child had become deeper.

By 1986 I had become aware that a kind of 'role reversal' had taken place in my life and that role reversal explained how, if not why I was seeing the world through a mindset that actually changed how everything looked and sounded.

The change altered every thing, but really changed no thing.I had a conversation with a psychiatrist in about 1983 when I heard myself say something I'd not thought about. "I feel like I'm seeing the world through my husband's eyes. It's like his view point is sitting on top of mine and I'm looking up through  it, out at the world, seeing the world the way he sees it." The phone rang and he stopped to answer it. While I waited I picked up a book laying near me and riffled through it. It was a dictionary, but not a regular Webster's. One term caught my attention and when he got off the phone I asked what it meant. He read the term and it's definition then slapped his knee and laughed." Say! I'll bet that's what you and your husband have!" The term was italics, it was a foreign language: folie aux duex: the same disease shared by two people.  He said nothing more and neither did I. That event happened when I was beginning to hear myself say things I'd not thought about. I didn't have enough information then about a kind of 'disease' that was not a physical disease.

This psychiatrist ought to have said more to me then, even if I didn't ask for more information since he remembered that I'd just said I was 'seeing the world through my husband's eyes, and his viewpoint was 'sitting on top of mine'. Those are not words a scholar would use, but they are simple and accurate descriptions of how I felt. I felt restrained, restricted, contained, prohibited, and those were real barriers. I felt eventually that those conditions had the result of making me focus on small details, holding my attention captive, causing me to function somewhat like a microscope with laser-like  focus, I had acquired tunnel vision, literally and a terrible need to find an explanation for why I felt something reasonable was happening in our lives, and he had a very different viewpoint then. Other people were living the same life I was living then, and my attention was rivetted on a couple whom I did not suspect were living in their life, a model of my own. Over a period of about 10 years, between 1977 and 1987

I was increasingly drawn into a situation that was emerging in our locality, when two clubs began to teach higher levels of square dancing. This change made a lot of mainstream dancers angry, only partly because it required learning the other gender's  movements. It made an already difficult to learn recreation into a very difficult to learn, well the word 'recreation' wasn't a way to describe this change!

So by 1986 it was beginning to be obvious to me the change really was all in my mind. Neither the hysterectomy or the accident could explain the 'role reversal' and other changes. What caused the difference had to be in my own mind.   I saw and heard my body in a way that I could not describe for several years, somehow detached as though I were both actor and audience in my life. That was so new to me, this new 'sense' . From it emerged difference of quite a variety, events had something new added to them that couldn't be seen directly; a kind of 'voice' began to speak using what was in front of me at the moment.

 This 'voice' created its own meanings and contexts and somehow my body went where  the situations, people, objects that could be used were, in ordinary daily events. 

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 The 1984 'event' happened while I was making a very difficult skirt, reading a certain book, Mr. God, This is Anna; going square dancing about 7 times a week and having a very difficult time doing things that had always been easy to do. Every aspect of my life was changed.  But the overall precise timing of every event took a long time to become distinct to me. It was not easy to notice an exact correlation between certain 'thought' in my mind and physical world events.

Some thought was in my mind before it met it's exact match in some book I chanced to notice! When that happened such events made me feel strange but I thought nothing of those events until they accumulated. Then  one event happened that forced me to recognize that what I was doing physically was being in a sense described in a symbolic way, almost exactly in several details. A few events made it impossible to ignore that detail. This example makes my point:  Synchronistic event/The Safety Secret

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During the 5 years after 1984 I became aware of an important psychiatrist whose books influenced me very much: Theodore Reik Listening With The Third Ear  Theodore Reik enters the scene.

 The 1984 event began with an enormous batch of memories from my past, but that was only the visible part of it. For the next 5 years a process beyond my will began to operate, I watched and listened and I observed my body as though I were somewhat apart from it, hearing myself, seeing my body with a new 'sense'. As though I was both actor and audience on stage somehow, witnessing not only what was outside of my body, but what was in my thought, my mind and somehow they seemed to converge seamlessly. Keep in mind that I had to discover the package of information was being 'unpacked', in an almost impossible to describe flow of situations in my every day life over a span of years! Every detail had to be discovered.

It was an enormous package of information and most of it was not visible.  But what was important was that the visible beginning was a retrieval of strings of specific memories from my past.  Embedded within it was a message but that was not part of the visible content. The visible content exposed a 'double fault line'  in my life, so after a second event and third event in 1989  I thought of it as a 'mindquake'. I've had several less than enormous 'batches' of information emerge in my mind but they occurred almost without notice at the time. TThey were important and they had happened after I'd finished reading certain books. Each one presented ideas that were  not in the books but which were built from what ever the book seemed to be about. That ought to have amazed me, that after closing a book, my mind produced content that was not in the book, but which was suggested by the book.

Such events were literally a 're-presentation', in that the basis of the book was used to generate another idea that the author had suggested but the  idea was used in a new way.  The Lord of Thought, for instance was 'about' the difference between Jesus and ordinary men.I had a very unusual mindquake when I closed that book!  The authors did not touch upon any one idea that was 'presented' to me after I closed the book!! So much information was contained in it, and the effect was that I was horrified at the apparent 'heresy' . There was the idea that his life had 'inserted' zero into Time as well as other ideas I'd not thought about and that no other religious figure had made such a distinct reference to a 'kingdom of heaven' and that it's within 'you'. I felt that nobody could safely say or write that when He said: "It is accomplished." he might have meant something more practical, only one aspect of which was that the 'zero' was inserted into Time, so that direction in time on this planet was universal.

Another one happened when I stepped off the bus in downtown Paris in 1996. It revealed the long history of the city, the anguish, the ongoing endeavor in history itself.

They were different in many ways but each was thought content, some of it was visible but  specific memories from my past were presented to me in a movie like string that told a story. They were selected as though my most intimate thoughts and impulses had been stored away in a computer-like memory that could be accessed the way I access information from the Internet now.

 In 1983 I had been typing on an old manual typewriter and noticed I could not type one line without without making several errors. This was explained somewhat after I had neurological tests done that revealed my handedness had changed. I believed I'd had brain damage after a terrible blow on my head, but it wasn't just my mind that was different, everything outside of my body, at times, very rarely at first, was somehow different. What I heard sounded different in those few events, but what I saw  and understood was also quite different. After 1984 this change overlaid every moment of my days and nights. It became obvious to me the change was in my mind, it created some subtle difference that I could not see but which changed how I did see, hear and understand what was outside of my body.  This apparently simple change from being right handed did not happen suddenly, that became obvious in the years between 1984 and 1989. The accident had nothing to do with the changes in my mind and my habits that became obvious also. The timing of events in my every day life began to be seen to perfectly aligned, synchronized precisely with certain 'thought content' that had been steadily scrolling through my mind after a dream I had late in 1981! But although nobody but me could see that perfect synchronization, many people I knew at that time talked and acted as though we were all experiencing what was in my unspoken thought. There are psychiatric names for this kind of experience, but I didn't know them. I had to discover them in my every day life before I knew anything about them.

   I repeat myself frequently for a very good reason:  I 'remember' the events only because they don't enter the area of 'forgotten memories'. The memories re-occur into my thought and it seems that's what causes me to keep much in memory that I would forget. Also many events happen separately but need to be linked to other events.  'Stray thought' that I didn't seem to 'think' myself, began to make me curious after 1985, and that was a very great change when it began. I began to be curious about what was going on in my own mind, after I'd lived 53+ years without that kind of curiosity. It was very distressing for a couple of decades until I realized it was a benefit, not a pathological neurosis or psychosis.

 This entire site is about an experience I had during the 10 days the 1984 Olympic Games were being played in Los Angeles and that's 25 years ago.  The result of that experience was that I learned a language that can teach itself  using whatever material an individual experiences, or has experienced in the individual's every day life. It generates information basically that only the particular individual will understand!  It's a real language, based on patterns that are well known and are commonly experienced. I didn't know the language and had to learn it but it was also required that I discover how it was being taught to me. That was not a simple task, recognizing something was being 'said' to me through what was in front of my eyes in the present at times. These incidents were startling, confusing and nearly overwhelming until I began to accumulate a body of 'new-to-me' information and that required a few  event filled years. ! (1984-1989) It seemed to me the mind needs something in the past to understand anything, and there were no 'points of reference' in my past so I felt literally that my mind reported back: 'no compute' when 'strange events' began to happen.

 I read books that I'd never read before, and noticed eventually an almost impossible relationship between what I was reading and what I was attempting to find words to describe!  I noticed that the book I was thinking I should write was the next book I read! In some events this was so obvious literally that I felt very disoriented at such a new association. I believed it had never happened before in my life for several years, until 1989. Then a third mindquake made me very aware it had happened all my life! A special 'sense' had to be initiated that brought about recognition of how certain content in books I just happened to notice (and at times become fascinated with such as The Collector by John Fowles. I'd read  the book after seeing the movie very soon after I met the man I married later. The two different mindsets of the two people in the book were literally relevant, actually they described the way the differences in my husband  and myself were experienced by the two characters in the book!)

I became aware eventually that the words I needed  to describe what was happening in my mind and in my life which seemed unusually combined and that confused me very much, seemed to know where I was. That  evolved to became a fact, not a delusion.  I was told in a literal as well as  're-presentational' way what was happening in my life at the moment in a few events. But more often  there was an obvious (to me)  relationship to what had been in front of me in my past and to certain memories that I knew no other person could know about. I had to become aware of divisions in my own 'inner space', where 'thought' was produced from different memories. Some thought was visible to me but was generated towards me. All and inner content was  not  produced by my self .  There were incidents that had happened  when I was a very young girl that were brought vividly back in the 1984 event, to initiate a conversation that has not ended 25 years after 1984.  In addition to the one event that was  retrieved, complete in every aspect to the way I experienced it when I was 13 years old, a few memories were installed very early in my life for use later in life, that was obvious eventually.

A subtle but visible interaction in my mind revealed different thought producing levels. Memories of real events were used as a basis to establish that there were in 'depths' of mind that produced  'thought content' that I experienced in a 'now' that happened years even decades before it could be 'related' to!!! The 'now' when the 1984 event happened to me was in the depths of mind,  far below speech.  The 'now' when I realized it contained hidden within it a message was a year after 1984 after I read Carl Sagan's book, Contact. The plot of the book was about a layered message. Each layer had to be decoded to reveal the next level. That book was literally a description of the process of 'decoding' the package of information that burst into my thought during the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played. This fact did not become obvious until about 1996, when a pattern I'd become familiar with in my private life began to repeat in my workplace: the company initiated a different business strategy, at just the point when a new airplane was moving towards Final Assembly where I worked. That 'point of radical change' has resulted in what we now experience as 'globalization'.

  A quotation like this one for instance:  hints that a language exists, hidden, embedded in every day life, under certain conditions which have been regarded to be 'mental delusions': Why Psychoanalysis Is Not a Health Care Profession by Marvin Hayman, Ph. D.

  Another discussion of the relationship between medicine and psychoanalysis appeared in Szasz's (1964) book The Myth of Mental Illness. Szasz took the position that "mental illness is a myth" and that in actual practice we "deal with personal, social, and ethical problems in living" (p. 308). Further, he argued that the so-called symptom is not a product of a disease process, but rather, is a form of protolanguage, a system of representational signs or picture language, rebus-like in its form and message. From this view, psychoanalysis is not the treatment of disease, but the semiotical analysis of verbal behavior (associations) and bodily language (e.g., hysterical symptoms).

"eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times."  C. G. Jung  "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning."  F. David Peat wrote that 'synchronicity' is an 'interactive force'.    Force is a good word to select but 'it' is an information generating 'force', it's 'like' our GPS systems but much, much more than that:  it's an identifying process using all definitions of the word, identifying. It names, identifies and 'operates' through the content of an individual's life.

I suggest that reading some of these quotations will be useful to understand what this site is attempting to convey, directly and indirectly about this language.  These quotations came to me, precisely timed over a period since 1984.

"I saw not with the eyes of the body but the eye of the soul." This was written by Goethe, quoted by Theodore Reik in Fragment of A Great Confession.

A kind of voice that I've experienced for over a span of more than 2 decades at this point in Time. went to work after 1984, using my particular situations to create information about my life, creating a conversation that was almost undetectable!  One voice that I heard only once spoke during the 10 days the Games were being played. A series of 'mindquakes' happened after 1984, two in 1989 in addition to a few that I barely noticed when they happened. The advent of the publicity about the Los Angeles Olympic Games in 1984 generated one of the first events happened that described to me what was happening in my life at the time I heard it!  It was the result of a change in how I heard, and other changes that altered perception and thought. There was one thought voice that I heard only once, it  emerged  in 1984 but a preparation for that one voice, had already been made, early in my life. 

It was in 1984 as I was sewing that this 'singular event' happened. The television was on but I was not paying attention to it. Suddenly my attention was captured by words coming from the television: "The Second World is just beyond your reach." I looked at the television, it was an advertisement for a new automobile. I thought briefly about how commercials don't have to make sense and returned to my sewing. A few weeks later in the same situation my attention was re-directed from my sewing to the words coming from the television but this time I felt something akin to a shock when they registered fully: "The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed." Again I thought about what nonsense advertisements like that are, but the words from the commercial did not vanish from my mind. They lingered and in the most subtle way began to take on a completely personal context and a meaning was attached to a string of 'strange events' that I'd noticed, although none of them involved hearing commercials as though they were a person talking to me, saying something that brought forth memories, only a few at that point, that made the words strangely related to them. This was a very great change, hearing an object that used words the same way I heard people talk to me! This was a very new kind of event.  Specific memories of those few events emerged in my mind, they attached to 'all the rules are changed', very specifically and this was more than new to me. It was basically unthinkable that a television could seem to 'talk' to me.

Theodore Reik describes this as 'magical thinking', in his Fragments of A Great Confession. He described in detail a similar experience in that book, but  I knew nothing about him or psychiatric ideas in 1984.  My encounter in 1984 directed my attention towards certain events in every day life and held it there so that in a sense I experienced my attention being narrowed down, into something like  'tunnel vision', a laser like focus. I felt  'bottled up' and became aware of what 'second sight' really  is  without any knowledge of psychiatric ideas or terms.

There's a book that hints about a 'secret about the insane, just around the corner, just out of sight.' The idea is imbedded in a book, Thornton Wilders' The Bridge Of San Luis Rey. That's a book with a  history behind it in my life, there have been  very specific experiences that caused me to read that idea in the book, pause briefly, somewhat curious about it them read on. There is a secret about the 'insane', just around the corner, just out of sight.     There is a process of human individual relationship to every day events that science cannot validate. It's been my experience that P. D. Ouspensky and Emanuel Swedenborg's writings are about that process, the 'Fourth  Way' and a process of life re-view that is very difficult to experience if  you don't suspect such experience can arise from every day life events.

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"We live a double life whether we know it or not. We live our own life and we live the life of our Time." Laurens van der Post, C. G. Jung and Our Time.   John Barrow    Douglas Hofstadter  Theodore Reik  

Ptolemy's Cosmos: " The earth, in relation to the distance of the fixed stars, has no appreciable size and must be treated as a mathematical point."  In 2008 it is obvious to anyone that thinks about it, the Earth is 'zero' in space, it is a real material point of origin in space. And we have begun to explore beyond our 'point' except that another co-ordinate, the fourth perpendicular has been added, human thought is part of it.  All activity begins with thought, some of which is not easily detectable, I had to discover that myself. All thought is not self generated, there are mechanisms of mind that operate 'on' and 'with' self generated thought, that's the basis of psychiatry itself, and I had to discover that also. Thought can be visible without being accessible when it emerges. Human perception with memory added to height, width, depth can be a living point of view that's superior to any camcorder we have thus far created; a new sense of being able to understand one's life as a part of the ongoing endeavor in Time is possible because mind, memory and exact location is part of it. The timing seems impossible until it's duration in Time  makes it obviously possible. Precise synchronization between thought and activities in the material world is very difficult to dismiss as purpose filled, even when it occurs for decades. I've experienced several events that I could not possibly have arranged, too many other people were involved in them. The hidden gold  happened  in 2000. It was impossible, but it really happened. It was the most convincing experience.

  All of this  points clearly towards one fact:  A purpose filled intelligence has successfully guided 'man' to this 'point'.  The International Space Station was fantasy in science fictions before it was 'real'. I read them all when I was a young girl. Religion is about whether we are alone in the universe. We are not. Isaac Newton figured that out but his non-scientific writings were cast out of the 'rational Western' thought. He became aware of 'Divine Providence' as opposed to personal providence in his life. Christopher Columbus wrote a book at the end of his life about how he became aware his life had been guided by the same Providence.  In 1984 a perfect situation existed to make this hidden world evident to me, although other people made that possible to detect, as an active 'force' on and in the  individual life. There were two small groups of mainstream dancers  who began to try to learn advanced and challenge level square dancing. Gender roles and positions are removed, every dancer has to learn what the opposite gender does. It was a living model where The Big Change could begin to be active and thus visible but not by ordinary eyesight. During the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played, I had my first real 'mindquake'. It contained a message, embedded in it and it initiated my search for real reality.

Something happened in 1984 that has changed the mental life on this planet forever. More people are alive now than at any point in history, so it was a planetary event. A model for what was  happening existed, where  two small groups of challenge level square dancers unconsciously created a 'stage' and a drama was enacted by individuals that seemed to know what was going on in my thought. I did not suspect there are levels in the mind, or that a certain level of thought, a very deep level of thought was initiated after an extraordinarily vivid dream I had in 1981, late in the year. That level produced thought that made me curious about whether I was thinking it. My attention was riveted to that  location  by 1984. The Initiatory Event: A  Dream

When I  understood it, I realized that the dream told me what was happening, almost literally. But I'd never 'decoded' a dream and didn't know they convey information to the dreamer.

A 'kingdom within you', a 'world within' is constantly sending out it's signal in an unexpected form: a pattern that's very well known to psychiatrists and scientists.

 "The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget

"There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence

 "eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times."  C. G. Jung  "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning."  F. David Peat wrote that 'synchronicity' is an 'interactive force'.    Force is a good word to select but 'it' is an information generating 'force', it's 'like' our GPS systems but more than that,  and it's an identifying process using all definitions of the word, identifying. It names, identifies and 'operates' through the content of an individual's life.

C. G. Jung wrote at the end of his life in Memories, Dreams, Reflections:: "As a matter of fact, day after day we live far beyond the bounds of our consciousness; We live  without our knowledge  the life that is the result of the unconscious mental activity that is also going on within us." ....The unconscious helps by communicating things to us or by making figurative allusions. It has other ways too, of informing us of things which by all logic we could not possibly know."  

It's the 'other ways of informing us of things by which all logic we could not possibly know' that happened to me during the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played, July 31 thru August 11, 1984, it was an enormous package of mentally visible content, only a surface part was visible however when it happened. It began with the retrieval and complete 'replay' of the memory of an event that had happened when I was 13 years old. The Hill   What happened in those 10 days and afterwards was distinctly  related to that event, and a thought that had come into my mind, and that had happened in about1945. I'd not thought about that event afterwards I'd forgotten it. When it  was replayed, complete in every aspect except that in the replay it was a used as though it's location was on a computer that had access to its completeness, that included how I felt and what I'd thought that day, every part of that event was retrieved and regenerated in my mind.

What happened in 1984 was clearly linked to that earlier life event and much that had happened after I married a particular man who had often mentioned an experienced he's had when he was in late teens, as 'sitting under the apple tree with his maker' in which he had been told everything he would ever need to know. Because I had never experienced anything like it, that remark passed without any discussion between us afterwards but what happened in our location in 1984 on this planet became involved in creating a 'drama' built from that earlier life event.

 The 1984 event happened in a visible way, in a depth of mind that could not be directly grasped, but it remained in a memory  that had to be discovered, word by word it seems to me. That's where 'doubleness' that I did not recognize until it was made so explicit I couldn't miss it began to confuse  my mind.  I've come to believe C. G. Jung would have named it a 'visionary event'. I named it a mindquake eventually. The event happened then, but it was more than a year later that the content of that event began to be unpacked, a purely mental process at first. In 1985 I'd gotten a job. I'd just finished reading Contact by Carl Sagan, it was a very hot July 1985 day and I  was walking to my car at the end of the work day at Boeing Commercial Aircraft Company when a thought emerged in my mind: "It was a message. I got a message." I 'read' the thought as though it was not mine, and that was a very great change, it had happened without my knowing it had 'switched' my attention from what was outside my body to my body itself, and that included thought of a very different kind than had been 'normal' for me.  I watched, listened to what was going on in my thought, without knowing I watched, listened to certain thought content that I'd never experienced before.

 It was now moving constantly through my mind but it had been steadily scrolling through my mind since late 1981. By 1984 I had experienced a few precisely timed events that I did not think of as 'coincidences', that word never occurred to me. I barely noticed them!  "Be watchful, ye know not what hour I come."

I became aware of the hidden world and learned it's language after an enormous amount of information about my life occurred into my thought in July of 1984. It was an inner event but visible to me, but the content was as distant as a galaxy is from the person that's writing now. The actual  moment it happened was not the moment I began to know that it had happened, that content had to move slowly into a different level of mind.  It began with an enormous package of memories from my past, very specific memories and other content that had to be discovered bit of information by bit of information during the next 5 years.

 The book 1984 is about 'doubleness'. I began to experience 'doubleness' myself, a peculiar mechanism of mind created it. The very strangest aspect of this experience was to slowly notice the perfect alignment of thought in my mind with events in the exterior world, but the thought was prior to meeting it's match. That has to be accepted as a fact, that a few incidents happened when I recognized in a book I chanced to pick up somewhere, exact, very specific words that had wafted into my thought, prior to reading them in the book.  That is the most  important fact, the thought met its exact match in some way where words are used, in the exterior world. The sense of 'deja vu' almost certainly can be explained by this fact,  that 'inner is prior to outer' content, but this occurs so rapidly that fact took a long time to be certain about. But many other ideas, fate, Fortune, destiny, karma, reincarnation, gnosis, the process of the alchemists, the idea of 'regeneration' as Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about it, can be also explained by that fact. The individualization of every day life events has been recognized long before C. G. Jung wrote about individuation, before P. D. Ouspensky wrote about The Fourth Way. This is the Fourth Way, a kind of contact with another 'world' that as an idea moves steadily through Time.    From outside of our Time, a signal moves steadily forwards on that number line, as an idea that's embedded in history, but it does not look like a signal because it's a pattern. The pattern is very well known.

The language of the 'zeitgeist' can speak through ordinary every day life events, to the individual. This site is the result, of my 'mindquakes', a kind of event in the mind, visible in a particular way but not immediately, when it happened.  There are 'little stories' that I hope will help to  understand the process that produced new information (to me it was all new)  real material not just the results of my mindquakes. The first one happened July 31 through August 11, 1984. Five years later in 1989 the second one happened but those 5 years were filled with events and actual people whose actions and words fitted into a kind of 'drama' that they told to me although I experienced that period in a dazed condition that was somewhat akin to being comatose, distanced strangely from my own body and what I saw/heard/felt it  begin to say and do.  I watched and listened. I  was both audience and actress in that drama, which clearly originated without awareness or prior knowledge of anyone in the 'drama'. By 1989  I had learned the basic structure of how the hidden dimension 'speaks' and has probably 'spoken' to individuals and sometimes groups on this planet for centuries and thousands of years. There are references in the Bible that indicate 'instruction' occurred then as I became aware it happened when my mind produced apparent double contexts for events that arose from events in my life. It's about Time itself , and our relationship with another world, whether it's  real and material or purely mental I've not been able to prove to myself. But it's there, 'in there', the kingdom of heaven is literally within you already.  Other individuals probably used different names for what I named 'mindquakes' but the problem with the first one was that it happened in the 10 days the Olympic Games were being played and I knew that it had happened in 1989! I recognized information that was suddenly there in my mind in 1984 only gradually, in small  increments during the 5 years after 1984, then a  second event that built on what I'd learned occurred in a most astonished location. That was followed a few months later by  the third one in 1989, and I almost fainted when it happened, the result was so unexpected and amazingly could not be misunderstood or misinterpreted. It was the third one that convinced me that my presence and my location on this planet as well as what I was doing and am doing at any moment was known, and every memory from my past could be retrieved and assembled into a movie-like packet that 'said' to me something to me in a flash of time,  in this unexpected language.

This site is not about 'visionary, mystical, esoteric ideas';  it's about discovering and recognizing what has been deleted from the real world: the 'irrational', 'illogical', 'non-commonly sensed' content  that has to be identified in every day individual life.  It's not that easy to see. The language of psychiatric texts and the idea behind psychiatry itself is a phase that brought older ideas together, into a  new 'sense'. If what I write is less than professional and scholarly, that's because I'm not a professionally educated woman, and scholarly language always requires decoding by most people anyway.

I suggest that anyone who wants to read something more well written about what I understand at this point, purchase a copy of Stephen Hoeller's book, Jung on Seven Sermons to the Dead, he's outlined the progression of 'stages' in the past (or what seems to us to be the past) that have brought the 'new sense' forwards, under different names. I've lived through them since 1984 and I still am living in that synchronized flow where mental content and material world events converge to form it's own content, I am just the observer in that, although I'm also actress and audience too. It's  not stopped moving along through what is physical and material in my life, especially now in 2008 when the political process, the financial woes on the planet and the division between the proletarian (of which I am one) and the  'wealthy, the 'educated authorities, those living comfortably on a higher level. Unaware it seems of their support level. I am currently on strike at the Boeing company and have watched with amazement the progression of events  and changes since about 1994, which were unique I thought, but are now global. The biggest changes began  when they decided to turn their focus towards increasing the price of shares and less upon building a product. The desire to become a world class company  was the goal but as a union member, the term 'world class' somehow formed an association with 'third world class' because outsourcing was aimed towards exploiting countries that were already exploited by their own government! 

I repeat myself quite often, to re-iterate, because re-iteration itself is a basic component of what I've experienced. Some new 'thing' arose, bit of information by bit of information, from every day individual life circumstances although it began with a group of real people. They  seemed to know what to do and what to say and when to say something that startled me, confused me because my unspoken thought was being 'related to', by people who could not possibly know what was in my mind. That's the biggest problem. The Other people and sometimes objects that use words 'told me' and I listened, feeling confused, unstable, unbalanced literally for the five years after 1984. It was not so strange when people began to address my unspoken thought.

When objects that use words as well as objects that do not use words but which generate 'thought', that otherwise would not occur, and situations, circumstances seem to generate spontaneous 'thought content' that  made me feel bizarre, unstable and unbalanced, literally. The literal sense itself is a difficult sense to attempt to describe, it creates not only self reference for a period of time, in a certain stage, it creates self observation and the real creator begin to become somewhat distinct. This 'sense' is one that I'm sure Plato knew about.

This site is  about a new sense, an entirely new sense, a new way to get meaning and information from the operation of a mental (but visible)  process that probably  was old when Hesiod wrote that he was instructed by the muses while he tended his sheep. He wrote that they could say what IS true or what SEEMS TO BE true.  The 'true world' lays beneath a 'world of apparent causes and effects'. That other world was written about by Emanuel Swedenborg and William Blake a long time before 1984 scrolled overhead in our comfortable  level of Time, using their own terms.  This site is  about the kind's of experience that psychiatric texts arose from, in the mind of Freud, Jung, and other individuals whose names may or may not be familiar:  Ouspensky, Gurdjieff, Steiner, Blavatsky.  Now that the Internet has made it so easy to get information, it's possible to find information that nobody other than readers of very complex books knew about in the past. Certain ideas are carried forwards in Time, written about by authors of a generation that knew very little about the past and about history in other parts of the planet.  It is about an experience I had in  my mind beginning on July 31, 1984 and continuing for the 10 days when the Los Angeles Olympic  Games were being played.  Afterwards a process began to work in my thought, a process that I became aware of over the next 5 years, that presented different  kinds of thought, and retrieved memories in such a unique way that I became curious about what was going on in my own mind! And because I believed I'd had a head injury, I felt my own brain/mind had taken control of my body and I felt forced to do what would restore what I'd lost. That idea arose in my mind because I'd read that the brain can repair itself. (I also read the opposite, that it cannot.) I observed my own body and heard everything I said in a very different way than had been normal for me after 1984. Prior to 1984 I'd had a few incidents happen in which the 'new  kind of hearing and perception' had occurred, but after 1984 the change was like a template laid over every aspect of my life, it was no longer sporadic as it had begun.  The great changes in my mind/body/life  were apparently caused by a head injury and a diagnosis of 'severe menopausal syndrome'. However within a few years after 1984 I became aware myself those causes were just an apparent explanation, the causes were far beyond natural world explanations. I became aware I was not alone in mental space, in my mind after 1984 when I felt a  painful  isolation that caused me to feel utterly alone on the planet, literally. The strange 'companion' within me had a subtle way of making it's presence obvious to me, so I knew by 1989 when a second event happened, that those causes were not the real explanation for what happened in my mind. I named it a 'mindquake' later when I realized a double fault line in a collective history, not my own personal real world history of experiences had been exposed.

My own personal experiences and my family of origin experience, my marriage and his  experiences, his especially, were all  used as a  kind of 'data base' in a visible way after 1984 in a subtle but visible to me,  process that showed me that on this planet, I am  not alone and have never been alone.  This site is about an encounter with the 'voice' of the ages.  It's a real voice, steadily moving through Time on this planet. It  has a language that is as variable as the content in any individuals life.

Who am I?

The Hill   The hidden gold  The Dream    Compton-Fermi     Listening With The Third Ear (Theodore Reik)

 It did not come as it was expected to come        A common link between Ouspensky and Swedenborg

 The psychiatric world and it's terms.    Some  quotations.    The Medium is the Message      Perfect timing

Three documents and 'Remains': 'remains' is a word Emanuel Swedenborg used in several contexts, my context is that they are memories of a particular event that happened once but they flash into the mind afterwards for no apparent reason.  It's an accurate word for memories and experiences that are installed, like vivid photographs of an event that happens early in life  for use in the processes of individuation. That's C. G. Jung's term  for what Emanuel Swedenborg had already defined more accurately as 'regeneration'.  Two men living at different times wrote about the same process using different words. P. D. Ouspensky experienced 'remains' I believe as 're-occurring memories', and that is how I experienced them  myself, throughout my life. C. G. Jung's childhood vision of a giant turd falling over the Church at Basil would qualify as a 'remain'. An incident that happened to Theodore Reik when he was 9 years old in which he heard himself say something he had not thought about would be a 'remain' because that event was the foundation for his book, The Creation of Woman when he was a mature adult. Douglas Hofstadter  begins his Pulitzer Prize winning Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal  Golden Braid with a memory he had when he was 3 years old, and in my opinion that would be a 'remain'. These memories re-occurred, or to put it another way were 'regenerated' for no apparent reason at times in my mind, and eventually I wondered to myself about them. Decades passed before I wondered to myself about them.

Most people can seldom accept the simplest and most obvious truth if it obliges them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have woven thread by thread into the fabric of their lives." Someone sent this to me several years ago. I don't remember the authors' name but I want to acknowledge that it was not an original idea of mine. It meant a lot to me because I had experienced the falsity of what I knew and believed about reality  by that time. Everything I  had always 'understood' was running in my mind, parallel to another vein of contexts  that had developed  gradually after 1984. The 'second new vein of thought' when it was somewhat complete, had brought forth ideas about life on this planet that make sense even if the transformation process of my own understanding to a different understanding that was visible to me in the association formation mechanisms within my thought, is difficult to explain.  It can be explained, basically it's the form of how a complex non-fiction book that has a long bibliography at the end comes to be written. The author has 'abstracted' fragments from what others have written, but in my circumstance the 'abstractions' also related directly to what was in front of me so many times, I could not fail to notice that my exact location on this planet at a certain time had to have been planned by some 'agency' other than my own will.

This site is the result of an event that happened in 1984, in a location in my mind. I named it a 'mindquake' later, after two more events that built on the first one. Basically the primary  result of the 1984 event was that I was 'talked to'. Information I did not initially know about was generated in a process that was visible to me.  I was 'told' my name and I was shown or told  my specific location on the planet in several very distinct events. I had to notice every detail, then notice that every detail was being 'said' to me in a form that may occur naturally without being noticed. What is ever present, becomes invisible. It began in every day life situations until about 1988, then the conversation veered away from personal to 'general' content. Every detail came to me perfectly timed, it always has been coming at me, but I couldn't see or recognize the form until it was made so distinct.  The precise timing over a span of a lifetime cannot be accidental. It began with noticing the effect of reading words in a book  in my body, a distinctly new response to words I read, that were embedded in some book I chanced to be reading. Reading these words: "I will take you into the center of Earth conditions..."  was not the first such event, it had no special significance because the words meant nothing at that point. Eventually I understood what 'centrality' means! I read this only recently: Richard Tarnas wrote in his Cosmos and  Psyche, page 51: "Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition...that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose but also (is) in some sense a focus of it."

What was in front of me at the moment, or a detail about my life  was being 'described', 'echoed back' to me., when I could recognize the form. It's a kind of inner 'reflection'  that many individuals experience I have reason to believe.

EXPLORING THE IDEA OF A LANGUAGE THAT TEACHES ITSELF, without drugs, without meditation, just live every day life events with a new 'sense' added, overlaying certain situations subtly; it's barely there.   The contents of the life of the ordinary woman provides enough material to understand it. The language is built from 'events' and memories of her real life that are used in a particular  computer-like retrieval system. In 1984 I heard a thought voice speak, only once. After that day the entire planet seemed to have developed a voice, unlike any human voice but it conveyed to me information about my past almost instantly. Forget about 'linearity', random events assemble themselves into a kind of knowledge that's not in books.  I believe most books are the result of this kind of experience, many profound books have a bibliography that's 50 pages long! 

"No studies have been done of the effects of one persons' unconsciousness on that of another." Listening With The Third Ear,  Theodore Reik "Look at this strange situation: the deepest and most vital region of the self is inaccessible to its own contemplative and inquiring consciousness. In order to comprehend it psychologically, it needs to be reflected in another person. Now we should expect that the thou, the other, would be directly comprehensible psychologically. But even that seems to be valid only with reference to the uppermost and conscious planes of the mind; the unconscious planes are not grasped directly. The medium is the ego, into which the other person is unconsciously introjected.

"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices. This is a quote from Contact, by Carl Sagan.  Ellen Arroway has just received confirmation that the signal that has been picked up, is not 'local'. It's the first contact with extra terrestrials. The signal  has layers of coding, each level has to be decoded to reveal the next one. It was a palimpsest. It was a clue to me, that hinted there are different thought producing centers, one of  which enters the mind from an other 'world', a 'world within you'.  "Thought" having many characteristics has not been the subject of any scientifically oriented book I've read. I've experienced a careful introduction to the 'world within' and had an encounter with that 'other' world. Whether it's material or whether it's a pattern installed in our body/mind/brain I can't be certain about. But it is embedded in a variety of 'thought' producing centers and can be distinguished only by careful observation of mental activity experiencing strings of events that occur over decades of time. I believe that two important pairs of authors, Freud/ Jung and  Swedenborg/William Blake wrote about their encounter with the  psychologically sensed world, 'within you'.. Swedenborg and Blake did not hesitate to state they did not author what they wrote.

 Richard Tarnas wrote in his Cosmos and  Psyche, page 51: "Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition...that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose but also (is) in some sense a focus of it."

"IT?"   A focal point of IT,  a live viewing point, a point of observation on the planet?  What happened during  July 31 thru August 11, 1984 was an encounter with ...???

   00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000123........................................1984..2001... 

     An enormous packet of information that I named a mindquake' after I understood part of the packet was suddenly there in the mind of this one particular individual, on this particular planet during that long 'day'. It began with thought words: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." A specific memory was retrieved and the words "You are correct." were related directly to that memory, which had happened when I was 13 years old. The Hill.htm  I'd  not thought about that memory after the event happened but I remembered it when it was retrieved as the heading to the package and what it was about. It was a seamless package of thought  content; memories from my past; and an almost impossible to describe  re-arrangement of a few incidents that had happened since 1982. Memories were retrieved and displayed in a movie like linearity that revealed to me instantly a life I'd lived without knowing it, one that I later realized was  the described 'history of woman' from Eve through Aristotle and forwards in Time.  The package contained memories from my past that nobody knew about but  me, millions of them and it contained embedded deeply within it,  a message, a statement of purpose, guidelines and masses of information that  in 1984 this particular individual did not know about. The next 5 years was almost overwhelmingly confusing but five years later in 1989, a second stage packet of information that built on what had been learned since 1984 occurred into that particular individual's mind. It happened while she tried to rest a few minutes in a toilet cubicle. There was a reason it happened in that strange location, as I found out a few years later, when I read Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown, the chapter titled The Excremental Vision. My 1989 event began with a vivid image of my lower bridge work in my hand and then another mass of information that revealed much about the 1984 event that I had not understood. What followed the image was a package of thought, an enormous package that gave me solid facts about my life and more significant,  what I'd learned in the 5 year period after 1984. This event revealed immediately that the source of the experience came through physical world objects, events and circumstances but it did not originate in the manifest, object filled physical world. I believed the changes in perception, understanding and hearing were effects of a head injury in an automobile accident early in 1981, I thought I'd had brain damage until after the first 1989 mindquake. It informed me the real source was 'through' material world objects and events. 

 I named the first one a 'mindquake' sometime before the second one occurred.  A third event, that I named my 'pi quake' occurred within a few months also in 1989. The first event happened and could only have happened in the particular setting in the particular situations in one place on the planet where a particular change was under way. Two small groups of square dancers were attempting to leave the mainstream level and learn  higher levels, advanced and challenge levels where it was required to learn to do All Position Square dancing.  That was a change that removed gender based roles and positions; males and females were required to learn everything the other did.  When those 10 days scrolled into Time,  the planet seemed to me at times to have developed a voice, unlike any voice that could be imagined, yet it's not uncommonly experienced.. During those days an enormous package of information about my life occurred into my mind in a location so deep it might have been the equivalent of a different galaxy within the mind. It's depths had to be discovered slowly and in a strange form that would seem impossible, I had no way to name it for a long time.  In fact it seemed impossible every day for so long that it was obviously possible.

 I named it a 'mindquake' when I realized a double fault line had been exposed to me concerning the life of woman as she has been written about. It had nothing to do with me except in a conceptual way, a stereotyped viewpoint that began with Eve and her burden became mine. Literally, in my body.

This is an account of a somewhat similar event:   C.S. Nott described his experience  in his book, Journey Through This World.

 Richard Tarnas makes a remark in his Cosmos and Psyche: ”Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition …… that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it.

The sense of being the 'focus' of the 'larger ground of meaning and purpose'  after 1984, was preceded by a period of about 9 years (1975-1984) when I began to notice certain details in my thought, habits I had. The most important detail was that I noticed a couple of books I'd read earlier in  my life generated a thought that I didn't have the feeling I had 'thought' myself. I watched a mental process at work during the re-reading of Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke that was as visible as any object in the outer world. My mind produced a sentence that repeated in my thought, for no reason I could see.

Many changes happened, slowly and in a subtle way so that by 1984, I observed my own body in a way that was new to me, as though I was detached from it and somehow was outside of it. A new 'sense' began to generate an effect that puzzled me when it 'highlighted' certain events that happened in every day life. I felt what the word 'eerie, weird' mean, but I named it 'dizzy', and that word works.

It was a peculiar effect, difficult to pinpoint  for several years, as the beginning of 'self observation', i.e. seeing my self somehow added to what I was looking at and listening to, my body was not under my own authority at those times usually.  The effect was a sense of being an audience to what my body was doing in the relationships in my life at that particular point in Time. They were very specific.  The events that happened puzzled me eventually, I didn't notice them until they began to happen more frequently. The word 'coincidence' did not occur to me, when I named the new 'effect' I had noticed in my mind although it took a two year period of experience with this effect and several specific events that made it distinct enough to be certain it was there. It was a mechanism of mind at work, that affected every aspect of my life, especially as it affected new kinds of 'thought'.  Eventually it was possible to name the effect as a 'twinning' mechanism, extremely rapid, a kind of 'operator' on everything in front of me after 1984.  I described it as  a 'reflection' that created 'second underlying contexts' to whatever occurred outside of my body. A Jungian analyst that I had begun to see told me 'second underlying contexts'  was an excellent descriptive term. He had experienced it himself. The term 'second sight' is a good one to use also. Emanuel Swedenborg experienced it as 'double thought'.

There's  been a period of years, almost  24  at this point in 2008,  during which I was carefully led towards becoming aware of having been 'synchronized' in my thought when it emerged from that 'vein of thought' to the events outside of my body, from my first memory on this planet. I'm not unusual, nor am I claiming to be.  We all possess mechanisms of mind that can create the same kind of self observations that are not likely to be 'coincidences' of any kind. Plato described one 'sense' more worthy of development than all the other senses.

 "There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence

  "eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times."  C. G. Jung  "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning."

 The very basis of psychiatry itself is the requirement to 'decode' and 'redefine' every day, mundane world events that seem meaning-less. In 'therapy' there is meaning in the most trivial mental activity as well as in physical activity. In life that is true also, everything that psychiatry is 'about' happens in every day life, to ordinary people. That's a discovery I had to make. It was not easy to recognize  how carefully a 'secret about the insane, just around the corner, just out of sight' was being explained to me, and even that idea had been brought to my attention. The 'secret' was illustrated in detail in every day life events, from which a distinct doubleness of context in the most personal relationship to my particular memories and experiences  emerged very slowly. 

Such a  'human' language exists already.  The language of parables and dreams is mentioned many times in the Bible.  There are references to 'illustrations'. There are some editions  that contain references to 'ambiguous sayings'.  "I have spoken these things to you in comparisons. The hour is coming when I will speak to you no more in comparisons, but I will report to you with plainness concerning the Father." Different words for the same kind of 'event' but there is a necessity to learn to get personal meaning, not some collective or commonly understood meaning. It's personal because memories and experiences that are unique to the observer are the 'words'.

Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post, at the end of Remembering Jung, a video documentary)

The greatest transforming energy of which  mankind is capable.... Of enduring, discerning, translating, understanding, remembering, and converting to language? Alfred Korzybski formulated this idea in this way: "Mankind is a time-binding class of life."  (That means our memory carries forwards information from the past.) (The essence of Korzybski's work was the view that human beings are limited in what they know by (1) the structure of their nervous systems, and (2) the structure of their languages. Human beings cannot experience the world directly, but only through their "abstractions" (nonverbal impressions or "gleanings" derived from the nervous system, and verbal indicators expressed and derived from language). Sometimes our perceptions and our languages actually mislead us as to the "facts" with which we must deal. Our understanding of what is going on sometimes lacks similarity of structure with what is actually going on. He stressed training in awareness of abstracting, using techniques that he had derived from his study of mathematics and science. He called this awareness, this goal of his system, "consciousness of abstracting." His system included modifying the way we approach the world, e.g., with an attitude of "I don't know; let's see," to better discover or reflect its realities as shown by modern science. One of these techniques involved becoming inwardly and outwardly quiet, an experience that he called, "silence on the objective levels.")

That means we carry information forwards through our lives, in our bodies probably as what may seem to be but is not always our own memories and activities."

After 23+ years of experiences with this 'voice', and those experiences included several huge masses of 'thought content' that occurred into my mind, I think of it as a pattern based signal moving steadily forwards in Time.  A signal moving steadily forwards in Time. I'm certain this 'change', which is evident now in 2007 globally,  was 'in the winds of Time'' when Hesiod wrote that he was 'instructed by the muses, who could say what is true, or say what seems to be true, whichever they chose to do."

I knew nothing then that I write about on this page. Every 'bit of information' that I needed to know arrived, perfectly timed. That was a strange fact to notice, and it became obvious so I couldn't fail to notice it.  Within 5 years after 1984 I had become aware that every event in my life and the life of several people I knew at that point was strangely aligned towards what happened during those 10 days, in a way Alan Vaughn described in his book on Incredible Coincidence page 195: "A larger view of synchronicity cases indicate that many people are involved in the production of incredible coincidence and suggests that their consciousness units mesh into a communal  consciousness." When I read the book, sometime in 1987 as best I can date it, I didn't really see the word 'synchronicity', or remember it until several years later! I remember pausing for some time to read that sometimes a person becomes a bit player in his own life and becomes a star in someone else's life. I wondered how that would feel, and how it could happen.

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"The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget  

An idea that I didn't originally know anything about was brought to my attention during the first  5 decades of my life (1932-1982) and then after 1984 I was given experiences that caused me to understand the idea and to recognize it's real source, something that has been named before I knew about it: the zeitgeist which spoke during that 10 day period. It was just part of what I later named a 'mindquake', an enormous batch of information containing a message, a statement of purpose, guidelines and information about my past, my future and the idea itself.

It happened in the only context that it could have happened, seemingly simple, while I struggled to make a skirt that looked simple. Every aspect of my life was the setting, but this skirt provided a special situation. I was urged on, powered really by a thought that occurred to me when I began  to fit the pattern to the remnant I'd bought on impulse: "You've got to get this right the first time."

 I had heard someone say those words to me recently. I had felt very strange when I heard them, something akin to a shock.   The square dance caller in my dream had said them to a class, but I'd heard them in an unusual way, different than anything I'd experienced. Or so I thought at the time.

 I remembered that someone had said those words recently when the words were 'regenerated' so to speak as 'thought words'; just at the point when I also noticed I'd chosen a difficult fabric and the pattern wasn't as simple as the picture on the front indicated. I was ready to abandon the project. The fabric, a warm brown plaid remnant  which I had noticed as I passed through the store on my way to my car  had caused me to pause to examine it, when an image of the pattern which I'd never opened although I'd owned it for a long time came into my mind. Without hesitation I bought the  fabric, went home to get the pattern from the attic and begin immediately to make the skirt. That was not typical for me to do. When I opened the pattern I thought about how many times in the past I'd sorted through my pattern box and noticed this one, but had never used it and had not thrown it away.

The pattern had a history but I had not really looked at it. So I was  surprised to find it was not a simple circle with pockets sewn on top. It had an unusual inset curved pocket and waistband design that was not easy to match in ordinary plaid fabric.  I had just noticed that I'd chosen a one way mirror image plaid and the stripes were not close together: that remnant was almost impossible to use. I couldn't see how I could use that pattern but the thought re-occurred: "You've got to get this  right the first time."

 I began the project, anguished already by changes in my life circumstances in all aspects.   When I wasn't working on the skirt other activities 'fed' into making the skirt:  I read a book, Mr. God, This Is Anna written by Fynn in 1929. It's about a little girl who believed Mr. God was 'in her middle' and that she was a 'viewing point on Earth' for Mr. God. Also I was very much engrossed in going to challenge level square dance classes and dances in which two small groups of individuals were literally 'leaving the mainstream level' of square dancing to enter advanced and challenge levels of life. I believed the changes were effects of a head injury in an automobile accident early in 1981, I thought I'd had brain damage.

 Unsuspecting at the time, every aspect of my every day life, including my specific past and the past of several  very significant people I knew then  was drawn into what happened in the ten days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 when the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played.   I heard a thought voice speak once, only once in the beginning of this event. It began with words that were specific: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be patterns of the future." A memory of an event that had happened when I was 13 years old was retrieved, and the words were associated immediately with what happened in that event.

A kind of 'scenario' that I could not have foreseen had been created but  just about at that point in 1984,  there was one   participant that seemed to have known exactly what to do to create it! It didn't just happen, at that point it seemed carefully prepared for by that individuals actions over a long period of time, almost 3 decades! Certain remarks had been made in the past to me, some of them had been repeated very frequently by this person . They had made no sense at all until a few years after 1984 then they seemed to have been said with knowledge of the future. Something that looked and sounded like 'foresight' by that one person began to be evident to me after the first mindquake happened and it revealed a double fault line in my life as a woman. Neither of them had anything to do with the real me; they were Eve with all her burden of guilt and blame  and the 'stereotyped female', patterns that I didn't know about. I felt that material, somehow installed  in my body. It came embedded as part of the package that contained  masses of memories that were retrieved from my past, neatly arranged like a movie that plays in less than a second of time, each scene still visible. 

By the fall of 1989 I knew what had happened during those 10 days. I had typed the message one day, not recognizing it or being curious about it at that point,  then later typed the guidelines and at a different time typed the statement of purpose. Somehow I understood it right away because when I read certain  words in it, memories from my past emerged in which I remembered I had asked those questions, each separate and unique in content: what...?  why...?  how does....? The situations when I  had asked each one were retrieved vividly, complete in every day. .It began with a very strange paragraph:

The Counselor: THEE MUST ACT ON THIS, AND PERSEVERE. Procrastinate no longer. Allot thy time to me. Thee has finished with this world of substance and must proceed.  Thou asked of me to know:  what?  and why? and how does???, and thee asked it well. Now thee has thy story, and must tell or it is lost in time. It will take thee time, thou must begin. 

By 1989 I'd learned to relate to  variety of content that emerged in my mind spontaneously and  seemingly without any purpose of my own . There was a relationship that I had to discover and then learn to trust between the content that emerged: it was memories or experiences from my past, the closet example that could be found in my past, to what was happening at the time!  But I'd also been reading books that came to my attention in unusual ways that contained ideas that in the past I had not known about. Eventually I noticed a distinct relationship between my daily activities, the new thought and inner contents that flitted into momentary visibility, and books that seemed to attract the attention of a part of me that was not connected to my 'will', my own purposes and more important my own intentionality.  It took that long to learn the first phase of what was told to me that 'day', the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 to learn the new language.

The 5 years between 1984 and 1989 were filled with a strange new kind of event in the physical world,  one I didn't think of as 'coincidence' even once. I had no words to name it.  It's as though I had to do what Adam was required to do: Name everything brought before me, but what was new to me that demanded a name was only visible as a subtle change in how everything looked and sounded and affected my body.  A few perfectly timed incidents happened that caused me to actually see what was going on in my mind and I noticed an extremely rapid 'replay' of my thought that was changed in many ways, creating the sense of being talked to by  a 'reflection' i.e. 'echo' i.e.  re-viewing' so to speak of my own thought. After 4 years I had become aware of a 'second underlying context' that formed in my mind automatically in my mind, so the name 'second underlying context/second under 'lying' context was what I experienced.

I knew nothing then that I write about on this page. Within 5 years after 1984 I had become aware that every event in my life and the life of several people I knew at that point was strangely aligned towards what happened during those 10 days, in a way Alan Vaughn described in his book on Incredible Coincidence page 195: "A larger view of synchronicity cases indicate that many people are involved in the production of incredible coincidence and suggests that their consciousness units mesh into a communal  consciousness." When I read the book, sometime in 1987 as best I can date it, I didn't really see the word 'synchronicity', or remember it until several years later! I remember pausing for some time to read that sometimes a person becomes a bit player in his own life and becomes a star in someone else's life. I wondered how that would feel, and how it could happen.

I did not pay much attention to remembering at that point, a diagram  I'd seen in a book authored by Eric Berne, Psychology for the Layman, the first such book I read. I had paused for some time over the diagram, and had actually drew it many times after seeing it, doodling, seemingly without any purpose. And I thought  several times about creating a picture of the diagram using donuts. The diagram was of three donut like shapes, the first one labeled "Healthy Ego" was a full donut shaped object. The second one labeled, Thin in Places Ego was the donut like shape with bites taken from it.  The third  one  was labeled, "Thin in Places Ego' borrowing ego from another person" and the bites in the 'thin in places ego' donut were filled in with black which made the shape of a whole, full donut, 'like' that Healthy Ego. I cannot count the times I've been in a bakery and had that idea return to me, to photograph the diagrams in the book with real donuts but I've never done it. I eat the donuts before I get that far.

 The point is that the diagram and the statement in Alan Vaughn's book found each other in a level of my  mind, and fixed itself firmly in place before the conscious me recognized  there must be some reason I was being haunted by the idea.  

  The birth of my idea and it's development  The Convergence Zone  

 "I saw not with the eye of the body, but the eye of the soul." Goethe describes a 'pre-vision'  he had that I read in Theodore Reik's Fragment Of A Great Confession. 

  The Seed was planted early in life.  ("When it came, it did not come as it was expected to come.") (1941)          

 My  Central Idea    The Hill (1945)   The Dream (1981)  The initiation.  

This link leads to an article from January 3, 1932 about Arthur C. Compton's work with quantum physics  Getting it straight   

Printout of news of birth year 1932  Ideas about the 'cracking of the atom' were 'in the air' in 1932. The link to a printout of the news 1-2-32 shows a surprising  fact about the discovery of the functions of neurons in the brain and surface chemistries at about the same time ideas of quantum physics. In 1932 both areas of 'discovery' were awarded Nobel Prizes.   Impeccable timing of events 'in the flow' cannot be explained by 'randomness' or by any purpose of my own. Too many other people, most of whom lived long ago, were involved directly.

This unexpected  event also built up over a period of years: Beethoven, Einstein and Mark Twain  The result was unexpected to say the least.  It told me my name, in a most unexpected form.               

     The Message in 1984; The Statement of Purpose; Guidelines, (1984)  The Image in 1988 

     These quotations came to me, precisely timed, over a period since 1984.    Martin Gardner's Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix     

A point of origin   Books timeline based.htm    An essay about Paranoia by  Dr. William Paul Cone  

This unusual event happened one day in 1995:   June 25 1995

This is a funny cartoon about the difficulty of communication:   Pearls before Swine  

Everything this site is about happened in my every day real life, with real people, in a real world setting, over a period of 23+ years at this point in Time.  A global  change that nobody could have foreseen in 1984 has altered every day life, for everyone. This period of almost a quarter of a century at this point in Time, began with a situation that was in my real life, and it's remained a 'local' situation, a family situation but after 1988, when a second phase began, I was led carefully to understand the real origin of the changes in my real world life, which was beyond Time, in some intelligence other than our own.

 There were two small groups of people that were literally doing something that served as a model for the change, leaving the mainstream level of square dancing to learn higher levels, where gender based roles were banished. There are relationships in the form of square-dancing that are identical to ideas of the I Ching, chess, quantum physics and in psychiatry. a certain mechanism of mind that was mythologized in the myth of Narcissus. It's a story about a 'god'  who could  not recognize his own reflection. It's an inner reflection,  one that creates 'self observation', potentially at least. It was a very specific setting that  could only have had any meaning in 1984. 1984 and 2001 were not ordinary years. Two books about those years made them especially significant.

The inwardsly visible mental 'event', happened to me in the 10 days the Los Angles Olympic Games were being played in 1984 but afterwards my mind went to work in a way that was new to me, and I watched what was going on in my thought, because the stream of 'non-stop thinking' about the dream had replaced attention that had primarily been for 52 years, on what was outside of my body.  I named it a 'mindquake' eventually, because  two 'fault lines' in my past were simultaneously exposed. I had not suspected they existed when suddenly my world as a specific person on this planet began to be 'told' to me, in a way I had to discover, every detail of it. An inner life I had not known about because I'd not experienced it myself, was initiated, carefully and gradually marked by a beginning point of May 18, 1980 when Mt. St. Helens erupted nearby. Her dusty inner content covered my physical territory, literally when  my own 'inner content' began to move towards a visibility that preceded being able to relate to it immediately. Who would suspect a mental event could be visible, but  require several years to consciously relate to, and then require decades to understand?

 In 1984, in the 10 day span between July 31 and August 11, my mind's content was visible to me, as visible as the monitor that I'm typing on now, but what I saw/heard in my thought world was as remote from the moment it occurred as a galaxy far beyond the Milky Way. I experienced the first of 3 masses of information about my life in those 10 days. That first one was an enormous package of information about my life, specifically my life, that contained within it, deeply embedded, a message, a statement of purpose and guidelines. I typed those three documents a year later, at different times, without knowing what I typed, and without having intended to type it!! I heard and saw everything in the world outside my body in a different way by 1984, although the change had been initiated gradually I realize now, beginning in 1975!! By  1980 I was 'seeing activity in my mind' that prepared for what was going to happen in 1984. I  had been almost literally 'empty headed' until 1981, when a constant stream of thought about a dream I'd had began to move relentlessly through my mind. I certainly noticed that, and wondered to myself how a dream could generate so much content, 24/7/365.

When those 10 days in 1984 scrolled into Time, I had already noticed a few events and circumstances in the physical world that matched up precisely, as though timed to happen with something I'd said, or thought about. I  heard myself in a very different way than normal for me, and I saw what my body did as though it was someone else moving, talking, doing things I would not normally have done and not doing things I ordinarily would have done. A very great change was brought about so slowly that I recognize almost every detail of the change now. I could not when I was 'embedded' in a process that had assumed authority in my life, and I believe in  the lives of individuals I knew at the time. I felt stifled literally because of something I wanted to say to someone but couldn't say, because it literally was unspeakable. I felt the most painful pity and grief then, I wept tears in such quantity I could not explain how my body could generate them, every day for about 7 years as best I can date it.

A second stage event happened in 1989 but by then I'd learned a new way to relate to every aspect of my mind and my life in the real world.  Certain events that had happened when I was less than 13 years old were 'installed' for use after this inwardsly visible event happened. My experiences in 1984 and afterwards have caused me to believe that  a change 'blew in' under the guise of the advent, and then the playing of the Los Angeles Olympic Games . During the advent of the games I experienced an inner change that altered  how I heard everything. From this change, which took almost 5 years after 1984 to understand, a 'voice' emerged from the every day situations of  my very specific life's events. It's a very unusual voice, an artificially generated kind of speech emerges, but many individuals have experienced it the way I did, and it has been sensed by some as a 'voice'. It's even been named by those whose encounter was successful to some degree. I knew nothing about anything I'm writing about now, so I had to discover even the event that I named a 'mindquake'. Several events happened that caused me to think of a conversation being created in a fragmented way, of 'words' being said to me that were different from the kind of words we use in every day life. A language that taught itself, using my memories and some in particular that had re-occurred in my mind for no reason I could see,  formed the words. Those memories in particular clearly were installed early in life for later use, a definite foresight other than my own was evident.

 After 23+ years of experiences with this 'voice', and those experiences included several huge masses of 'thought content' that occurred into my mind, I think of it as a pattern based signal moving steadily forwards in Time.  A signal moving steadily forwards in Time.

I'm certain this 'change', which is evident now in 2007 globally,  was 'in the winds of Time'' when Hesiod wrote that he was 'instructed by the muses, who could say what is true, or say what seems to be true, whichever they chose to do."

The Zeitgeist and the 'Language' of Time   If you pay attention to what's going on in your 'head', you may notice as I did eventually, there are small seemingly insignificant details about 'thought' and inner imagery that ought to make the individual curious. At some point, when some different 'stuff' drops in, I had to ask: "Where does this content come from?' The new thought, was distinctly different from normal for me. Then several different kinds of thought 'dropped in',  not replacing the one continuous stream of thought that had begun after a dream unlike any that I'd ever had, but causing me to wonder about the 'new thought content'. It didn't seem to me 'me' thinking it, and it changed at times. .  I don't dream very often, but I had one dream  late in 1981 that I realize now was an 'initiatory dream'. When I understood it, (1989) I had learned to understand a new language, that taught itself to me.  I knew nothing about psychiatry, history, had never read any of the great philosophers. I certainly knew nothing about the history of religious ideas. That was a requirement it seems to me now, that I have had not one prior conception,  no knowledge from education or family about much of anything. I was empty headed, literally until late in 1981 after the dream but after that I was 'thought' full, really full of thought.

Having been 'empty headed' the change was certainly noticeable. After the dream a few events of a 'new kind' wafted into my every day life. Within a year my mind/body relationship was radically changed.   Often I felt like the floor I was standing on had become Jello, I was literally 'off balance' when that happened.

Then certain thought content that was in my mind for some time met it's exact match in the exterior world one day on the jacket of a book I  noticed when I passed through the Renton Library. Although this had never happened in the past even once, I was only slightly curious when it happened the first time. An Imagined World, June Goodfield

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"eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times."  C. G. Jung  "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning." 

It was a few weeks before the 1984 Los Angeles  Olympic Games were to be played when this happened:  I was sewing, deep in thought unawares of the television show going on until the words plucked my attention: "The second world is just beyond your reach." I stopped to watch the commercial, which was for a new automobile that was going to be introduced. A few weeks later the same situation, but the words that snatched my attention were slightly changed: "The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed." I thought to myself that the people who wrote advertisements didn't have to make sense and went back to my sewing. But the words began to lurk around in my mind, and I remembered a few incidents that had happened in the past 2 years, which seemed to be occurring more frequently. The words in the advertisement seemed vaguely to be linked to those 'strange events', but was the 'link' formed by me, or given to me?  The direction of the words were towards me, and this was a very great change, one I had to discover caused 'self reference' so that whatever content was selected, seemed to be spoken the way a person would speak to me.

The mechanisms of mind that produce this 'effect' altered every thing, everything.                        

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I have been led to ask a question: Can a pattern moving through Time be a signal-like band carrying a message (information) from the past, and in my opinion, information from another 'world'? That would be literally, the 'kingdom of heaven' that is 'within you', probably biologically but... in what language does it speak, and how does it teach its self?? Because over a period of 5 years  it did generate understanding as it went to work on content in my visible life!!, using certain memories from my past that had re-occurred periodically throughout my life for no reason I could see. I noticed them and wondered about them, eventually, but why ??    The outer manifestations of the pattern are very well known in 'psychiatry'. "The 'medium' IS the message." The pattern has extension in Time, just like a mathematical line has, in fact I noticed it when I was a very young girl when some man, it was always a man became convinced the end of the world was near, but he knew how to be saved. I thought it would be terrible to be gripped by such a pattern!  We had only one radio and I'm not sure how such a pattern could become so distinct to me when I was so young but it did. The outer manifestation is not always the same, many individuals don't go to the extremes that some do.

However it's a pattern identified by its duration and extension through Time, through generations and alterations of 'eras of thought', and it can be a signal, just not the kind of signal we're searching  for or expecting.                                                          

                                                                                                             

                                               An amazing foxglove plant that had three levels of bloom on one stalk.

These are some significant pictures. Each picture is a link to an explanation for the image. There's a story in each one, where the essential attribute of precise Timing of the event was linked to an impulsive action of mine.. Or something I just happened to be doing was particularly linked to a meaning in each one that nobody else would ever understand. The perfect timing  was unmistakable. I could not have planned or foreseen the future, that was obvious. These events did happen because foresight other than my own brought them about. There is an enormous amount of personal meaning and experience embedded in each image. My name, pi moebius was given  to me  over a period of years through events such as these. I began to realize they were 'bits of information', creating a new understanding as time and events accumulated. They were incidents that were abstracted out of their embedded-ness in every day life events. They were formed from and within every day situations between 1984 and 1989. That's when I understood that I'd learned a language that does not require any teacher or instruction from our typical sources of getting information. I had learned by 1989 that there is within the mind a mode of getting information through such events, and that it's a very old process, nothing new at all.   During that period these chaotically experienced 'bits of information' were assembled into a conversation, by a function of mind that was in itself rather gradually made visible. The 'words' in this information generating experience emerged from the  everyday words and circumstances of every day life, parallel to temporary but precisely timed circumstances in the lives of several real  people and real world events.

An event that is similar is described in this link. The new kind of event     

"What is to happen in the future determines what happened in the past." Paul Davies, Other Worlds 

"I saw not with the eye of the body, but the eye of the soul." Goethe describes a 'pre-vision'  he had that I read in Theodore Reik's Fragment Of A Great Confession. 

If Goethe had an 'eye of the soul' how does it differ from 'normal' perception? How does it connect to  the 'other world', a presumably 'invisible world' that's embedded in events of any person's every day reality?

 The main theme of this site is my personal encounter with a real reality that has a voice, a language and it's own mode of communicating, forming a connection through my own mental content, to what I named the Larger Domain when I was certain it really was 'speaking' to me. It's 'voice' was created 'artificially', using every day events and memories from my past as its language to teach me about an idea it had brought to my attention in the 9 years prior to 1984. If this reads as 'unlikely' consider  how the bibliography of any complex  non-fiction book, (Norman O. Brown, Morris Berman, Silvano Arieti, C. G. Jung, Harold Searles, etc)  is acquired by the author: fragments are abstracted from other books and used in the authors new framework.

One attribute of this encounter was to identify me specifically and my location on the planet, a fact that I didn't notice until it was so obvious I couldn't ignore it. The hidden gold  There was one very specific event that happened in 2000 that convinced me beyond doubt there was a remote 'other' intelligence at work. The word 'coincidence' or 'synchronicity' is not a word I would choose to describe the 'doubleness' of every day contexts that emerged in relationship to this event. I formed my own terms, one of which was 'second underlying contexts', because that's exactly what created the 'voice' and it's content after the 1984 event.

"Is there some way that nature communicates with us if we could but decode the hieroglyphs?" Rollo May  The Courage To Create.    The answer is:   " Yes. " The every day life is full of events that can be 'decoded', in the context of that person's particular life. This is basically what psychiatry is all about.

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"The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget    

  "There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence    

 My own name for the 'seemingly accidental' meeting of 'two unrelated causal chains' was formed after more than 5 years (1984-1989)of experiencing 'double meaning' experiences that had created a second underlying context for every event: 'second under 'lying' contexts'. Example: "Know thyself" switches into 'Know,  thyself".

The following paragraph is abstracted  from a book that I read recently (2006):  "War In Heaven" by Charles Williams. Read the paragraph through.  Then read only the underlined words that have been abstracted out, separated but they present a valid idea too, the opposite.

"When Mr. Batesby had spoken that morning it had seemed as if two streams of things, actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world. He reminded himself now that such a simplicity was unlikely; explanations did not lucidly arise from mere accidents and present themselves as all but an ordered whole."  

The underlined text describes precisely a process that creates the 'voice' and an artificially generated conversation, although I've had 3 major 'mindquakes' (enormous packages of information about my life) and many smaller ones. They were essential.

Only the first one occurred in 1984, July 31  thru August 11 as  a purely mental package that occurred in the deepest regions of mind and required 5 years to reach a point where I could relate to the content in addition to the many changes in my thought/mind/body, and the new (to me) relationship to everything in the exterior world. .

 I would not have chosen to read this book by Charles Williams ordinarily. A man I worked with gave it to me. He was fascinated with H. Rider Haggard, Charles Williams, and J. R. R. Tolkien, authors I'd not heard about or read. He told me often I was a unique, strange woman. He was a unique, strange man (to me) who made a remark to me one day that caused him to bring a copy of She by H. Rider Haggard  to give to me. I read  the strange book reluctantly, (grimly determined to get through it)  just to humor him. 'She who must be obeyed." was his way of describing me at times. Having read that book,  led to his telling me about his interest in Charles Williams eventually. His stories produce strange feelings,  and  an 'uncanny sense' of really being 'in the story'. 

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I'm 75 years old and now,  I notice how my mind/brain works on the material supplied by the exterior world. But I've not always had that relationship to my thought/mind/brain', it has 'evolved' slowly after 1984. There's a function that C. G. Jung named the 'transcendental function', but I didn't know about that until I had already become aware of a mechanism of mind that 'operates' to create a 're-hearing/re-seeing' of content, inner and/or outer, and then a completely different context emerges in the 're-viewed' content. That function 'selected' this segment out, so that I noticed it after having read the book through, without noticing it. I don't know how to explain the impulse that caused me to pick up the book and browse through it, and notice this particular paragraph to make a point about a function of mind that can be thought about as the 'abstract sense'. It does abstract out, by a process that can be visible to anyone that notices what is going on in the mind and notices certain specific content such as in this example. It's purpose is to make certain words, events, circumstances and situations 'significant' as a 'body felt' experience.  It's a kind of mental highlighter.  

 "There is another world, but it is in this one." Paul Eluard, quoted by Morris Berman in The Re-enchantment of the World.        "The heart of earthling man may think out his way, but Jehovah himself, does the directing of his steps."  Proverbs 16:9

The idea of two 'worlds apart' mindsets...  on this planet began when I recognized common denominators about two mindsets in books that I chanced to find. The idea of two worlds apart mindsets...   I was unawares that the 'two worlds apart mindset' had already been introduced much earlier in my life, when I was beginning to date the man I married. I'd seen The Collector by John Fowles, and then read the book. One of the characters, the butterfly collector had a non-human mindset. The story is presented from his non-human reasoning as well as the thought of the female he kidnapped, believing she would come to love him is she knew him.  It was a kind of coincidence that I recognized 45 years later. The humanity of some individuals does not develop due to situations beyond anyone's control, I'm not denigrating anyone or inflating my self.

My  Central Idea  (1953-1979) That span of time is a long period of time for one important event to be created. This link is about how one idea was brought to my attention, in a very complex way

I'm very repetitious in this material, to emphasize certain ideas. Everything this site is about happened in real life, with real people, in a real world setting, over a period of 23+ years at this point in Time. The  inwardsly visible 'event' happened to me in the 10 days the Los Angles Olympic Games were being played in 1984  It was a package of information that contained within it, deeply embedded, a message, a statement of purpose and guidelines, that I typed later  without knowing what I typed, or having intended to type it. When Los Angeles hosted the 1984 Olympic games, two small groups of individuals were leaving the mainstream level,  learning to square dance at advanced and challenge levels where gender based roles were banished. That was the real world setting, and it was a perfect model for a change that has become globally recognizable. I believe that when1984 scrolled overhead in Time a perfect model of a change that was going to extend to a global encounter was already in motion.

While I'm not likely to be challenged to prove what happened and the extremely unique way it happened, this event can be proved to have not been contrived or created by any one person, certainly not by me. Too many people who lived at widely different times participated in helping to decode that package of information contained in that event. . C.S. Nott's experience.   C. S. Nott  experienced the kind of package that I named a 'mindquake' after the second one in 1989, although he's condensed it to the maximum, and it's possible he didn't go through the long period of having to discover the package, or to be more accurate realize it was being unpacked through daily experiences that felt very uncomfortable, from which a completely new context for everything emerged spontaneously

Doubleness of everything was not easy to establish, but I can give examples of how this happened, one of which I found in Fragment of A Great Confession by Theodore Reik. He recognized that his mind became 'stuck' on certain words that occur naturally when he was thinking about a bridge game.  The words developed a 'double bottom', a 'secret meaning' but he didn't fully grasp that those details were brought to his attention when he mind became 'stuck' on them, and that those words actually described something to him, a detail about his real life. He was a psychiatrist so this was 'magical thinking' to him.

 I suspect that all of the 'doubleness' one reads about in George Orwell's book, 1984, the subtitle of which is Big Brother Is Watching You  was the result of the way a mechanism of mind causes and inner 'reflection' of content, which can most accurately be named an 'echo'. The content in the 'reflection' however, is quite different than the original event, and a new context is 'generated', in this 'regeneration' of content.

 The word 'coincidence' did not occur to me to describe the unexpected perfectly timed synchronization of 'thought', events in my personal world, words from any source, and events in the larger physical world.

 Who would suspect that within the mind/brain such an event could happen, could be visible to me, but that the content would have to be discovered as though there was a great distance involved in being able to relate to that event and understand all of  it's contents? It began with a retrieval of events from my past, one in particular that had happened when I was 13 years old.  The Hill. Other 'strings of memories' from my past were abstractions (memories of real events that had happened)  from my marriage. That was a visible part of the event, much more was embedded and came out later, as a kind of automatic activity of my body, which I that write at this point, observed from a detached perspective. I typed automatically, acted automatically, listened and watched almost without curiosity for a period of several years. When  I read the Message as though someone else had typed it and given it to me I printed a copy of it. I read it without interest or curiosity  Then several months later after I'd read Contact by Carl Sagan, a thought occurred to me: "It was a message. I got a message."  During the  5 years after 1984, my mind was a busy place into which I had begun to 'look' and from which I had begun to 'listen' already. By 1989. when the second stage event happened I had learned to 'read events in my life' and understand what was happening in my mind, in a new way and had learned the information to understand an idea that prior to 1984 had been brought to my attention. I was given information about my self in the 1984 event, and more was given in the 1989 event, which showed me with evidence to prove it, that I had learned a new language. I'd learned much that I had not previously known. The most difficult thing I have to do, is to name people, to be specific and not generalize anything.  It happened in a specific setting that I don't believe could ever be repeated or 'enacted' by real people. The timing of every event was perfectly timed and  precisely related to two years that have been highlighted by books written about them: 1984 and 2001. It's about a kind of 'new-to-me-event' that arose from an every day situation,  as an 'abstraction of content' so to speak that created a conversation and also served as a kind of visual presentation of explanatory information. This was not easy to notice and then be certain about!  One factor that was difficult to establish for certain until it became distinct was that these 'new-to-me-kind's of event',  in addition to creating a conversation,  identified me as an individual on this planet and described to me what I was doing many times. It's a kind of situation many people experience, it's nothing unique except that I learned to understand that this is a process that generates a new language, one that actually taught itself to me between 1984 and 1989.

A process of individualization of every day experience created this very personalized encounter that has not ended at this point in Time, although I believe it's a global encounter now.  It included a terrible sense of depersonalization and isolation also!  There's only one book that I've ever come across that has a mention in it of a 'secret about the insane, just out of sight, just around the corner'  and it's a fictional book: The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder. The manner from which I became aware of this particular sentence that was embedded in a book, among billions of other books was not purposed or intended by my conscious mind, the process that brought it to my attention was carefully made visible...eventually. Another will than my own, different thought producing levels,  completely isolated memory 'banks' and much more  activity within the mind, became evident to me in a way I could not have contrived myself.  The "I" that can write and relate to  my thought easily, 'now' as it emerges,  had lived almost 52 years in 1984, but had been literally speechless. After a long period of the visibility of the package of information that initiated the communication, it's  'unspeakable-ness' was made distinct to me. There is a 'secret about the insane, just out of sight, just around the corner'! This understanding evolved over a period of 23 years, a span of time in physical life that may be quite different in mental realms.

                                An Encounter with the Zeitgeist in 1984   

Imagine me at my new word processor, intending to write a letter and I proceed to type but what comes out of my fingers is not what I intended to write. In fact my fingers take on a life of their own. They fly from key to key, no errors of spelling occur for 10 minutes or so, then I hit 'Save', then 'Print' without any sense of curiosity. When the document is printed, my hand reaches for it, I read the material not in depth but merely glancing at the words my hand just typed:

The Counselor: THEE MUST ACT ON THIS, AND PERSEVERE. Procrastinate no longer. Allot thy time to me. Thee has finished with this world of substance and must proceed.  Thou asked of me to know:  what?  and why? and how does???, and thee asked it well. Now thee has thy story, and must tell or it is lost in time. It will take thee time, thou must begin. 

Only some of the words I've typed take on a meaning to me, who read them, because they related to three specific but different moments in my past. They were incidents when a thought occurred into my mind after I'd read something; nothing profound or scholarly: "What does that mean?"; "Why would someone do a thing like that?";"How does a person do a thing like that?"

At the time I didn't recognize that I'd typed my Statement of Purpose, which  had two parts: The Counselor addressing me and a response from a part of me that I watched read and 'get' that portion of what I read; merely watched at that point. I read The counselor's words, then read the words that seemed to be an answer to them, which I'd typed without any reason to type them. I read what I'd typed, saved and printed without curiosity but I also watched some part of me that latched onto certain parts of what I'd written. That part knew exactly what was meant, because the three separate moments were retrieved, and I, the watcher at that point did remember them.  I put the paper away and gave no thought to this strange situation: "Thou asked of me to know:  what?  and why? and how does???, and thee asked it well. Now thee has thy story, and must tell or it is lost in time. It will take thee time, thou must begin.

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 "In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices."    Ellen Arroway  in Carl Sagan's Contact, has just received confirmation that the signal that has been picked up, is not 'local'. It's the first contact with extra terrestrials. It's a palimpsest. In 1984 I received a package of information that was also a palimpsest that had to be 'unpacked' over the next 5 years. A kind of 'voice' emerged during that 5 years span of time, but I also had 3 more packages of information after the one I thought was the first one.  How this 'voice' made it's self distinct is not impossible to describe, it just requires complete freedom of speech and a listening mind that is free from prior conceptions.  Everyone has the mechanisms of mind that alter 'thought'; suppress it (which can be a visible action); or 're-direct' it (which happens in jokes as well as paranoia and can also be a visible action), in their inner landscape. But until I was nearing my 50th year, I was basically 'thought' less. So when a new kind of 'thought' began, I was curious about it because it was a 'new kind of thought'; only one kind at first but then gradually a variety of different kinds of thought occurred and I was not able to discern whether 'I' was 'thinking' it myself. 

I grew up hearing people say: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Nobody says that anymore, do they?

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Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post quotes Jung, at the end of Remembering Jung, a video documentary)     

 Religion is all about whether we are alone in the universe. We are not, although I don't mean to imply 'extra terrestrial' means the kinds of 'visitors' from other planets that I read about in the science fiction magazines I read when I was a very young girl. In my most private moments, I was not alone, I've had proof I can never doubt of that fact as well as having my location on the planet 'said back' to me, this by implication, more than once. I'm not unusual either.  One 'thought voice' amidst a clamor of other 'thought voices' is nearly impossible to detect except by some factor that marks it distinctly, i.e. inner content that cannot be even related to when it emerges in the mind; and thought, that cannot be articulated for YEARS!  Subtle differences in 'thought' are only one facet of the pattern of God that exists in every man.  One impulse amidst a clamor of other impulses can be isolated, but that's not easy to do either. After reading further, a few pages at least, please read this link; it's an example  of what I mean when I write that every fact I understand now, had to be discovered but it was laid right in front of me. That had to be discovered also.    The Safety Secret

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In the  10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 an event, a purely mental event happened in my mind, although it was  'visible' as thought is 'visible/audible'. It opened up a new level of life, a level I'd not suspected or expected, at least not consciously. I had never been able to make plans for my life, even in small details because of a dimly grasped sense, only the barest sense, of knowing that my life was already planned. The really strange fact about my life plans was that so many other people throughout my life knew the details of the script!

"Visible/audible/plural" thought, had been initiated late in 1981, and many changes  had already taken place  then.  As 1984 approached I was puzzled by the 'new thought' that was being produced in my mind and a certain new kind of event that happened occasionally and then more frequently.

A specific situation in my very ordinary, mundane every day life drove me to be extremely curious about a new 'effect' that altered every aspect of my external world. and to also prove that I had not gone 'off the deep end', as someone very close to me was convinced had finally happened.  The most difficult thing to do, and the most essential thing that has to be done, is to be  specific in every detail in explaining this event, how it happened, where it happened and identify all those people who were involved.  A kind of 'movie within life' drama emerged that included several other 'mental events' or mindquakes, which was a name I gave the first one after I understood it, and a second stage event in 1989 occurred. This 'drama' within life  finally conveyed to me one distinct fact: that when I thought I was alone and experienced a few 'singular events', I was not alone. When I 'thought' that I thought certain thought content, it was not self generated thought, it came from an Other. And that many other people  in my life gave evidence that he/she/they knew my future. The drama was created by those other people whose real life interfaced with mine, in the two small groups of people who were 'leaving the mainstream level', literally, in a real world circumstance that was a perfect model..

Then the Los Angeles Olympic approached, and I began to hear certain content in advertising that I'd never really heard or paid attention to, in all my life. That was confusing needless to say, because objects that use words don't seem to address me specifically the way I began to experience. Then the Games opened, and a gigantic lightening storm was photographed over Seattle, which I didn't notice myself, until I saw a picture of it, 5 years later. By 1989 I had recognized that the new 'effect' that had altered every aspect of my external world, and the new (to me) inner content was not the result of anything magical, mysterious or impossible to explain, except to a scientist. Because of the specificity,  nothing can be generalized, every detail has to be actually as it was, put into words. There was a very unique content in the situation in 1984 in the specific location where two small groups of challenge level square dancers were struggling to 'leave the mainstream level', literally, and enter into 'advanced and challenge levels' of square dancing. The event happened over a period of 10 days, I cannot be specific about the time, date or hour, but I can be very specific about that 10 day slot in Time.

This event interfaced with real world events as though precisely timed to be perfectly aligned, moment by moment, long before 1984 scrolled into 'now', a factor that was revealed in 1989 when a second level, second stage event happened, while I tried to rest in a location I thought I could never tell anyone about.   "The process of self discovery is never finished, can never be brought to an end." Theodore Reik, Listening With The Third Ear. The initiation of that new level exposed another world, and an 'OTHER' that was not physically present on this planet. Religion as a whole is about whether we are alone in the universe, and I've had good evidence to support my belief that we are not alone in the universe.

 There was a Message that was embedded in an enormous package of information about my specific life that I experienced purely mentally in 1984. This mental content related clearly to what I was physically doing when it 'bloomed' in my mind, although that was not an easy link to establish. Within 5 years after 1984 I was made aware it came from the 'kingdom within you'/the 'world within', although I had named it myself as the Larger Domain by that time.  It's been an experience in which the mind/brain and body and what's outside of the body unite, forming one unit that is learning, and as I understand it now, hopefully working in harmony with the 'voice' of the 'ongoing endeavor of Time'. It, an unexpected kind of 'voice'  has been experienced by this one amazed observer, a 'viewing point' on planet Earth: me, at least, me.  This encounter was one that identified me, so specifically in such a complicated interface with my mental content, with actual real world events, and with people who seemed to actively  create a specific setting, and of course 1984, a point in Time about which a certain book was authored, that I have to trust it as valid, but it was not self generated experience. It was received, or perhaps transmitted is a good word to use. There are few 'points in Time' that have  been selected out and made significant the way 1984 and 2001 have been.

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                                                                             A point of origin  

 Here are some significant quotations from others who have contributed to what I understand now, 23 years after 1984.  Each of these quotations came to me at a time when there was a significant meaning, just when it was appropriate.

I begin it  with a 'joke' about 'thought'. Jim Unger's 'comic' truth 

 "What is to happen in the future determines what happened in the past." Paul Davies, Other Worlds   (Certain events that happened when I was less than 13 years old were installed in a depth memory,  for future use in 'individuation/regeneration'. Emanuel Swedenborg probably named them, appropriately, as 'remains'. P. D. Ouspensky probably also named them appropriately as 'reoccurrences')

"Is there some way that nature communicates with us directly if we could but decode the hieroglyphs?"  Rollo May, The Courage to Create                    Yes.

 "After my experiments......I began to understand that many philosophical and metaphysical speculations, entirely different in theme, form and terminology might in actual fact have been attempts to express precisely that which I came to know, which I have tried to describe. I understood that behind many of the systems of the study of the world and man, there might lie experiences and sensations very similar to my own, perhaps identical.  I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition  In my opinion this is one of the most remarkable ideas that Ouspensky committed to words, and it's not been written by any other author that I've come across. 

John Barrow,   Pi In the Sky                                

 "A mystery lurks beneath the magic carpet of science, something that scientists have not been telling, something too shocking to mention except in rather esoterically refined circles; that at the root of the success of twentieth century science there lies a deeply 'religious belief'--a belief in an unseen and perfect transcendental world that controls us in an unexplained way, yet upon which we seem to exert no influence whatsoever. What this world is, where it is and what it is to us is what this book is about....."           

 Codes and Implicate Meanings Douglas Hofstadter, Godel, Escher, Bach, An Eternal Golden Braid

 Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post quotes Jung, at the end of Remembering Jung, a video documentary)     

 If there are mixed signals, there are signals.

From Out of the Blue...... Ideas of quantum physics as a foundation for Learning the Language of the Zeitgeist after an event  that happened in 1984. 1984 was not just any year, everything has changed on this planet since 1984. Learning the language of the Zeitgeist began with a 'mindquake' that happened to me, (and everyone on the planet in my opinion)  between July 31 and August 11, 1984. It is a language that is complete in itself, it can teach itself but that has to be understood in a very broad context that includes a process of 'individuation/regeneration'.   F. David Peat's book about Synchronicity was the first book I read  that seemed to me to be 'about' the language of the Zeitgeist. although he described an 'interactive force'. I believe it is an information generating 'force'  which  C. G. Jung named 'meaningful coincidence' but in Emanuel Swedenborg's time had different names....'double thought'.....being only one attribute of one of them..'....'symbolic correspondences' being yet another attribute. In our time (1984-2004)  the voice of the Zeitgeist  is everywhere but a special mechanism of mind has to be initiated to begin to hear it, and hopefully 'get the messages' its transmitting. .

This link leads to an article from January 3, 1932 about Arthur C. Compton's work with quantum physics  Getting it straight   

Printout of news of birth year 1932  Ideas about the 'cracking of the atom' were 'in the air' in 1932. The link to a printout of the news 1-2-32 shows a surprising  fact about the discovery of the functions of neurons in the brain and surface chemistries at about the same time ideas of quantum physics. In 1932 both areas of 'discovery' were awarded Nobel Prizes.   Impeccable timing of events 'in the flow' cannot be explained by 'randomness' or by any purpose of my own. Too many other people, most of whom lived long ago, were involved directly.

 

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The Zeitgeist and the 'Language' of Time  

"eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times."  C. G. Jung  "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning."

"The mind can know more in an instant than can be spoken in months."          Emanuel Swedenborg

The goal of myth and religion must here be sought outside of themselves in a fundamentally different sphere.                     Ernst Cassirer, Mythic Consciousness  (Religion is about one idea: whether we are alone in the universe.  pimoebius)      C.S. Nott described his experience in his book, Journey Through This World.              

"We live a double life whether we know it or not. We live our own life and we live the life of our time."                               Laurens   van der Post, C. G. Jung and Our Time

"Each cell leads a double life, one independent, pertaining to it's development; the other intermediary, since it has become an integrated part of a plant." The same holds true for animals, the organism is a "cellular state' in which 'each cell is a citizen'. John Gribbon,  In Search Of The Double Helix, quoting Schleiden and Schwann

"With the discovery of the cell, biology had found it's atom." John Gribbon, In Search Of The Double Helix

"Men certainly exist today who ... have never heard, deep within themselves, the muffled but persistent voice which blames or encourages."           Lecomte du Nouy, Human Destiny

"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices."    Carl Sagan, Contact, a supposedly fictional account of the first contact with extraterrestrials.

"The essence of neuroses as distinguished from culture is, according to Freud, "that the neuroses are asocial structures;  they endeavor to achieve by private means what is effected in society by collective effort." Norman O. Brown, Life Against Death  page 156

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The attribute of perfect timing and purposefulness from a will that was not my own,  is one that emerged and became discernable over a period of about 5 years after 1984. By 1989 I knew that the kind of 'event' that I began to notice as though a spotlight had been cast on it a couple of years prior to 1984 had  really happened every day in my life! The second 1989 mind- quake made that quite distinct.  My interest in certain books, certain movies, certain music when I was very young was the same kind of event, having a hidden relationship to my future when the 1984 event would happen. The two books that affected me most strongly were: The Magnificent Obsession and Of Human Bondage.  The titles of the book are significant.  This kind of relationship between my actual life and what interested me to an excess had been  invisible until a searchlight within me began to 'highlight' them, along with a demand made on me to  'find the truth, understand it, and preserve it in some form'.  

                                                                               

Arthur C. Clarke said: "The greatest tragedy to befall mankind was the hi-jacking of morality by religion." It has been my experience to find out that an equally great tragedy has been the hi-jacking or appropriation of  'reason'  by science. There is a different kind of 'fact' than man's ordinary 'reasoning faculty' can discern although it's content is conveyed through material world objects and events, circumstances and memories. This  kind of fact can be discerned only when it's related to the specific observer's life; this is specificity to the highest degree possible.  This unexpected detail becomes or ought to become distinct eventually. It's One pattern, and it's been my experience that science is a process that basically outlaws the kind of individual experiences I've had that result in what this site is about: something that happened in1984, July 31 thru August 11. It unfolded at first against the approach of the Games, then the background of  the Los Angeles Olympic Games themselves but it had already begun in the 9 years prior to 1984 to form a specific, real world setting for it's advent. Within 5 years I realized it was not limited to personal experiences, it was the advent of a much greater change in mindsets.

I received an enormous packet of information about my specific life while I struggled to make a skirt out of a warm brown one way  plaid remnant; read at times a book, Mr. God This Is Anna and lived through almost agonizingly confusing turmoil in my actual life. Every detail enfolded strangely, sporadically at first when a random 'drip' event happened , embedded in normal events. But this 'drip' just happened to be perfectly timed., that was unmistakable but not significant for any reason I knew about then.  The 'drip' increased, so that after 1984 it was a deluge of that new kind of event,  flooding every day life's events  into a single thread of experience. The first package began with thought words: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." and then my life as it was at that point, as man has defined it, was made very explicit to me.  The Hill  This was done using memories of events from my past arranged neatly in a movie like 'show'.  I had not suspected such a mindset existed. Much information that I didn't know about at that point was required to understand it but I recognized this detail (or was caused to understand by the process itself)  fairly quickly as a form of logic that is based on 'Aristotle an linearity' as well as a particular 'if...then..' an 'common pattern' kind of reasoning.  (What I mean is: "if"  that is the situation..."then" this is the cause, result, answer, etc.  Stereotypes such as:  '' 'if' you are a woman, 'then' this is what you do"; 'if' you are a man, 'then' this is what you do'  would be the foremost example I can provide. That stereotype has somewhat toppled since 1984. It was beginning to be addressed in a local way, in my real life at that point in Time  after 1980. Gender based roles and positions in advanced and challenge level square dancing were banished in two small clubs that were 'leaving the mainstream level', literally, learning All Position Dancing.

That is a simplistic way to write about a very complex mindset.  I've a hunch George I. Gurdjieff's idea that man is a 'machine' evolved form his experiences with some form of this mindset.)

The information to understand that 'viewpoint' was part of the package. The second stage happened, much to my amazement, in 1989, when two 'mindquakes' occurred. The first one removed all doubt about the source of that flow of events, the second one I named a 'pi' quake because it exposed a hidden foundation that began when I was very young; events had been embedded in every day life, and they were retrieved in a methodical display that proved my most private memories are available as though stored on a hard drive somewhere. Moments when no other person was present, were particularly exposed, so that I realized I was never alone, really.

During the 5 years between the first stage and the second stage events   the package  was 'unpacked' so to speak through every day life events and the apparent participation of every one in my life, at that point in Time.  I've only one example of exactly how this occurred and the individual that experienced it did not 'get' that fact, because he was a Freudian psychiatrist, Theodore Reik. His education had taught him it was 'magical thinking'. Because he was not Jungian based, he did not recognize what was really significant: that a detail about his life was being spoken to him in a very difficult to describe form of 'voice' and it's language. Currently it's understood to be 'synchronicity', the 'interactive force'. In my opinion from my own experiences with 'symptoms' of certain so called mental disorder, it is a process that creates 'gnosis', knowledge of the heart.  Theodore Reik shared one 'fact in his life' with Carl G. Jung in that by the time he was 18 years old he had  a secret: he'd been driven by an obsession that had compelled him to read everything Goethe had written as well as all that he could find that had been written about Goethe. A Fragment of A Great Confession has a chapter titled, In Small Packages in which he ruminates about a bridge game. His thought becomes 'stuck' when certain words used to talk about bridge games occurred to him. Those words were specific details about his real life, being 'spoken' to him, when a mechanism generated  'self reference'. This mechanism 'reflects back' whatever content is 'in' it's field, in a packet that has no space between the words!!!

I can point to the parables in the bible as one 'mode' of conveying generalized information, but it's a pattern in which only  individual experiences permit getting the meaning and understanding of such events.         

 Bertrand Russell's remark in a 1918 letter is significant to me as an introduction to my blog-like (before blogs emerged) site: "I must, before I die, find some way to say the essential thing that is in me, that I have never said, yet a thing that is not love or hate or pity or scorn, but the very breath of life, fierce and coming from far away, bringing into human life the vastness and the fearful passionless force of non-human beings. Personally, I don't believe  he meant 'aliens', so much as an 'impersonal other' that is intelligent, purposeful, and knowledgeable about the individual life.

Likewise, whatever it is, this 'fearful, passionless force of non-human beings', I have reason to believe that H. G. Wells had confronted 'it' when he wrote his last book:  Mind At The End Of It's Tether, in which he described a frightful 'queerness' come into life.

What ever 'it' is, I've met it myself. I wasn't looking for it, there wasn't anything missing in my life, but then I wasn't curious until a rather interesting 'new kind of event'  began to filter into my every day life events. This 'new kind of event' was marked by how it made me feel; 'queerness' is a good word to use to describe it but 'dizzy' works too. It became a 'voice', speaking a most unusual kind of 'word', in a language no body had to teach me; it had begun to lay down a foundation for 1984 long before I was physically born. There is nothing more difficult to do, than be as specific as I have be, to describe how the attribute of 'it' being a 'signal' moving through Time emerged. That attribute became unmistakable and distinct.

Martin Gardner's Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix            Book list, recently read         Timeline based book list    The precise timing of synchronistic events. 

The next two links are examples of how the past seems to 'know' something about the future:

 An example of the past seeming to know the future    Daughter of Time

 

This site is about my personal encounter with the 'voice' of the Zeitgeist in 1984 and afterwards.  Every day life took on an 'extra dimension', gradually after Mt. St. Helens eruption May 18, 8:32.a.m. in 1980. That's when a gentle nudge that I experienced as something else began to prod me to 'wake up'. It's a 'voice' that is generated through what is visible.  I have experienced it's peculiar language although it was necessary to recognize how information is being conveyed through every day 'normal' situations. As a result I know that there is more to religion than a belief in a higher intelligence that guides our lives; there is intelligent operation at work in the most apparently insignificant individual life.  It's an 'ongoing endeavor in Time', a kind of 'signal' moving steadily forwards...The International Space Station did not 'just happen'; it was achieved through systematic 'revelations' in a form that was probably old even in the beginning of written records  when Hesiod wrote that he was instructed by the Muses, who could either say what is true, or what seems to be true, whatever they chose.

  "There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence     My own name for the 'seemingly accidental' meeting of 'two unrelated causal chains' was formed after more than 5 years (1984-1989)of experiencing 'double meaning' experiences that had created a second underlying context for every event: 'second under 'lying' contexts'. Example: "Know thyself" switches into 'Know,  thyself".

"What is to happen in the future determines what happened in the past." Paul Davies, Other Worlds 

"The past is prologue." Norman O. Brown, Apocalypse and/or Metamorphosis

"There was the First Organun of Aristotle; the Second Organun of Bacon, and this is the Third Organun, but the Third was prior to the First." P. D. Ouspensky, Tertium Organun. 

"Is there some way the past communicates with us if we could but decode the hieroglyphs?" Rollo May, The Courage To Create.       " Yes. "

"The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget 

This event came at the end of a string of events that happened over a span of decades. The Glimmer of Gold in 2000

There is such a language, a self generating language, one that requires no knowledge of the past, except to verify and validate it's extension through Time from recorded history. The most unique content in an individual's life is obviously 'known' to the level of life from which this signal originates. 

 Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post quotes Jung, at the end of Remembering Jung, a video documentary)        

"The greatest transforming energy of which  mankind is capable..."  implies that 'man' is capable of enduring, discerning,  understanding, remembering, and converting to language information received mentally through 'dreams', 'visions', 'influx', 'revelation', 'moments of heightened perception/numinous', 'magical thinking', or more simply as 'knowledge of the heart/gnosis'.  Alfred Korzybski formulated his idea that mankind is a time-binding class of life."  

 Many individuals have experienced the kind of 'hieroglyphs' that carry communication from the past, it may be an aspect of every day life that's difficult to discern because thought and inner content of a very great variety seem to be 'self generated', rather than revealed, partially or entirely by an other thought, image generating intelligence. Psychiatry itself began when the psychological 'sense' that governed even the ancient Greeks was introduced as a science of the mind. Psychiatry requires doing a kind of detective-like investigation into the individual's past to uncover and release childhood trauma, but there is a pattern that Freud experienced, that 'forces' such an analysis of one's own life, privately. Theodore Reik wrote that Freud's ideas were the result of his own necessity: "Doctor, cure thyself."

 William Blake on Vision and Allegory  This is a form of language, personalized in 'corporeal accidents', i.e. real world events from which meaning is generated that have a connection to one's private memories when that connection is experienced... and that may happen eventually, or never. 

There have been moments in my past when I was alone but I've had convincing evidence during the past 23 years after 1984, that I was not really alone in those moments . There have been moments  when I was a young girl and an impulse caused me to do something, or a thought occurred to me when no person was there, but the content of that moment was preserved for later use. I've experienced that this does happen.  In 1984 one of those moments when I was alone that had happened in 1941  was retrieved and replayed, complete in every detail as it had happened when I was 9 years old.   It did not come as it was expected to come. That incident was just an opening of an event that I named a 'mindquake' eventually. It opened in a depth of mind that opened a hidden double 'fault' line in the life I'd lived as a female:  the stereotyped ideas about a female and Eve.  Those moments when I believed I was alone were retrieved, systematically and used in such an almost unbelievable way that I  had to understand I was not alone in those events and they were 'photographed' for later use. Other events that really happened were also retrieved and displayed in movie like 'strings' that conveyed information, but it was those moments when I knew I was alone that were the most difficult to realize had that attribute: I was alone but somehow that moment was 'known' and accessible to some intelligence other than my own, that obviously knew what was going to happen in 1984 and the years afterwards.

Personal experience is unique. Another event happened when I was about 13 years old, that was to be aligned with the story our Sunday school teacher told us.   The Hill  My most unique content was obviously known in the most intimate details, my location on this planet, my name and what I was doing were at times 'said' to me in a way that required learning a new language built from every day events and memories from my past. The process really explained its method of 'generation' also. 

  My first  initiatory 'event' that used memories from my past,  happened in 1984. It was an enormous package of information that was displayed in long movie-like strings  by the retrieval of memories that told a movie-like story immediately about my specific life. There was unmistakable evidence that every moment in my past was as accessible as though it was stored away in a memory that is beyond my control but obviously there was some controlling agency at work. It happened during the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played, but by then my life  had already changed very much. I believed at the time, the changes were due to physical world causes. Five years after 1984 I knew the origin of the change was not an automobile accident, not a complete hysterectomy, but  had been initiated through a real world cause only apparently: it had been initiated by a sudden decision made by my husband to initiate freeing himself from the bonds of matrimony., but beyond that apparent causality, lay another source.  In 1984 the flight from marriage had not begun to the extent that it reached 15 years later, so I began after 1984 to understand a 'cosmic level change' had been initiated in the lives of people in this very, very specific setting. It was a very specific situation, requiring exactly that situation and no other for the event that happened in 1984, to be what it was, perfectly timed, precise in every detail, just perfect itself.  Every event happened as though an oversoul-like mechanism/pattern/process that had no respect for personal happiness or comfort had assumed authority over those individuals who was involved. 1984 is a point in Time that was associated with a book published in 1948 by George Orwell/Eric Blair, the subtitle of which is "Big Brother Is Watching You.  The book created a sense of expectancy. The subtitle of the book, Big Brother Is Watching You has a different, literal meaning now in 2007 than it had in 1948 when Eric Blair wrote it. Or in 1984 when that year scrolled through Time. We are inundated with the kind of statistics the 'proletarians' endured. .

John Barrow, Pi In The Sky    Pi In the Sky

 "A mystery lurks beneath the magic carpet of science, something that scientists have not been telling, something too shocking to mention except in rather esoterically refined circles; that at he root of the success of twentieth century science there lies a deeply 'religious belief'--a belief in an unseen and perfect transcendental world that controls us in an unexplained way, yet upon which we seem to exert no influence whatsoever. What this world is, where it is and what it is to us is what this book is about....."   

 "After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc editon

"Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." C. G. Jung  There is a language that does alter with the 'spirit' of the times, one that teaches itself;  it generates it's own 'words, contexts and meanings'. it's almost certainly a biologically based pattern that as Jung wrote, exists in every man.

  C. G. Jung wrote: "My aim was to show that delusions and hallucinations were not just specific symptoms of mental disease but also had a human meaning."

"To make the imperceptible, perceptible." (A remark  that was made in National Treasure, a  2004 film)

  Message in 1984, The Statement of Purpose and the Guidelines  The message was embedded within the package of information that was only partially visible as 'thought', retrieved memories and new (to me) information about history as the male mind has written about 'her'.

I BELIEVE THERE WAS A PLANET-WIDE ENCOUNTER WITH WHAT SOME HAVE NAMED THE ZEITGEIST IN 1984, July 31-August 11, 1984. Jonas Salk described the 'zeitgeist' as the 'voice of the age'. It is a different kind of voice, it's language is a self teaching language, which I believe has been named 'synchronicity' by F. David Peat, who did not link  'meaningful coincidence' to a process of individuation and that's is essential to do. In the Bible, I believe the word 'instruction' is a reference to this process, as well as such strange statements as: "Let him that hath an ear listen..": "Let him who readeth, who can understand..",  The 'voice' is carried forwards in Time by a pattern that C. G. Jung recognized in his time : (I'll repeat this  quotation several times:) Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post quotes Jung, at the end of Remembering Jung, a video documentary)

What if every 'fact' we understand about ourselves in 2007 is similar to how an infant of about a year old experiences the world? 

The impeccable timing....the utterly perfect timing of events in which many other people were actively, apparently knowingly participating in an 'inwardsly' emerging drama,  affected my body and mind for reasons I could not understand until a 'body of experience' had accumulated. The 'doubleness' which was not easy to distinguish even when it was being 'described TO me', a detail I had to become aware of over a period of about 3 years,  was confusing, nearly overwhelming for more than 10 years after 1984.  I've become familiar now, with getting information from the 'scenes', 'circumstances' and words in my life, whether they are in books, spoken by people or by objects that use words. There's a kind of 'morphing mechanism of mind' that's familiar to me now, as I suspect it became familiar to C. G. Jung, G. I. Gurdjieff and probably many other 'philosophers' in the past. "What you get used to, gets to be normal, and it also gets to be invisible, because it's so familiar." so I'm not affected now in the same way. However that may not be a blessing! The 'change' has altered my life on this planet since 1984. and I believe it's a collective change now that's affecting individual lives other than mine.  The new 'sense' of meaning and context to those events that puzzled me, and at times 'shocked' me, arose automatically, I did not generate them my self. I 'listened' to them (without realizing it although I was curious, very curious about what was going on in my mind).  At about the time I noticed a thought occur into my mind, "I am better now than I was 3 months ago." I read in a book, something that P. D. Ouspensky had written: "I got  that which I had not had, and I got this which I had not had."  Somehow that 'fit' with the sense of improvement I felt had been given to me, not generated by me, but received by me.

Slowly I  began to understand that a kind of conversation was being built up. Then in 1989 a second stage event expanded my understanding of the 1984 event and brought forth an 'initiatory event'  that I had not recognized when it had happened in 1982. It was retrieved vividly and many implications that I'd not noticed were made distinct to me in it. Then another 1989 event happened, that  brought forth memories from my past that linked back to my first thought and what I was looking at when it occurred into my mind, on this planet. It linked to a hidden vein of memories, linking them clearly together. I named it the 'pi quake' because it happened when I glanced at the last two pages of a book authored by Petr Beckmann. Quite suddenly an astonishing re-arrangement occurred as I looked at the first rectangle of pi's decimals on those two pages. There was a link to other memories, my first thought: I was 2 and a half years old when the thought "I am in a cold place."  occurred. This memory was 'regenerated' throughout my life.  I saw  a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling. I felt rather than saw my awareness that my new baby sister was laying on the same bed with me, and that a cold wind was coming through the cracks in our 'home'. Which somehow even at that age I 'knew' was an old garage that my parents had rented in 1934!

It was 1988 as best I can date it that my husband and I were in Roachdale and I suddenly started to direct him to a destination I was not consciously aware of. I told him to stop then  pointed to a tiny old garage overgrown with blackberries and ivy. "That's where I had my first memory.".  He was outraged at my claim that I could remember something from when I was so young. He got out of the car after noticing an old woman sitting on the porch of the house adjacent to the weathered garage. "She looks old enough to know something about that building." A sudden Indiana downpour began then, so he sat for some time on the porch talking to the old woman. After the rain stopped he came to get me. She not only knew the history of the building, she remembered my parents, relatives I'd forgotten about, and circumstances in our lives I'd forgotten about, she was the owner of the 'garage'. When I asked if I could have some carved panels from the door, she told me I could take the whole garage if I wanted it, because the next day it was to be demolished! I have the panels and pictures of the garage

C. G. Jung also recognized that in his own mind there were contents that he did not 'will' or intend. He survived a trip into his depths of mind, which means that he survived and understood his 'psychotic/neurotic' mindsets.

"By a playful thinking that is more persuasive than the rigor of science," Heidegger tells us, the Greek words for interpreting and interpretation—hermeneuein, hermeneia--can be traced back to the god Hermes.   However questionable the etymological connection between Hermes and hermeneuein may be, hermeneutics, as the art of understanding and of textual exegesis, does stand under the sign of Hermes. Hermes is messenger who brings the word from Zeus (God); thus, the early modern use of the term hermeneutics was in relation to methods of interpreting holy scripture. An interpreter brought to mortals the message from God." Read the complete essay: http://www.mac.edu/faculty/richardpalmer/liminality.html

My first 'event' that affected my body somewhat akin to an electric shock  was of a very different kind than I'd ever experienced. It was incomprehensible when it happened in the early 1980's: I was reading a book, The Weaver of Dreams by Myrtle Reed. On page 175-176 a few paragraphs generated an almost overwhelming response when I read them, my head 'swam' and I felt 'shocked', literally:  It began:  "I don't believe you can live with someone without picking up something of their personality and their way of thinking." and continued with: "From mysterious forces we draw to ourselves that which we require or expect. If a tree may lift into it's trunk the materials for sap and fibre, and if the moon may control the tides why should not thought which is the most wonderful and powerful of forces bring  harmony  into one's daily life, if not the absolute control of circumstances."  Myrtle Reed, The Weaver of Dreams 1911 . I felt an almost electrified effect in my body when I read these words and the paragraphs from which this one was abstracted.  I read it at a point in time (1983) when it was impossible to understand why a few paragraphs would affect my body and mind, almost to the point of confusion.

Years of events scrolled through Time before I realized this sentence actually 'said to me' what was happening then in my life:   "I don't believe you can live with someone without picking up something of their personality and their way of thinking." I had barely begun  'be' different way, seeing my body do things that were basically the opposite of 'normal' for me!  This 'change' included reversals of the content of my habits and that made it possible to recognize this 'new  sight' was due to a condition known psychiatrically as 'folie aux duex', or 'induced psychosis'. Another name for the same 'condition' is 'the same disease shared by two people' and that's  the first definition I read in a psychiatric dictionary.  There was no way for me to realize there were mental diseases then, because I didn't know anything about psychiatric ideas. Now I've experienced and learned from experience that there are psychiatric concepts such as 'transference/counter-transference' that involve 'shared mindsets', 'role reversals' that result in  'insight' into the 'other', , of which I had no knowledge then, at all.

The quotation from The Weaver Of Dreams: is loaded with potential: "From mysterious forces we draw to ourselves that which we require or expect.  It's worth spending some time  thinking about : 'we draw to ourselves that which  we REQUIRE OR  EXPECT' The Weaver of Dreams is a book that was authored when Sigmund Freud/Theodore Reik/ C. G. Jung;, P.D. Ouspensky/M. Nicoll/G. I. Gurdjieff were doing the  level of 'thinking' that has now penetrated into 'common level' reality.  Individuals that have never read anything those men wrote are 'assimilating'' to some degree what they wrote about, thanks to Dr. Phil on his television show.  Gurdjieff in particular wrote that 'man thinks he thinks, but something thinks through him', but this was written prior to him,  by Emanuel Swedenborg. The strange 'coincidence' of having that paragraph stand out so vividly cannot be explained easily, but some kind of information already in my body/mind/memory must fit. Myrtle Reed's, The Weaver of Dreams, the title of which is extremely significant because of the way I found it, what I read after reading it, and how what I read began to relate to what was going on in the lives of people I knew as well as myself could not be discerned for years. When I read the book,  I'd had a dream that had preoccupied my thought for more than a year but it would never have occurred to me there was any relationship between a book I chanced to spot, and that dream. There is a real relation ship that I understand now though. It's a story about  a man who chooses a fragile, inefficient blonde girl/woman  that makes him feel masculine and masterful over an educated, poised intelligent woman that is his  mental equal.

It's evidence that Myrtle Reed understood the most important 'facts' about male/female relationships and wove them  into her stories!

"What is to happen in the future determines what happened in the past." Paul Davies, Other Worlds is about quantum level physics. It's a book I read as though unable to NOT read it, and in it  there's a mention of the 'importance of an observer'.  When I read those words a memory came into my mind that I realized was related to the 1984 package of information, it was only a vague 'sense' then. A memory from my past was retrieved alongside those words, of something my grandmother had done when I was about 9 years old. She'd tossed an enormous pile of rose colored crochet twine onto my tummy as I laid on the sofa. She had unraveled a big ruffled doily she no longer liked. She told me to find an end, untangle all the snarls and knot without cutting or breaking the twine and wind it into a nice round ball then she would make something new from it. That memory was retrieved, of the pile of twine being tossed to me, to untangle again, as though that mass was somehow installed within me , but the 'end' was somehow attached to the words: "the importance of an observer".   Reading the words somehow released a fairly large mass of information given in a form that I didn't understand at that point. The memory of that 'pile of rose colored twine' was also retrieved later, a few years later, when I read William Blakes' quotation In Laura de Witt James book, William Blake and The Tree Of Life:

"I give you the end of a golden string, only wind it into a ball; It will lead you in at heavens gate, Built in Jerusalem's wall." Jerusalem was a female, not a city.

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 During the 10 days between July 31-August 11, 1984 the event happened that altered the way I understood my past, and how inner content became visible, before it could be 'related to' immediately. But that was just the beginning of change. and there have been  many changes to how I understood the first 'mindquake'. There is nothing miraculous, or mysterious except for the strange fact that Emanuel Swedenborg's 'regeneration' and Carl G. Jung's 'individuation' process happened to individuals who lived in different slots in Time, but it was the same pattern in their Time. They 'discovered' the Zeitgeist and learned  from it, learning from the intelligence, the thing itself. It has access to the individual's past, in the most minute details, this is a fact that implies there is an 'other' involved;one that exists apart from the material world. That is a problem to 'scientifically rational' minds because it is impossible to believe or even examine individual experience to prove or disprove that the 'other' can be nearly invisible, except for the fact that it has access to that individuals past, so specifically. This is obvious only to that individual.

Arthur C. Clarke wrote that "One of the greatest tragedies to befall mankind was the hijacking of morality by religion."  It seems likely that  another tragedy to befall mankind is the hijacking of 'reason and rationality' by science. John Lilly was humbled by his discovery that he had not discovered anything, 'Everything is revelation'. he said.

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The idea that 'man' has never been categorized into family, type, genus, order, species occurred to  me in 1986 just when I had closed the covers of Teilhard de Chardin's The Phenomenon of Man.  It was an enormous amount of information that 'bloomed' suddenly in my mind just at that point and it made sense to me. I was somewhat puzzled by why I had not thought it strange that every two legged upright expected to be understood by others, when in fact there must be something like 'categories' in 'man'.  I remember that as I read one of de Chardin's books, The Future Of Man he mentioned the 'space ship Earth'. I was at work, on break when I read that and quite suddenly the noise around me seemed to be turned up in volume. It was an exceptionally noisy place but I'd gotten used to the noise and it seemed to have vanished until the clanging, whistles, bubbling vats. burring machines, overhead cranes and their warning signals  were 'turned up' as I read words: 'the space ship Earth'.  The sounds were 'like' being in a huge ship.

A similar event occurred after I'd finished reading The Lord Of Thought by Emmett and Dougall, in the same year.  The authors of the book intended to isolate what was different in the life of Jesus.  He'd lived as a man, but there were many differences which they wrote about. But after closing the book an enormous batch of information emerged in my mind, none of which had not been written in the book not so much about His life, but about the 'net effect' of Jesus life.  The 'net effect' was primarily to insert '0/zero' a beginning point into time. But there was as well the idea that there is really a kingdom of heaven and that it is 'within you'.  Not one religious character that I knew about then or now, made it so distinct that his Father was in a another world, not this one.  He spoke about a 'kingdom of heaven' and this was truly unique in his life. None of this had ever occurred to me until that moment, and it was barely there then, that the idea of  a vague reference to 'extra terrestrials' was also a 'net effect' of that life. (There are mentions of 'earthling man' in some versions of the New Testament, but I'd not read them at that point.) The ideas had not occurred to me and would not have occurred to me probably, until the two books provided the setting from which they emerged. In both events the idea emerged not exactly as thought or actual words but as a 'batch', sensed as words.

 A somewhat similar event had happened when I was in my mid twenties (1960)  after watching the play, Rashomon. It's about 5 individuals who describe one event, the death of a man but not one detail matches in any of their versions. "That probably explains why people quarrel so about reality." emerged as distinct thought words in my mind.  There have been  only a few such events. Another happened shortly after I met the man I married. I saw the movie of John Fowles The Collector and then read the book, which I often did do. The two characters do not understand each other. The man who kidnaps a young woman believing she will come to love him when she gets to know him, and the young woman tell their story from mindsets that are so different I felt John Fowles must somehow be the two mindsets or he couldn't write that book.  There was an 'incredible coincidence' which could have 'spoken to me', but it was only a book, a fictional book then. And for man years even after 1984. 

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Religion is primarily about whether we are alone in the universe, and I don't believe this requires the kind of  ideas about 'extra terrestrials' that Arthur C. Clarke wrote about in Childhood's End.  (That's a book that affected me as I read it, in a way that no other book ever did, and I'm not the only individual so deeply affected by it.)

There can be biologically based patterns that 'individualize' every day experience to such an extent as to prove the existence of 'the kingdom of heaven' and that it is 'within you'. "You" is both singular and plural. My site is about a decades long encounter that was not 'self generated' to a connection with 'the world within'; it's in  each of us. The 'strange new worldview' has been described 'poetically', through 'art', but not specifically and in detail as can be done, at least in my life it's possible. The problem is a seemingly simple one: specificity is required to describe even the simplest 'event'. The process of 'acquiring' information about one's life, about one's specific life begins with one's ordinary 'normal way of being', but small incidents that are not 'normal' or typical begin to seep in, embedded in 'normal'. It's not easy to begin to become aware of them, then become curious about them and then try to understand them. When a substantial body of this 'new content' accumulates, then eventually replaces or exists parallel to one's 'normal' world view. It's possible to ignore those few incidents or to believe they are 'of no significance', because they are 'all in your head' and they require 'decoding'. That's actually what psychiatry is about, the 'art' of decoding and transforming the meaning of simple every day life events.

It's not easy to give up what one believed about everything, even when it makes sense and explains what one's purpose on the planet IS. This 'flow of events' that have no meaning except to the observer can create information and an idea that only one individual can recognize. The world of 'thought, inner imagery,  unique memory content AND precise timing of synchronistic events' is highly individualized in this encounter, which in my opinion Jean Piaget must have attempted to describe when he wrote:

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 This timeline is  marked with three of my  important 'points'.  0, 1984 and 2001...             Timeline based book  List and an explanation of what this site is about.  

How can 'the thing itself' create a situation from which its imperceptible 'self' can become perceptible in Time? How can the 'thing itself' identify it's 'Self'?

By a process of 'abstraction': words and the information that's required to understand them can be 'lifted out of their original source and context', and from them  a kind of 'conversation' can be created , then assembled into a 'story' that's built within the mind over a period of time that may be quite long. This can be done. It is a process that is very common. It is in my  opinion, the basis of most non-fiction books that have a long bibliography and many end-notes at the end of it. The ordinary bibliography is an example of one attribute of the process. The 'thought'  or words  generated by ordinary every day situations is another important source of content...it can re-generated or 'echoed/reflected back' with a 'second underlying/under 'lying' context' to which a 'literal sense' that creates 'self reference' has been added. The result is a flow of 'self referenced' content, from which an artificially generated  conversation emerges, and from which a personalized life is created. The term 'meaningful coincidence' or 'synchronicity', or the psychiatric term 'psychotic' perceptions are only attempts to name an experience that is 'inexpressible' in simple words. It can describe itself,  as this process of 'transformation'.

 This is one of the first incidents that happened to me, in the months prior to the opening of the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games:

"The Second world is here and in the second world, all the rules are changed." This was an automobile commercial just prior to the Los Angeles Olympic Games in 1984. The television had been playing but I was not aware of what was on the show until the words plucked my attention away from what I was doing. I remember looking at the advertisement after hearing the words, out of curiosity. But  I could see no reason for the words; they made no sense in regard to a new automobile.  I remember thinking an advertisement didn't have to make sense then went back to what I was doing. However the words did not go away. I remembered that another advertisement that had begun with: "The Second world is just beyond your reach." had caught my attention a few weeks prior to this one. They were  about the same automobile (the Infiniti?).  They both re-occurred into my thought accompanied by other memories of a few events that had happened in the two years prior to 1984. This 'selection of memories' came into my mind often enough that and somehow the 'second world is here, and in the second world all the rules are changed' began to make sense in regard to those few events. "The second world is here, and in the second world all the rules are changed." began to account for the changes I had been struggling with, for a few years by that point. This new kind of 'event' had  involved a sudden re-direction of my attention so that I noticed, and wondered about something that formerly I would not have noticed. There had been a change in how I experienced words, irregardless of their source. This kind of event had been occurring, very occasionally at first  since 1982 then gradually more frequently.  After 1984 the 'change' overlaid everything and every 'thing' that was outside of my body, overlaying what I saw and what I heard. Within 3 years after July 31, 1984 I had learned to understand that this change created a kind of 'voice' that was using the scene in front of me to create 'words' of a very different kind than what we read and hear ordinarily.

 This link is to a quotation from Journey Through This World, by C. S. Nott. It's the best examples I've come across of how one man described his encounter with that level of life.  C.S. Nott's Experience  There have been authors who described in a few pages what I had to learn slowly from a state of unsuspecting ignorance what I write about now. Information that I did not originally know, began to 'grow' and accumulate over a period of more than 3 decades, in a real life circumstance with real people I knew. The particular situation (learning challenge level square dancing in the very early 1980) generated a  diabolically ambiguous situation . From every day events emerged a completely unsuspected idea (new to me anyway)  about religious experiences and what  'insanity' is. The 'idea' itself and the information necessary to understand it,  was created by a function of mind that had to be discovered, or recognized, both words are appropriate. It's a function of mind that operated in Plato's Time, he described it as an 'organ more worthy of development than the five senses', and it's almost certainly what C. G. Jung  named the 'transcendental function', which he wrote is similar to a mathematical function. The information that caused me to understand the 'idea'  emerged from every day real life events very particular, specific in content, at times  precisely timed so as to seem impossible. Understanding what was going on in my mind  required learning a new language, which taught itself, among other astonishing attributes. It told me my name in a most  unsuspected use of certain mental content (thought);  it described in a particular form, what I was doing, and in a few incidents, made it obvious that my location on this planet was being 'said' to me.

 The Soul Code  as described by Maurice Nicoll.  There is a language that one must learn  that involves 'de-coding' events,  in such encounters. That it can teach itself in the way it does is almost impossible to describe to a purely scientifically oriented person but it's an old process, nothing new basically except that the attribute of timing is most significant.  The pattern that Jung believed exists in every man,  'drives' the process of life that C. G. Jung and Emanuel Swedenborg recognized in their own particular  life and to progress along the well marked path,  requires learning this kind of 'art' formed language.  Theodore Reik experienced one event that's the only example I've found anywhere that's similar to how I experienced it although I was in a square dance based setting and he was ruminating about last night's bridge game.  He noticed in his thought, points when his mind hovered over certain terms one uses in talking about bridge games. (As a psychiatrist, he looked at his thought in a way I had never done myself, or even knew was possible until after 1987, although C. G. Jung mentioned that 'looking at one's thought' is common to Eastern mindsets!)  Theodore Reik recognized certain words in his thought about the bridge game were caused somehow to hover in  his mind,  as though his attention has been 'arrested' or held captive. Those terms were commonly used to talk about bridge but as they 'hovered in his thought' they developed what he describes as a 'double bottom', a 'secret meaning'. He wondered why those words lingered so persistently and he did link them to his marriage with his wife, who had heart problem. However I believe he failed to recognize their significance, and the fact that the words revealed actual details about his life. The fact that the words 'hovered' was the only way he would have noticed, then  'considered' as he did, the 'hidden meaning, the double bottom' that developed so automatically. . They were actual details about his life with his wife. He was a psychiatrist and he had been trained to believe he was experiencing 'magical thinking', which he dismissed without recognizing that certain details about his life was being conveyed to him,  'spoken to him' through their seemingly pointless 'hovering'.  I'd owned the book for several years but had not read it, When I did read it, and only by then,  I had already formed my own description of the same kind of inner event: they were 'second underlying contexts'. They formed automatically a  new context.  Emanuel Swedenborg had several different names for such events, one of which was 'double thought'. The first paragraph I read that was a direct quotation from Swedenborg contained a  reference to 'double thought'!!! It was a strange term that caused me to pause to wonder what it meant but at that point in Time (1987) I could not have recognized that I had been experiencing 'double thought' myself and had become curious about 'new thought' in my mind! I had only begun to notice how a completely new world, a hidden world was suddenly emerging. My body was different, what I saw and heard was different, but absolutely nothing was different when I tried to pinpoint what was changed. It became evident, rather slowly that the only change was in my mind, and it altered everything outside of my body!.  I had however become curious and was driven to try understand the steady, relentless flow of something new and very uncomfortable to my body. 

 C. G. Jung named the process 'individuation', Swedenborg defined it as 'regeneration'. The word 'regeneration' is literally a description of the  inner process that Theodore Reik experienced I believe, a kind of 'switch' 're-plays' or 'flips back' certain mental content, with the result that the content is 'heard again' in a flash of time but a new context emerges.  This is evident in Theodore Reiks'  experience when terms of the bridge game arrest and hold captive his attention. This effect was not easy to be certain was happening, I became aware of it over a period of 3 years between 1984 and 1987, in every day events because I was experiencing after 1984, a drastically altered way of hearing, seeing and feeling in my body.

Because in 1984 I didn't know anything about Jungs' ideas or Swedenborg's I found myself compelled to name everything myself, as though I were Adam who had to name everything brought before him. (This seems to have a certain new context, that Adam was required by his creator to 'name everything'. Naming objects is required of all newborns eventually. Naming non-physical 'things' was something I had never done in my life when I was nearing my fiftieth birthday in 1982.  By 1987 I became aware or suspected that the words I needed were coming to me, systematically arranged in a flow that 'matched up' in some detail with what was in my real life/and thought that I had not articulated,  so that precise timing became unmistakable, in books that I chanced to find in many places, randomly and  what seemed to be a chaotic order. The word 'coincidence' did not occur to me, not once when events began to happen that seemed impossible, because of the precise timing. .

1984 was a date that was made significant by a book authored in 1948.  2001, whenever it really happened,  was made significant also by a book. These were significant years for many reasons.  The first event happened July 31 thru August 11, 1984,  when the Los Angeles Olympic Games were played.  It was a purely mentally visible event but it happened in my mind rather than 'out there' in the world. I named the first one a 'mindquake' five years later, in 1989 because by then I had learned to understand a new language, that taught me to understand it, so it seems to me there is some form of information in our body.  I'd had a second 'mindquake' by then. That one happened in a location I believed I could never tell anyone about, until I 'chanced' to read where Martin Luther had his revelation:  He was 'on the privy in the tower', as I found out when I read Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown in 1995 or thereabouts. I was trying to rest in a toilet cubicle. I closed my eyes wearily, resting 'on the john' and after a few minutes a sudden colorful image came into my mind. This rarely happens, it's very uncommon. The image was of my hand and in it was my silver colored lower bridge work. Another hand reached in, picked it up, turned it over, then over again. A thought occurred: "Turn it over some more. Chew on it some more. Think about the whole thing. Think about the implications of the whole thing..."  And then my mind was flooded with information, especially linked to the 'implications of the whole thing', which was specifically connected to David Bohm's book, Wholeness And The Implicate Order, but also to many other books I 'd read by then. They  were all very unusual reading matter to a female that read only fictions. The swarm of information that followed was about the 1984 event, but also another event that had happened in 1982 that had implications I'd not noticed but they were made very distinct at that point. I was also made aware that in the 5 years after 1984 I had learned to relate to my life's events in a completely different context, and I'd learned information new to me, from this 'process' of 'abstracting out' whatever was relevant, in the flow of books that I'd read under a compulsion that forced me to do what ordinarily I would never have chosen to do.  I'd felt 'driven' but had become aware there was a sense of purposefulness in the 'drive'. A process of 'abstraction' is what I hope to explain.  because it reveals something hidden, 

This following,  is a paragraph that  describes the process!  I've copied it from "War In Heaven" by Charles Williams, which I read only a year or so ago, in 2006. . It's a  fictional book  that I probably would never have read excepting for a man I worked with who brought it to me to read. The story in the book was 'eerie reading', it felt like walking into another world.  I didn't notice this paragraph when I first read  the book, but later when I just happened to riffle through it for some reason. Then it 'abstracted' itself out, I read it and realized what a precise definition it is of the operation of a function of mind that can be thought about as the 'abstracting sense'. It's a kind of mental highlighter.   Read the paragraph through ignoring the underlined words. Then read only the underlined words that have been abstracted out.

"When Mr. Batesby had spoken that morning it had seemed as if two streams of things--actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world. He reminded himself now that such a simplicity was unlikely; explanations did not lucidly arise from mere accidents and present themselves as all but an ordered whole.

The process is basically what creates the bibliography at the end of such books as Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown; The Re-enchantment of the World by Morris Berman; and such non-fictional books. The author has 'abstracted out' without awareness, certain relevant  ideas, probably in the same way, collecting them into his or her book.

I remember reading an article about intelligence when I was about 16 or so, and one sentence in it became particularly significant, as though highlighted somehow: "Intelligence is the ability to identify isolated but related facts and to form them into theories that explain the universe." The sentence came into my mind at some point, after 1984 along with memory of reading the article and how it affected me. It did not go away, it  lingered, re-occurring for no reason I could understand. What was significant was that I had noticed the retrieval of an event from my past, one that I remembered. Understanding why  it was regenerated so vividly required experiencing several such events then recognizing they conveyed something to me, about what I was actually doing...or trying to do.

At this point it is easy to recognize the sentence was retrieved to make the point that some intelligence other than my own was 'selecting, highlighting and building, assembling as it accumulated', a body of information about an idea that there's a 'secret about the insane', just around the corner, just out of sight' that I had become by then aware of after re-reading The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder, for about the 4th or 5th time.

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 This mentally visible event  may have been a revelation somewhat similar to experiences some individuals have tried to describe, without much success. and now I understand why.  There is a difference in my 'mindquakes' because the content in the first one  actually described itself  to me, during the 5 years between 1984 and 1989, although I had to understand how it was being done.  There was an almost unbelievable participation from other people, some who lived a long time ago, and precise timing of events that happened in my every day life. This is difficult to try to describe because there are psychiatric terms that come to mind, but I didn't know any of them in 1984. There's a pattern/form that creates this kind of experience, it seems to me, but the content is so unique and specifically individual, that it's impossible not to trust the information that is developed by a  such a forceful process. It assumes 'oversoul-like' authority over those lives that are involved. It may be that everyone has the kind of 'mind-quakes' (Jung probably named his 'visions',)  I've recognized, with the help of the process itself control that may or may not be noticed. It's almost certain the minds of other people are not much different from mine.

When the second one occurred in the fall of 1989, followed by another one a few months later, I could relate to it immediately, which was not possible in 1984. The reason was one I had to figure out myself: That first event had to be discovered because it happened in a deep remote place in my mind, and was not connected to articulation. The content was visible as 'thought', i.e..  words, but not connected to words until it met it's exact match in the exterior world, and that happened! One part of me seemed to know what to do to cause that to happen, i.e. recognizing  that the 'depths of mind' location was split off, separate and it  contained the material that was released in the mind quake. That  space between it  and articulation was immense. I had to learn to speak that content aloud, a strangely automatic process, which I suspect is not much different from how a toddler has to 'work' sometimes to say what it wants to say. I had to 'reach' really 'work' to capture even one word of certain thought that was moving constantly through my mind. Whatever 'drove' me to do it was not a conscious part of me. After the 'task' had been accomplished, i.e. I had finally  managed to hold one word of that thought in my mind long enough to write it down one day, a memory occurred into my mind. It was a specific memory abstracted from a movie about Helen Keller. Helen had just made a breakthrough. Her teacher was holding her arm under a pump, and water was streaming over Helen's arm while her teacher drew the word for water. The intensity of the moment on film must have created an impact because Helen 'got' the message: the water, the feel of it, the teachers' fingers on her arm , and probably many similar attempts her teacher had made in the past all converged into a word the teacher was spelling out: water.  The memory of the scene in the film was vividly retrieved, but  it did not occur to me immediately that the event 'spelled out' the word 'breakthrough' and that holding one word in memory long enough to write it down was the equivalent to the moment Helen 'got the message' that the stream of water and what her teacher was inscribing on her arm was a symbol for it. 

After 198 4, one part of me assumed authority over my body and I, who am writing now, watched, listened and tried to understand what my body was doing. It's not an uncommon experience. 

The content in the 1984 event had to have occurred in a remote, deep region of mind, separated from words, but somehow visible as words...at least some of it was heard as thought words. What made it visible in 1984 but somehow so distant that I had to discover it over a period of a year? There are depths and different thought producing memories in the mind/brain/body, and perhaps the body itself is information. 

A gigantic lightening storm occurred over Seattle, Washington July 31 although I didn't remember it until 1989 when I saw a picture of the storm. It was a point in Time when this person who is writing had begun to literally experience a situation where mixed signals were emerging, causing a mental confusion that was puzzling for the next 5 years. If there are mixed signals, there are signals. It is unusual to think that a pattern carried forwards in Time could be a signal but it seems very likely such a pattern has been moving steadily forwards in Time since written records began.

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 By 1989 I had learned to understand a new language, one that required no prior knowledge of the past, in fact knowledge of the past would have been a serious handicap. We live in a pattern based world, and its almost certain the pattern itself is complete in an individuals' life. During the past 23 years, so much has changed that it may be impossible to recall how it was in 1984 by anyone that hasn't noticed all the changes. To a female, age 52, struggling to learn to do advanced and challenge level square dancing with two small clubs  who  were literally 'leaving the mainstream level, the changes seem impossible, except that most of them had been written in science fiction magazines I'd read when I was a very young girl. In leaving the 'mainstream' I began to experience  for the first time in my life what its' like to be discriminated against, to be somewhat of an outcast. The mainstream dancers  and callers at that level were openly derisive of us for several reasons, none of which I could understand in the early 1980's or even a decade after 1984. In advanced and challenge levels,  all gender roles are removed . In advanced and challenge level square dancing gender is not an issue, which  makes an already difficult 'dance' very, very difficult to do, because the males and females have to learn each others position. By 1994 however, removing gender based bias from almost every aspect of life had begun to become an issue globally. In2007, it's an even bigger issue.

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There is a particular timeline that is  marked with three of my  important 'points' in Time: ... 0, 1984 and 2001...  Two books about those years made them significant for reasons having to do with something that was going to happen in 1984 that would change life on this planet forever. That event happened, precisely and perfectly timed with events and circumstances in a certain place, where two small groups of square dancers were literally doing something that could serve as a model; that is a place where the 'idea' could emerge.  There were 7 levels in square dancing then.  In struggling to learn the higher levels, these individuals began to live physically a drama that Plato depicted in his Cave Allegory although  I had not read it then and didn't know about until about 1991! In this setting an idea evolved over a long period of time, which I could formulate into words although the process/pattern that revealed the idea is most difficult to describe. When those who 'left the mainstream level' were scorned, derided and discriminated against and I was one of them,  I became an audience of one,  although I was an actor in the drama also.

 Self observation of a certain kind that was new to me had been initiated, slyly it seems to me.

It all began one evening when I was forced to do something I'd never done before and did not realize was necessary or even possible to do! I could not understand a certain figure our caller was teaching us, and I tried to get the caller to help me understand it.  He asked me where I would be in the set after a sequence of 3 very familiar calls and I couldn't answer him, much to his disgust. He did not hide how he felt and many people thought he was mean, harsh and basically rude to his dancers.  His answer caused me to realize I had not noticed standard formations at all and more importantly, I could not 'track' my position in the set mentally at all.  There was a reason it was necessary to do that:  The call that I had problems with was the 'phantom' concept, which adds imaginary people to the set. There are 8 real people in a set but when the caller chants 'In your phantom set up.." all the dancers have to notice their formation because imaginary people have been added to the set! They have to be interacted with as though they are really there, moving the way real dancers do.  Because they have to be 'imagined', and they are constantly moving as the dancers move  one must know whether to use a right  hand or a left hand or do nothing at all. And of course that changes with ever step, I could not 'see' the 'phantoms' because I had not even noticed the standard formation patterns!!!!!

After that night I began to try to visualize my self, my body and it was this which really brought me into contact with the 'other dimension'.  I read several mentions of Charles Hinton's A New Era Of Thought in P. D. Ouspensky's book, A New Model Of The Universe which I read soon afterwards, but it was several years later that I read Hinton's book. He had devised a complicated process by which he could 'subtract his self'. The square dance set is much more complicated and complex, but I had without knowing it, begun to experience a new era of thought, a new model of the universe was already emerging and those two ideas were an unrecognized 'coincidence'.

 (This caller was the caller in the dream.) There are many similar  relationships between the structure of a square dance set and other ideas: quantum physics, the I Ching, chess; certain psychiatric ideas about 'projection', as a 'mirroring' or 'reflecting' mechanism of mind;  a book Martin Gardner wrote: The Ambidextrous Universe and another book, The Molecule And It's Double authored by Jacque Jacques.

 ...987654321 0 123456789...................................................1984...2001...    1984 was not just any year, nor was 2001. My particular experiences in life, as well as many other people I've known  and some that I never knew were aimed towards those two 'points in Time.

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 "Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." C. G. Jung 

That language can be experienced when thought, memory, physical world events unite, probably not by accident and certainly not without a distinct intention.  (I was not aware of the 'zeitgeist' until after I had become aware through experiences of my own, that a 'voice of the age' has been identified.) I became aware of the 'zeitgeist' when I chanced to read an article about Jonas Salk in which it was mentioned that he experienced it as the 'voice of the age'. A 'voice' must use words. It has been my experience they were 'regenerated' literally from ordinary every day words or  thought generated by every day events at times. A mechanism of mind that 'reflects back' the content that has been 'selected' operates like a 'switch'.  It took a long time and many events that made it unmistakable that what was in front of me was being used, to cause me  to recognize how this 'reflection' of inner content occurred.

The 'voice' works through whatever is particularly unique to an individual, by means of a pattern that's embedded in Time itself. It's a mind generated voice, and it is a kind of artificial intelligence, mechanically 'speaking' but it's a voice.

This link hopes to give some information that will help understand how certain early life events happened that made sense only after 1989 when the second stage event happened:    Beethoven, Einstein and Mark Twain  The Seed  of a future event was planted early in life. 

1989 Foxglove   foxglove 1990   back of foxglove       Flowerbox in 1990

 First third level seed pod 1996    This is a picture of the seed pod produced by the 1996 'door' foxglove. It was the first healthy viable seed pod that the third level had produced. To me this was a symbolic representation that the idea I had begun to notice was now becoming more 'manifest' outside of my own life, and I had to trust it.

 The 1996 'door' topper     This was a visible representation of an idea  that had emerged by 1996, about a 'door' opening up the formerly 'closed circle' that had created two worlds.  The idea was primarily concerned with being able to enter or to exit a kind of experience that had formerly been closed up.  It 're-admitted' the reality of the so called 'esoteric' content that had been eliminated from 'every day reality'. A real 'sphere'  had separated 'two worlds'. One had been enclosed in the circle/sphere, the other, was everything excluded from the circle/sphere, the 'irrational', non-Aristotle an, non-Newtonian mechanical material world view 'stuff'.   This was a point in time when 'right or left' brain  was a hot topic in every day life but to me this did not fully account for the 'doorway' that had opened up, it was just an introduction to 'two worlds' on one planet.  To my rather simple minded proletarian way of writing about such a complex idea, the 'two worlds' were really one world already, due to a 'split' in one mind from which 'self observation' could potentially emerge. (William Blake described it in his allegorical poem, The Tree Of Life and he related it to 'Newton's folly', which promoted a one sided mechanistic, material world only viewpoint. This was a 'manifestation' of the split mind, although in 2007, Newton's 'esoteric' side has become more well known. He really wrote more than was acceptable about alchemy, religious ideas and God's Providence, his work was literally 'split' between 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable'. This represented symbolically the 'kind' of self observation I had noticed, which had seemed  for several years to have it's origin in a real world personal relationships and real world objects.  But by 1996  I had become aware the real source was not physically visible except through 'representations', such as this plant with it's 'door' in it.  The 'coincidence' was astonishing to me, because this plant grew spontaneously in a location 13 miles away from where I'd lived in 1989! I could not have planted it myself, or foreseen such a shape that 'matched up with' or 'corresponded to' an idea in my thought. It was not a split in the topper flower, there was a darker edge along the door which I found no way to photograph. The kind of 'self observation' that was 'detached, exteriorized as an apparent other person or object' had become quite distinct as a kind of 'switch', a 'me' or 'not me' kind of switch! And it was not a fixed kind of observation, there were points of change, along a single continuum. It's a kind of 'detached, reversed mirroring of self content' that I had become aware of in my life, then later recognized that it had been mythologized in Greek myths of Narcissus and Echo. It  created 'self observation', but of a particular kind that caused Narcissus to be unable to recognize his own inner 'reflections'. Echo was invisible, and this was a detail I knew about from personal experiences that were by 1996 clearly not 'coincidental encounters' with people, situations, the content of books I just happened to notice in random places. The fact that two completely separate 'minds' can exist, and probably does exist normally in 'man' had emerged in my life while I attempted to get therapy, legal help. I found a 'single mindedness' in the law, in therapy, and in my private life that convinced me the individual life, does not find any validation anywhere, that the 'collective' does in fact exist.  one of which could 'see' and relate to the content of  other, i.e. the 'collective unconscious'  history itself being the 'recorded experiences' of one gender.

 

 

One  evening in 1982 while I waited for a square dance caller to begin the lesson, a thought occurred into my mind. I had looked around the room and an image came into my mind that preceded the thought by a tiny increment of time: "This is impossible! I don't believe another person but me would ever be able to understand this! Who on Earth will ever believe me? How on Earth will I ever explain it?" This was the preface to my first 'mindquake'. It was an event that took place 7 years before I understood what it was that  I saw in my mind that night that was new to me, or the thought that came into my mind. Several memories from my past were retrieved vividly but I did not 'get the message' they were intended to convey until many similar events happened.

Seven event filled years passed before I understood there was a relation to what was outside of my body at that first moment and those memories as well as the thought content: "This is impossible! I don't believe another person but me would ever be able to understand this! Who on Earth will ever believe me? How on Earth will I ever explain it?" . It was a new kind of event.   

That fraction of a minute was filled with content  that I remembered afterwards but did not relate to what was outside of my body until 1989. That's when I had another 'mindquake' that referenced backwards in Time, to that night in 1982, revealing that is had been the first mindquake and  that  it had been a very critical event.  It was my first 'word', spoken in a form of language that life had already prepared me to learn, not in isolation but  through outer world events that involved  several other real people I knew at that point in time. That 'word' described precisely what I was doing that night, using memories from my past to do so. I would never have grasped this from a single event, many events happened before I 'got the message' being relayed to me. Between 1984 and 1989 my mind was teeming with content that was new to me.

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During the 10 days between July 31 thru August 11, 1984 the Los Angeles Olympic Games were played. The year 1984 has scrolled away, but something happened on this planet  in 1984 that has changed every aspect of reality.  There is a process that generates an artificially created 'thought voice' that speaks through 'events' in the individual life...in Time... in the most ordinary life circumstances!  The form of this 'voice' is the heart of and the bottom line of not only psychiatric ideas but quantum physics and apparently different religions. Do not form hasty conclusions about this 'thought voice', it created it's own 'words' in a process that is visible, but difficult to describe because long periods of time are required to become aware of how one is being 'informed'.        

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The evolution of an idea as it emerges.

1984 was a point when an extra ordinary event was scheduled to happen, and it did happen, almost perfect itself, excepting for the human factor and deeply entrenched, limiting ideas that prevent even talking about it.  pi moebius  There is nothing more mysterious to me now, 21 years after 1984 than why so much of every day reality cannot be freely talked about for so many seemingly different reasons. Freedom of speech is required because the 'two unrelated causal chains' and the apparent 'coincidences' that emerge from them IS highly significant on the individual level. Freedom of speech is essential to begin to learn about  what life on this planet is, really about.  There's nothing magical, mysterious or improbable excepting for precise timing, utterly unexplainable as 'accidental'.   The 'inner content' meets its exact match in the exterior world as though every moment and event was scheduled and scripted. 

 There was 'automatic speech, automatic writing' that I observed my body do, and I watched and listened  as though someone else was speaking  and 'doing'. I did not 'will' or intend what I heard and saw, although it  was my body that was doing many things that ordinarily I would not have thought of doing. But from this emerged an understanding of my own mind's production of content, which I had to respond to and learn from as a kind of student presented with an almost impossible 'code' that had to be cracked. When I began to understand what my mind was doing, trying to hints, and clues that were intended to convey 'information of a different kind than can be typed or spoken' , it seemed  certain the information was an idea that was very likely born in some form in my body when I was born. The words that I needed to describe what was happening, found me, where ever I was, as though they had been aimed for me by an arrow moving through Time. They were in books I'd not read or heard of, but there was the unexpected aspect of 'enactment, by that I mean of seeing people 'act out' and thus represent in a visible form what those words meant, in my every day real world life. There were people whose every day life at that point in Time, gave every evidence of being precisely aligned into a single 'event'. The fact that several people can be involved in a single person's experience came to me in a book I chanced to read, but did not understand when I did read it although my mind paused for some time to think about what the author meant when he wrote that a person can become a bit player in his own life and become a star in someone else's life. That's the only thing I remembered reading in Incredible Coincidence by Alan Vaughn until by chance I picked it up several years later and found out he used the term 'meaningful coincidence', he had mentioned David Bohm, and Carl G. Jung. I had no memory of anything but that one bit of 'data', that a person can become a star in someone else's drama. I had noticed that a couple I knew very well had an idea about me that I could not find a way to talk about, to clarify because it embarrassed me very much. I felt  literally bound up in my body,  by something that was unspeakable.  Somehow an almost unbearable sense of pity had begun in me as I watched them, and that exploded one night in 1982  into an even more unbearable sense of grief as I looked at the man: "Oh, no! Oh, God, NO! NOT HIM, Oh, God no, not him!"

I was silent as that thought came into my mind, but my body was different and I felt an anguish that made me begin to speak about myself as a 'towel person' to one person in my life. The words came from an exhibit I'd seen in the early 1960's in the Science Center in which a baby monkey was mothered only by an object, a soft towel. It seemed to me that as a 'towel person', my body was drenched with water, and I was being wrung out, because I wept such enormous quantities of tears. Until I read the term 'archetypal weeping' somewhere I had no way to explain how my own body could create so many tears, so often and for such a long period of time. If I'd not 'met' the term somewhere and 'latched onto them', it's not likely I would have ever been able to explain that phase which lasted 7 tears, until 1989. I remember the first day that I did not weep and thought about it: "I didn't weep today. This is the first day I have not wept   in 7 years. The drama that I had been watching in the life of a couple of people that I met, had been about identical to the life I was living at the time, quite unawares of how marital relationships form a 'bonded mindset'. The depth of this 'bond' has not at this time begun to be understood I believe.

If you were given proof that every moment of your life is on a 'data base' that can be accessed, such that individual moments of your life can be retrieved, that is, events that happened only once can be  re-generated complete with what you were looking at, how you felt and your thoughts  at that moment when the event happened, would it convince you that you are under some kind of observation, or scrutiny? And that your specific memory has been preserved for some utilitarian reason? If large batches of events that you remember actually did happen can be retrieved,  arranged sequentially somewhat like a movie or even 50 movies, then displayed in a flash of time, yet somehow visible in a beginning to end sequence,  would that prove there is access to your complete past by some intelligence other than your own?

The first such incident in which I experienced what I've just described, happened between July 31 and August 10, 1984 in a depth of mind that was separated from 'now', the moments that it happened, so that it had to be discovered afterwards over a period of months, almost a year.  The event  had to be discovered, bit of information by bit of information, in the 4 years between 1984 and 1989 in the fall, when the second stage happened. I was utterly unprepared for a second stage event but when it happened, I knew what it meant immediately.   I became aware by 1989 that a kind of attentive overseeing  parent was at work in an almost undetectable activity that involved  utilizing certain memories and experiences I'd had early in my life that had been brought to my attention in  various ways.  There were other events that happened in the first 25 years of my marriage  that were displayed in the first event and they were then used as the basis for learning, for being instructed during the 5 years after 1984.    I named  the attentive 'parent' the Larger Domain, and recognized eventually it has been named many different names throughout history/his story.

 

          

"Mystery is to God, what privacy is to the individual." 

"Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." C. G. Jung 

The content of this site is the result of learning a language that does alter with the 'spirit' of the Times and it can teach itself without reference to the past, initially. It began  with a sprinkling of events that happened in ordinary every day situations then it, the 'strangeness' that felt uncomfortable and the mental confusion associated with these events began to extend backwards into Time, linking up with a pattern that I had known about when I was very young. It's a pattern that I believe can be named the God Complex, or the internalized God pattern. The pattern would not seem to be a 'signal' moving steadily forwards in Time, altering its self from and through human endeavors and 'thought', but that is how I think of it now.

The result of the process is not the same as the process of 'learning' itself, and it is the process, not the result of experiencing it,  that I want to try to make distinct. The process itself,  operates mechanically since it's a pattern overall, and it creates a conversation in a chaotic manner, abstracting out 'bits of daily experiences' and forming from them a completely new context and frame of reference than the context and frame of reference from which they were abstracted. (How this happened is described in the link An example of the past seeming to know the future, and Daughter of Time although this kind of relationship had to be noticed and then trusted as a genuine 'event'.  When I understood how this mechanism was working, it was necessary to try to describe it, so I formed my own descriptive term: second underlying/second under 'lying' contexts'       New Joe Camel , and the unconscious 

I was told by a Jungian analyst that I'd begun to see, that my term was correct but it took him two weeks between when I told him that F. David Peat's 'synchronicity/'meaningful coincidence' were other terms for  one I had named as  'second underlying/under 'lying' contexts and that it was an excellent definition.  Emanuel Swedenborg used a very good term: double thought and I have reason to believe he meant what I experienced as 'second underlying contexts'. One of the most surprising 'coincidences' occurred when I read the first quotation from Swedenborg's writings in a book authored by Wilson Van Dusen. "In a vision it seemed to me as if something was torn to pieces in the air. It may signify that my double thoughts will be torn asunder." I remember pausing to think about 'double thought' without any understanding, with within a few years I had become aware of 'coincidences' of this kind, where the exact word I needed was actually being 'given' to me, in this form. It was not a simple thing, identifying this factor, that the words I needed were actually coming to me, in a timely way, embedded in books I chanced to buy or read at just the right moment in Time.

 Describing how it is experienced by the individual that doesn't suspect it's existence is my difficult task although 'it', the pattern really explained its self to me. In this situation it was me that 'heard' and 'saw' and 'understood' but with the seemingly conscious participation of real individuals and circumstances arising from what we were physically doing, two small groups of people who were literally 'trying to leave the mainstream level'!  It's a kind of language that has been named by Jung as 'meaningful coincidence' but I knew nothing about him. In my experiences. which included going into 'therapy', the language taught itself, using memories of a few early life events to identify an impulse, embedded in a memory that had a certain visibility but  it was not connected to words that could be written down or spoken until that content did become connected with descriptive words, somewhere, anywhere that words occur. The precise timing was evidence to me, that a purpose filled intent other than my own was at work, it was my work to merely try to understand what was happening between 1984 and 1989. After 1989 I realized that 'depths of mind' exist and that 'thought' emerging from that depth is not distinguishable except by it's inarticulate attribute.

The kind of 'event' that Jung named as 'coincidence' was named differently by Emanuel Swedenborg as 'symbolic correspondences', and several other terms that I will elaborate upon in this site, although I read them first on a medical chart that ordinarily I would not have seen! Imagine being described as having certain 'symptoms' but not told what they  were or what they meant!!!

The language does not require knowledge of meditation, twilight imagery, or interpretation  of dreams or of ideas carried forwards from the past, at least initially. A knowledge of the past is a handicap in my opinion because it is difficult to  'think' as Gurdjieff put it, without the formation of immediate associations that are 'already internalized knowns' from a mind that is unconnected to 'now'. That is the situation when one's 'understanding' of what one hears and sees arises from the past, the 'collective unconsciousness'. The 'seven days of creation'

The 'collective unconscious' is a purely masculine content and I am not male bashing to bring 'his' story into focus.

There are many references in the Bible to what has been expressed by different 'discoverers'  later in modern terms and in new words. For instance  Mark, Chapter 4 vs. 11through 14 explains the parable of the good seed, and the stages/states of mind that an individual experiences in the process Jung named 'individuation'. Swedenborg named it appropriately: regeneration, and he described a process of 'life re-view' although in a different context than I believe it occurs, since it occurs in ordinary daily life, through ordinary daily life events. P. D. Ouspensky's idea of a 'fourth way' which is the 'way' of the ordinary man is likely another way to describe what I believe I can explain: a process that is complete in itself: information, decoder/ self generating language  and confirmation. It's complete when the 'body' of the individual is 'initiated' or 'switched on', which seems to me to be a better term. Ouspensky was not an ordinary man himself, but he knew that the familiar Ways supposedly leading to 'higher knowledges', of the Yoga, the  Monk, and the Fakir could not cause 'new knowledge' to be understood. And he believed that no new knowledge had been discovered since the Greeks. In his time the ideas of non-Euclidean Geometries, quantum physics and 'psychiatric ideas' were emerging but he believed mathematics could not be relied upon to explain everything because as he put it: "there are equations that result in infinities'.

4:11 Jesus said: "to YOU the sacred secret of the kingdom of God has been given but to those outside all things occur in illustrations. 12  In order that, though looking they may look and yet not see and though hearing they may hear and yet not get the sense of it, nor ever turn back and forgiveness be given to them. 13 Further, he said to them: "YOU do not know this illustration, and so how will YOU understand all the other illustrations?"  14 "The sower sows the word."

What follows "The Sower sows the word."  is a decoding of the parable of the good seed that is in my opinion aligned with Emanuel Swedenborg's description of different eras in Time, which he named 'Churches', the Most Ancient Church; the Ancient Church and the Church of Adam. In each 'church' after the Most Ancient Church, there is a distance between 'man' on Earth and the Sower of the Word.

  Perhaps an intention?   This link leads to a cartoon that has ''doubleness of context" in a particular form that highlights the 'literal sense' and the kind of ambiguity that creates a kind of 'double take' because an unexpected 'second underlying context' flips into existence. Another example may clarify what I intend to convey: An Outer Limits television drama was about extra terrestrials who seemed benevolent to the human race by arranging trips for Earthlings to visit them.  The title of a book the aliens possessed  was decoded, and it read: To Serve Man. At the end of the show a woman who had decoded the rest of the manual rushed to warn a ship load of travelers. She screamed helplessly: "To Serve Man" is a cook book!"

 

What is the relationship of the phenomenon known as 'synchronicity' or 'meaningful coincidence' to psychiatry, religion, science and the individual in Time?  Why is a phenomenon that was experienced by ancients in the same way (there are many references to it in the Bible)  it is currently experienced so difficult to bring into the realm of being an attribute of real reality? What is the relationship of 'meaningful coincidence' to 'psychosis', to 'neurosis',  'symptoms' of so called mental illness and 'insanity'?  What is the relationship of 'metanoia' to 'paranoia' and what is the relationship of the 'literal sense' to the 'paranoid perspective'? Why are there no distinctions of 'family, type, order, genus, species' in homo sapiens?

What answer was given more than two thousand years before the question could be asked?  "How did the ancients know about the atom?"

"With the discovery of the cell, biology had found it's atom." John Gribbon, The Double Helix

A biological unit, a binary unit in other words,  is one man and one woman, in which case 1 + 1 = 1. When 1 + 1 = 3, the miracle of physical birth has overruled the logic of mathematics...... a family is a unit also, the basic 'unit' of civilized life itself.

 "After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition.

The context for this sentence  from P. D. Ouspensky's most important book was that he had recognized that in different eras in Time, different names had been given  by different men to systems of thought that were in fact all the same 'system'.  P.D. Ouspensky wrote about The Fourth Way, the path of the ordinary 'man' but it was not a life he lived himself because he was not an ordinary man.  I remember seeing myself  picking up a tattered book titled The Fourth Way by P. D. Ouspensky whose name I'd never come across (that is what I believed at that point), riffling through it then reading the first page. Something that I read caused me to buy it for a quarter: it was a mention of 'different 'I's' in man. In my life and in my thought a change had occurred but at the time I would not have been able to recognize that what caught my attention was a description of a detail about my life and the 'agent of change' itself. I was watching what my body did, hearing in a different way and seeing something that was extremely puzzling to me because it changed everything, but I could not see any physical difference. Eventually it became obvious the change was due to a change of mindset. Within 5 years after the summer of 1984 I knew for certain that some kind of non-verbal chemistry  must exist between individuals, between the individual and sounds, between the individual and 'events/ circumstances, and between individuals among groups.  

A different kind of birth than a physical birth is what this web site is about although it began with ordinary every day situations. Nothing mystical or unexplainable was ever involved other than the impeccable timing of a flow of events that brought certain people together in the few years after 1980 in the only place this event could have been activated: two small groups of people were trying to learn advanced and challenge level square-dancing.  At that level all gender relationships are removed, every dancer has to become adept at dancing male and female positions. 

The I Ching, chess, quantum physics and certain ideas in psychiatry all share one attribute that was hidden at the foundation of  the square dance set: the interaction of opposites and the moebius twist which forms mirroring of a different sort than the simple mirror image. Both sides become 'one'  and the top and bottom meet at a certain point so that every point is accessible.  Discovering that hidden idea was being drawn forth, not by any intent or purpose of my own required learning to relate to my mind, to thought that was radically different than 'normal' for me, and to everything outside of my body in a new way. It was a very great change, one that was extremely uncomfortable for a long time in spite of the fact that perfection beyond description emerged.

The timing of every physical world event that was significant to this rare event was impeccable. 

There is a 'second birth' process ( The Second Coming by W. B Yeats) that takes place IF IT IS IDENTIFIED, TO THE EXTENT IT IS IDENTIFIED.  It's a process that can be stifled in those who do not learn to 'get the messages' in  the unexpected form in which they occur, once the process is initiated  That is because this kind of experience is like an encounter with 'chaos itself', in the way William Blake described 'CHAOS'. (William Blake and The Tree Of Life by Laura de Witt James) and which  Emanuel Swedenborg related to God as 'the laws of order itself'.  These two men made it clear they wrote what was dictated to them, they were merely the hands that were used. This site is also about becoming aware of being an 'instrument' used by a higher level of life than is visible on this planet.

There are many people who experience 'losing control' of their mind, body, activities and passivities. That fact  indicates to me these people experience the process and are accurately aware of 'losing control', of 'being controlled, manipulated and activated into new endeavors' from afar. The process of becoming 'twice born' is a process of 'regeneration', literally in many unsuspected ways.

There are many positive and negative reasons why a failure to 'integrate'  occurs, because the new information comes in  the form of apparent doubleness of context, i.e. 'double thought' (Emanuel Swedenborg) ; i.e. meaningful coincidences (Jung);  or from my own experiences I will use the term I coined:  second underlying/ under'lying' contexts.  There are two distinct levels of understanding involved in 'underlying' and 'under 'lying', and a third observing level that 'listens' and 'watches' them.  By that term which I coined myself after recognizing the mechanisms  of 'regeneration'  that were at work in this process, I mean the experience of recognizing one's mind generates synchronized thought that parallels whatever is significant AS IT OCCURS in the exterior world. The content  is re-formed into new meanings from  exterior world content. (The Bridge Between Mind and Matter, F. David Peat; Synchronicity and Human Destiny, Ira Progoff; The Dynamics of Hope, Ira Progoff, Incredible Coincidence, Alan Vaughn).

If this description reads as complicated or unlikely, I believe the bibliography at the end of nearly every non-fiction work by authors such as Norman O. Brown,  Morris Berman, Heinz Pagels, Silvano Arieti, Arthur Koestler was the result of this process.

 There were a few moments scattered throughout my earlier life that were made distinct because those memories re-occurred into my mind for no reason I could understand, but the point is that I noticed them and wondered about them, eventually.  The initiatory event opened up a new kind of vision, hearing and eventually a conversation with an entity that I believed I'd discovered until I became aware it has been named 'the voice of the age, the zeitgeist by Jonas Salk. The voice of this entity is generated in an unsuspected form and I believe it is not unusual to experience it's attempts to initiate its conversation with an individual.

"The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed." That was a commercial I heard just prior to the opening of the Los Angeles Olympic Games in 1984. What startling words to suddenly hear!  I had not been paying attention to the television at all until they plucked my attention away from what I was doing....This was one attribute of the non-tangible 'thing' that I had begun to experience, it altered in a peculiar way, ordinary very day words, irregardless of whether they were spoken or written so that I felt an effect in my body. I realize now the change was a simple change of direction that switched 'not significant to me' content to ' significant to me'. This 'switch'  had a net effect that took several years to understand. It generated a sense of 'self reference' but I knew nothing about 'self reference' until several years after this initiatory level experience.  The point is this: The words in the commercial described what was happening at the time I heard them, because I heard them at a point when I had reason to think about them. It was not an immediate recognition that they told me  something about my life, it would never have occurred to me to take them personally at that point. But I heard: "the second world is here, and in the second world all the rules are changed.'  at the very  beginning  of an experience that was the result of an interface with another world.... one that talked directly to me in a form that is not expected to generate what it does: a conversation complete with 'illustrations' or 'symbolic representations' of details  in that particular life at that particular moment in Time.

"The affairs between one man and one woman can be of cosmic significance." M. Scott Peck,  The Road Less Traveled. When I read this sentence in the mid 1980's I wondered what the word 'cosmic' meant. Then I wanted to know for certain so I wrote to him to ask what he meant. That was the first letter I'd ever written to the author of a book. The reason I wondered what 'cosmic' meant  was because I felt, this was a body feeling that there was some non-tangible 'thing'  at work  in my life and the life of a few other couples I knew at that point in Time. The 'thing' what was at work was a kind of 'event' that was happening with increasing frequency. It began when it seemed to me that a particular person responded to something I had in my mind as a thought, that I'd not said anything to anyone else about. This was nearly overwhelming. But a sprinkling of another kind of event that I'd never experienced  and could not name began to happen. These new kinds of  'event' caused me to feel 'dizzy/woozy', literally at times. There was at times a kind of 'electric shock' in my body, when one of those puzzling events happened. I wanted to know what caused me to linger over that one sentence in the book, so for the first time in my life I wrote to an author.  His secretary answered and gave a few examples that clarified what he meant. It was not exactly what I believed 'cosmic' meant. "The affairs between one man and one woman can be of cosmic significance." was in fact relevant and significant , it described a detail about this 'new kind of event' which was so disorienting and un-nameable in the beginning. That was in the early 1980's until 1984. By then it was a 'parallel' experience to hear and see in this new mindset,  alongside my 'normal' experience, my 'normal' understanding and my 'normal' context.  

This link  The psychology that links mind, body and material world experience to the  'agent of change'  leads to an essay by Victor Mansfield: On the Physics and Psychology of the Transference as an Interactive Field. I believe the psychiatric idea of 'transference/counter-transference' supports the experiences I've had in a condition that was originally diagnosed as 'induced psychosis', about which I will have quite a lot to write because I recognized the effects of this condition before it was somewhat casually diagnosed.  It generated a completely new mindset, a binary unit in the most literal use of the word was formed, two minds becoming one.  The friction between each unit formed a real world encounter that entered into a completely unsuspected 'world' of events. This happened in 1984, a year that has special significance in Time. The experience itself is extremely mechanical in how it 'operates', and I believe it is embedded as a pattern, in Time itself on this planet. 

There is a psychological 'condition' that is known as 'participation mystique'.  This site is the result of becoming aware of that 'condition' during which period of almost 25 years at this point in Time, an autonomous process became discernable. It named itself, which is what the word 'autonomous' means. It also named me, specifically and literally within the form of a language that had to be learned as part of the process. The 'condition' that I became aware of, noticing it myself happened at a point in Time when certain activities in the lives of several people in my life created a 'stage' from which this process emerged. Many of my habits altered radically. Then when I tried describing what I was experiencing in my own unprofessional, less than scholarly style I became aware there were psychiatric names for what I was trying to describe, and I'd not known about them so it seemed obvious to me a pattern was at work in my life as well as in the lives of the group of people whose lives meshed so precisely with what I was observing in my thought, although I could not speak even one word of it to anyone. It was visible to me, and I was curious about many changes in my thought.

Then a most amazing thing happened: I recognized this 'thing' was describing itself to me. The period of time from 1982 through 1989 was a 7 years long period when certain events happened that made it possible for me to grasp that what was going on in my life was a pattern but it created information that I had to learn to grasp how my past experiences were being utilized to convey it to me. The psychiatric condition that I did not know about, which I was not told about when I most needed help, has 'symptoms' that need to be redefined  because I became aware from those very symptoms. The information was about an idea that originally I didn't know about although it had been brought to my attention prior to 1980 over a span of more than 25 years!   Thus a kind of communication and a self generating language is what I need to write about.  I have experienced that behind the individual's life on this planet "...there is a reality beyond our will...." that operates in every day life and that ..."....there is an objective actual reality out there....". and  also become aware that "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you."

 "There is another world, but it is in this one." Paul Eluard, from Morris Berman's Re-enchantment of the World 

"Within the province of the mind what one believes to be true is true or becomes true within limits to be established experientially and experimentally." John Lilly.  John Lilly had been a significant person in my life. I've had a few memories that flashed vividly into my mind at times; this happened over a period of decades, (??!!??) for no reason I could understand. Eventually I wondered to myself about each of them, because each was quite different and I was unawares of a 'batch' of them until I was in my late fifties! One such memory was of a documentary of John Lilly that I watched in the fifties on a grainy black and white television screen.  He had established communication with dolphins. The memory of watching a dolphin respond to human language was re-generated in my mind  complete with a thought that came into my mind as I watched: "I wonder what it is like to learn a language from a creature so different as a man is to a dolphin?" 

The small batch of re-occurring memories that flashed suddenly through my mind were each associated in my mind to very specific events, trivial seeming if I described them but they were installed I realize now, as reference points for later use.  Decades passed such that  only when I was in my mid forties, did I wonder to myself about them.

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Becoming conscious of that world 'within you'  and working with it is almost certainly a natural, normal component of life operating through a pattern that is internalized, one that manifests in the individual life, probably from birth. I had noticed the outer manifestations of it in a certain pattern that was brought to my attention when I was a young girl.  It was a pattern that affected men primarily. This site is the result of  an encounter with that world, THRU normal every day circumstances and  alongside people who seemed to knowingly participate. It is  as well an attempt to explain how I began to understand how that other world is experienced by the individual in everyday life events with real world  people but that the form of this interface is basically related to what psychiatry seeks to treat.   What is it that binds 'man' together to some degree into a somewhat continuous activity such that he is now exploring space? It does not seem unreasonable to assume that as there are  genus, species, family, genus, kind, order etc in all other life, there is also a very great variety that  as yet is undefined  in 'man' . How can 'man' discover such differences in himself? This memory  of the documentary and the way it flashed briefly into my mind complete with my thought about it,  caused it to be quite distinct, and something to be curious about...over a period of more than 2 decades! I was in my late forties when I wondered to myself about it. The idea conveyed is that a 'strange' creature would have to learn a language to establish communication with another being.

I could not have contrived the means by which that idea was brought to my attention over a period of years. It was hidden in two books that interested me in different ways. Nor could I have arranged the situations in the lives of many people other than myself that were used as material to illustrate it in very great detail. The idea may have been born in some way when I was born because at this point in Time I have the sense of having learned to understand something that I had always known.  The idea was somehow familiar to me because it had always been somehow visible to me, barely there. There is a great difference between understanding and knowing.  Other people almost certainly were born to participate in a drama that perhaps had only one observer, and in 1984 they were already working to 'leave the mainstream level' and enter into a level of advanced and challenge levels of square dancing. The basic structure of square dancing is identical to many psychiatric ideas (projection/transference/counter transference), quantum physics (every particle has an exact opposite, and there are levels where the same thing is 'heavier'), the I Ching, Chess (the interaction of opposite sets) and the moebius band

It's a 'world' that speaks to the individual through the material world, literally the 'kingdom' is within you. I named it the Larger Domain a few years after July 31, 1984 when I had learned to understand it's language and had to some degree understood my own 'mindquakes'. What is a 'mindquake'? It's 'influx' from that 'other world' but it comes in a form that is almost indistinguishable from one's own 'self' generated inner content. Thought words occurred into my mind that I did not generate myself in a location that was visible but it was thought content, enormous masses of it, which was as remote, as distant from the moment it emerged. as the moon is from high noon. Although this distance is in mental space, in the inner landscape there were very subtle factors that made it's isolated and remote location quite distinct. One factor was that this content was unspeakable, literally, I could not relate to it myself until gradually over a period of more than a year I realized my own mind was working independently of my own will to make me aware of what this package really was about, and what it had contained, embedded within it: a message, a statement of purpose and guidelines.   This is the material I wrote down  at least a year after 1984. Even when I typed the message I did not  know what it was!  

I can't be certain about the time I typed it because I didn't date it but it was a few months after 2-11-1985 when I had become a Boeing  employee that I read Contact by Carl Sagan. At some point soon afterwards I remember that as I left work one afternoon a thought occurred into my mind: "It was a message. I got a message." Somehow one part of me, of my own mind was 'working' with another part of me, of my mind to inform me of what had emerged in my mind during the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984.  

In the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984  the 'other world' opened the 'book of my life' by retrieving a memory from my past  complete with how I felt, what I thought and what happened  in a few moments one day in about 1945. While I lay half asleep on a  high hill, looking at the sky I was caused to 'feel' my presence on the planet, in the universe.  I was 13 years old when quite suddenly I felt the utterly tiny speck that was my body, laying on a huge ball moving through space. I felt in my body a great sense of being so tiny in all that immensity that it hurt, in the pit of my stomach.  A thought came into my mind: "Thought is the common denominator of all humans. All humans think. "Thought" must do something and we must be IN something or ON something." That complete memory was the first retrieval from my past and it was connected to words spoken by a thought voice that spoke only once: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." Immediately following that one memory, long strings of other events from my past were assembled and displayed  that showed clearly that individual memories from my past were as accessible in 1984 as though they had been stored on a hard drive on a computer and a specific 'search' could abstract out very specific events that had happened in my life.  Following the introduction,  an enormous amount of information about my life, in very specific details  came all at once. 

My first impression of this material was outrage because a situation had been brought about in my marriage, seemingly purposefully by my husband through a 'use' of me to do what he could not do himself. In fact that 'use' of me was revealed in the introduction in distinct words, as well as through the retrieval of memories that made the 'point' so distinct. "He knew from the first that you would 'do'."; "He knew from the first that you would be able to do for him what he cannot do for himself."; He abstracts from the universe only what is beneficial to himself."; "He encourages only what is of use to himself."  Where I've used the masculine pronoun, his name was spoken. At that point 5 sentences were repeated in my thought, as a unit, that I remembered having heard in the past as 'thought' that occurred into my mind, each at different times!  There was a difference in the five sentences, in that the pronouns in them were removed and two names replaced them but the genders were reversed.  Each of these 5 sentences had occurred into my thought as I looked at a certain man whose relationship to his wife had begun to seem somewhat unusual to me. He had been in a dream I'd had that was different from any dream I'd ever had. After the dream 'non-stop' thought scrolled constantly through my mind, day and night for years. I had become somehow enmeshed in the relationship between this couple in a way that disturbed me more than I can convey in words even now. What I sensed was unspeakable in more ways than the one I was aware of: I felt misunderstood and could not say what I needed to say. What I felt was somehow unspeakable, a deep, extremely painful sense of pity for them that grew to a terrible sense of grief.

I was made aware in the retrieval of those 5 sentences, and the memories from my past, that my attention had become focused not through any choice of my own, on two people who were at that point in Time, living virtually an identical life to the one I was living at that point in Time, except the genders were reversed.  The situation in my own life at that point in Time was so similar to theirs that certain offhand remarks the man had made to a group of people had begun to 'stand out' strangely, and to seem to answer or refer to 'thought' in my mind, that nobody else could possibly know about for the reason that is was 'unspeakable', literally at that point in Time. The way I felt when I heard this man say something that was obviously meant for a group of people, but which somehow seemed distinctly to speak to my own 'unspoken thoughts' was that the world floor turned suddenly to Jello. (This span of time was between 1982-1984) It was all I could do to remain erect and maintain a semblance of 'normal' for me. Those offhand remarks were specific, I can't remember all of them, but one night he said somewhat laughingly: "I don't know whether I'm God or the Devil.." The situation in their life at that point had puzzled me because it seemed he was pushed to the limit of what a person can endure in being full time employed, and trying to build a solid square dance club as well as be caretaker to a wife who at that point seemed helpless in many feminine ways. I had somehow become enmeshed in their lives because my interest was obvious to them, but the reason I was interested was not. The sense of pity that I felt was so new to me. When it grew to the point of being an almost unbearable grief and that happened at a specific moment one night: "Oh, no! OH, GOD NO! NOT HIM! Oh, God No, not him.! " I began to weep tears in such quantity that I could not understand how my body could create them, drenching my body every day for more than 7 years. (1982-1989) The five sentences that had come into my thought, at different times were re-played as a unit, with my name inserted where masculine  pronouns had been and my husband's where the feminine pronouns had been. I did not noticed the significance of this 'switch' myself until it was pointed out to me in a second stage event that happened in 1989.

There has been a particular use of pronouns in my life in this flow of events, hat may seem absurd when I try to explain it. But as unlikely as it may seem that such a trivial 'use' can be so important I know it was critically important because I could not have 'imagined' such a complex, life long 'use' myself.  I could not have 'fancifully' created such a complex idea, based on a seemingly trivial use of third person pronouns to made the point that I could not have contrived any part of this life long 'drama' myself.

I did not at that point in Time have any access to enormous batch of content that came in this event, that is I could not relate to it at all. My mind became a very busy place after this event, producing a variety of content that I'd not experienced before in my life. Eventually I wondered why certain memories from my past kept flashing into my mind in a way I'd never experienced in the past: The memory of going into an automated car wash for the first time haunted me for some time. Then memories of myself stringing beans, shelling peas, peeling peaches when I was very young. I had begun to see a psychiatrist and in one session I was trying to describe this 'strangeness' but could not find the right word. The psychiatrist struggled along with me and then finally he leaned towards me and said: "It sounds like you are trying to describe 'process'. Is "process' the word you are looking for?" It was an appropriate word but even at that point I didn't see the symbolic relationship to what I was experiencing in the memories that were retrieved. "Going into an automated car wash, where everything happens to me was an attempt to 'speak' to me, to tell me that in this process, which is a preparation to harvest the hidden content in my life, I don't do anything but just move through the process."

The memory of a book I read when I was very young flashed into my mind so frequently that I wondered about it. I never read many non-fiction books when I was young but I remembered having read about how Luther Burbank had successfully created a hybrid daisy by selecting the best qualities in field daisies. The reason this memory haunted me took several years of nearly overwhelming experiences to understand. It was telling me something about my life that I had begun to experience, a new mind was at work in my life and it was forming new perceptions as well as a focus on small details. There was an insistent 'demand' made to 'make sense' of even silly arrangements of numbers and letters such as are on ordinary license tabs. This was bothersome when I noticed it, which was not immediately because there were so many other changes to cope with. . I noticed a change of many habits into their opposite and I began to see in a different way than normal for me, my hearing was quite different and I was noticing small details  that I had never noticed before. I began to wonder why I had not really seen what had been there to see   and why I had not wondered about odd situations in the lives of couples I knew.

 I noticed many details of this 'new to me' material and wondered to myself about it. One very new to me kind of thought occurred and I wondered whether I was 'thinking' it myself. It was 'plural pronoun thought' and 'second person pronoun' thought. "We should...", "You could..";  "Why don't we...?" I don't remember ever having 'first pronoun thought'. I had been  basically 'thought' less  and had no memory of 'I' thought at that point. . There was 'mental content' but this change filled my thought with  a band of 'non-stop thoughts'  in addition to occasional 'inserted comments' that caused me to wonder about their strange way a 'addressing me' as though another person was speaking to me.

God gave the prophecies, not to gratify men's curiosity by enabling them to fore know things, but that after they were fulfilled they might be interpreted by the event, and His own providence, not the interpreters, be thereby manifested to the world.

Sir Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727)

 "The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Jean Piaget  

  The ideas that I express in this site have developed over a period of more than 25 years (1980-2006), as the result of an experience I had in 1984. I named it a 'mindquake' after I understood what it was, and that was 5 years later, in 1989 when the second stage occurred. What was going on in the lives of several people I knew at that point in Time merged into certain 'thought' in my mind, that I had no way of knowing was 'unconscious thought'; literally it was 'unspeakable' for several years. This specific thought was visible to me whose 'empty head' had become 'thought' full late in 1981. That's when a very great change that had been 'in the works' when I had my first memory installed, at age 2 and a half! A 'non-stop band of thought' was initiated in the fall of 1981after a brief but very unusual dream. It was unlike any  I'd ever had and I don't dream often. Thought about the dream, and one person in the dream scrolled through my mind day and night for years. Then the content began to drift slowly away from the dream and the person in it into new territory.  The stream of thought was distinguishable eventually,  by the fact that it's content was so stable for so long. I didn't notice this 'veering into new territory' until it was pointed out to me in the 1989 mindquakes. I was made aware then that this 'stream of thought' that had been restricted to thought about a dream for more than 2 years before 'new material' from books I'd begun to read by 1986 was distinct from other thought. There were two 1989 mindquakes, one happened in a place I thought I could never tell anyone about until I read Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown in which a chapter on The Excremental Vision dealt with ideas I  had begun to understand by then....in 1995!! There was a distinct interface between what I was physically doing then that was unexpected but familiar by then.  The last one I name a 'pi' quake because it linked back to the early years of my life and I was more than stunned by this revelation that throughout my life a hidden vein of activity relating to 1984 and afterwards had been embedded but was exposed at that point in Time, in a flash, an enormous package of retrieved and linearly displayed memories from my past.

 It was difficult to recognize one fact about certain of my thought: The  thought in the 1984 event was PRESENTED TO ME, it was NOT PRODUCED BY ME. This 1984 event happened in a memory that was remote from the moment I  experienced it, as a 'now' in Time. I, who write now, had to discover this event after it happened and recognize what it was but the most astonishing fact also had to be discovered: I had to recognize it was being explained TO me in almost unbelievable interface with people in my real life and in addition that I was being identified specifically and even 'told' my name. I had not heard of or read anything about psychiatry, especially C. G. Jung or his ideas when I began to go to a psychiatrist, who just happened to have a book in his office that I asked about and he offered me the loan of it. When I read anything at that point in Time, I felt as though my head would burst and I could not remember anything I'd read at the end of even a paragraph.  The book was Reality Therapy by William Glasser.

Whatever it is that connects all aspects of a person's life into a single unit of experience  in which many other people seem to knowingly participate, was as visible as any object outside of my body. This was primarily because a new kind of  perception was initiated gradually in the 9 years prior to 1984 and I had become somewhat aware of a few re-occurring memories from my past and wondered to myself about why they flashed into my mind

By 1984 I had also re-read two books, each of which had affected me very much but in quite different ways and I had noticed that a fragment in each of the books had been abstracted out by some function of mind  and formed into a complete sentence! This process of abstraction puzzled me because the sense of looking for and finding each fragment had been a real 'felt' and strangely visible experience.

A very great change happened in my mind and in my body as well as my thought.  I believe now that if it had been 'normal' for me, it would not have been detectable: it was completely new and unexpected. I became aware this 'new to me' kind of perception is the 'normal' for many individuals, very likely as the 'collective since Newton's ideas became fixed ideas'. It seems likely this was a point of change, but this was connected back in Time to Aristotle an 'pattern/form' thought.  The modern version of stereotypes, and 'common sense' was what I experienced primarily until after 1989.

The 25 years prior to 1984 were filled with personal events in my home that were essentially directed towards what was going to happen during and after the 1984 event.

The 'thing' that was creating the connections between thought, what I was reading and more difficult to recognize, what was happening in my every day life actually explained everything I am trying to describe in this site. Every day language, not scholarly profundity is all that is necessary I hope, to describe the form in which it described everything, using material that seemed to know where on this planet I and those people who seemed intimately involved lived, as well as what was going on in a certain specific location where two groups of people were actually 'leaving the mainstream' level  to learn 'advanced and challenge levels' of a dance form where all gender relationships were eliminated..

  The idea that evolved in my thought over a long period of time is a very complex idea that relates to a 'secret about the insane just out of sight around the corner....' and how it was brought out of it's embeddedness in two books a few years before 1984. This happened, not by any intention of  my own will.  I had chanced to find the two books adjacent to each other and decided to re-read them.  The idea evolved in a visible way over a period of time that is frightening to me at this point, because it began when I was about 2 and a half years old, with my first memory. I'm 74 and a half years old now.

 In 1984, July 31 through August 11, to be specific, a certain setting in the lives of several people contained the material to make this idea begin to emerge. I was only one of them but every member in this setting gave every evidence that they knew and were already well prepared to participate in a drama created to be witnessed in it's entirety, apparently by only one person.

In 2000 I went back to my 50th alumni gathering and when I read the year book, I was surprised to read that  I would be the class philosopher. In 1950 I would not have understood the word 'philosopher' although I would have said something that indicated I did. I used to love to read dictionaries and encyclopedias.  When Mt. St. Helens blew her top off, in 1980 at 8:32 a.m.,  an inner world within me had already begun to rumble and spill out a few hints that that there was more to life than what I knew about.

In the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 the first 'event' happened that opened up a world that had already begun to speak to me in a language I would not have suspected could teach itself as well as create information that was new to me. I could not have foreseen that a visible, but purely mental 'world within' could  reveal valid  information about my very specific life. Then  even 'describe' in it's own language exactly what I was doing at certain specific points in Time.  It even 'said' to me my name in it's own particular 'voice' during the next 5 years. The opening was  a version of it that I had not suspected: the historical purely masculine paradigm, all of it.  The female as she has been written about in history, all of it, was one of the versions of my life that was revealed to me but this was parallel to a limited version of my life that began  with retrieving the memory of something that had been said to me  the first night I was married. That memory and the memories of other events that had happened in my marriage had built up a certain very specific circumstance at that point in Time. By 1984 I began to feel 'dizzy', literally when the change in hearing extended from persons to include objects that use words. This was almost overwhelming.  The two versions were presented simultaneously in a single event, through strings of memories that were obviously assembled by some process that I could not have accomplished consciously. It was an apparent double fault line but neither version was relevant to the real life I had actually led up to that point in Time.

The attribute of being a 'voice' is not easy to grasp because such a long period of time is required but it has been 'discovered' by other people who described it as the 'voice of the age'.

I began to see differently, to hear differently and to experience every moment and it's contents differently quite gradually between 1982 and 1984, then after July 4, 1984 every moment was overlaid with a 'difference' that had no distinct way of being grasped because everything was changed.

Gradually I began to recognize that certain of my habits had reversed into the opposite. That reversal caused me to do things and to say things that I did not have any reason to say, or do.  I felt that I was driven by something that I thought of as a motor after 1984. I heard myself in a quite different way and saw myself in a very different way that took several years to realize was 'psychological self observation'.  The result was that a sense of being on stage as well as also being in the audience, without any visible evidence of this change;  I believe the change was the result of acquiring mechanisms of mind that are difficult to grasp as to their effects and 'drives' that alter one's passivities and activities. A new mind overlaid what had been my 'normal' but this was also visible to me. I described it in less than scholarly terms one day when I heard myself blurt out something I'd not thought about before. . During the next 2 decades I became aware that this motor that I acquired in a relationship of a deep marital bond,   had already been at work in my life through the males in my life as a pattern. It's pattern that I believe can be appropriately named as the God Complex.

There is much I could write about what happened when I went into 'therapy', without any knowledge about psychiatric ideas but I will simply write that I was immediately 'diagnosed' in the psychiatrists mind as the 'identified patient'  but was not given any information about what that meant. I was told something that caused me to begin to try to get help for my situation, and I didn't know what the situation really was. The way I learned what I am writing about as a language that could teach itself was to experience a difference that overlaid every detail of my every day life after that  1984 event.  This 'difference' created what I named as a 'second underlying/under lying context' so that within two years after 1984 I had two distinct 'understandings' in my mind  and I could not see that one was correct, the other not.  I became aware that in psychiatric texts the effects of this difference are named as 'symptoms' of delusional associations, but that in C. G Jung's writings these same 'symptoms' are 'meaningful coincidences' or the more popular name, synchronistic experiences.   Emanuel Swedenborg had other names for the same 'symptoms' that are in my experience much more literally appropriate, symbolic correspondences and one unique term, double thought.

The utterly impeccable timing of such events can cause an individual to believe the entire 'world' is an active participant in one's daily life.

To illustrate the factor of impeccable timing I will quote this paragraph which I read for the first time in 1988 or thereabouts as best I can date it. "In a vision it seemed to me as if something was torn to pieces in the air. It may signify that my  double thoughts will be asunder. As I was awakening there were heard the words "all grace" which signifies that everything that has taken place is grace and for my best."  I read it in a booklet I'd bought recently after attending a lecture that introduced Swedenborg's name to me for the first time, or so I believed then. By 1988 I had read many other books that I believe now made it possible to relate to his writings in a unique way. If I'd not read Robert Monroe's first two books and had experiences in my real life prior to 1984 that I did not suspect were critical factors in being ready to understand Swedenborg's very repetitive writings.

While two small groups of people struggled to learn advanced and challenge level square dancing, I had begun to notice small details that I'd not noticed before in the lives of people I knew then. There were some very unique situations in those lives at that point in Time as well as my own. In the years after 1984, prior to 1989 when the second stage event exposed many details I'd not noticed myself, I was made aware that I had learned something important about language without realizing it. There's a real 'literal sense' that does not in modern times, have anything to do with the way Swedenborg used it, it serves somewhat similar to a 'highlighter' that draws attention to significant content in the exterior world. This process of learning a new language had begun when I found out one day that I could not 'visualize in my head', my position in a square dance formation! In this particular situation it was necessary to learn to interact with  phantom people who moved about in the set among the real people. There are other attributes of the square dance set that make it an almost perfect representation of ideas about quantum physics that are related to particular mirror image concept, one I thought I'd discovered and named the moebius twist concept.

When I found out there are mathematical equations about this concept, I had to feel astonished that I'd about it from experiences that had begun when I was about 9 years old.

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The  1984 event  happened  while I was agonizingly trying to fit the pattern pieces of a full circle skirt onto a remnant of warm brown plaid; at times read a book, "Mr. God, This Is Anna", and at other times attend square dances with two clubs I belonged to. The skirt was supposed to be simple, but it turned out to be nearly impossible to make because the remnant was just barely enough material. It had an irreversible one directional design. As I struggled to make the pieces fit, unable to choose a different pattern or different fabric, my mind was haunted with a remark a man had made to a square dance class a few months previously: "You've got to get this right the first time."  The words occurred into my mind as 'thought' but I remembered having heard the words previously and I remembered exactly where I'd heard them.  The thought words occurred into a mind that had changed very much in the years since 1980.  When a square dance teacher had said this to a room full of people and I was only one of them,  he was preparing the class to learn a movement that he said was particularly difficult. Because nobody goes back to 'unlearn something' they've learned the wrong way, this move required learning the rules accurately, in the beginning.

He had seemed to look directly at me as he said them and I felt them in my body in a way I had not at that point experienced even once  in my more than 5 decades of life. I did not know why I felt a kind of shock when he said, apparently to the class but somehow especially to me: "You've got to get this right the first time." His next words were "What you get used to gets to be normal." . They also were repeated that day while I struggled to make a skirt that was supposed to be easy. But I heard this sentence in a different way, there was a faint sense that they were aimed at something I'd been thinking about. The words somehow seemed to 'answer' a question I'd asked in my head about this man and a situation in his marital relationship but had  never said anything about to anyone! Although I'd never said anything to him or anyone else about my 'wonderings' he seemed to be making a remark that pertained to  them.  They were a devoted couple apparently, they were in a unique situation because they worked together in a way that was not typical for a square dance caller and spouse:  as a couple they created his choreography which was somehow entrancing when we could accomplish it.  I had begun to wonder about this couples relationship as well as to their relationship to his club because I had a faint sense that they were wanting to accomplish something in their lives, but were doing exactly what would prevent achieving their dream. There were several couples whose devotion to this couple caused them to become enmeshed in what can best be described as a  real physical 'double bind'.   I experienced being 'discriminated against' for the first time in my life by mainstream level dancers but  that is not to say I had not been discriminated against before.

Those few couples who left the mainstream to learn advanced and challenge level square dancing at that point in Time had to learn the role of the opposite gender, all gender was removed at that level. This was an outrage to the mainstream dancers who scorned us when we could not easily dance to our own caller's very difficult choreography. A caller was not supposed to challenge his dancers or embarrass them  with difficult choreography but this one seemed not to know that rule. Their club forced the dancers to extend themselves up to his level and that was against the rules.

Learning to 'visualize' myself as I moved through different formations began after I found out I'd not even noticed there were formations! At lower levels I'd danced instinctively, almost asleep. When 'phantoms' were added to the set, that increased the number of people in the set and those people were invisible. They had to be tracked mentally. It was the beginning of a change that related to something  I'd read that had caused me to feel a real shock when I read  couple of paragraphs in a book!  (The Weaver of Dreams, Myrtle Reed  page 175-176,) although at that point in time I could not have recognized it.  I knew nothing about psychologically sensed 'knowledge'. or psychiatric ideas.  The Weaver Of Dreams   The Dream 

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"Every human being is entitled to unconditional love and acceptance because each is unique, like no other.  Every human has a special talent or skill that should be looked for and when it is found life becomes a 'flowing' (event), just like slipping into the right place." In the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 I had slipped into that place...unawares.. that a very great change had begun under the guise of ordinary life of events. The first event had to be discovered as though it had not happened in a visible way!   It began with thought and strings of memories from my past that were retrieved in a flash, all  emerging in my mind beginning with specific words:.

 Who am I?   

 This is a quotation from Ernst Cassirer that puts the ideas about mythology that C. G. Jung promoted into a different aspect.

 .Beethoven    Rashomon  

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The link 1989 foxglove is to a picture of an unusual  foxglove that first bloomed in 1989, after I almost mowed the seedling down.  It produced a bushy plant that had  7 different shapes of 'topper flower' on each stalk! Each stalk had lower branches that had yet a different kind of topper flower at it's tip. I remember a thought word that occurred to me as I looked at it: 'mandala', so I thought of it afterwards as the 'mandala foxglove'. Another thought followed: "This foxglove will change all foxgloves." The foxglove is full of opposites: it is a life saving medicine when it's appropriate but it's fatal in excess. The symbolism in such a statement as 'This foxglove will change all foxgloves." was not anything I understood in 1989, but within a few years I had begun to learn about 'symbolic representations', and their relationship to a process of life, that I had first read about in P. D. Ouspensky's books, as the 'psychological method'.

The next year my flowerbox was full of natural seedlings, each of which was different and most of them had an unusual 'topper flower' at the tip, a third level of potential seeds. The topper flowers did not develop a healthy seed pod until in 1995. Then a plant that had the 'third level'  mandala topped foxglove grew in my yard in a quite different location.  I could not have planted it  myself so it seemed miraculous when I saw it the first time.  I had begun to mow the yard in the spring, just as I had done in 1989. The third level bloom on this plant  matured and produced seeds, producing an ultra violet mandala shaped flower that had a 'door' in it. I had visible evidence then of an idea that had become somewhat distinct in my mind:  The idea that a closed circle had opened up and a permanent door had been established in a realm I had named the Larger Domain  by then, had built up in the years since 1989.

 The thought produced by the first foxglove as I noticed it's many very unusual attributes was the first thought  that slowly brought about a realization that certain books I'd read recently, by P. D. Ouspensky,  Joseph Chilton Pearce and Robert Monroe was producing thought of a kind I had not experienced in my life previously. It was thought that was actually generated by the object in front of me as I looked at it, which would never have occurred to me otherwise and it was the first thought that I began to understand in a completely unexpected way. This 'object generated thought' was related to 'work done on Earth for another level', a world that I had begun to learn about, a world within the mind. I had thought of it as 'the Larger Domain'. I spent a lot of time looking at the first plant which I knew had been saved by a thought: "Dig it up and plant it in your flower box."

I have the feeling now that this  thought was given to me from a level of mind that was at that point inarticulate and that I did not generate it myself. I looked at it, 'read' it, listened to it, without any way to realize at that point the inaccessibility of that level of mind. I had been struggling to 'remember', or 'capture'  a word of thought that was scrolling relentlessly through my mind so that I could write it down. That strange work had been imposed on me for almost 2 years by 1988. 

The thought about the foxglove was a change of content in this 'non-stop belt of thought', but I did not notice that myself. It was a fact that was pointed out to me in 1989. I had experienced this 'non-stop thought' since 1982 after a vivid dream and the content of the thought was always about the dream and one man, the man whose remark  was retrieved while I worked on the skirt.  "You have to get this right the first time." The foxglove and thought generated by it veered away from that dream and that one person, then took a distinctly different track, relating clearly to books I had been reading as though everything I was reading, what was happening in my daily life, and thought on that scrolling, non-stop continuum all fit together. After the first 1989 event I began to realize this event which seemed to relate only to my personal life was very likely an event that was coming THROUGH events in every day life, but was not caused by them.

I was almost hypnotized by the first foxglove. In retrospect it served as an object of meditation, a focus on 'qualities, attributes, characteristics, functions, uses, aspects' a kind of 'detective work' and analyzing that I had never done until then. As I noticed each difference in it from 'normal' foxgloves, a relationship developed in my thought-understanding between the 'three levels' of this visible plant, and two other incidents that had happened recently in which 'three levels' had been mentioned. Tertium Organun by P. D. Ouspensky began with "There was the first Organun of Aristotle, the second Organun of Francis Bacon and this is the third. But the third was prior to the first." Somehow this statement, puzzling as it was to me at that point, translated into an understanding that a goal had been achieved in stages. The third had been a goal, designed to an 'end' result in Time, but there had been two 'stages' in which this 'goal' could be achieved. The second event had happened within a few days: I had gone to the home of some Swedenborgian people that I'd recently met. A minister from Byrn Athyn had presented a sermon on the Most Ancient Church (which means 'eras'), the Ancient Church and the Church of Adam. They were periods of Time,  eras in time in which relationship of 'man' to God had progressively become distant. Somehow in my 'thought-understanding' I understood that the 'Church of Adam' really contained the Most Ancient Church, the Ancient Church and the final phase, The Church of Adam.  These people were quite different from other religious people, they not only didn't preach, or try to persuade, I had to ask them if they wanted other people to know about their meetings!

The basic idea of Emanuel Swedenborg is that the 'second coming' is not a physical event, but a 'spiritual' (mental) event, and that there are two 'senses' in which the bible can be understood.

As a result of the 'thought' generated by this unusual series of events, it seems to me in retrospect that I learned about the 'spiritual' world, that is I began to have an ability to consider qualities, characteristics, attributes, functions, uses, aspects, perspectives which I had not thought  about before. The word 'spiritual' began to have some meaning   to me.

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What is 'meaningful co-incidence'? In his book, Synchronicity, The Bridge Between Mind and Matter, F. David Peat described it as an 'interactive force'. I didn't find one mention of a process of 'individuation' in the book, but he is a scientist, not a psychiatrist and that makes all the difference in how he came to describe 'synchronicity' as an 'interactive force'.  From personal experiences with this 'force'. I became aware that it is an information generating 'force', capable of generating 'words and explanatory experiences'  of quite a variety and it is a process of identification. That makes it at least a language, complete in itself but it's much more than that.  An ancient pattern that has had points of change so that a  'moebius twist-like' continuum exists, probably in Time itself, creates the content of processes Emanuel Swedenborg named as 'regeneration', and C. G. Jung named as 'individuation' in their time.. The pattern itself, not the content of the past or patterns from the past, but the individual content of my particular life and several real living people I knew in 1984 enacted, with apparent consciousness, a drama that illustrated the effects of this pattern in ordinary every day life,  especially in family and group interface. It exposed a  hidden reality, but I'm certain it's the real world.  I was led to discover my name, pi moebius in a real world setting, in a situation I didn't create, revealing a purpose filled Presence in every day life. The setting for this 'drama' had to have been well organized and have had it's origin in Time prior to even when Stonehenge was built.  The pattern can be connected back through the past, almost certainly to ideas of deja vu especially, but also of 'karma/fate/destiny', gnosis, 're-incarnation/recurrence', the origin of psychiatric ideas about so called mental illness, and oddest of all the basis of the method of logic used in establishing scientific 'facts'. 

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"After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition.  'Thought'  itself, an enormous mass of a certain kind and having a distinct "voice' quality was produced in my mind in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984. During the next 5 years my mind/body/life circumstances and the lives of several people I knew converged in an almost unbelievable way, as though the enormous package of information about my life had been shared by them. A second stage event happened in 1989 and then I knew that whatever it is that has been 'circling and circling' in human thought was producing those circumstances and events. I was made aware in a specific way that I could not possibly have imagined or fantasized even one event, I'm not that smart or clever. I was told my actual real world name, in a way I wish I were more able to write about because years of events are involved in how that was accomplished.

My location on Earth was made quite distinct in several events, one of which happened in 2000 when I went home for the class of 1950 alumni celebration.  The hidden gold   There have been several events that caused me to have unshakeable faith in what I learned to understand (which relates to an idea about the 'insane' that I'd become aware of in a distinct way, over a period of years) and how I had learned everything necessary to understand this idea, in every day life, with real people who gave evidence in their speech/actions/passivities of knowing what part they played individually and sometimes as a group.

"There are no causes on the Earth, only effects."  Emanuel Swedenborg. " That is the net conclusion of the ideas about quantum physics, that we experience 'effects' and not causes.   The ideas of quantum physics were the news of the Time into which I was born. I did not know this until after 1989! 

 Getting it straight  This is a picture of a printout I got in 1989 that gave me many new ideas about Time and what was going on in my life.

This is a copy of a newspaper article published 1-3-32. Printout of news of birth year 1932

This is one of the most important ideas in the article: "In the psychological field, I feel that the things that are accounted for by physical means represent only a limited portion of reality, that they fail to account for the fact that men individually and collectively achieve human motives.". It seems that some degree of uncertainty, such as the physicist has recently found, is necessary if non-physical things, as for example, thoughts and motives, are to have any relation to the physical world. Without this flexibility in physical law, it is doubtful whether there could be an organic evolution with its incessant struggle for life. It is, in short only, because the world in a physical sense is not wholly reliable that it can have any human meaning. 

I believe there is an 'ongoing endeavor' in Time, the primary evidence of which is the International Space Station and space exploration.  Anyone that believes it has materialized by 'chance' or is the result of man's own thinking does not seem to me to understand what the 'interactive force' has accomplished. By that I mean there had been a well planned and perfectly executed system at work on this planet, which has been  experienced continually by individuals. The ideas about deja vu, fate, destiny, karma, reincarnation, gnosis, and the very foundation of psychiatry itself can be understood as the manifestation of this 'ongoing endeavor' in Time. The objective is that the   individual can establish meaning and get knowledge in the context that individual 'knows' and can recognize because there has been preparation through out life. C. G. Jung identified this 'purpose-fullness' in individual and collective life as a pattern, and this pattern develops a relationship between ordinary daily events and the individual that is almost impossible to describe because of the unique content of any individual life. The individual problem is  the continual sense of being drawn forwards in a flow that may require decades to really understand, after initiation of the psychological sense.  Important 'singular'  events  are embedded in millions of events that are basically trivial but as I experienced it myself, these important events are made visible as 'objects' in the mind, by their unexplainable retrieval  in the mind after the real event happened. My first memory complete with what I was looking at, how I felt and thought  was one of those 're-occurring events'.  "I am in a cold place." The physical sense of being in a cold place was literally true, I was in a cold place, a garage that had been converted into living space, with a bare light bulb hanging from the ceiling, and I heard wind coming through cracks in the walls.  The literal sense was obvious to me when I found out for certain this event had actually happened when I was a little more than 2 years old. But the psychological sense, of being born into a poverty stricken home, to parents who were still in their teens who were forced to marry was not that obvious to me until the 'psychological sense' itself, was initiated fully and permanently. That was in 1984, in the few months prior to July 31, when the Los Angeles Olympic Games really opened.

The ordinary experience of every day events can be altered by mechanisms of mind that alter the direction of 'thought' and perception.  This pattern, the parent of all patterns  perhaps, can be thought of as a 'signal' carrying a message by it's very extension through Time: we are not alone in the universe. And almost everyone who could understand shares a mindset that rejects individual experiences and 'illogical, irrational' experiences., 

Mixed signals may be the only way to begin to detect 'signals' when thought, activities and passivities are the materials, but if there are mixed signals, there must be signals. It seems to me the unconscious of individuals do communicate already, but this is  really only obvious especially in the service of this pattern. The body experiences anything new, I suspect because the brain cannot find any similar experience in the past  and that is where mental confusion can and does create mixed signals.  I was befuddled by a kind of event, it was purely a mental event, that I could not name  for several years between 1982 and  1987 because it seemed that even objects that used words knew and responded to 'thought' that I had never spoken aloud or mentioned to anyone.  Then gradually I noticed a relationship between memories being dredged from my past and what was going on in my new life, which was not purely in relation to exterior world objects that used words in a startlingly new, to me, way. My mind began to produce a new kind of thought, which I noticed and wondered to myself about, wondering if I was producing it. In addition it was almost devastating to experience words that objects like televisions and radios use in the same way one would hear a person speak, as happened very sparely  in 1982 and until 1984. After 1984 this change overlaid every second of my daily life and I was in a constant state of confusion.  But  within a few years after 1984  a considerable body of new experiences had built up a sense that I was really making progress, but in what I could not be certain about. The three years after 1984 were almost overwhelmingly filled with mental activity that was new to me, puzzling and more than bothersome because I could not sleep at night. When the film, Sleepless In Seattle came out, I laughed somewhat bitterly, because the words had a specifically painful meaning to me. I managed to survive on a prescription for Halcion, until I realized it was having an almost devastating effect on me, and was making my home situation much worse.

In about 1987 I'd begun to get a glimmer of something distinctly linked to certain memories of mine in the flow of mental content that was new to me, and physical events that happened in my life with certain very specific people . There was as well a distinct relationship to experiences I'd had several years prior to 1984 with two books that had interested me in different ways before 1984. 

 There is evidence that authors like P. D. Ouspensky  and the originators of psychiatric ideas were connected to this pattern, one that develops a new sense,  a new context for events as well as a new relationship to reality.  Theodore Reik mentioned in Listening With The Third Ear that Freud wrote down what had been known by milkmaids in ancient times.   In the few years prior to 1984 I experienced a few events, there was a variety of them that initiated listening with the third ear and seeing with a different kind of eye than the physical eye. In the 22 years since 1984 I can recognize that during the 9 years prior to 1984, a process began that caused me to become aware of certain habits I had, and of a few re-occurring memories that had haunted me most of my life.  In that period of time I found copies of The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder and of Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke adjacent to each other in a bookstore. I had never been able to 'get' the meaning of Mr. Wilder's book but I had been somehow conjoined with the story in Childhood's End as I read the last chapters in the book when I was   in my mid 20's. I'm a bit more than 74 at this point in Time. I bought the two books, noticing that the jackets of the two books were of similar colors, which seemed only a slight unusual.

 The Medium IS the Message

Until 1989 when I bought a printout of the news of the day, month and year I was born I had never thought about counting the days I'd been alive. On it the days I'd been alive at that point were calculated, (20, 956 as of  May 18, 1989; I also noticed the date was exactly 9 years after Mt. St. Helens erupted, May 18, 1980 at 8:32 a.m., which is not an irrelevant detail. When I noticed the number 20, 956 I was aware if a kind of 'inserted thought' about the number, that the 9 could be eliminated because it changed nothing, so what I read was 256, and that is not an insignificant detail either. I was not aware that I had learned 'sum of digits' addition from an impulse when I was about 9 years old. There's another name for the same form of addition, 'casting out 9's' which I learned to use in bookkeeping, then later I found out there's yet a more scholarly term for the same form, 'modulo 9'.  I was  always reminded in a rather childish way that I had learned a few facts from an impulse, and not from a person when one of those 'inserted thoughts' occurred in my mind, in a way I had to become alert to over a period of decades. I remember it happened when I learned 'casting out 9's' from my boss and found out I already knew how to do it, because the impulse had caused me to do what was necessary to learn it.  "I can learn new things on my own."

 Until I took a class about personal communication shortly afterwards, and the first page in the book said that everything we would learn in the class was contained in the oldest known document, (the Kagemni Fragments) and this document was more than 4,000 years old) , I had not thought about calculating how many minutes there were in a year (31, 536,000) or how many seconds had passed in about 7,000 years ( a mere 220,752,000,000 seconds).   

I am repetitious about making the point that this page is about an encounter that happened in 1984, with an 'other', that had a 'voice' most difficult to identify as a 'voice' because it used 'words' of a quite different kind than  we use in every day language.  It used a form of  language that is unexpected, difficult to recognize as a way to create and communicate verifiable and valid information although it is not an unusual experience at all. It used words, irregardless of where they occurred in my daily life. Eventually I understood that this had happened throughout my life although this was not evident, of course, until I understood the effects on my body and mind, of certain very specific situations that occurred naturally in the particular circumstances of  my and several specific people's  'normal' lives in the late 1970's and through the 1980's. There was one situation that almost certainly could never occur again, but it was critical to how these people and my private, unexpressed 'thought' began to converge into a drama in which everyone seemed to know what to say and do, and exactly when, as though participating knowingly in this private drama. This situation literally represented ideas that I did not know about or suspect until they were gradually brought forth, through an unexpected kind of attention that I could not control, and for some time, made me feel more than a little like a space vehicle, being manipulated on Earth, from afar. It is not likely the feelings of being controlled by some 'other', were incorrect or invalid feelings.

When I was very young a few events happened that were regenerated afterwards in my mind as a memory that flashed briefly into my mind.  Those 'retrieved', memories made themselves distinct and noticeable as 'different' because they re-occurred into my mind for no reason I could understand. Eventually (in my mid forties which was in about 1976)  I wondered to myself about them. They seem to me to have been established as 'points of reference', well before they were used. They were almost certainly what Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about as 'remains', and which P. D. Ouspensky mentioned in the first paragraph of the Introduction to A New  Model Of The Universe, which is:  "There exist moments in life, separated by long intervals of time, but linked together by their inner content and by a certain singular sensation peculiar to them. Several such moments always recur to my mind together and I feel then that it is these that have determined the chief trend of my life."

 This kind of experience happens all the time without being recognized as being credible real world experience!  It was new to me, I knew nothing about the 'mysterious' itself or it's history and I certainly knew nothing about so called symptoms of mental disorders of any kind. That factor was critically important. One of the most important facts of this encounter was that I was specifically identified, actually named and what I was physically doing was 're-iterated back' to me, although this attribute was not easy to isolate.

Since 1984 every known 'fact' has changed so I believe this personal encounter was of more than personal significance.  There are 'mission statements', 'statements of purpose', 'guidelines',  in every day life every where now. The message that I received in 1984 came to me embedded in an enormous bundle of information, and it had to be discovered, 'unpacked' bit of information by bit of information. That 'unpacking' process happened with the apparent co-operation of people I knew at that point, as well as people I'd never heard or read about and with  seemingly precisely 'staged' events in the exterior world that were impeccably timed, day after day, after day...Time itself as we experience it now in 2006 has been extended as anyone can verify in computer speeds, so that the 'distance' between one second and the next second can be understood to be nearly infinite.

...000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000...before a 'point of origin' (zero) was inserted into Time                                   

000000000000000000000000000000000000123456789....1984..2001........... A point of origin has been inserted into Time. Two specific 'points' in Time have been singled out by books that were very popular. Those 'points' were labeled: 1984 and 2001.

...........................876543210123456789....1984..2001..2003...2006...Linear Time 'before' and 'after' has begun. 

"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices."   From Contact by Carl Sagan

      

 Timeline based book list This is a list of books that I read during the years after 1984. There was a hidden connection between these books that became evident gradually, as I noticed the effect of a change in my thought, mind and body when I read them.  Notice especially the  title of each book, because there is a distinct literal context in which the title of the book as well as the content, linked together in a significant way.  The most recent books I've read

 Some quotations to remember    .An example of the past seeming to know the future       The Connection

The Drama Generator   Theodore Reik    The Weaver Of Dreams      Some quotations to remember  

 Martin Gardener   Emanuel Swedenborg   Induced psychosis  Perhaps an intention?

P. D. Ouspensky      John Lilly      Norman O. Brown   Emanuel Swedenborg

I've had several 'mindquakes', i.e. enormous batches of information based on memories from my past and much more, that had to occur in a level of mind that was not originally connected to articulatable words.  They were 'words of thought', visible and 'batched' without space between any of the content, a single unit. After the first one, which happened in the ten days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 I began to experience constantly a kind of 'event' that emerged from my every day life situations so I believe these enormous batches of information about my life  were the essential component. C.S. Nott's experience.  It was the first one in 1984, that made it possible to learn this language as well as about processes taking place within the depths of  my own mind from a state of unsuspecting innocence.  I don't like the word 'ignorant' because I grew up in an isolated way and had not been exposed to many ideas that other people grow up knowing, or learning in social interactions or in higher education. This new, to me, kind of event always had an effect on my body that varied from a mild shock effect to being almost overwhelmingly confusing.  This 'voice' belongs to an entity that does not require knowledge of the collective past to teach its language, it is a self generating, form of instruction.    (Connect this highlighted sentence to the words in the two  highlighted remarks below, and you have an example of the kind of 'abstraction process' that I experienced. The words I needed to describe the process seemed to know where I lived on the planet!) I was 52 years old in 1984 and I knew nothing about anything that I'm writing now, I learned from the 'other' what I'm writing while I lived the events in my life from a quite different mindset than my 'normal' mindset.  I believe C. G. Jung defined his encounter this way:

Carl G. Jung:: "I cannot define for you what God is, I cannot tell you even that God 'is' but what I can say is that all my work has scientifically proved that the pattern of God exists in every man and that this pattern has at it's disposal the greatest transforming energy of which mankind is capable." (Laurens Van der Post, at the end of Remembering Jung, a Mystic Fire video documentary)

"The greatest transforming energy of which  mankind is capable..."  perhaps that's an incomplete statement that ought to include:.  "of enduring, discerning, translating, understanding, remembering, and converting to language?" Alfred Korzybski formulated this idea in this way: mankind is a time-binding class of life."  The past is  carried forwards and remains alive in memories.

 GEORGE IVANOVITCH GURDJIEFF                                                                   

(1872–1949) a seminal spiritual figure, introduced to the West an ancient yet unknown esoteric teaching of development and awakening, one that taught how to creatively use the diverse impressions of ordinary life to come to real life.
          Humanity, Gurdjieff realized, had entered a precarious new period in its evolution. The world would be destroyed, Gurdjieff warned, unless the 'wisdom' of the East and the 'energy' of the West were harnessed and used harmoniously. To effect this
Harnelmiatznel, Gurdjieff gave the necessary shock: he introduced to the West a unique and powerful esoteric teaching of self-transformation. Gurdjieff called it The Fourth Way.
   
      An original teaching, The Fourth Way is neither a mixture of spiritual lines nor a modern eclectic concoction. It is, as Gurdjieff declared, "completely self-supporting and independent of other lines and it has been completely unknown up to the present time." **

*Gurdjieff believed that 'impressions' were an essential requirement. He wrote that "impressions" are a necessary form of 'food' for 'man' but I would add that impressions from an 'other', a distinct other at least in the beginning on the individuation/regeneration path,  are a necessary form of food for 'man'.  The 'new kind of event' that I began to experience arose from a kind of inwardsly visible  effect that took several years to really be certain about but an unsuspected attribute of impeccable timing became evident during that span of time, between 1984 and 1989. The precise timing was at first a surprise, then after a time it seemed impossible except that it kept happening. A few events happened in the two years prior to 1984 virtually unnoticed until the second 'mindquake' in  1989 retrieved them and used them in a most astonishing way that proved I could not have imagined or fantasized any of this myself.

The effect of a mechanism of mind created an automatic  're-play' or 're-generation' at speeds that have to be almost impossible to describe except to say that this 'replay' was a bundle, without space between words when words were involved. The word 'resonation' is used frequently in 2006 but in 1984 it was not a word I heard nearly so frequently but I believe the 're-sounding' effect is what other people experience when they use that word.   I 'saw/heard' this 'second underlying/under 'lying' context constantly after 1984, but I had experienced it sporadically, very rarely at first, then more frequently  prior to the first 'mindquake'.

** The teaching of The Fourth Way is the last esoteric message of the present cycle.  What exactly  is the 'Fourth Way'? The Fourth Way is the path of the ordinary  man.  George Orwell (Eric Blair) wrote a book about 1984, the subtitle of which is Big Brother Is Watching You. The "proletarian" in the book lived a life I believe is the Fourth Way. Becoming aware of the reality that lays behind the 'civilized' man probably requires meeting that real reality and experiencing it. The book 1984 is about 'doubleness' as well as a new common language and re-writing the past into a more acceptable context, not necessarily politically correct, just more complete. The knowledges of the collective past have been written from a purely masculine mindset  Twenty years after 1984, it is possible to recognize the prophetic description of a future time, accomplished from the past in  his book.

**It's my belief that it is a 'complete, self contained, self generating 'line of experience' which was referenced in the Bible as 'instruction' and that relates to C. G. Jung's statement that a 'pattern' of God exists in every man.

The underlines are my addition, to emphasize what is important, but to illustrate an 'abstraction of content' in the paragraphs that is more significant.  

I do not associate the real Fourth Way path with Gurdjieff primarily, or even secondarily because P. D. Ouspensky's writings, as well as the modern author Joseph Chilton Pearce were the authors whose ideas began to take on that peculiar quality that I later found a name for: resonation. The word 'resonation' means 're-sounds', and another word for 're-sounds' is 'echo'. The word 'echo' as a description of a 'function of mind that repeats back' certain very specific content came to me over a period of about 3 years, between 1984 and 1987 through a very long string of 'related events' that caused understanding through experience of the effects of this unexpected and nearly invisible 'mechanism of mind'. The word 'coincidence' did not fit. Emanuel Swedenborg's term, 'double thought' did not 'fit' as a description of the strange new effect that altered every thing, but really changed no thing when I read it the first time, although I paused to wonder briefly what such a strange term could mean. It is a significant detail now, that the very first quotation I read from the Writings of Swedenborg contained the very term that I later realized was appropriate and descriptive for the effects of a 'mechanism of mind' that I was experiencing myself. The 'effect' of this mechanism is very well illustrated by Theodore Reik in his book, Fragment of A Great Confession, in the chapter titled: In Small Packages when he describes his ruminations about a bridge game he had watched the previous night. He was so obsessed with the writings of Goethe that by the time he was 18 years old, he had read everything Goethe had written. He wrote that he kept his obsession a secret as though he were ashamed of it, but I suspect there is another reason for not being able to talk about his deepest interests. They were coming from a level of mind that is not attached to words at that point in his life.

Consider the very great changes that have taken place since May 18, 1980 when Mt. St. Helens erupted at 8:32 a.m. near where I lived.  At that point in Time my body and mind were not my 'normal',.  I used a manual typewriter and could not type even one line accurately. That  forced me eventually to buy an expensive electronic typewriter because I could proofread one line before printing it but even that didn't solve the problem. I felt driven by a memory of something I'd read years ago to write, but there was also a real world reason for my trying to type letter after letter, becoming agonizingly frustrated when I could not type one line without many errors that had to be erased the old fashioned way. . A couple of sentences I remembered having read when I was younger  seemed to plague me, occurring into my mind for no reason I could understand: They were sentences from an article I'd read, about writing. "Write about what you know. Write the story of your life." I remember that I observed this  thought which I described to myself as a 'ghost along the backroads of my mind' after it persistently  tracked through my mind with a mild degree of curiosity. I  remembered that I had originally responded to  the article by 'thinking' to myself, there was nothing in my life to write about. Anyway I was 'driven' from two sources  to write or try to write on my non-electric typewriter then buy the electronic typewriter. Even  after I bought the electronic typewriter,  I went through expensive correction tapes very quickly, feeling anguished at the strange lack of accuracy.  I had never been perfectly accurate but this was beyond anything I could understand.  So, living in an isolation I could not at that time recognize, I bought an Amstrad word processor and printer when it came out for a mere 350 dollars. I was elated that I could proofread an entire monitor screen before saving it, then printing it all out and even retrieving it all later! A problem emerged when the diskettes and language my word processor used were outdated by the emergence of DOS then of software that my computer couldn't use.  So I bought in 1986 as best I can date it, a 286 megahertz speed computer,  an expensive Zenith Data Systems flat black screen monitor and a Panasonic laser printer believing I was equipping myself for the rest of my life.

That proved not to be the case. I updated to a 486 within a few years, and my monitor although still useful (and loved by me) could have been replaced for about half what I'd paid. I bought Norton's Sprint word processor software believing a name so prominent would have the ultimate program and used it until Windows made it obvious my original choice was outdated. I have been driven by, or chased by advances in technology since I put aside my manual typewriter. The oddest circumstance is that often I felt a lack which was troubling for a time, then what I needed was developed.

 An example is that I could not copy the reverse side of a picture (and I had a reason to want to do that) until it was possible to make transparencies. I was trying to make a face card with the image at the top facing the same direction as the bottom  and couldn't do it. Then a Kinko attendant informed me I would need to make a transparency on their new copy machine, then use the back side of  half of it with the opposite half of the right side. Without knowing why I wanted to do what I felt driven to do, I finally created the face card where both top and bottom were facing the same direction. When I understood that I was trying to illustrate a concept I was just beginning to become aware of , I realized I had begun to notice small details here and there in my physical life about the 'mirror image' but not the typical mirror image, a moebius twist mirroring.   Several years later when I had a name for it, I thought I had discovered the 'moebius twist mirroring' which I had recognized was and is the foundation of a square dance set until I read an equation for it. I had also begun noticing small details in my daily life that I could have noticed years ago. What was bringing these details into focus?  I had noticed of course that the top and bottom half of face cards in deck are different. But until I was pressed by an impulse to create a face card where the top and bottom faced the same direction, I had not suspected it was impossible  to do with the equipment available then and that there ought to be a name for the relationship.  The top half of a face card cannot be placed over the bottom half but that's the same relationship one right  hand has to the left hand. The name for this relationship is 'non-super-impose-ability. I learned from this experience, being driven by an impulse to do 'silly' things that ordinarily I would not have done,  about 'super-impose-ability' without knowing the name for what I discovered. The process of 'discovering' the  moebius twist concept involved doing such impulse driven tasks as this one as well as beginning to notice and be curious about small details I could have noticed in the past. My point is that  I believed I had discovered the moebius concept myself, as a result of the 'impulse driven activities' I saw my body do,  until quite by chance I read an equation for it in some book. Sigh. By the time (several years later) I noticed a book, The Molecule and It's Double by Jacque Jacques, I had also become aware of  how Martin Gardner had written about the same idea in his book The Ambidextrous Universe.

The point to keep in mind is that the external events in my life during that time were aligned with changes that I could not have suspected were interfacing precisely with changes in Time itself, that everyone may or may not have experienced to some degree, consciously. The advent of the change was actually being lived out by witnesses  in  two small groups of individuals who were literally  trying to leave the 'mainstream level' of square dancing in 1980 but I'm sure others experienced this change in quite different contexts. I began to see something I had never seen before and as a result of this change, I felt 'dizzy' at times for no reason I could understand. This also made me curious about what could be causing me to be 'dizzy' literally for no reason I could understand.  This 'dizziness' happened usually in a square-dance setting, in very specific situations  but that's a detail I had to become aware of later. After a few years a certain new kind of event began to accumulate so that I built up a body of new contexts that I could dimly sense were trying to convey something to me. I could not find any words to describe anything but somehow I felt driven to try to detect what exactly was different when it was literally difficult to remain upright and keep a semblance of normal activity at times. IT was difficult to be 'normal',  paying attention to what was actually going on outside of my body. 

Then the 'dizzy' moments began to become more frequent, and more frequent, until by 1984 and afterwards  every real world moment was overlaid with 'dizzy making content'.

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 To get a hint as to what this site is about, its a good idea to read these two poems which are easily available on the Internet:  The Second Coming by William Butler Yeats, Thanatopsis by William Cullen Bryant and  this  essay by Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Oversoul which is also on the Internet.  I had been very much affected by Thanatopsis when I was a young girl when I read it the first time. I read The Second Coming fairly recently, after listening to a lecture by a Jungian psychologist. Then I was 52 I read The Oversoul in 1984 for the first time.  I remember clearly that at certain points in the essay where I read specific words, I experienced a release of information, or an influx, of information  into my mind, about certain painful experiences I'd had that had puzzled me. I was made aware of what had really caused me such distress: those events had been important experience  that exposed a certain capability to 'read situations' I'd had, as well as a  preparation for what was going to happen in 1984 and afterwards.

This site is about my encounter with an unknown 'entity' that I believe is the 'oversoul' itself that began on a very specific date in 1984 and it is continuing to the present time. This encounter could never happen to anyone that had not had certain specific experiences early in life with an impulse like a few that  I had. Yet it could happen to anyone, because it is a pattern driven experience, methodical and mechanical. The content is of the most personal content, the pattern is universal, in fact I had noticed the outer manifestations of it when I was very young.  There were as well a certain unexplainable re-occurring of specific  memories of a few events in my life yet everyone could have the same encounter. . The unexplainable re-occurrence of those memories made them distinct, and an object to be curious about, that was not 'material' or substantial. This was a new kind of 'object'.  Decades passed before a sense of curiosity  arose in me about the re-occurring memories. P. D. Ouspensky wrote that consciousness creates a memory, so they may have been moments of consciousness, like snapshots taken and stored away, the 'regenerated' (retrieved and replayed) at a speed that has to be almost uncountable by normal 'time'.

I believe the years 1984 and 2001 were singled out for attention so that a well planned and perfectly timed encounter with a 'world' that has been named variously by other witnesses could take place, exactly as it was planned. There is nothing supernatural involved in this encounter other than the timing of events over a period of my life span. I have had several enormous 'batches' of inner content happen in my 'head. The first big one in  1984, had to be discovered by a part of me that had experienced it but had no 'memory' of that event after it happened! It seems to me now the first event happened in a memory that was visible as to it's content but it was not connected to the 'now' of when individual events in that memory occurred. The process of 'discovering' the event that happened in 1984, then  finding a name for it, also had to be discovered because a distinct process that built 'words' unlike our ordinary language had to be recognized. A few very specific events made it impossible to be mistaken about the attribute of almost unbelievably precise timing. Real people, real world situations, circumstances and specific events in my life as well as the life of other significant people began to act like a living vocabulary, as though 'talking to me'.

There is a psychological condition that's well known to psychiatrists in which an individual's 'thought' (thought broadcasting) seems to be known to others, even to objects that use words. This 'symptom' began to happen to me very sporadically in the few years prior to 1984, but in a limited way. It happened when one person said something one night, in 1982 as best I can date it, in a specific situation that startled me physically as though the words were a kind of electricity.  What he said made a distinct impression of having what I later recognized was a 'second underlying context', and the underlying context was a reference to an idea I had not said anything to anyone about at that point in time. The words this man said that 'shocked' me so unexplainably were used in the 1984 event, as a sort of instruction. "You have to get this right the first time." then "What you get used to gets to be normal." Each sentence had a distinctly different context in the 1984 're-generation' of them, than the double context in which I first understood them in the original 'event'. I could not have used the term 'second underlying context' to describe this experience even after  I chanced to read a paragraph in a booklet authored by Wilson Van Dusen and George Dole, titled God, Man and Communication. This is the paragraph: "In a vision it seemed to me as if something was torn to pieces in the air. It may signify that my double thoughts will be torn asunder."

When living people seem to know 'thought' that I observe within me but which I've not said anything aloud about, even to myself, and its a new kind of 'event', that is confusing. The definition of this 'symptom' is in psychiatric texts,  but psychiatry itself did not exist in a written form until Sigmund Freud wrote it down. And Theodore Reik, who was Freud's life long admirer wrote that 'what Freud wrote  was known to milkmaids' before Freud wrote it down. The 'psychological sense' itself is what I believe needs to be identified, I suspect it is more  similar to being a signal moving through Time, than a 'sense'.

"The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Piaget 

C. G. Jung wrote that he became aware that there were 'things' produced by the psyche that he did not produce himself. They produced 'themselves' and they had a life of their own.  The 'world within' with it's 'moving images' (this was his term) does produce it's own content but how is it possible to discriminate between what is produced by 'me' and what is produced by 'not me' when both are inner content, in what seems to be one mind?  Emanuel Swedenborg wrote that 'man' has two memories, an internal memory and an external memory. but does not know it. I believe the 'collective' consciousness  that C. G. Jung wrote about is the term he used to describe a discovery that Mr. Swedenborg had  named differently.  He wrote that the 'internal memory' is vastly greater than the external memory.  He also wrote that man is the recipient of life but does not know that, 'because it is not permitted to know and also because man does not 'reflect' upon such matters'. . Rudolph Steiner's discovery of the 'akashic records' is almost certainly a re-discovery of what Swedenborg had named in different  words and had described very well, using literal words that are accurate descriptively such as 're-generation', but in a sense that is not restricted to stories in the Bible.

I had no knowledge of  these men  in 1984,  when a very great change occurred in my thought and my body. They were changes which were seemingly caused by ordinary every day circumstances, but within 5 years after 1984, I had become aware that a 'world within' does exist and that it has a language that uses what is most personal and private: memories, and every day events  to create it's 'words'. It's a much more complex kind of language than verbal or merely visual but because it does create information it is a language.  The 'thing itself' whatever it is,  knew me in the most intimate details of my life and proved to me in a way that cannot be doubted, that on this planet I am not and have never been alone.  Except for the  significance of `1984 and 2001, I suspect the same proof could be given to anyone, within the same process and pattern that began to make 'man' on Earth aware of a 'god within' at some time in the past. There have been individuals who became aware and who wrote of their experiences but I did not know about any of them until after I had become aware myself, from the 'thing itself'. This is not a grandiose statement. It just happened to someone that did not know much about the past .

 

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If you believe your individual experience doesn't mean anything in the 'big picture', you are incorrect. The problem is that there is nothing more difficult to write about and describe precisely than personal experience.  "The interconnectedness of all things .",  in one's own mindset and in one's understanding (which is built up from infancy as one learns to associate words with objects and activities)  is the reason it is nearly impossible to speak to anyone else about extremely personal experiences and be understood the way one understands one's self.  G. I. Gurdjieff wrote that one person cannot convey one whit of their understanding to another person.  I became aware of why this is true myself, although odd to write, I have always had a 'sense' of the idea. I had often tried to set a context for what I was going to say, and found myself losing track of what I intended to say because one memory that needed to be spoken about,  reflected to another, and that to yet another, like a maze of mirrors. Yet there was an unsuspected factor in why I lost track, it had to be a lack of knowledge but it probably was due to what may be the mild 'autism' that I was told about in 1984 after a complicated neurological test was done. In that test I was made aware that my handedness had reversed.  I also found out I could write backwards, mirror image with my left hand as easily as I could write normally with my right hand! I became aware that one of the reasons I was getting lost and making so many typing errors, was because the direction I turned 'left' at times without knowing it, when I intended to go right. This was an effect that caused much of my confusion. I found out about it when I was dancing one evening with the callers wife, who was my regular partner usually. She mentioned that I'd made a left hand turn, when the caller had said 'right. It happened several times that night so she mentioned it again.  I called the psychiatrist I'd begun to see at Harborview and told him something was wrong, and he scheduled the neurological tests.

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The factor that made it impossible to talk about what I was experiencing was not primarily because I didn't have any language to describe non-physical 'stuff'.  Learning about  that factor  required that I begin to talk for the first time about  my real life and something that was forbidden to talk about until Christina Crawford's book about her mother opened the door to what was hidden in her life. Talk shows began to talk about what was hidden and I 'heard' this material as though it was 'highlighted somehow. There was also certain new content that drifted without warning into my  own individual life and thought, that I noticed and felt that I had not 'thought', so I wondered about it.  I became aware myself of how isolated I really was, and how nearly invisible I have always been to everyone.  It was a complex 'new content' that had many different effects to notice.   Between 1980 and 1989 I was 'speechless', literally in that new 'vein of experience' although I had begun like a toddler does, to haltingly use words that I felt, that were already present in my thought, that I was driven to say.  I had to really  make an intense effort (driven is the best word I can use), for a few years to capture even one word, and hold it in memory long enough to write it down! Why would a 52 years old female feel an irresistible motivation to try to 'capture' a word of thought from a non-stop stream of thought that once it was initiated never ceased  moving through her mind?

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This link  RASHOMON leads to a synopsis of a play that introduced me (in 1961) into an idea about reality that had probably already taken root earlier in my life.  After seeing the play a thought came into my mind: "That almost certainly is as close as anyone could come to showing why people quarrel so about reality. It was not a profound thought, it came as a kind of summation of what I'd just watched.  I became aware later in life, that this kind of summation happened very rarely but there was a reason behind why I noticed, then remembered them. They were 'inner content' that was not produced by me, although I  'looked at, and listened to' (without knowing it) this content, also without curiosity. A few, very few, similar events occurred at widely spaced intervals of time later, although I did not link them together myself. They were being 'installed' (that does not seem an absurd word to use), for a purpose:  building a way for me to identify specific content that was 'given' to me, and was not 'self generated' inner content.  They were moments where some real world event occurred and the 'commentary' followed.  This 'input'  was obviously accomplished in a truly separate level of mind, remote, not connected to words that could be spoken or written down, or even related to immediately.

 I was in my mid to late forties when I began to be led into a kind of 'drama' that unfolded that used  specific inner material from my past. It was only then that I began to notice and wonder to myself about certain 're-occurring memories' that flashed into my mind. I noticed habits I'd had for years and then a new kind of 'event' began to happen, and a new sense, at least to me, began to observe what my body did and said as though from a 'once removed' or detached perspective. This was not easy for me to grasp: an almost impossible to notice mechanism of mind was at some point initiated permanently, after a period of occurring sporadically. The effect of this mechanism of mind, I believe, causes literally a 'reflection' or an 'echo' of content, and it creates 'self reference' in the 'echo'. Although I'm certain Emanuel Swedenborg used the term 'double thought' to describe what I named myself, as 'second underlying contexts', these are names for 'thought broadcasting' as well as other so called symptoms, (magical thinking) of certain psychiatrically defined conditions.

 A Jungian psychiatrist that I called one day in 1988 told me I had formed from my own experiences a very good understanding of what  Jung had named 'meaningful coincidence'. I had somewhat become informed from the very symptoms themselves, but  in non-Jungian psychiatry this kind of experience is believed to be symptoms of 'magical thinking'.

I first read  Jean Piaget's quotation within the past year. What it implies about an 'idea' that can evolve over a period of time as a part of normal life, was comforting to me then. It/s also a validation of personal experiences I've had and continue to have that created a kind of 'voice' speaking to this planet from outside of our comfort level of Time, the 'world within'. 

This site is about an experience I've had that began on a specific date: July 31 thru August 10 1984. Those were the days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played. During that 10 days I had what I believed was my first 'mindquake'. It was an enormous package of thought that began by referencing an event that had happened when I was about 13 years old that I'd not thought about afterwards. The Hill The second 'mindquake' happened 5 years later in the fall of 1989. Then shortly afterwards I had a third 'mindquake' that linked back to my earliest memories and certain experiences, some of which had been  're-occurring' throughout my life. Those experiences were linked directly to an impulse that I had experienced as a 'thought' and certain specific experiences I'd had very early in my life, mostly before I was 9 years old. I named that 'mindquake' my 'pi' quake because it happened when I glanced briefly at the back of Petr Beckmann's book, The History of Pi, read the copyright statement then turned back a page to glance at the first of two pages that had 10,000 of pi's decimals on it.  In a flash of time, an enormous string of relationships that may seem trivial and absurd was exposed. I knew for the first time that from my first memory, this event had been 'in the works' and in a particular form, I had even been told my name.

What I was physically doing had been the basis of an ongoing string of events that I did not think of as coincidences when they began to happen, in the two years prior to 1984; other names were more descriptive and accurate. By 1989 I had come to understand what I believe now is a language that can utilize personal memories and experiences, along with the 'mindquakes' such as I had or 'swarms of thought' as Gurdjieff probably described them, to create information in this unexpected interface.  After the first  1989 mindquake I had become aware of an 'ongoing endeavor in Time' that had merely utilized the particular content of my life, thus impeccable timing of events was made very distinct. There were as well a fairly large number of other individuals I knew between 1975 and 1984 whose activities and passivities were aligned so that it seemed to me, as an observer, attempting to understand a very nearly devastatingly confusing situation, they knew my drama before I knew it myself and they had to 'tell' me through a kind of 'acting out', certain parts of my 'central idea'.  It was impossible to misunderstand the source of the 'mindquakes'.  

That 'pi' quake would not have happened if my attention had not been shifted during the early 1980's from what was outside of my body to a territory I did not know existed: the inscape with it's very different 'flora and fauna'.

The years between 1984 and 1989 had been filled with almost overwhelmingly confusing life situations but I had begun by 1989 to recognize a well implemented, purpose-filled 'intent' other than my own was showing me something, using the actual real world events in my life, using specific  memories of mine, and my particular life events as a kind of 'story making' material.

 Isaac Asimov and I share January 2 as our birth date. That is appropriate because his science 'fictions' as well as books authored by Arthur C. Clarke and Ira Levin have been the foundation for experiences I've had  "that  evolved over a long period of time which may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation".  It is possible to validate personal experience through patterns in a general sense but that is the limit of scientific validation. The experiences I've had since July 31-August 10, 1984  really explained and depicted my relationship to another world that 'spoke' to me directly  in 1984. It 'spoke' in an artificially generated 'voice' yet it's a voice others have named before my experience began.  Isaac Asimov coined the word 'psychohistory' to describe a fictional science which combined history, psychology and mathematical statistics to create a nearly exact science of the behavior of very large populations. In 2006 there is nothing fictional about that idea.  A character in his Foundation universe established the postulates that the population should not be able to discern the results of the application of psycho-historical analytic processes because the individual would not 'feel' or become aware of the effects of  'large number' events. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The 'collective' has a consciousness, or can have a consciousness and it has a way to grasp the 'voice' although it is an artificially, mechanically generated 'voice'.

George I. Gurdjieff  said: "Everything HAPPENS." It would be more appropriate to have said, "Everything HAPPENS from different causes and for different reasons than the individual understands."  How willingly would you exchange your 'understanding' of everything eventually,  if only one small change in your head altered  how everything outside of your body appears to you, but really changes nothing material? Could you accept a conversation that delivers information about you, and what you are physically doing in your life, where you are exactly,, in specific details but this occurs over a period of decades? The ideas of quantum physics were the news of the day, month and year I was born, 1-2-32.

There is only one book that I've ever read that has a mention in it of a 'secret about the insane, just around the corner, just out of sight': The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder. It's in a chapter titled: Perhaps An Intention . In a chapter titled, Perhaps An Intention"?

The 'central idea' that I have observed as it 'evolved over a long period of Time' in my mind (1984-2005)  emerged from real world  physical events and circumstances that visually showed  what the 'secret about the insane' is and the words to describe everything was provided.  The idea has come from a source other than my own mind's activities  and it created it's own understanding, meaning and contexts parallel to my own 'normal' (to me) understanding over a five year span of Time.

It may help to get an overview of the situation in 1984. Overview and introduction   1989: the mandala foxglove  About the mandala foxglove and events in 1989

Carl Sagan: "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." This statement was abstracted from Contact when it caught my attention. That was not the first time I read it, but several years after the first reading. It's a book he authored from a female 'point of view'.  I believe the 'incredible thing' is the identification of a new sense, one that P. D. Ouspensky described as the Fourth Way, i.e.  the psychological 'sense itself, which serves as the 'voice' I began to experience early in the 1980's.  It requires no drugs, no meditation, probably nothing like the initiation of chakras, or experiencing trance states.  All that is required comes 'naturally' through every day people and situations that create a noticeable 'affect' in the observer/individual. The specific memories, experiences and unique understanding, whether it is correct or not are used in a discernable way that creates identification, using all contexts of what 'identification' means.  The 'material' in those situations is processed by the Sense itself in an observable way.  I believe this is NOT the collective unconscious, but beyond it. It, the Sense itself, literally makes all familiar contexts into a new context, 'event by event'. Meaning and context emerge and builds slowly although I've had at least 3 huge masses of information at different times that other people may not have experienced. These 'bundles' of information revealed to me specific information about my life that I would not have suspected or understood otherwise.  The 'synchronization' of thought, and other inner content (not dreams) that was timed precisely to align with what is happening in the individual life is evidence that an ongoing endeavor in Time has been at work, before Stonehenge was built. I remember thinking one day  when  I looked at a picture that Stonehenge looked like a ring of pi symbols. Within a short time I read that was what Carl Sagan also thought although  I had not noticed the many references to pi when I first read Contact. The book is  about a message that came as a package complete with a means of decoding the several levels; each of which had to be decoded before the next level could be understood. The 'palimpsest' in the book models a machine like process that I believe can describe the process of transformation that concerns Fourth Way 'work' which Ouspensky and Gurdjieff thought was the life of the 'ordinary man', the 'sly' man respectively.

There is nothing more mysterious to me at this point than how impossible it is to speak openly about what happens in individual reality without being completely misinterpreted.

"There is another world, but it is in this one..."  Paul Eluard, The Re-Enchantment of the World, Morris Berman 

 What happened in that 10 day period was a purely mental event but it was visible and remained in memory afterwards. It could not be described by the very ordinary female who knew nothing then about psychological 'material', very little about history and  had only a smattering of familiarity with Freud's psychiatric terms. For the 3 years after 1984, my physical world was somehow altered drastically by some 'change' within my mind, (that became obvious eventually) and I was driven to try to describe what I saw.  It, this 'encounter' created a kind of 'voice' eventually that really described itself through a process that can only be described now as a 'conversation' that was assembled through 'abstractions' from every day life. Each was a kind of 'word' that 'met their exact match' in 'thought' that was somehow waiting for the physical world events and words that 'fit'.

The inner content was already there and it was often timed precisely in many astonishing exterior world events.  Specific content in very specific situations made impeccable timing between thought that was already there, some how sensed as words before they were real words, unmistakable  because it happened too  many times to be mere chance.

This was an encounter with a new 'world', at least to me, and it 'talked' in a new, at least to me, language. I became aware that other names had been 'coined', some of them are much more accurate than C. G. Jung's term, 'synchronicity or meaningful coincidence'.  The first quotation I read anywhere from Emanuel Swedenborg's writings contained his most descriptive term: "double thought". It was in a booklet God, Man and Communication by Wilson Van Dusen and George Dole. Within 5 years after 1984, having had many experiences and a terrible curiosity that demanded I  'name what you see', I had named them 'second underlying/'lying' contexts'. Many toddlers seem to me to have the same terrible 'need to know'  and to 'name what you see' that I experienced when I was in my 50's! Whatever it may seem to someone else, it was a language that taught itself. A foundation had been laid down early in my life for this 1984 'event' to eventually make sense. The primary event  happened when I was 13 years old,  but by the time I was nearly  50 years old the basic structure of what the 'voice of the age' required had accumulated, beneath the surface of a very ordinary daily life. Living in a small town with virtually no social contacts outside of my family, I knew nothing about much of anything this 'voice'  had to communicate. In 1983 I had a neurological test that showed my handedness had reversed, and at the time I believed this was due to a very bad blow on the head. I was also told I had a mild autism which may account for the feeling I had of a barrier between myself and other people by the time I was a teenager.  It vanished but it is difficult to describe the visibility of such barriers.

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 One evening in  1983 as best I can date it,  I came home late and the barn light was not on.  At that point in my life, headlights and tail lights of cars and lights across the valley  at night had seemed oddly to be fierce points of light somehow paired like eyes, so I was afraid as well as puzzled by this. When I looked closely I could not see any reason for the 'eye-like' appearance. When I opened the car door, I was  ready to run through the dark  from the car to our door, keys in hand. However I felt something in my body that made me pause and walk slowly without looking over my shoulder to the door. As I put the key in the lock a thought occurred into my mind, a quiet toned thought voice: "You are afraid. Don't be afraid in your own house." Opening a physical door that night, using a key in my hand, I was unawares this thought that occurred  was given to me from what I later named the Counselor. It spoke very rarely for the next year.

The first 'thought' about a new kind of event. My first glimpse of 'it' happened in the two years before 1984.

After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition.  I believe there is an 'ongoing endeavor' in Time, experienced continually as a pattern, that can be thought of as a 'signal' carrying a message by it's very extension in Time. The Medium IS the Message

This site is about real world individual experience I've had, about an extra-ordinary event that happened in my mind,  between July 31 and August 11, 1984.  It was a huge bundle of information about my life . Embedded within it was a message, a statement of purpose, and guidelines that I had to write down almost a year later, in order to know it had been included within the first 'bundle' of information. This 'bundle' began with the retrieval of a memory of a real event that happened when I was about 13 years old, and the entire 'bundle' was experienced all at once, the whole thing came all at once as a single 'unit'. It was an assembly of memories taken from my real life, that told a complete story rather like a movie does, but it had to happen at speeds so rapid, that only the upper levels relating to what the first retrieved memory was about was 'visible' to me in any way.  How is it possible to discern 'thought' that seems no different in any way from ordinary every day thought? In my situation I could not. Someone very close to me began to talk about my mind 'going too fast', telling me that I had to 'slow down' but that was a clue that I didn't understand for more than a decade! The only difference became evident quite slowly, bit by bit you might say and be accurate: I could not 'capture and hold in memory' long enough to write down even one word of thought that occurred in a certain way in my mind. After the first event, 'thought' of a particular content moved through my mind, day and night without ending in normal sleep at any time for more than a decade. By 1989, 5 years later, the content of that band of thought had changed radically, but slowly in a way I had not noticed until the change was made explicit in the second stage event. By then I had become aware that I had learned  to understand an idea that I'd not previously known about, or even suspected , and I had become aware of how the idea had been taught and illustrated, detail by detail, bit of information by bit of information. 

The first understanding I had in the 1984 event, and it was an immediate horrified response to the 'event' when it happened, was that I had been tricked by someone very close to me, into doing the very thing I had most wanted to avoid! The apparently conscious 'trickery' of this person, was exposed so clearly that as though it had been premeditated and consistently acted upon over a period of almost  30 years. It, involved 'money', real money at the first glance. It took 10 years of experiences after 1984 for me to understand that the first 'glance' at the event had happened was  not about me as a person, but was about  a version of my (female/stereotyped) life as it has been described in 'history'. As a person, an individual it had nothing to do with my real world life. Much of my every day experience had been deleted, or 'forgotten'  or categorized as 'irrational' and even 'Chaos' itself, not by one person but by the entire masculine gender! This  division between the genders does not seem to me to be the result the conscious will of either 'man' or 'woman'. Emanuel Swedenborg wrote that 'man is the recipient of life, but does not know it."  and he wrote that man possesses two memories but does not know that either but in 1984 I had never heard of either Swedenborg or C. G. Jung.

The most ordinary life contains events that can be stored as retrievable memories that are aimed towards a future use, in a process that is in itself a communication of information from another world, or at least outside of the 'comfort level' of normal energy. This site is the result of noticing the process itself and how it formed its 'words', and how it made it's distinct 'otherness' evident in seemingly silly (to the rational mind) interactions between my own 'thought' and it's input of 'thought'. I have had three 'mindquakes', i.e. huge masses of 'thought' that emerged in my mind visible, but obviously from a memory that was not connected to actual words until that content met it's exact match in the exterior world, anywhere that words occur.

The word 'synchronicity' has become widely known in the past 21 years, but it was unknown to me July 31, 1984. By the fall of 1989 I had become aware that it's a word that tries to describe a kind of experience that in 1984 was also unknown to me. The word 'autonomous' means 'self naming'. This process named two 'self's', mine and it's own using the ordinary words of my every day life between 1984 and 1989.

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One birth inserted '0' into Time. Now in 2005,  the Earth is a 'point' in space from which space exploration has begun. A singular event in the past  created a Cartesian- like graph in Time,  four dimensional because 'height, width, breadth and depth',  can be grasped in mental space. But where is mental space ?  It is 'within you'. The number 'O' inserted a fixed point into Time, from which 'before' and 'after', forwards and backwards, up, down, each with an endless range of depth and extension in Time. "Be of good cheer, for I have over come the world." was said by a man who knew his future and did nothing to change it himself.  It has been my own personal experiences, seemingly ordinary and not unusual in that any individual could have basically the same events in his or her life, to have become aware of another world, a world within, a real world that has language, purpose, intents  and objectives of it's own. The reality of what I believed I'd discovered myself and named 'the Larger Domain' was experienced beneath the surface of ordinary daily life,  between, 1984 and 1989.  I had no  prior information of many ideas that I now have become aware of and the way I acquired this information directly from the 'Larger Domain' has to be acknowledged, although it may seem impossible that such instruction could happen in the way it did happen.

"Somebody said that it couldn't be done."

 I had not suspected there was more to life than my superficial understandings or thought about much of anything prior to my late 40's (1980-1984) until 'thought' that never stopped scrolling through my mind began after a dream late in 1981 happened. By 1989 I had become aware that all that has been written and carried forwards was literally (and not symbolically) conceived by a mind without any female content in it and I understood that I had been 'born again' fully grown, from a 'man's head' (history itself, all of it)  in a form depicted through the 'myth' of Athena. I had learned from personal experience that there is a real fact about the human mind concealed in the 'myth' of Narcissus and Echo. A form of 'self observation' is concealed in the 'fictional story', a fact about the mind was embedded in it.

And I had experienced literally being Cassandra, who was not believed, but at this point it is likely the idea of 'knowing the future' but not being believed may be a very common attribute of many.

The mind I had to become aware of later, as having it's origins in Greece had been a mindset that 'governed', although it was hidden deeply behind my 'modern life', the 'modern man'. . The 'stories' told by the Greeks had been merely myths to me all my life, but by 1989, 5 years after 1984, I had become aware these 'stories' contain within them descriptions of  actual reality, in a psychological 'sense' about our minds. A deep split had separated a man I knew very well, from the rejected, but clearly detected content relating to the past. There is a psychiatric term 'projection' that I had to learn about from actual experience, and this had begun to be 'taught' between 1975 and 1984, when a gradual 'awakening' that involved noticing certain thought content and wondering about it was initiated.

The 1984 event  happened while the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played. I was in a condition that I can describe now, as somewhat akin to a 'living coma' state, observing and listening not only to what was outside of my body, but observing my 'self' also in a completely new, to me at least, kind of experience. By 1989, 5 years later, a second event happened when I was trying to rest a few minutes in a place I thought I could never tell anyone about: on the 'john' in a toilet cubicle. It was several years later (1995) that I chanced to read in Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown, a chapter, The Excremental Vision that related where Martin Luther was when he had is greatest revelation: on the privy, in the tower. I'd had a 'revelation' that exposed to me many facts that I had not noticed myself, in the 1984 event, although I remembered what was again exposed. At that point I  had begun, just begun to understand the content of the package of information that was opened up in my mind . The second stage 'bundle of information about my life' made a distinct point:. In that package I was made aware that the original source of my 1984 'event' had not been 'of this Earth', it came embedded in Time itself, as a pattern that had been literally 'rejected' experience, from someone that I had lived with for 3 decades!

 This reads as very odd I'm certain but the pattern itself, begin embedded in Time as an experience that I had noticed myself, when I was a very young girl when information was very limited in the social level where I lived. This man had had an experience in his late teens, and it's effect on him, then me and our offspring was what formed the foundation for me to literally 'get the message' intended to be conveyed, that we are not alone in the universe.

 During that period just prior to 1984 and afterwards, it seemed to me the planet had developed a kind of 'voice', although the 'voice' attribute was not one that was easy to discern until about 1989 when a second purely mental, but visible event happened in my mind. There was a great distance between the location in mind where the  1989 event happened and the location where the 1984 had event happened. The 1989 event also exposed an 'initiating' event  that I had not recognized when it happened in 1982, although I remembered it when that connection was made.

The years between 1984 and 1989 were difficult, nearly overwhelming me with a strangeness that affected my body primarily, alongside a new visibility of thought and what was going on in my mind.  The second event was built from information and experiences I'd had after the 1984 event;  this was made evident in a very distinct way that 'told' me that in the 5 years between 1984 and 1989 I had learned to understand a kind of language. And I was 'told' I'd learned to understand a complete idea that I'd not known about prior to 1984. The impact of  being 'informed' in the 1989 event of many details I'd not noticed,  was startling, but one more event occurred soon afterwards that  linked back to my earliest memories and to a few 're-occurring memories' that had eventually become distinct so that I wondered to myself about them.  Immediately  I understood a hidden line of  purpose, other than my own will and intents had been at work when my first memory occurred. That memory re-occurred throughout my life along with a few other memories that each in a different way were regenerated at times for no apparent reason I could ever see. More about those later, they were installed it seems likely to mark a part of mind that is not accessible easily or immediately although it is possible to 'see' whatever emerges in that location.

 I had also recognized by 1989 how the idea itself had been brought to my attention over a period of nearly 3 decades, by a process of thought that had also to be recognized as 'non-self generated'. The idea was embedded in two books that individually had affected me in different ways after I read them, The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder and Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke. The idea was 'planted' in the 9 years prior to 1984,  'given' to me in 'bits' and in a form that may seem utterly unbelievable but I can describe it quite accurately. .

That 10 day period was the beginning of an encounter that has not ended. A very great change had occurred in my 'thought' by that point in Time and this change had occurred gradually in the 9 years prior to 1984.  A new kind of 'event' began to happen in about 1982, and by 1984 this new kind of event had replaced what had been normal to me.

This site is about the effect this change had and how  it altered everything and every thing subtly then in 1984 an enormous package of information about my life as it was at that time was displayed in my mind as 'thought', without any images. This package was opened with the retrieval of a single memory of an event that had happened when I was about 13 years old,  along with words of thought that were 'said' to me by a kind of 'thought voice' that I'd never experienced previously and have not experienced again since then.

I became aware that a new (to me) sense was at work, using what was in front of my eyes, what had at one time been in front of my eyes to build a conversation, fragmented, chaotically emerging at first. By 1989 this 'new' sense had created an entirely different understanding that I could see literally although this new understanding was mental and within my mind,  alongside my familiar 'normal' understanding. That is a very complicated sentence I've just written, because my familiar 'understanding' had been the only 'band of thought' in my mind (or so it seemed to me) until this 'new' band of thought was assembled, during the 5 years between 1984 and 1989. The process of 'assembling' the content that was on the 'new band of thought' was as visible to me as any object outside of my eyes, but it was not possible to see that the major difference in the new band of thought and my 'normal' was that the new band was deep, and unconnected to speech, or even to the moment an event occurred, to  relating to it 'now', when it happened. The journey from the unconnected memory to speech, was made painfully and every moment was confusing, disorienting, and bodily painful. My body felt 'quivery, trembly', so that I could not sit still, lay still or do anything easily that I had normally done without effort.

Everything was different after 1984, but I could not identify what was changed immediately for reasons I had to discover also. Gradually I understood what the change was, how it related to the 1984 event, and where it originated...in the past, not in my private life as I had believed, but from outside of our comfort level of Time, I have good reason to believe. There is an ongoing endeavor in Time itself that created this language as well as a natural way to understand it without prior knowledge. In fact a 'naive mind' may be most able to recognize many attributes that more learned individuals will not.

The attribute of  'voice' is created by a 'literal attribute' that creates 'self reference' for a period of time, about 9 years, creating something similar to a highlighter. This is what creates the effect of a 'voice', I believe although this is a very simplistic way to introduce that concept.  If you have read Gulliver's Travels when you were young, which I had done and then much later in life read  how the book really is  (or can be decoded to seem to be) a satire about Protestantism, filthy capitalists, and anality you understand the change in perception that I experienced. The 'anal retentive mindset' is somewhat commonly mentioned in 2005 but in 1984 it was not.  I was surprised to read a chapter titled "The Excremental Vision" in  Norman O. Brown's book, Life Against Death, which he has recognized hidden behind the story of Gulliver's fantastic adventures.  There is a literal story but another story is hidden, it's 'coded' so to speak. In the ordinary sense,  only the 'literal sense' might make sense to you as it did to me when I first read the book.   The other sense, completely  alters the meaning and context of the story. To Norman O. Brown  it's really a satire'  depicting much more than a story about a man's actual real world experiences. This 'change'  is not as simple as it seems. Especially if you don't know such a change can happen the way it does, adding a sense of 'queerness', almost un-nameable for a long period of Time.

Paragraph #1984 in the Arcana Coelestia, Emanuel Swedenborg   He wrote that there is a 'literal sense' but he related it only to stories in the Bible.

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In the early 1980s' two small groups of individuals were actually trying to 'leave the mainstream level' of square-dancing. The two groups were  led by men who were exact opposites in many ways, but both groups were struggling to learn advanced and challenge level square-dancing. At that level, All Position Dancing rules, and that requires that gender positions and identities be removed. "APD" was like the 'f' word in the early 1980's. This radical change in the rules of mainstream dancing, creates a complicated 'dance' but these two groups of individuals liked the hard work involved.  There are movements that require the 8 real people in the square to learn to dance with 'phantoms', imaginary people are added and the 8 real people must interact with them as though they are really there. Learning to dance with 'phantoms' requires being able to learn to  use the mind in a way that was so alien to me, I would not have suspected it existed!  The form of square-dancing is such that many complex ideas govern the two sets of 4 dancers in their movements, but that was hidden in the early 1980's. Discovering the hidden foundation of the set began as an occasional body response that made me feel 'dizziness' that I couldn't explain. Gradually this feeling became my 'normal'. During the 5 years prior to 1984 and 5 years after 1984 these two groups of people spent more time together than many people spend in church.  The callers of both clubs were in the dream I had late in 1981. The Dream

There is one square-dance movement named , 'cast a shadow'.  One evening I noticed that the words 'cast a shadow' repeated in my mind, as 'thought words' after a certain specific caller chanted them. After I noticed it one time, I noticed it happened every time this one caller chanted the words. Eventually I wondered why, then I remembered a radio show I'd loved and a comic book hero, The Shadow. "Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of man? The Shadow knows. The Shadow has the power to blind men's minds so they cannot see him. Heh, heh, heh, ..."  This meant nothing to a 50 years old female who had not at that point heard of any psychiatric idea other than what one comes across in jokes, movies and books,  relating to Sigmund Freud almost without exception.

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"I don't think another person in the world would understand this but me." The thought emerged into my mind one night in 1982 while I looked around the room, waiting for the evening's challenge square-dance class to begin. That thought was followed by another: "How on Earth will I ever explain this? Who on Earth will ever believe me?" Then the first and most important of 3 'mindquakes' followed. This  'mindquake' presented to me content that was visible. It was a retrieval of memories from my past that had no meaning at that point in Time because I could not have imagined there was a connection between the content of the retrieved memories and what was going on in front of me. That connection had to be discovered, slowly and painstakingly afterwards, in watching a mind suddenly full of new activity that prevented sleeping normally for several years.  What I was just beginning to see was new to me, this kind of event had not happened before. In 1982 I had no knowledge about interpreting dreams, or symbolisms, or metaphors although the entire content was such that I remembered it all afterwards. It's importance made sense  to me only after 1989, when the third one occurred. 

This third one occurred in a location I believed I could never talk about to any one until after 1995, when I read a chapter titled "The Excremental Vision" in Norman O. Brown's book, Life Against Death. In that chapter Mr. Brown wrote that Martin Luther's major vision happened while he was 'on the privy' in the tower. Mr. Luther was plagued with constipation throughout his life, so it seemed appropriate to me that he had lived the  reality of 'anal retentive', before it had a name. I laughed and laughed when I read about his 'revelation while he was on the privy' because in 1989,  I was 'on the privy' at work, trying to rest a few minutes, when my 3rd mindquake was presented to me. It was brief and a colorful image was part of it, I had changed very much by 1989.  In the seven years after the 1982 event, I had learned  to relate immediately to the productions of my mind, and that was not the case in 1982 or 1984. When the 1984 mindquake occurred I did not connect it to that night in 1982, but the content of that event was specifically aimed towards a future event.

I have become aware that some events happen many years before they mean anything. Norman O. Brown wrote that the past is determined by what is to happen in the future. However in 1982 and  in 1984 I could not have imagined that what I had learned by 1989, through a process that had to be discovered, bit of information by bit of information had been building behind the ordinary events of my very ordinary life. I had developed certain habits by 1982, I had become somewhat more aware of a few  memories  that had re-occurred for no reason I could see and begun to wonder about them. I had also re-read two books that had influenced me in different ways when I had first read them: Childhoods' End by Arthur C. Clarke  which I read soon after it was published and The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder which I read a few years earlier, before I was married. As I read Childhoods' End I'd noticed a distinct use of a will other than my own, forming a complete thought abstracted from those books although it would have been impossible to describe it at that point. I became distantly aware of 'watching' some part of my mind, poised, waiting, searching and when it found what it was looking for, I felt and noticed later the result of the 'search'. As I look back on the 9 years prior to 1984, a period of preparation had brought certain awareness of habits I had, mental and physical 'doodling' so to speak, as well as the strange memories that re-occurred for no apparent reason..

As I laid in bed one day in the early 1980's,  feeling wretchedly, isolated, weeping tears in such quantity that I wondered how my body could generate them, I remember raising up, looking upwards and sobbing: "I'll do it. I'll do the work." I heard myself but did not wonder at that point about why I said something I'd not thought about or intended to say.  This kind of unintended speech, coming from my own mouth had happened a few times in the recent past but I didn't wonder about them either, not really noticing the lack of personal will and intent behind them. Several years passed before I could wonder about those incidents in which I said something I'd not thought about, could have had no reason to say, but I remembered them.

The period between 1975 and 1984 was marked as a vital  period of preparation that prevented me from making an error about the origin of the 1984 event, because I would have believed the 'flow of events' I was watching and listening to came from physically present people and events, instead of THROUGH them. It was a period broken up by the May 18, 1980 8:32 a.m. eruption of Mt. St. Helens near where I lived. The kind of 'work' that was involved in watching this 'flow' was confusingly painful, nearly overwhelming at times because I could not see anything physically different, but every thing and every scene was actually different.

Part of the learning process involved an arduous struggle to explain to myself a 'new kind of event' that gradually seeped into my life in about 1981, and it became a flood overlaying my 'normal' understanding by 1984.

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In 1984 between July 31 and August 11, I experienced what I believed was the first of three major ‘mindquakes’, that is, huge masses of information about my life. A package emerged into my mind, visible as thought words and a retrieval of many strings of memories from my past, assembled into a form that revealed a double thread of my life, not as a specific woman but as a 'generalized female', an 'idea' of woman, a stereotype and of  being burdened with guilt, as a specific female: Eve.  Many long strings of memories were arranged in a methodical way, exposing what looked like a methodical plan that had created a certain situation in my life.  It was a complete package that came all at once, although it was spread out in those 10 days. I named it a 'mindquake' after I realized this double thread began with a exposing a 'fault' that I could not have imagined could be experienced as a painful, body wrenching grief and outrage because in my situation as I understood it then, it was absurd and it was a complete reversal of actuality. 

The 1984 event occurred into a region of mind that was visible to me but I had to recognize  that attribute of the event later. Two completely separate levels of mind/memory had to begin to get connected, and this required some work I could not have suspected, a kind of  internal struggle to 'speak' the words and that required intense effort, and constant focus on 'capturing/arresting' one word of 'thought' that was moving along relentlessly through my mind! This 'stream of non-stop thinking' had kept me awake 24 hours a day, 7 days a week since late in 1981, for I had not slept normally since then. I tried to describe the 'non-stop thinking' to a psychiatrist I'd begun to see occasionally, at first with my husband and then alone. The content of that stream of thought was limited to one event, a dream I'd had one night late in 1981. It was a dream unlike any dream I'd ever had,  brief, very simple and I felt real warm human touch in it. The stream of thought was puzzling to me, I could not understand how a short vivid dream could generate so much content, about one person that was in the dream. I could not speak about the dream, or the content of the 'stream of non-stop thinking'. I don't dream very often, I knew nothing about 'dream interpretation'.

This newly visible content  was not accessible immediately to the level of mind that ‘watched, and listened and remembered’ afterwards that material.

I could not relate to anything  that occurred in this 1984 mindquake even when I typed some of it one day, several months later! I remember that I looked at what I'd typed after printing it out, not even curious about it! I did not wonder where it came from nor did I relate it to the 10 days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were played, and how I felt by then. I remember feeling literally fogged in, nearly inert as far as being able to do anything I normally did. During that 10 days I struggled to make a circular skirt from a remnant of warm brown plaid that was supposed to be easy;  but it turned out to be nearly impossible. As I worked something happened that made me intensely concerned about 'getting it right the first time'.  I also read a book Mr. God, This Is Anna and I went to challenge level square dance classes and dances, struggling literally to keep some semblance of 'normality'. The 'package' was as best I can remember timed perfectly so that what I  and many people in my life at that time, were actually physically doing were part of it, but that had to be recognized later, detail by detail.

Every 'bit of information' in the package was compressed and had to be  abstracted afterwards I believe, detail by detail when some content in the package met it's exact content in the exterior world.

The word 'coincidence' did not occur to me, it never did occur to me even when I read a book, the first occasion I came across the term 'synchronicity'. and 'meaningful coincidence'. There was a much better word and it came to me through a series of events that slowly drew it forth:  the actual word is  'echo' , a 'reflection' of a certain specific content. I came to me over a period of about 4 years after 1984 during which time I noticed but could not really 'catch' it happening, in my mind. One day something happened that made it quite distinct and unmistakable. I will describe that event and several other events marked by utterly precise timing of 'thought' with events in the physical world.

How the word 'echo' began to fit itself into an appropriate description of the nearly unbelievable flow of events in the physical world that matched precisely with visible thought in my mind, requires relating many events that may seem trivial and meaningless, which I will do in this site.

The third mindquake happened in 1989 and it 'reflected back' to the first one in 1982, pointing out to me several details I had not noticed, only one of which was that by 1989  I had come to understand a language. I had learned something I'd not known previously and had observed very much about how I had been 'taught'. It was about an idea that I'd not even suspected in 1984 although it began with the two books I'd found laying next to each other one day, and decided to re-read.  It was this flow of events that had taught the language and identified it's origin was not real world events but something that came 'through' real world objects and events. It was a process of 'identification', using the word in a context much broader, in meanings beyond any current psychiatric sense. In the 10 years between 1980 and 1989, a kind of 'voice' began to speak, it continued to speak but it was unlike anything we generally describe as a 'voice'.

All of this happened  to a person that had not suspected the existence of...many ideas that I could have known earlier in life. I read only fictions and I came from a family that was not educated or socially active. By 1989 I had become aware that the reason I 'avoided' certain information due to active dislike of it, was that  an appointment  had been made for me, and for those people in my life at that point of time, in the mid point of 1984. The 'ignorant, naive mind' that listened to what happened in 1984 was of very great importance, because it had no prior knowledge or preconceived ideas about...many, many ideas that would have made it impossible to really hear, really see and learn to understand that a kind of 'voice' had begun to speak, even early in life to lay down a foundation for what happened in 1984.

I believe an appointment was arranged outside of Time, a package was aimed down into Time to a certain specific 'point in time, 1984, and it  was successfully recognized, and this has been a global process!  Every 'bit of information' was 'embedded' in every day events, words and circumstances. It was a surprising message that was initiated in an uninvestigated space, in this person, who had no knowledge about the inscape. An unsuspected new 'sense' began to explain everything; it taught it's own language, using every day events and individuals to create literally: second sight. 

A 'window in Time' was opened so that something very old could be discerned.  Two books written about 1984 and 2001 focused attention on them:  1984, which is about 'doubleness' of thought, re-writing the past in a new language, being watched every moment, being bombarded constantly with statistics.  Among other attributes of mind that almost certainly generated the book, it described our present circumstance decently.


"The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Piaget  

The pattern was old when I was born, it was a pattern that for some reason was made distinct to me at a point in Time, when only one radio in a house was the main source of information. The inner content and the outer manifestation of this pattern are very different! It was extreme at the end of 1999, the 'end time' of a millennium. The word 'end' also means 'goal'.

"There are no causes on this planet, only effects." Emanuel Swedenborg. Quantum Physics 'says' the same thing:  The physical world is created and maintained by an 'other' world. The communication from that world is difficult to experience for many reasons. The personal recognition that the 'unconsciousness' exists alongside a limited consciousness is one that I became aware of in 'therapy', that is the foundation of what psychiatry deals with.... Is it not strange that a person cannot 'see' or 'hear' or 'relate to' much of their own body's activities and passivities? The ideas of psychiatry deal with what people 'do' but do not experience themselves as 'doing'. The 'collective unconscious' and the personal 'unconscious' has an attribute of being 'invisible', and this was a personal discovery made between 1984 and 1989. By 1989 it was impossible to attribute 'causality' to physical matter, events, circumstances or individuals.

OVERVIEW: In 1984, time was experienced differently than it is now in the first month of 2005. The 'space' between one second and the next has been expanded almost beyond comprehension, yet more people than have ever lived at one point in Time, have materially experienced and been witnesses to the content that has filled this additional 'space'. In 1984 at least one individual, a 'viewing point and a point of view'' on this planet experienced an initiation of  new thought content',  This 'new content' at first made me curious since I wondered if I was 'thinking it'. I had been literally 'empty headed' but by 1984 I was 'thought full, very, very thought full' and my body was no longer a comfortable shell around me, I felt 'trembly', could not rest at night, sit still or do the normal every day activities I'd always done. Everything that had been easy was now difficult, or impossible for me to do.

Eventually this new thought assumed the characteristics of a kind of 'person speaking', or more to the point an intelligence that has  exposed an ongoing endeavor on this planet, connecting the individual to....It,  the thing itself, outside of Time and the physical world.

 The addition of the visibility of 'inner content' did not announce itself, it had to be recognized eventually, as the cause of so many bewildering changes that the exterior world was completely altered by this  non-material factor. The process of discovery itself had to be recognized, as well as the fact that a process/pattern had assumed authority over every aspect of my life. A new kind of language had to be learned when the contents of 'mind' were added to what was visible outside of my body and it taught itself! Until that point what I 'saw/heard' had been external world content with a only a few exceptions.  They were important exceptions. There was 'thought' of a particular kind involving in each instance, a real world event that had happened only once. The complete memory of that event 're-occurred' randomly for no apparent reason into my mind for at least 3 decades before I wondered my self about them! 

There was as well an 'impulse', experienced throughout my life as 'thought' that generated specific activity from which impulse something was learned that I later read or heard about from another source. The sense of 'being able to learn new things on my own' arose in my mind whenever I 'met' information I'd learned from the impulse, which was often of a childish nature! This impulse became distinct rather gradually after 1989 when I paused before a small foxglove seedling in the path of my lawn mower. A thought occurred: "Dig it up and plant it in your flower box." Without hesitation, which always marks the effect of this impulse on my body, I dug it up and planted it in my flower box then forgot about it until it had begun to bloom. That was not typical, to forget the way I did after planting the seedling. I glanced out of my window one day and noticed it was blooming. It was not like any foxglove I've ever seen, and every year since then I've had unusual foxgloves that had certain distinct features, which I had to discover in and think about, that mirrored a new factor in my actual real world life! The first foxglove had actually three distinct levels of bloom on some of it's stalks: a typical foxglove stalk topped with an exquisitely shaped round flower, whose center was not the typical reproductive parts, but another stalk of typical foxglove flower-lets! And this plant had 7 different kinds of 'topper flowers', each different, on one plant! The word 'mandala' came into my mind as I looked at the astonishingly lovely round topper flower so I have thought of it as the 'mandala foxglove' every year. Several seemingly unrelated events had happened just before I noticed the foxglove had bloomed, two of which were: I'd recently read a book, Tertium Organun by a P. D. Ouspensky, and I'd attended a meeting with a group of people I'd just begun to be interested in in which the speaker's topic was about 'eras',  the Most Ancient Church, the Ancient Church and the Church of Adam. The connection between these events and the foxgloves' attributes of  'threeness' dawned very, very gradually, not in a matter of weeks or months.

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If you were given irrefutable evidence that you as a person are 'known' as an individual and can be identified explicitly,  your name can be 'spoken' in an unexpected form, identifying you and if you can be actually located precisely on this planet, would you accept it ? The manner in which this is accomplished may seem absurd, even impossible...but it is not.  Forget about categories and 'normal' ways to communicate! A new 'sense' that unites mind/body/memories and the material world seems to me to explain how this process is experienced...an individual 'viewing point', observing, naming everything the way Adam and every infant on this planet does.

1984  Was singled out by a book about the year, which made it significant. It's about 'double thought, double speak, thought crime, re-writing the past, forming a new common language, and it is about 'Big Brother Is Watching You'.  After 1984 had passed through Time, Peter Huber wrote Orwell's Revenge: The 1984 Palimpsest. He scanned the 314 pages of Eric Blair's (George Orwell's) book into his computer, and used them to re-wrote a more positive view, but a single sentence in the book responded to "Big Brother Is Watching You": "WE (the proletarians/proles)  are watching YOU." Many elements of the book were a startling coincidence to me, the kind of 'identifying coincidence' that I don't believe has been properly understood. (I have never come across a copy of 1984 that had 314 pages in it, but as a 'coincidence' to me, it is a real point of convergence. ) I have had 3 huge masses of information occur, or 'bloom' into my mind, one of them, exposed a hidden line of endeavor in my life, connecting to pi: 3.1415926535... It was the last one and it was possible to relate to that one immediately, which was not true of the first one. "Thought" had moved from the depths to 'now', so that I could actually 'see' it immediately and understand what I was 'seeing/hearing' in my mind. .

2001 Was also singled out by a book about the year, which made that year significant. When I saw the movie, soon after it came out, one scene in the movie had an unusual effect on me that I didn't understand then. The ape creature is standing over a heap of bones, the distant sound of music, Thus Spak Zarathustra begins as the ape creature's looks at the bones. An image of a falling animal , crashing to the ground comes into it's mind then the music reaches a crescendo as the creature picks up one bone, smashing it down onto the pile of bones once, then again, then raising the bone into the air, his body contorted with exhilaration, joy and ??, the music reaches it's peak. I remember that I leaned forwards in my seat at the first strains of the music, feeling a strange anticipation myself, and I felt in myself a response similar to what the movie depicted, an almost unbearable sense of happiness. The book is somewhat different than the film, so I didn't understand much of the movie until I read the book, more than 20 years later. The ape creature had been 'visited' by a strange presence that had 'taught' his body and mind, while they slept. The scene depicted the first 'idea', that of using a weapon, since the creatures were starving, but surrounded by food.  The 'Presence' had instructed them about how to get food.

Is Time a 'signal' carrying information that is aimed towards human recipients? I have reason to believe that a goal was achieved in 1984 that was 'in the works' when Stonehenge was built, which means this was the result of an ongoing endeavor embedded within Time itself. There has always been some recipient of a 'message' sent down into Time, embedded in Time itself, however in this case, it was received and 'decoded', picked up so speak in a form that is scientifically impossible to validate except that it is a well known pattern, a familiar pattern.

C. G. Jung linked it to 'individuation', Emanuel Swedenborg described it literally and accurately as 're-generation', P.D. Ouspensky almost certainly grasped it as the 'psychological sense', and he made many references in his A New Model Of The Universe to his awareness of 'that which was communicating to me'.  The awareness of being 'talked to' by inner content can be understood, it is not magical and there is nothing mystical involved: a mechanism that creates 'self reference' is at work. It is a diabolical mechanism however.

The thing itself, can explain its own language, as it also creates the processes that P. D. Ouspensky, Emanuel Swedenborg and C. G. Jung named in their experience with the pattern. John Lilly named the 'agency' ECCO when he became aware that he had not discovered anything himself, everything he knew had been revealed to him. Robert Monroe's unusual experiences brought him into contact with worlds that can somewhat validate Emanuel Swedenborg's' Writings, but he also was aware of being instructed by a 'presence'.

 Twenty years after 1984, it is the most common pattern to read Statements of Purpose, Goals, and Mission Statement.   There is a copy of the message I received in 1984 as well as the statement of purpose, (1987)  guidelines (1987) further down in this page.  The 5 years between 1984 and 1989 were extremely disorienting. I  experienced a changed 'body condition', extreme (it really felt like being 'contained, restrained') created 'tunnel vision', i.e. a narrowed down, intensely focused attention, curiosity and  particular interests. After the first 5 years it seemed to me to be similar to having become quite unexpectedly a human microscope focused from afar, not from personal intents or  for personal purpose. At some point in time between 1984 and 1989 I became aware this experience was the result of a very close relationship with someone else who'd had an encounter, which was named aptly as 'sitting under the apple tree with his 'Maker', in which he was told everything he would ever need to know.

This site is about such a language and how it is experienced on this planet: it can actually 'teach' its self!  It is about an experience that happened in 1984, July 31 thru August 11 during the Los Angeles Olympic Games, probably planet-wide.  An enormous package of information about my life as it was at that point, was 'switched on' at that point in Time, a package that was probably born when I was born 1-2-32, in my body.  (George I. Gurdjieff probably described his as, 'swarms of thought', in his Herald Of Coming Good. The best example I can provide at this time in in C. S. Nott's book, Journey Through This World, in the chapter Taliesen in which he describes such an event, I believe.) It was experienced as 'Thought words', at least the upper regions were 'thought words' but I could not 'relate' to the content for at least a  year, until some time after I had read Carl Sagan's book, Contact.   It may read as implausible, but the book is about a signal containing a message; a palimpsest that had to be decoded layer by layer;  teaching a language and conveying information in an oblique, indirect form;  a Machine; and a trip that was taken so rapidly that it seemed to onlookers the Machine had not left the site. That book is a template overall to an experience that I had although it seemed to me everyone I knew at that point in Time was as much involved in the strange drama that emerged so slowly and gradually. A definite situation contained the potentials that could not possibly have been designed or arranged by any person, including especially myself and everyone else involved. It is difficult but necessary to be specific, and to not resort to generalities to describe the setting in which everything happened. It began so simply, and progressed into an almost unbearable situation in the real world, where I began to feel misunderstood, misinterpreted in a certain way, and it was impossible to correct the misunderstanding. I saw something unspeakable, literally. The anguish I felt was unexplainable to me, until several years passed and by then I understood 'archetypal weeping' from experience.

"Thought" that is visible can emerge from depths of mind that are so distant from the moment it emerges,  the 'now' that it must be experienced to know that such distance in the mind exists. I named the event a 'mindquake' after I had come to understand enough of what had happened between 1984 and 1989 when the second stage made it clear to me that I had learned a complete idea that I'd not known about, or suspected in 1984. The idea concerned a particular line of personal experience, relating to two books I'd been strongly influenced by, from which an 'abstraction' of certain content from them had been noticed, by me over a period of about 9 years prior to 1984. The books were The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder and Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke and I give complete details about this 'abstraction' in this site. The idea is one that I learned about from an intelligence that certain has no physical presence on this planet although it 'speaks' through what is observable on this planet. The 'words' in this language are very much more complex that the written word.   

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"It seemed to her that he was ready to live and die for emotional errors as women did, but that like most men he did not call them emotional errors; he called them history, philosophy, metaphysics, science." -- Anaïs Nin, The Four-Chambered Heart

In 1984 something happened, I believe that has changed life on this planet , and it was an event that almost certainly was the successful achievement of a goal established long before recorded history began. The goal of Time itself, revealing a kind of signal and a voice, embedded in a complex of patterns in Time, one that is extremely well known: the God Complex was to expose this    'voice' and the way it functions through, THROUGH, outer world content.

This site is about my encounter although it began with occasional events that were 'inserted' into my every day life and then veered almost imperceptibly away from 'my' world view into the realm of experience that has been, I believe encountered by authors who described their encounter through out  history/his story. The mystery of history began to work within what my personal experiences were, in such a way as to expose utterly precise Timing of events that I could not have brought about myself, nor could I have recognized excepting for a new 'sense' that was at work. The 'new sense' exposed the one attribute that was very difficult to isolate: precise timing, utterly perfect timing of 'thought' and 'event' in the exterior world. I had read only fictions basically until about 1983, and I had been told I had 'severe menopausal syndrome', and that an accident in which I'd had a terrible blow on the head might explain the changes I noticed in mind/body/thought. The content of many habits changed into their exact opposite.

The attribute that made this 1984 event recognizable was just the barest edge of possible to isolate as a mechanism of mind , one that certainly existed when the 'myths' of Narcissus/Echo were written. Narcissus could not see that his reflection was his own, but a 'reflection' in this circumstance is 'thought' not an image that he saw in water. and it had to be discovered as though it was not visible to me, because it was truly embedded , in every day life  events. It would not seem possible that this new kind of 'event' had to be discovered, recognized, identified, when it was quite visible to me! It's an encounter that  seemed to begin in 'real world conditions and circumstances' in the early 1980's, culminating in a visible but purely mental 'event' that happened in 1984 and by that I mean an enormous bundle of information about my life (or a view of my life that somebody else had always had,  the 'historical view' somehow abstracted from everything that has been written, and I had read almost nothing of it).

 A second event happened in the fall of 1989 and after that one it was obvious to me the real source of these 'events' came 'through' earth events but their real source was not from a physical world. In the space between 1984 and 1989 I became aware that my mind was at work constantly, and  what was going on in my mind had never been continuously visible to me until the early 1980's. After 1984 the physical world was not the first thing I saw, it was behind the new territory that had opened up, the inscape. this change altered every object subtly and it added something that I could not for a long time identify. Eventually this 'new thing' explained itself and even named itself in a way that will seem incredible, as I began to see in a new way, and listen in a new way to even my own speech, which did not come from any intents or purposes of my own by 1984 and afterwards.

Something happened in 1984 that changed my world forever, it happened in a kind of space that I didn't know existed: in my mind. I named it a 'mindquake' after the second one which happened in the fall of 1989, because by then I had come to understand that two distinct 'fault lines' had been opened in the 1984 event.  It was a carefully arranged display of memories from my past that began with one memory of something that happened when I was about 13 years old. It exposed two views of the life I had been living as a wife, neither of which I had suspected.

The two 'fault lines' were part of an enormous content of memories and 'thought words' that came into my mind, in a visible way. They were opened simultaneously and I felt the effects of each simultaneously. The first 'fault line' was a display of memories from my actual past beginning with something that was said to me the first night I was married. "Have you said your prayers?"  and it contained memories of incidents assembled in a movie like 'string' that was visible all at once. It revealed a well laid out and perfectly implemented plan seemed to have created a certain situation between us. The creator of the situation hated and despised ostensibly this situation, but when this 'string' revealed how it had been achieved,  I could see it was actually the achievement of a deeply hidden 'hearts desire'! A change from 'worry' to 'blissful unconcern' had taken place but I could not have named it then. I felt the effects of the change in my body. The 'plan' involved money basically, and how we had accumulated a few pieces of real estate.

The idea of two people living as 'one person' had barely begun to enter my mind in 1984, in a form that I did not at that time connect to my own life but a smaller mindquake in 1982 which I did not fully recognize when it happened, had focused my attention on a couple whose unusual (to everyone but them)  relationship fell into that slot. The second 'fault line' extended to Eve so that I felt the burden of 'blame, guilt, responsibility' in a real body/mind condition that alternated between experiencing extremes of grief and utter outrage. My body was somehow 'alive' with tremors that were invisible to anyone else, I could not sit still, rest or sleep by the time 1984 scrolled into Time. sense of having been tricked as well as experiencing the effects of a  body wrenching grief

It may have begun in a local situation but after 20 years the 'Transforming Change' is a planet-wide experience. I believe an Encounter with what has been named many different names is happening on a broad scale. It would not have occurred to me in 1984 that Time itself, can be thought of as a 'signal' carrying a message to our planet. "The Medium IS the Message." At the end of 2004, Time itself has expanded so that the space between one second and the next second has become not only somewhat visible to us, but we have to 'integrate' into our physical lives the affects and effects of a newly visible  mental 'world'. Information, patterns, and details of every day life that may have at one time been spoken and written about as 'mystical, miraculous' need to be re-viewed and re-evaluated. A language that can teach itself, since I know I've learned it from the 'thing itself', must be learned by everyone. It is so personal a language, that I can only hope to give some glimmer of how It, the thing itself,  'speaks' to the individual.

One Time events, and very  Rare Events can have the effect of requiring that everything in the past be re-viewed and understood in a completely different context with unexpected meanings. I believe 1984 was a One Time event, happening after a very long preparation, Time itself seems to me to have been created when 'man' became aware of an 'other' within. It is easier for a mind free of knowledge of the past to learn than for a mind filled with preconceived ideas to 'unlearn' them.  It is possible to learn real information through personalized daily experiences that are painful, confusing and initially incomprehensible but in 1984 I would not have suspected anything I'm writing about now.

 The 'change of life' that began in a real world situation in my life involved other people and even objects that use words,  who participated in a kind a 'drama' in which they acted out the scenes, speaking what was in the script before I knew it!  Recognizing how my mind was suddenly involved in a new way, in creating this fragmented 'script' required learning to relate to every day events in a new way . It was necessary  to understand the effects of suddenly visible mental processes and mental content that I did not seem to initiate myself,  as well as physical actions of my body that I did not even want to happen. I watched even my own body in a way that was new to me, which I would not have been able to name as 'self observation'.

This was a distinct 'point of change', when one evening  in 1982, I waited for a square dance class to begin, looking around the room at other people also waiting for the caller to begin the class. A thought occurred; "I don't believe anyone but me would ever understand this.  "How on Earth will I ever explain this to anyone and who on Earth will ever believe me?"  After that thought occurred, a distinct retrieval of memories from my past occurred into my mind, but beneath them other 'content' emerged that I did not really understand until 1989 when I had the third major 'mindquake': !982, 1984 and 1989. When the caller walked to the stage, picked up his microphone he told us we were going to learn a difficult movement that evening so he wanted to be sure we learned it correctly. He seemed to look directly at me when he said: "You've got to get this right the first time. What you get used to gets to be normal...."  The words "You've got to get this right the first time." affected my body so strangely I felt the floor seem to turn to Jello. "What you get used to gets to be normal." had a different effect because the words seemed to answer a question that I had not asked. These words did not seem to relate only to the difficult new movement but to something else I'd been thinking about, but which he could not possibly have known about. This startling event happened in 1982 and I understood it somewhat in 1989! What I saw in that evening took place with the sudden emergence of those memories from my past which actually re-presented  what was happening that evening. but I could not 'read' then, the way I do now.   It would require writing for quite some time to try to describe the memories that came into my mind then but they were clearly lifted out from my past and re-displayed as a mass and this had never happened to me before The point to keep in mind is that the physical world and it's 'events' began to affect my body in a way that was extremely uncomfortable by the time July 31, 1984 scrolled into Time, and became NOW. I have the belief at this time, a week before 2005 begins that a "WAKE UP! NOW!" call had been given to a part of me that I had not known was deeply embedded in my mind, hidden because it was embedded.  Two small groups of individuals were literally doing something that actually required  'leaving the mainstream level' and learning 'advanced and challenge levels' which required removing all gender based roles and positions! The process itself, began it's work to make its' self, evident,  in a typical domestic situation, involving nothing more mysterious or miraculous than every day human interactions. 

"Let the one that has an ear  listen to what THE Spirit sayeth unto the  CHURCHES(CONGREGATIONS). To him that conquers I will give some of the hidden manna. and I will give him a white pebble and upon the pebble a new name written which  no one knows except the one receiving it.".   The fact that the word  'unto' the Churches is used, rather than 'in' the churches signifies that  there is only one Voice, speaking to ALL churches.

'Rashomon   Is a play based on ancient Japanese folk tales. I saw Rashomon in the fifties on The Play Of The Week in the early days of black and white television.   At the end of the play I remember a thought that occurred into my mind about it: "That probably explains why people quarrel so about reality."  The quiet thought created a lasting impression. I was influenced (more than I would have suspected) by this play.   The thought remained in a special place of memory I believe because it is evident now that some kind of 'foresight' installed it into a memory reservoir containing a few memories that were made visible because each of them flashed into my mind for no reason I could understand. This content was intended for future use and I observed it's use later, between 1984 and 1989. This kind of thought has occurred only a few times in my life. Each of these memories was made prominent by an unexplainable repetition of the content, as well as a nearly unexplainable visibility that could not be related to, or spoken about to anyone else. Nearly 4 decades passed before I wondered to myself about the repetitions. Their strange re-occurrence and the memory of having to 'discover' each of these over a period of years marked them distinctly.

In the search for lasting and enduring truth  there is a most mysterious roadblock  and  an absurd condition that prevents free speech in talking about religious experiences, which means in my opinion, one must try to describe highly individualized life experience. It ought not be a difficult thing to suggest that on this planet we do not understand Time itself, nor our relationship and our interface with another world that has no physical presence, and which is experienced only through attention  that is not self initiated as well as learning to detect the most subtle nuance in 'thought' and memory.   A particular form of 'self observation' is at work, but it exposes this 'other world interface' also. There are mechanisms of mind at work, impulses, restraints of impulses that operate on 'thought', which can generate 'new contexts' from  thought generated by ordinary daily experiences. These 'flora and fauna' in the mind, can become as visible as any object outside of the body, the world within some have named it. In the 7 years before 1984, certain events happened in my personal life that caused me to notice a stream of thought that began after a short extremely vivid dream. After 1984 everything was permanently different, my body was not a comfortable shell around me, and I had begun to notice occasional incidents that seemed impossible to happen, even once in a life time. But they began as a dribble, and became a deluge, almost overwhelming after 1984. It was necessary to try to understand them, a powerful motor really drove my body in a way that was distinctly different than normal for me.

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"The Kingdom of Heaven is within you. "     

 Where?   How does it communicate?  Through a 'complex', a pattern which does not mean it is easy to identify as to it's real manifestations, although C. G. Jung named it the Self.  P. D. Ouspensky almost certainly identified The Fourth Way, which I believe is another way to say the same thing since Ouspensky's search was for the 'miraculous' in ordinary life.   How is it experienced by unsuspecting individuals and un-inquiring minds?  How is it experienced by individuals who seem to know about it and  believe they understand its operations?  Why is there so much disagreement about this pattern, the God Complex, which conveys its' message in a way that points towards it as being a 'signal' embedded in Time, perhaps IS Time itself? How is it possible to 'get the message' this signal is constantly emitting to the inhabitants of planet Earth? The following paragraph is a quote from an edition of the Bible that makes sense to me, as a comment about the form of communication used in this pattern:

It, the first of 3 major mindquakes, began in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984  with the retrieval of a memory; an event that happened when I was 13 years old that I had forgotten about, along with words of 'thought' spoken in my mind that related to that incident. "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." The Hill  In a flash of time, yet words were distinct,  an enormous amount of information about what the words "You are correct."  meant followed. The 'visible/audible' words were only a small part of the package. The words 'You are correct."  applied on many different levels but I could not understand even the primary level when this event happened, in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984. Long carefully assembled 'strings' of other memories followed this one, so quickly it has to have occurred in a different level of time than we knew about in 1984. Each string conveyed information relevant to what the words "You are correct." meant, on different levels but each string of memories related to questions I had asked myself when I was a very young girl: "Does my presence cause anything to happen? Does anything happen just because I see it? Does my being late for something re-arrange my future?" .

By 1989 I had learned a new language, one that taught itself, using a kind of voice one would never expect to find hidden behind every day 'events'.

And I had become aware that on this planet Earth, what I was actually doing physically was being described to me, in very great detail quite often, but symbolically almost always. This 'voice' had been 'speaking to me' throughout my life in a particular form that would never be suspected or expected. And I had become aware that on this planet Earth, what I was actually doing physically was being described to me, in very great detail quite often, but symbolically almost always. This 'voice' had been 'speaking to me' throughout my life in a particular form that would never be suspected or expected. The experience came through physically present situations, people and my particular memories and understanding, but a pattern 'generated' it, through a real 'bond' that was surprising to me, when I began to feel that I could not initiate and sustain even an ordinary conversation with someone I lived with, although later it was a stunning realization to discover this was not really possible because the 'general' (the 'collective') not the specifics of every day individual life fit within the paradigm  that rules in  every day life!  Induced psychosis

The Weaver Of Dreams

The initiation of a process that led me to a  recognition that there is already, the existence of another 'world of experience' to which 'life' on Earth is connected is what this site is about. The form of the connection is almost always experienced as communication, and in my opinion from experiences of my own, unawares of what anyone else has ever written about that other world, it is communication from an extra-terrestrial source as well as extra-temporal. This event has been almost 24 years in duration at this point in Time, which is the end of 2004, and it has been a process of being born again, giving birth to an idea that had to be discovered 'bit of information by bit of information'.  I was born the first time  1-2-32. The second birth was quite different, and the parent involved in that birth was continually present as a kind of 'voice' by 1984, in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11 when the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played. In 1932, Los Angeles also hosted  the Olympic Games.

You may not believe what I will try to write about and try to describe in very great detail because nothing like it has happened to you. Perhaps it has, but however strange it reads, this was an event that happened to me in a specific way that altered everything: how I heard, what I saw, how my body felt. I suspect that everyone on this planet in 1984 has been and is being affected by the Change.  It happened in just the way I experienced it, and as I understand in my normal way as well as a new 'mindset' that I believe I acquired through a long term relationship that formed a deeper 'bond' than I knew about. The new mindset overlaid everything, as a gradual flow of 'strange events' filtered  into every day life after 1980. Then by 1984 it was nearly a deluge of unfamiliar kinds of experiences that I could not describe to myself or to anyone else. During the next three years I  began to grasp that the thing was actually describing its self in these 'strangely affecting events' that were at times almost electrically 'shocking'.  The word 'coincidence' never occurred to me, I formed my own term for the results of a kind of 'inner repetition of  content', a real 'reflection', or 'echo' after the word 'echo' began to make sense as a description.                                                        

Visible inner content had been very sporadic throughout my life until a year or so prior to 1984. When it was a constant feature, it was distinctly a new thing, and was very disturbing for several reasons, primarily because it was impossible to sink into the oblivion of sleep after my 'empty head' became literally 'thought' full. A constant stream of' visible' thought moved through my mind after a short extremely vivid dream in 1981.

Do you know that 'visible inner content' is regarded by many individuals as 'fantasy, hallucination, imagination'' and to get any real sense of a meaning from this content is evidence of 'delusional' thinking? Finding out that 'visible thought' is named as audible hallucination' came as a huge shock to me, who had never heard or read about 'hallucination' as anything but visual events. Rather than regarding inner content (as Freud had to do when he conceived his original ideas about psychiatry), that it is just 'visible inner content', the meaning of which requires 'decoding',  most truly rational, literal minded individuals ignore it or try to. Also it is not easy to  notice certain points of change that are subtle, that actually alter the direction of 'thought' into 'self reference' and it is important to notice and understand because these changes occur over periods of time that can be decades long!

 C. J. Jung learned to 'decode' the material that his patients spoke and recognized a phenomenon that he named 'meaning full coincidence'.  It has other names, one of which I happened to read on a medical chart of mine in about 1986 and what I read caused me to feel extremely focused on trying to prove to myself that what I was experiencing made sense.  The term I read after I found it in a psychiatric dictionary was 'ideas of reference', the meaning of which I read in a dictionary was 'getting messages from irrational sources'. The opposite side of this 'symptomatic coin'' is 'thought broadcasting' which means that others seem to know and respond to unspoken thought content. That is how it is.

Imagine if you can a simple reversal that can change a 'worried mind' into one that is blissfully unconcerned about anything! Odd to say this may not involve any change in 'being'. The 'worried mind' is overcome with inertia and does almost nothing but the 'carefree mind' also does nothing because everything is alright without doing anything! The 'mountain' has been reduced to 'molehill' by only a reversal of sorts about what is important and what  is trivial. This kind of change is one I became aware of personally in the early 1980's. It was the change that generated the 'voice' although that was not obvious easily.

The first event  happened in the 10 days between July 31, and August 11, 1984 when the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played. Within 3 years I had begun to become aware of a methodical process that used every day events and , memories from my past as well as what was going on in my life, moment by moment during that phase as material for a kind of conversation. It was a mental  process, but a visible one, that worked with the enormous package of  material that had occurred into my mind during that 10 days. That first package, or 'bundle' of  material that was visible but emerging from such a remote place in mind/body that it could not be related to immediately. It had to be discovered afterwards, by another part of mind, and this also was a visible ongoing process that had to be noticed because of the relationship between 'memories' that were often repetitive and apparently meaningless and what was directly happening in my physical life at the moment. A different kind of 'eye' was watching what went on in my head than I had every experienced previously. A different kind of 'ear' was listening to everything: what was inside as thought and whatever occurred as words, external to my body, irregardless of where they were used. off

This is still  a mechanical process, ongoing even 20 years after the 'initiation' occurred..  I had noticed the pattern when I was a very young girl, in the 1940's. It was a pattern that was evident at the end of the millennium. There are ways to understand the events of every day life that in 1984 I knew nothing about.  By 1989 when the second stage event happened, I had learned to relate to certain mental and physical events that made me feel very uncomfortable in my body, in an unexpected way when they first began to happen, in the two years prior to 1984.

It had only to be recognized because it has always been there in my life, and I suspect in everyone's life to see.     We all have a mind/brain and we each experience 'thought' that seemingly is self generated, emerging from one memory but that is not the actual situation. The package of information that occurred into my mind in the summer of 1984, was visible/audible as thought but it obviously emerged from a memory that was very remote from words as well as the 'now' when it occurred. It was 3 years later that I realized this package of information had begun to explain to me, what was going on in my actual life in a form I would not have ever suspected. I named it a 'mindquake' after the second one in the fall of 1989.                                                             

From Out of the Blue......Quantum Physics and learning the Language of the Zeitgeist  from the 'thing itself' after an event in 1984. This 'event' was visible but it happened in a location I had not known could become permanently visible after being sporadically visible for more than 5 decades. The unexpected depth of mind from which this event emerged, became obvious only when 'hindsight' emerged, and I could remember that not one word of the content of this event could be written down or spoken aloud until it met it's exact match somewhere in the external world!  I wrote the content down in 1985, which was almost a year after it  had happened and even at that point I could not relate to what I'd written. It was automatically typed one day, and I read what I'd typed without any recognition and without any curiosity!    

The activities of my body had become visible and much of what my body did was not directed by my own will, purposes and intents. An observing eye/ear within my own mind, went to work with events that were happening in my actual real world life and began to produce a kind of 'drama' which in 1984 I could not have suspected had been building on a foundation laid down while I was living my first 5 decades. In 1984 I was 52 years old, basically uneducated having not been exposed to the 'world of ideas'. The lack of prior knowledge and of preconceived ideas about...everything....seems to me now to have been a most valuable asset because it is easier to grow new knowledge than it is to erase or delete old knowledge.

Religions are all about one idea: Whether we are alone in the universe. We are not alone in the universe: there is an ongoing  constant pattern, embedded within Time at our level that creates a  'voice'  through the  external worlds contents, forming it's conversations in a most unexpected form: a kind of symbolism is involved that is personalized almost beyond any ability to describe it. When George I. Gurdjieff wrote that no man can convey one whit of what he understands to another man, it is likely he was unawares that 'man' as the author of all of history, does share a common understanding, collectively but is unawares of it's effects: a commonality of understanding that is shared, without consciousness or awareness, a commonly sensed understanding that has become the standard for 'normal' until fairly recently.  The 'pattern level' where stereotypes and common sense are the 'normal' has given way somewhat in the past 20 years as many individuals who never fit the 'stereotype' have emerged.  I became aware of this 'shared bond'  myself before becoming aware of any author's attempts to describe his experience with the pattern, and because I knew nothing about many ideas and because of my gender, the 'voice' emerged to an unsuspecting but well prepared observer and listener. In 1984 the 'voice' was emerging through the every day life events of two small groups of individuals who were actually working to 'leave the mainstream level', reaching for  the higher levels of square-dancing, an activity that in my opinion replaces mathematics as a model of cosmic level principles: as it is in small things so it is in large things....20 years has scrolled through Time since 1984 and the Zeitgeist is in my opinion speaking on a global scale.

The Medium IS the Message. By that I meant it's duration in Time, it's various manifestations and the variety of ways it's been defined obscure its presence as a steady signal picked up on this planet. If there are 'mixed signals', there are signals. This site began with a real world experience of beginning to feel the 'mixed signals' that had been hidden for 5 decades, to experience real 'role reversals' in the body condition of being gripped by and driven by this pattern.  The result was 'tunnel vision', becoming aware of being  focused on small details that had been invisible, similar to becoming a kind of living microscope and a transceiver. It did not involve anything mysterious, nor mystical, just every day real world situations....and very real people who gave every evidence of knowing my 'life script' before I knew it myself!

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My first glimpse of it (1982) produced a thought: "How on Earth will I ever explain this? Who on Earth will ever believe me?" This was an event in which an inner observer was watching other inner content but also was watching what was going on in the room where I was waiting for the caller to begin the evening challenge level square dance lesson . I did not realize this was an extra ordinary event, until more than 7 years had passed ! Later a thought occurred into my mind: "It's like a miracle....but slowed down so that I can watch it happen."  There was nothing tangible in what I saw and watched as IT, a flow of events that affected my mind and body before I could clearly relate to it,   scrolled through Time, (1984-1989). It was visible only because it changed every thing in a subtle way that was nearly impossible to isolate and define and I wondered, intensely curious about what had changed.

 'It' actually defined, described and illustrated it's self eventually (thru 1984 and 1989) as an 'added reflection' of content, a 'regeneration' of content similar to an 'echo' to which a completely different context arose in the mind!  The 'myth' of Narcissus and Echo is the re-presentation of this change in the mind of Narcissus, who could literally not identify a 'reflection' in his own mind, as being about him. The content was externalized and seemed to be an 'other', which in the final analysis, it probably is.  And eventually (1989) I realize it was describing what I was trying to describe, in a way that is not impossible to write about since it happens already, it is the 'normal', the commonly adopted paradigm for many.  The 'change of life' began for me in a change that happened first to someone else, who had the 'commonly adopted paradigm understanding' but it lay atop another perceiving eye and ear, the way the surface of the ocean separates the water from the external world.  The 'depths eye/ear' spoke, watched and acted but there was an utterly unexpected lack of ability to hear, see and relate to  the activities originating from the 'depths observer/listener'. The difference between William Blake's Los/Albion  and Jerusalem/Vala was 'in the depths', as well as  George I. Gurdjieff 'man #1' and 'man #7'.

The Zeitgeist does create human language.  Is e = m c 2   a 'clew'?  At this point it might be a good idea to read a newspaper article  Getting it straight that explained to me, why in about 1987 I developed an interest in books by Paul Davies, David Bohm and Eugene Morrow, which are about quantum level physics.  Isaac Newton's complete works indicate that he believed in Divine Providence as 'foresight' given, (the birth of Jesus was forecast long before the event happened) so that when the thing prophesied became evident, that would point towards a Creator or a Source other than the intelligence of 'man' at work

However,  that part was eliminated and cast into a wastebasket named 'the irrational, the immaterial'.  The literal content of the equation is an anagram:  e = mc 2 = 2 c me = To See ME. After the seeming absurdity of this passes....read on.  Perhaps the Other behind our lives does take risks to make It's Self,  evident? There is a very long train of events behind the day this hidden 'clew' came into view. It was nothing I was looking for, nor suspected but the train of events began when a sixth grade teacher, the first male teacher I had told us that arithmetic is fixed and the rules do not change: "What is on one side of the 'equals' sign is the same as what is on the other side, but the arrangement is different." I remember looking at the equation one day when I was typing it on my new word processor and could not figure out how to made the 'power of 2' from the letter 2. A thought occurred into my mind along with what my teacher had said. The thought was "I wonder if that means what it looks like it means?" Some very precise words came into my thought, words I met almost 3 years later in a book authored by Alan Nourse, a Seattle physician Matter:  Physics and Atoms.  At the time I thought it quite odd that a non-physicist would write simple explicit words that put 'man', living man and thus his/her activities into the famous equation. Later I became aware he has authored several science fiction books so having read every science 'fiction' that my father read, and he read them all, it was not difficult to grasp why the window of opportunity we have available to us now has been opening in the way it has done. A plan and a goal that was established, since before written records and the event that inserted 'zero' into Time, happened resulted in a planet wide encounter with the Zeitgeist becoming evident in 1984.  Isaac Newton's entire works indicate he did not claim to have authored  his works so that 'man' would become distanced from the Source of real human 'being' and impute to personal intelligence as the source of Ideas. .

This link leads to an article from January 3, 1932 about Arthur C. Compton's work with quantum physics  Getting it straight  and a document that has the Printout of news of birth year 1932. It shows a  surprising  fact about the discovery of the functions of neurons in the brain as well as surface chemistries at about the same time ideas of quantum physics. In 1932 the three areas of 'discovery' were awarded Nobel Prizes.   In 1932 and in 1984  Los Angeles hosted the Olympic Games. The planet itself seemed to me to have developed the attribute of 'speaking' by the point in Time  numbered as July 31thru August 11, 1984, afterwards and even now.  The 'voice attribute' was not easy to identify nor is it easy to describe how it actually described AND how it identified it's self and my activities distinctly and specifically. The 'super natural' is not mysterious or miraculous, the timing of events, may be.

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This site is about an encounter with the Zeitgeist, or 'the voice of the age' which I heard first in 1984, when I had my first 'mindquake'. The second one occurred in the fall of 1989. The third one happened when I glanced at the back of Petr Beckmann's History of Pi a year later and it exposed a hidden line of endeavor that had begun with my first memory, when I was two and a half years old. That  was an image of what I was looking at, what I heard and felt as well as thought words that occurred into my mind. The complete moment  has re-occurred into my mind briefly throughout my life, for no reason I could see. The image was of a starkly bright light bulb hanging from the ceiling as I laid on a bed, knowing my new baby sister was laying at the other end. The cold wind came through cracks in the building and the thought words: "I am in a cold place.", occurred into my mind. The complete moment flashed into my mind so briefly that I believe I was in my forties before I wondered to myself about it and a few others that came along later, mostly before I was 13 years old. My teen age parents were living in a garage when this first memory and thought occurred. In 1989 I found that garage and the woman who had rented it to my parents validated that we'd lived there at that point in Time. The image of the light bulb, the feel of being cold and the sound of wind as well as the thought words flickered briefly into my mind for decades before I really noticed them, and only then wondered to my self about them.  The words were literally true but there was another sense of truth hidden in them, a psychological sense in which both meanings were true about my life. This and a few other re-occurring (regenerated) memories marked a depth of mind from which they emerged quite distinctly because of the length of time required to notice them, wonder about them and then write them down and verbally express their content. I believe two authors, P. D. Ouspensky and Emanuel Swedenborg made a reference to such recurring memories, although it's possible that Theodore Reik experienced them, especially in regard to his book: The Creation of Woman. He had an experience when he was about 9 years old that eventually resulted in his writing that book, without which I would not have begun to understand a concept of 'opposites' that is indeed very old although I  believed I'd discovered it during the process of trying to learn  certain concepts of challenge level square dancing.

1984 was not just any year; everything has changed on this planet since 1984. Learning the language of the Zeitgeist began with a 'mindquake' that happened between July 31 and August 11, 1984. It is a language that is complete in itself, it can teach itself but that has to be understood in a very broad context that includes a process of 'individuation/regeneration' and acquiring the discernment that P. D. Ouspensky probably named the Fourth Way, or the 'way of the ordinary man'. (Which he was not! He was an extra-ordinary man.)  This process which requires 'self observation' and integration of separated memories is in my opinion from experiences of my own, before I read anything about either man, what Emanuel Swedenborg described as 'regeneration'. and what P. D. Ouspensky named the Fourth Way. 

Getting the information in the form it is re-presented (this is a literally accurate term to use) requires a personal 'discovery'  or recognition of how information is being presented when a certain attribute of 'literalness and self reference' is initialized. This creates a kind of 'echo' or 're-sounding' of content but a new context is presented. Within 4 years after 1984 a large accumulation of 'second underlying/under 'lying' contexts' had accumulated in my memory, and by then I was aware of a 'double world view' and could not discern which was the correct stream of context. There was an 'apparent world', a world of appearances and the world that I named the "Larger Domain" which seemed much more real. The confusion was nearly devastating and I begged aloud one day for proof that I was not imagining anything. The proof came in a form that was the ultimate proof to me, a foxglove seedling that I nearly mowed down one spring day in 1989. A thought occurred to me as I paused to look at it: "Dig it up and plant it in your flowerbox." and I obeyed immediately without thinking about it afterwards until I noticed it was blooming. It was a very bushy plant and it had an amazing number of shapes of flowers on it, some stalks having three distinct levels of bloom! "This foxglove will change all foxgloves." occurred into my mind as I began to notice the astonishing variety of differences in this bloom and other wild foxgloves I'd seen. The fact that a foxglove is a life saver as well as a life destroyer meant nothing to me at that point, nor did I understand the various 'attributes' of the plant. The plant has been a material object that has mirrored certain ideas I was able to detect in the plant as well as in various books I chanced to read  that directly related to  experiences and events in my actual real world life. Tertium Organun came into my life just prior to the foxglove's advent, and Emanuel Swedenborg's writings,  and his  concept of the eras in time that he labeled  'three churches'  (the Most Ancient Church, the Ancient Church and the Church of Adam so that what I'd read and begun to experience formed 'new thought'. The plant seems to me now to have begun a kind of meditation about it, which I observed rather than generated myself.

This is a process of 'abstraction' using all possible definitions of the word, not merely one or two.   F. David Peat's book about Synchronicity was the first book I read  that seemed to me to be 'about' the language of the Zeitgeist although he described an 'interactive force'. I believe it is an information generating 'force'  which  C. G. Jung named 'meaningful coincidence' but in Emanuel Swedenborg's time had different names....'double thought'.....being only one attribute of one of them..'....'symbolic correspondences' being yet another attribute. In our time (1984-2004)  the voice of the Zeitgeist  is 'in your face' ever present, it is  evident everywhere. ..if your third ear and eye combination have been 'switched on' and this involves  experiencing certain 'symptoms' known in psychiatry from which emerged the ideas Freud wrote in his encounter,  from which C. G. Jung's more 'in depth' encounter emerged and from which P. D. Ouspensky/G. I.  Gurdjieff wrote. In my opinion William Blake and Emanuel Swedenborg recognized that they recorded what they were 'told', they were merely the hand that wrote down what they received from what I named the Larger Domain. when I realized it was really 'talking' to me.  There is an 'abstracting sense' at work:

The following paragraph is abstracted  from out of a book that I read recently:  "War In Heaven" by Charles Williams.   I've taken this segment out to make a point about a function of mind that can be thought about as the 'abstract sense'. It does abstract out, by a process that can be visible to anyone that notices what is going on in the mind and notices certain specific content such as in this example. It's purpose is to make certain words, events, circumstances and situations 'significant' as a 'body felt' experience.  It's a kind of mental highlighter.   Read the paragraph through ignoring the underlined words. Then read only the underlined words that have been abstracted out.

"When Mr. Batesby had spoken that morning it had seemed as if two streams of things--actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world. He reminded himself now that such a simplicity was unlikely; explanations did not lucidly arise from mere accidents and present themselves as all but an ordered whole." 

"There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence

In 1984 I knew nothing about psychiatry, certainly nothing about P. D. Ouspensky, Emanuel Swedenborg or Carl G. Jung. The paragraph describes in a literal way a process that was already at work in my life although I would NEVER have been able to describe it so simply as Charles Williams has done. Within 3 years after 1984 I had begun to notice this 'fitting together' of a content in my thought and events in the world.  The thought produced in my mind had changed radically in the early 1980's.  I had been 'empty headed', literally and I became 'thought filled' after a short extremely vivid dream.  The 'new thought' puzzled me and I wondered if 'I' produced it.

In 1984 I knew nothing about any idea that I wrote about in this paper, which I believe now is the 'psychological sense', which 'makes all things new' eventually. Within 5 years an understanding had been growing as a result of an almost unbelievable flow of events and books that I'd read, at first  unable to not choose to read them.  This memory and a few other 'regenerated' moments that had occurred when I was very young, each quite different formed a basis for realizing how very great a distance separated those images from an ability to relate to them when they occurred. Distance in the mind may be marked by such visibility, since the event that happened in 1984 was visible but it had to be discovered. An almost unbelievable 'talking planet attribute' brought about that discovery. There is a reference to such 'recurring memories' in the first paragraph of P. D. Ouspensky's A New Model Of the Universe although I didn't notice it the first time I read the book about 1987 as best I can date it. Later I recognized a paragraph in Emanuel Swedenborg's Writings that I believe explains their purpose and their uses; he named them 'remains', a term that is literally true.

 In the few years prior to 1984 many events happened that brought about an awareness of the 'literal sense', in a form quite different than in relation to stories in the Bible. This 'literal sense' is in my opinion, from experiences with it, a mechanism that 'reflects' content and created not only the 'conversational aspect' of my encounter but 'self observation' of a very complex nature: a doubleness of self observation, the observed and the observer.

The 'conversation' began with a few events that seemed unlikely to happen in the  3 years prior to 1984 and then everything was changed permanently. In the ten days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 I felt very unlike my  normal self. An internal but visible  mental event happened in those ten days and by then every word, irregardless of where it came from had a quality that I had to find a way to describe.  Eventually it was possible to discern that the words I needed were coming towards me, arranged in a form I would never have expected, suspected or understood and the description was being provided! The 'thing' illustrated and explained what was happening and accomplished much more that that! (I do not believe C. G. Jung's idea of the 'Self' is complete, since his process of 'individuation' requires learning to take in information in an almost impossible to explain kind of 'event' and this has not been understood by most Jungian authors. The language of the Zeitgeist extends into a different realm, one that I named the Larger Domain' when I became certain it really was 'speaking' and introducing its self. It seems likely that once we understand more about our minds and how a certain tricky mechanism of mind operates to create the 'voice',  it will be possible to recognize that Emanuel Swedenborg's experiences (and Robert Monroe's more modern experiences) will make more sense. It is likely that what he experienced happens now on this planet although perhaps life is as he believed. a preparation for life after physical death.

 1984 was a destination in Time, I believe before 'zero' was inserted into Time, before George Orwell authored a book titled, 1984, the subtitle of which was "Big Brother Is Watching You." There is a real 'literal sense' in which the words 'Big Brother Is Watching You', mean exactly what they imply and this is a very uncomfortable sense to experience without knowing it exists.  From experiences that were confusing, painful and nearly overwhelming it became obvious to me within 5 years after July 31, 1984 that flowing  'kind' of experience created an idea that I originally didn't know about and an understanding of how it was being accomplished. This was a process of 'abstracting out' and 'highlighting' material world events, in such a form as to isolate a mechanism of mind at work that is almost certainly impossible to detect if it is 'normal', which it is in many people. It was new to me, completely new and it was visible because it altered the content of every moment.

The most difficult task is this: to learn from the 'thing itself' and try to describe the process as well as what was learned. It may be impossible to describe something that has become  invisible because it has become the 'normal' and is ever-present; it is the first thing one sees but it is transparent and infinitely malleable, taking some attribute of an external world object, event, circumstance to create a 'bit of information'.  Because it is a 'mindset' which is invisible in its' self,  every thing, tangible and non-non-tangible, is behind it. A mind that is basically free from prior conceptions and with little knowledge about history has an opportunity to 're-view' and I have 'second sight' in mind, every detail of that life. The 'zeitgeist' knows where that individual is on this planet. How that can become evident is a detail that is MOST difficult to describe.  The first moment of my cosmic level encounter began when I was about 13 years old

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John Nash's experience with his 'inner world' were described by  him, after a long an arduous trip through 'inner space' (my term):

" I've always believed in numbers. In the equations and logics that lead to reason. But after a
lifetime of such pursuits, I ask, what truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me
through physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back.* And I have made the most
important discovery of my career. The most important discovery of my life.

It is only in the mysterious equations of love, that any logical reasons can be found."
* * * * * * * **
* * * * * * * * * * ~John Nash ( Russell Crowe), A Beautiful Mind.

The last lines in The Bridge Of San Luis Rey are virtually identical to what Mr. Nash came to understand. The process itself, the pattern itself is as alive as any pattern can be...in Time itself.

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This event opened up my life as it was at that point, although within 5 years after 1989 I had become aware the 'new-to-me' world view' was merely a limited mindset that has governed 'rationalist' through Aristotle and down to Newton.

"There is another world, but it is in this one." Paul Eluard, (Morris Berman, The Re-enchantment of the World_

They both operate in the same language on a continuum: Metanoia becomes Paranoia in a process of individuation/regeneration. pimoebius

Carl Sagan: "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." Perhaps an intention?

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I believe the proof that we are not alone in the universe is what is waiting to be known. The form in which we are 'not alone' may not involve physical aliens, nor actual UFO's, then again.....?  "The kingdom of heaven is within you."  "Thought" of a particular kind that is embedded within 'thought' of quite a variety (seemingly) creates a kind of conversation that is unexpected, because it is a 're-use' (re-occurrence, echo, re-sounding, re-generation) of content. The most ordinary life events are the material.  The 'myth' of Narcissus and Echo almost certainly are 'illustrations' of a deep split in consciousness even in the Greek era.   Emanuel Swedenborg wrote that man possesses two memories, but does not know this. It was not merely personal experience that caused me to become aware of the fact that the 'unconscious mind' and the conscious mind exist in the same body. There was a participation from people who seemed to be aware of their interface with a thought process and content in my own mind. But it became painfully evident that there is no connection between actions of the body and speech generated by the unconscious and the person's idea of him/herself.  The 'unconscious' but eventually predictable participation of individuals and even objects that use words cannot easily be explained except through some kind of non-verbalized 'chemistry'.   pimoebius

"After my experiments......I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling and circling round something that it has never succeeded in expressing."  P.D. Ouspensky, A New Model Of the Universe, page 304 in the Alfred A. Knopf, Inc edition.

"Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." C. G. Jung  `

"The 'zeitgeist', the voice of the age, uses whatever is available in any life, any ordinary life and it's language has altered within eras of Time." pimoebius

 "In the development of linguistic forms we differentiated three stages which we designated as those of mimetic, analogical and symbolic expression."  Ernst Cassirer , Mythic Consciousness      

"God gave the prophecies, not to gratify men's curiosity by enabling them to fore know things, but
that after they were fulfilled, they might be interpreted by the event, and His own providence, not
the interpreters, be thereby manifested to the world. " Sir Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727)

 What Isaac Newton meant was that describing an event before it manifested ought to have proved the existence of an intelligence that knew the future, and comes from outside of Earth 'time'.    pimoebius

"When the deepest layers of the collective unconscious are stirred ....with an emerging new symbol of God, outer events also seem to take part of the process...." Marie Von Franz, The Passion of Perpetua

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"By a playful thinking that is more persuasive than the rigor of science," Heidegger tells us, the Greek words for interpreting and interpretation—hermeneuein, hermeneia--can be traced back to the god Hermes.1 However questionable the etymological connection between Hermes and hermeneuein may be, hermeneutics, as the art of understanding and of textual exegesis, does stand under the sign of Hermes. Hermes is messenger who brings the word from Zeus (God); thus, the early modern use of the term hermeneutics was in relation to methods of interpreting holy scripture. An interpreter brought to mortals the message from God. Although the usage was broadened in the eighteenth and nineteenth century to take in methods of understanding and explicating both sacred and secular texts from antiquity, the term "hermeneutics" continued to suggest an interpretation which discloses something hidden from ordinary understanding and mysterious. Ancient texts are, for moderns, doubly alien: they are ancient and they are in another language. Their interpreter, poring over a text in Hebrew, Greek, or Latin, cannot fail to convey the impression that he has access to a body of knowledge from elsewhere, is a bridge to somewhere else, he is a mediator between a mysterious other world and the clean, well-lighted intelligible world in which we live and move and 'have our being."   From an essay: The Liminality of Hermes and the Meaning of Hermeneutics  by Richard E. Palmer, MacMurray College        

The 'playful thinking' is in my opinion from  the apparent 'coincidence'  or 'simultaneous occurrence' of a thought , a particular level of thought that is visible much before it is articulatable, thus one's unspoken mental content matches exactly with an event in the exterior world.  This is a 'symptom' experienced as 'thought broadcasting', the opposite side of which is 'ideas of reference', the definition of which is 'getting messages from irrational sources'! Overall this  is very literally an event of 'second sight' in which an almost invisible 'reflection' of content occurs , so rapidly it seems to be an almost instantaneous replaying content.  In this 'recurrence' a completely new context emerges, a bit of information is formed. I named this myself as 'second underlying contexts' then later altered the term somewhat to 'second under 'lying' contexts' because I had become aware that a false 'world of appearances' viewpoint governs many minds on this planet. The 'bits of information' or apparent 'coincidences' happen randomly but are utterly precisely timed to interface with 'thought and expectations',  if my experience is typical. And meaning emerges slowly, building a kind of 'drama' that is drawn from one's own specific life, gradually.  It is a process of self observation basically but there is the 'producer' of the drama that is most difficult to discern. The mechanisms of mind are  visible in a particular way, one that I suspect accounts for remarks P. D. Ouspensky wrote in some editions of his book, The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution. "..After some time one begins to see: "I got this that I did not have before" and "I got that that I did not have before." So little by little one can be more sure.     He is then asked "I suppose also you can give no guarantee as to whether    people will suffer from some delusion as regards personal experience? One may take illusion for fact?" to which Mr. Ouspensky replies: "Yes, Very easily,  but if one remembers all that one was told, one learns to discriminate."

All that one was told? When I read "All that one was told." which is the last sentence in the book, I recognized that what I read was somewhat different from the words on the page: "If one remembers all that one was told IN THE BEGINNING, one learns to discriminate." The words that were added were then linked with an experience I'd had in the middle of the year 1984, in which I had been 'told' and shown a version of my life at that point in Time. Although that it was a 'version' of my life was not evident to me in 1984., this had to be discovered afterwards.  Within 5 years after 1984 I had become aware of having learned a language and recognized how it was generated, and I had become aware of a connection to another world, one I named the Larger Domain when I realized it was without doubt 'speaking' to individuals on this planet in it's unexpected kind of communication.                                                    

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Because I am constantly reminded that the content of this site is about real world experience nothing was my imagination, I repeat what is necessary.  I had to discover by living in it,  how life is experienced in the 'double bind' and the 'terrible painfully confusing ambiguity' of finding out I had been living an individual life in a world that recognizes only what is 'common, stereotypical, 'normal'. Everything began and ends with typical family situations, nothing esoteric, mystical or magical is involved other than the sense of having learned from the pattern at work and recognizing the impeccable timing. That wsa not easy to notice, it was pointed out to me when events that I could not have arranged or expected happened, and in places usually where other people were a participant. .

It's a pattern I noticed when I was a young girl and which I believe is embedded in Time and is related to 'religion' all of them. It's a pattern that is denigrated, disparaged, misunderstood because the 'individualized life' is it's content. The form is very easily identifiable in stereotyped lives, but in the past 20 years stereotypes have all but vanished. Individuals who do not fit the 'known' stereotypes have emerged and this has all but destroyed the viewpoint that the 'common' traits apply to everyone, that there are not extremes. The first pattern I noticed in it's destruction was that of an alcoholic who insisted that because the 'stereotyped' symptoms of an alcoholic did not fit or describe him he could not be an alcoholic. It was necessary to notice the utterly unexpected (to me at least) precise timing of a few events in the exterior world with something I said non-volitionally, but which I heard myself say in a different way than normal for me. There was also a visible process of thought that had been initiated after a short vivid dream in the fall of 1981. By 1989 when the second major mindquake occurred, I had become aware that the strange feelings and changes in how I heard, thought, and spoke were related to Emanuel Swedenborg's process of regeneration, and to F. David Peat's somewhat limited description of 'synchronicity'. Having been born January 2, 1932 when ideas of quantum physics were 'in the air', a fact I had to discover was being drawn into focus, I became aware of how I had been affected by my father's passion for science fictions. He read every one of them, and so did I although he hid them for some reason so that I had to search for them and read them without his knowledge.                     

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Isaac Asimov's birth-date is also 1-2-32. One of his books, The End Of Eternity as well as Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End were of very great significance but that is also true of Ira Levin's books, Rosemary's Baby and This Perfect Day and Eric Blair (George Orwell)'s book 1984.

At this point , the fall of 2004, I don't know where the 'fiction' in science fiction is. Everything I read about in those 'fictions' is in our face present  everywhere.                                                              

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This was an encounter that demanded of me that I 'name what you see, describe what you see, describe what you feel' and I did not have the words available to me to describe 'non-tangibles' of any kind. But the most astonishing thing about this experience is that after a few years of 'very strange experiences', I recognized that the words I needed to 'name what you see, describe what you see, describe how you feel' were coming to me, systematically arranged and precisely timed to align with what I was in fact trying to 'name'!!!  A new 'sense' had been abstracting out of books I just happened to find in a variety of places, and in circumstances I knew I had not chosen to look for, the words that actually 'described' what I was trying to name, describe and what I felt at the moment. Books written by authors  I'd never heard of, and in which I had no initial interest often created a body response that was uncomfortable, and a mental confusion that I could not understand. The authors  in the order I came upon them were: Joseph Chilton Pearce, Wilson Van Dusen, Paul Davies, Rodney Collin, P. D. Ouspensky, Emanuel Swedenborg and an assortment of authors who wrote about ideas of quantum physics.

Nothing mystical, magical, esoteric or unexplainable in ordinary every day language has happened.  I believe it's the result of a pattern that is 'alive' in Time, which many people experience but because it's an 'individualizing pattern' it is wrongly understood. It actually explained its 'self' over a period of more than two decades!  It began in the early 1980's when Mt. St. Helens erupted near where I lived. By July 31, 1984 many factors in my  personal life had changed and every thing was different. Every word whether it was spoken, written, read or thought was markedly different and I was feeling driven to try to explain to myself what was going on. I could not see any reason for such a change that altered everything because when I looked closely nothing was different. The change altered everything, but no thing was really changed thus it became evident eventually the change was purely within...in a location I'd never experienced or 'seen/heard':  the inscape. "Be watchful, ye know not what hour I come..."

 At the midpoint of 1984 in July, I experienced the first of several 'mindquakes',  that is, huge masses of information about my life as it was at the time they occurred...within 5 years I knew this information was drawn from  the contexts of ' written history itself' and had nothing to do with my real individual life. The 1989 mindquake convinced me that the process itself had taught me ideas I'd not known about using a language that I'd not known existed. It is a language which taught itself and explained what I was physically doing many times! This was a startling enough recognition but the way this was being done was more than startling, by a process of 'regeneration/echoing/re-occurrence' that happened almost to rapidly to notice. Because everything was so different, it was not easy to pinpoint any one cause for all the 'effects' but the process actually explained and illustrated itself!   The mind and its contents had been basically invisible to me until early in the 1980's, when my 'thought-less' mind ended after a short, extremely real dream initiated what I described as 'non-stop thinking'. The content of this 'band of thought' was about the dream until the middle of 1986 at which point it veered slowly away into unsuspected territory.. so that by 1989 an entirely new way to relate to every moment in my life had emerged. The Dream

 The encounter began with what I named a 'mindquake' after I understood what was coming at me, a kind of 'voice' that was hidden until an attribute of 'self reference' was added to perception and understanding. It changed everything...this attribute creating a 'voice' that worked with the content of the 'mindquakes', there have been 3 since 1984. This 'voice' was directly overhead in Time in 1984, it was  embedded in every day events in a particular situation where ordinary individuals and a particular group of individuals  were already engaged in 'reaching for a higher level'......trying to learn challenge level square-dancing which required that gender based roles be removed. The process itself makes every moment significant for a time, but there are points of change several years apart. I suspect it can be regarded as a continuum, one that creates a double bind from which 'mixed signals' emerge.

 If there are mixed signals, there are signals.

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"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other (thought) voices."   From Contact by Carl Sagan

There are NO voices in the mind. This is 'thought'  that can change direction, when it's reflected back' with an attribute of 'self reference' which 'turns the direction' towards the observer. A 'reflection' has occurred although the word 'echo' is a better term. Narcissus and his Echo are two parts of a whole, a mind whose 'reflections' seem to be divided.

Where? In the mind, where thought emerged into a new-to-me kind of 'visibility' that in my situation in 1984 when my first 'mindquake' happened. It could not be related to when it happened. It is odd to have to discover over a period of more than 5 years that visible thought can occur into the mind, but it's not accessible in memory. I believe until the content meets its exact match it remains 'almost words of thought', but is not articulatable. This 'meeting of content' I believe accounts for what has been named 'coincidences of the meaningful kind' as well as certain 'symptoms' that are really a process of individuation at work. An enormous package of information about my specific life occurred into my mind in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 . This happened while I tried to do ordinary activities that had become very difficult to do by then. The content was 'thought' without any imagery, memories were abstracted from my past and an enormous package of 'backup' information I could not 'see/hear' at that time. Within the package was a message that had 10 items in it which I wrote down without even recognizing several months later! After reading Contact by Carl Sagan several months later in 1985, a realization came to me quite hesitantly, that in 1984 I had gotten a message. "It was a message. I got a message."

How is it possible to prove the existence of an intelligence other than our own that works IN Time itself IN individual lives trying to establish it's own validity and means of communicating INTO Earth time? Describing what is going to happen before it happens as well as describing what is happening WHILE it happens. This can be done, it happens already. One attribute of the 'phenomenon' of 'meaningful coincidences' is one in which the identity and life contents of the experiencing individual are 'echoed' so to speak, i.e. restated  or yet another term , re-generated in 'bits' that are 'felt' in a variety of body responses. There is a well known psychological condition or 'mindset' in which the individual seems to be 'at the center of all things', and in this 'condition' one's unspoken thought  seems to be 'known' to everyone, even objects that use words because they are constantly  'referred to' by others, or any thing that uses words. The term 'resonation' is commonly used now, 20 years after 1984....doesn't the word really mean 're-sounding'? And yet another term, echo means the same thing. The very first quotation I read ( 1986) from Emanuel Swedenborg's Writings was a paragraph that contained the term: double thought'. I paused over the strange term, wondering what it could mean. If I had understood why the two words held my attention captive when I read and wondered about them, it would have been possible to recognize that they described to me, a new and puzzling effect that I had been experiencing for 3 years, and occasionally prior to that.  It was not easy to notice that this experience contained a means for it to teach it's own language, and to explain by illustrations, how its 'language' is literally a process of 're-generation' basically. In the four years after 1984 the doubleness overlaid every detail of my life. By then it was obviously a change within my mind that altered everything outside of my body, as well as whatever thought content generated by 'objects and events' outside of my body that was 'useful' in creating it's conversation.

There is an example of this 'double thought' in Theodore Reik's book, Fragment of a Great Confession, in the chapter "In Small Packages" in which he describes his attempt to reconstruct a bridge hand  he had played the previous evening. Certain words normally used in talking about bridge developed what he described as a 'double bottom', having a 'secret meaning' that really related to and even described back to him a detail about his actual life with his wife. He did not recognize at that point that the detail was an opportunity to recognize the mechanism that generates 'self observation'. The very process by which Sigmund Freud 'discovered psychoanalysis': "Freud discovered in the very organization of the mind those mechanisms by which art makes its effects, such devices as the condensations of meanings and the displacement of accent" .

"I saw not with the eyes of the body, but the eye of the soul." Theodore Reik quotes from Goethe in his remarkable book, Fragment of a Great Confession. 

One day while riding Goethe 'met himself' riding in a particular 'dress' towards him. Later he recognized that he'd had a 'pre-vision' when he actually rode in that 'dress' in that location. The 'foreseen' event occurred.

Theodore Reik was obsessed with Goethe's writings and had read them all by the time he was 18 years old. Theodore Reik's book, The Creation of Woman,  is an investigation of the contradictory versions of the birth of Eve in Genesis 1 and 2. The result of his detective work was astonishing in that he had given the answer to the question himself, when he was 9 years old. "Perhaps the thing is turned around!" he had spontaneously exclaimed as he listened to his elders reason about the two versions.  He makes a good case for a 'role reversal'  in the second version. It's not about Eve, it's the 'birth out of the mother' into the 'world of men' of Adam.

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 The term 'deja vu'  almost certainly can be re-defined:  exact inner content meets its exact match in the exterior world. The specificity  of 'thought' that appears the way a fragrance marks an object in real life, gradually emerging, meeting it's exact content in a book, is what makes such events really distinct. The first time it happened I thought almost nothing about it! Gradually it began to become so distinct that  content in my thought, which was prior to meeting it's match was happening regularly.  An entire book such as 'Listening With The Third Ear; by Theodore Reik can 'resonate' (echo/re-sound) or a few words uttered by any object that uses words. There was a distinct body response when I heard "The second world is just beyond your reach." which was a very silly automobile commercial that I heard in the few weeks prior to the beginning of the 1984 Olympic Games. A short time later my attention was taken away from what I was doing when a slightly altered version occurred: "The second world is here, and in the second world all the rules are changed." There were many reasons the words in the strange automobile commercial lingered in my mind, in the same way Theodore Reik's mind become 'locked in place' when the terms used to described a bridge game occurred into his mind.  There is a mechanism of mind at work, one that has many attributes that alter and/or  reverse whatever content is 'in the slot of direct attention'' at the moment when the content and the moment are precisely engaged. 

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The Zeitgeist is a generator of information.  The form of it's 'conversation' seems impossible to explain to anyone although it is very commonly experienced.   For instance John Nash wrote in his recent  book, A Beautiful Mind: "My delusions appeared to me of the same quality as my mathematical discoveries, and so I took them seriously." The 'quality' and  various attributes of the 'irrational' thought produced by the mechanisms of mind that operate in the processes of 'individuation/regeneration'  once they become visible/audible, can be understood in that process of 'life re-view'. Mr. Nash might have benefited from reading The Presence of Other Worlds, and Natural Depths of Man by Wilson Van Dusen, but very likely it was his own  intelligent attention  towards the content of his mind that eventually led him through the abyss! Wilson Van Dusen quoted a reference to 'double thought' from Emanuel Swedenborg's writings. I read it at a point in Time, 1986, when I could have recognized the term described a detail of my life when I read it.  This is not a currently understood attribute of 'meaningful coincidence' or 'psychotic associations' which form automatically and instantly from 'delusional' perceptions of events in the exterior world. The attribute of  'describing a detail of the life' after it has  been 'switched on' is difficult to describe especially to certain utterly 'rational minded' individuals. There are every day events in the life of any individual that can be used to create some 'bit of information', although this is a very simplistic way to state an overall complexification of a life.

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"There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence

In the search for truth on this planet, what seems to be impossible, absurd, esoteric, ridiculous and/or irrational has to be re-evaluated constantly.  There is a mechanism of mind that cannot be understood except from experience without it's operation as a comparison for when it is 'initiated/switched on' permanently.  Anything that is distinctly NEW can be noticed.  Anything that is 'ever-present' has become basically invisible although it is 'right in front of you' at all times. It is somewhat known in psychiatry as 'projection' but it is understood in a very superficial way.  It's mechanical operation on perception can create new information...and it can make it's thought generations distinct from self generated thought, body generated thought and object generated thought.  Until the early 1980's I was literally 'thought' less. After a short extremely vivid dream late in 1981 my thought-less days ended forever apparently. The Dream

Where? In the mind, where thought emerged into  a 'visibility' that in my situation in 1984 when my first 'mindquake' happened, could not be related to when it happened. An enormous package of information about my specific life occurred into my mind in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 . This happened while I tried to do ordinary activities that had become very difficult to do by then. The content was 'thought' without any imagery, memories abstracted from my past and an enormous package of information I could not 'see/hear' at that time. Within the package was a message that had 10 items in it which I wrote down without even recognizing several months later! After reading Contact by Carl Sagan a realization came to me quite hesitantly, that in 1984 I had gotten a message. "It was a message. I got a message."

Several years passed before I noticed this sentence in a book I'd read a couple of times without noticing it. What function of mind 'lit up' this one line at that particular point in Time?

"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices." Carl Sagan in his book, Contact, a supposedly fictional book.

"Jeremiah 31:33  "I will put my law within them and in their heart I shall write it."

This site is  only the result of an encounter with the idea that is hidden behind the 'miraculous', the 'mysterious', the esoteric, the 'irrational' (the psychotic). It's repetitive, but that's how my mind worked, and I had to notice that. Noticing what was in my 'head' was a completely new thing, it would never have occurred to me it was full of activity, some of which was so new that fact alone made me curious. Everyday life, all of it with nothing deleted or omitted, (I had to become aware of this)  provided the content from which an encounter resulted in  discovering the 'Zeitgeist'. It did not seem to be a religious experience for a few years, then one day I was made aware of the real source of the 'strange feelings' and many changes that had occurred in my mind and body.  I knew nothing about what other people had written about it. I became aware of learning from the thing itself,  learning it's particular language, as anyone ought to be able to do.  I didn't know about the 'mysterious, esoteric, irrational, miraculous' or what had been written in psychiatric texts when my hearing changed, my perception changed and quite gradually a sprinkling of 'strangely  timed events' began to happen.

The Zeitgeist is a voice, it's 'words',  it's 'language' and it's form of generating new information need to be understood.

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A 'Rare Event' can alter the way the entire recorded past has to be understood and I believe that in 1984 such an e vent happened.  There is a 'voice', the 'zeitgeist' embedded in 'history/his story', but it is a very strange kind of 'voice', nearly impossible to detect as a communication and an information generating 'voice'. It speaks through 'coincidences' or apparent 'coincidences', since impeccable Timing  between material world events and individuals coming into 'contact' is an alternative explanation; one that has been erroneously understood as the sense of deja vu, i.e. "I have lived this before."  I suspect the ideas about karma, re-incarnation, fate and destiny and very likely gnosis are all linked to this kind of experience. That is a statement that I hesitate to make, but I have to do so. The religious experience has many faces, many attributes and obviously its about communication.  Chemistries of the biological kind and chemistries of the non-material kind unite to form the kind of 'words' spoken by the zeitgeist itself and the 'psychological sense' of the new meanings of events emerges over a period of time. The 'planet itself' speaks and in it's conversation the biblical statement "Behold I make all things new." makes sense. This is an individual experience, specifically individual, unmistakably individual.

A major 'coincidence' of the meaningful kind occurred when a picture I'd taken had a 'twist of colored streaks, white at the center' on it. The picture of the metal 'pi' sculpture that my employer used to promote their awards program had a 'twist of colored streaks, white at the center' on it and this 'twist' linked in my thought to a very private flow of experience that had begun in the early 1980's, then later back to much earlier in my life. I had oined the term 'moebius twist' myself,  unawares it was a concept and was already familiar to mathematicians.  I became aware of this 'twist' while I struggled to learn challenge level square-dancing, at a point in time when certain changes were 'in the air', particularly related to removing gender 'bias'. By 1984 'the new sense' overlaid every moment of my life, some thing that was 'transparent' but which altered in a subtle way, everything. I could see nothing physically altered, yet every aspect of my life was altered, minute by minute. This 'twist of colored streaks' just happened and I have never been able to explain how it happened to show up in the few specific pictures that meant something quite astonishing to me.

 "The philosopher is usually interested in a central idea that evolves over a long period of
time, which may never be successfully completed and formulated into words , one that may
appear to be mysterious and beyond scientific validation." Piaget


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"A mystery lurks beneath the magic carpet of science, something that scientists have not
been telling, something too shocking to mention except in rather esoterically refined circles;
that at the root of the success of twentieth century science there lies a deeply 'religious
belief'--a belief in an unseen and perfect transcendental world that controls us in an
unexplained way, yet upon which we seem to exert no influence whatsoever. What this world
is, where it is and what it is to us is what this book is about....." John Barrow,
Pi In The Sky

Page 1: Chapter 1: From mystery to history

"If we could discover the little backstairs door that for any age serves as the secret
entranceway to knowledge we will do well to look for certain unobtrusive words with
uncertain meanings that are permitted to slip off the tongue or the pen without fear and
without research; words which having from constant repetition lost their metaphorical
significance, are unconsciously mistaken for objective realities. Carl Becker

"We live a double life whether we know it or not, we live our own life and we live the life of
our own time." Laurens van der Post, C. G. Jung And Our Time

"Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." c.g. Jung.
 

I BELIEVE THERE WAS A PLANET-WIDE ENCOUNTER WITH THE ZEITGEIST IN 1984, July 31-August 11, 1984 and this site is about how my life, all of it,  became involved in  recognizing the 'voice' itself, arising from that encounter.  The most important fact about what I want to describe is the process by which I became aware of being 'talked to', and of being 'shown' the contents of my real world life. It may seem unbelievable, it may seem to be an act of pure imagination and it was that. Every day it seemed impossible for more than 5 years. By 1989 I had to begin to accept that the impossible thing, marked by precise timing of every event in my life at that point, a point several years long, was real.  It was not easy to identify the 'conversational' attributes of so painful an encounter, nor was it easy to identify how the 'conversation' was being constructed in a particular form, one that is really very old I suspect. There will be 'anecdotes' that ought to serve as examples of the many ways 'words' were created because they were generated in a most unexpected use of the every day content of my life and those around me from the late 1970's until 1984. By July 1984 everything/every thing  had changed already in a subtle way and I felt 'at sea', barely able to maintain a semblance of 'normality'. 

Within 5 years after July 31, 1984 I knew that the effects came from a pattern moving in Time, one I'd noticed when  I was a very young girl when only newspapers and radios carried news. Emanuel Swedenborg wrote that on Earth there are no causes and effects, there are only effects. Basically the ideas of quantum physics are the same, that the material world is derived from and maintained by the activities of another world

It is reasonable to believe that when Stonehenge was built, this encounter was already established to happen in the future, an extraordinary 'rare event'. coupled with the end of a millennium: 2000 AD.  One day I looked at a picture of Stonehenge and unexpectedly recognized a ring of 'pi' symbols and an assembly of 'pi' symbols in the center.  The 'pi' symbol came into prominence quite suddenly in 1989, when the second stage of the 1984  event occurred in the location where 'thought', visible but inexpressible,  had emerged in 1984.  The 'inscape' had become somewhat familiar by 1989 and it was possible to relate immediately to this second stage 'mindquake', which had not been possible in  the 1984 event.

The opening of 'insight', a real organ that generates 'self observation'  began with a gradual change in the early 1980's that I believed was due to 'natural world' causes: I'd had a terrible blow on the head in an accident in 1981 and had drastic surgery a year prior to that. The 'change' was diagnosed as 'severe menopausal syndrome' but I became aware the 'change of life' for me was closely connected to the 'change of life' pattern itself,  when it began to affect someone very close to me. An unsuspected mental bond created a binary unit, which I read later Emanuel Swedenborg described as a man and a woman. From this 'condition' which was visible due to certain repetitious habits and forms of speech,  a real new mind emerged from the ordinary every day circumstances this 'binary unit' was living through between 1975 and 1984 and thereafter. 

"folie a deux - the simultaneous occurrence of symptoms of a mental disorder (as delusions) in two persons who are closely related (as siblings or man and wife)"  Note: It may come as a surprise to the reader that the idea of a 'delusional' interpretation relates to 'individual experience', outside of the 'normal' commonly accepted 'scientific paradigm' i.e. the 'group'. The individual 'against' a group? This 'psychiatric definition' clearly recognizes that mental material can be transferred or 'sensed' between individuals, and in groups:  This site is the result of such an experience arising from that 'condition', a quite visible circumstance. The visibility of 'inner content' is NOT a hallucination, not hearing 'voices', nor is it a delusional experience. It is just 'visible inner content': quite a variety of thought, mechanisms of mind that can alter how 'thought' is experienced; re-generated memories,  as well as very uncomfortable body conditions.  "Tunnel vision" may not seem to be a body condition as well as a limited perception but it is.                  

"The essence of neuroses as distinguished from culture is, according to Freud," that the neuroses are asocial structures; they endeavor to  achieve by private means what is effected in society by collective effort."  Norman O. Brown, Life  Against Death page 156  

 Definition: A neurosis, in psychoanalytic theory, is an ineffectual coping strategy that Sigmund Freud suggested was caused by emotions from past experience overwhelming or interfering with present experience. For example, someone attacked by a dog as a toddler may have a phobia or overwhelming fear of dogs.

There were 10 items in the Message I heard in 1984. This is item 6 of the Message:

6.  America and its isolation from civilization was no accident.  (We were reserved to be the birthplace for the idea that man was created free, so it could to be made manifest and that it might grow in the world.) This is difficult to understand and can only be understood in the idea that man was never been free from habitual instinctual responses to the past, which is important for us to survive and is how evolution proceeds towards the best possible use of our lives. If every one had to learn all over again EVERYTHING that had ever occurred we would be a static race, fixed and unmovable. The automatic response to other humans is worse than can be supposed in its affects and effects. I believe Jesus referred to this when he said: "Are you evil because I am good?" inferring that a person is responding with an 'opposite view' automatically and not the real point of view a person might have if they reflected upon ideas, the content of the moment and really understood them.  Somehow we read each other like books, due to chemistries that are specific in each person. Recognizing this fact about the' chemistries and energies' that motivate us took almost 15 years after 1984.

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There was a long string of experiences behind  the day (1986) that I looked at what I had just typed on my new word processor:  e=mc2, pausing to think of how to change ordinary '2' into '2 squared'. Quite suddenly I saw it reversed, back to front (2cm=e) and this happened in a flash of Time. Seeing in reverse at that time was more or less constant, due to what I believed was the effects of a terrible blow on my head.  I'd had tests done that showed my handedness had reversed from right to left. (I don't believe the accident had anything to do with the change at this point; it was a 'world of appearances' effect, the causes were not what I had believed.)  Simultaneously a string of memories from my past came into my mind followed by a new thought about what I was looking at:  "I wonder if that means what it looks like it means?" (I don't believe 'I' generated the new thought, I read it, observed it, watched it and remembered it afterwards. Observing what was going on in my mind was an activity that I had barely begun to identify by 1986.)

1. I'd read One, Two, Three Infinity by George Gamow in the fifties after my new husband read it. I could easily read every word but I realized that I did not get any meaning from what I read at all. I remembered only words: observer, train, speed of light and black holes. and something Einstein had said: "Nonsense. God does not play dice." Reading the book came back into my mind along with the memory of not understanding it. (In the mid 1980's I had begun to believe every word I read fell into a 'black hole' because it seemed that I did not remember anything I read but my deeply entrenched habit of reading probably drove me like a kind of motor. The material changed but the habit remained the same. )

2. A sixth grade arithmetic teacher, the first male teacher I'd had, explained the rules of arithmetic were consistent and did not change. "What is on one side of the '=' sign is the same as what is on the other side."  He gave examples to show what he meant. The memory was retrieved although I had not thought of that remark after the day he said it.  This was a visible activity of mind, but it was a new kind of activity and visibility of mental contents. This retrieval astonished me because I remembered the incident and 'felt funny' when the words re-occurred, or were 'regenerated' after several decades.

3. Certain specific words and an idea relating vaguely to what the equation implied came into my mind at that point.  3 years later I read those exact words in a book by a Seattle physician, Alan Nourse: Universe, Atoms and Physics. The equation included 'me', my life and my activities. I had read several books about quantum physics but none of them had been so specific as to relate the 'matter' to the objects in my life as well as 'me' as this book.

4. The memory of  something I'd read in Rosemary's Baby: "It's an anagram." came to mind. The memory was complete with words, and the source of the words.

5. The equation, e = mc2  flipped into a form of puzzle , featuring letters and numbers that had been a weekly feature in the newspaper when I was younger, in which the literal content stood out vividly.  It was a habit that had been somewhat 'refreshed' recently due to the increase in personalized license plates. URGR8, etc. I laughed at the effect of seeing e = m c 2 turn into 'equals to see me'.

All of this and more collapsed into  looking at the letters and symbols of e=mc2 as an anagram: = 2 c me. The idea that God does play games and take risks was made clear. My grandmother's name was Risk.

 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001,2,3..................1984.... July 31, 1984 .....2001.................................................

"There exists a type of phenomenon even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant." Arthur Koestler, The Roots of Coincidence

This has been a lifelong endeavor but the 'work' was fully initiated in July 31, 1984-August 11, 1984. I believe it is a pattern that is embedded in Time itself and it may be what P. D. Ouspensky believed was the 'psychological sense' and Plato mentioned as a 'sense more worthy of development' than the five senses, although I have read that 'intuition/pattern recognition' is the sixth sense. Becoming aware of 'likenesses' in things that seem to be quite different must be an attribute of the sixth sense, but that's my own distinction.

I remember reading an article when I was in my teens that contained a sentence in it that I remembered afterwards: "Intelligence is the ability to identify isolated but related facts and to form them into theories that explain the universe." This one sentence abstracted itself from the article in which it was embedded and re-occurred into my mind afterwards for no reason I could understand, until after the initiation of my real life in 1984. There were a few such moments in the past that were made significant in this way, by their re-occurrence for no reason I could understand. They were aimed towards future events. Paul Davies wrote in Other Worlds that what happens in the past depends upon what is to happen in the future, which explains those rare moments that were 'regenerated' afterwards into my thought for no apparent reason. The reason was: they were intended to be noticed and wondered about.

I have just described the basic process by which the 'voice' of the zeitgeist communicates it's 'words'.  The bibliography and end notes in non-fiction books is in my opinion the result of this process of 'abstraction' when a mechanism of mind operates to create 'self reference' in the particular content that the zeitgeist requires. The few rare events that were abstracted out from ordinary daily life events, mostly when I was very young were the foundation of an endeavor that I had to discover after the first big mindquake happened in 1984.

Rare events happen over generations, passing through eras of minds. 1984 was one of the rarest events in Time as was 2001.

"Eternal truth needs a human language that alters with the spirit of the times." c.g.jung 

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Perhaps an Intention...is the name of a chapter in a book, The Bridge Of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder. An old abbess asks a visitor from Spain a question in that chapter: "..and the insane? How do they treat them now? I watch them sometimes and it seems to me there is a secret about them, just out of sight, just around the corner...." 

I repeat myself so that the words in the title of the chapter will not be ignored or forgotten because I have experienced that indeed there was "Perhaps An Intention"  behind the strange mention of a 'secret about the insane.. just out of sight, just around the corner..."  into a conversation between two fictional characters in a book.  There was a reason that a 'function of mind' that had assumed authority over my attention drew that idea into focus the way it did, over a period of time. It was not until about 10 years ago (1992) that I noticed the name of the title in that chapter and realized it is a significant choice of words. Only then  a connection formed between the 'secret about the insane' and the words in the title of the chapter. Another fragment from  the chapter The Last Generation in Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke had already become associated with 'the secret about the insane". . ..it is an abyss across which few..... unaided have ever found their way."  This  fragment  was  abstracted out of a different book, Childhood's End, which had affected me more vividly than any other book I've ever read. I remember feeling  as though the book and I were one, particularly in the last half of the book when I first read it in the 1950's.  (The idea of 'coincidence' did not occur to me in 1985 when I read in The Bond of Power by Joseph Chilton Pearce that he had also been affected by Childhood's End, by autism, folie aux duex and William Blake, all of which had begun to become evident in my own life. I had always been aware of a barrier between my self and other people, but it was completely removed after July 31, 1984.)

The two fragments, "..and the insane? How do they treat them now? I watch them sometimes and it seems to me there is a secret about them, just out of sight, just around the corner.... "from The Bridge of San Luis Rey  and   "...it is an abyss across which few..... unaided have ever found their way." from Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke, were abstracted out of the books in a process that was as visible to me as any object in the world outside my body.  The two fragments formed a complete thought, due to a function of mind that operated 'unconsciously' at first, but it has  now become quite visible.

" When we talk to God we are praying. When God talks to us we are schizophrenic." Lily Tomlin.  She is a comic but isn't it possible to say almost anything as a 'joke'?

Few people realize that the 'discovery' of psychiatry by Sigmund Freud was the result of his 'inner life' explorations as was C. G. Jung's, P. D. Ouspensky's and Emanuel Swedenborg's. Thus the 'secret' about the 'insane' is almost certainly linked to the pattern and process that 'individualizes' the life (C. G. Jung's individuation) and then 'regenerates' the life (Emanuel Swedenborg's process of life re-view/regeneration  is literally an opportunity to see the real reality on this planet.)  The 'symptoms' of so called mental disorders, 'ideas of reference/thought broadcasting, magical thinking, delusions of grandiosity, racing thoughts' need to be linked to the pattern that is embedded in Time because those 'symptoms' have been experienced by authors of the oldest known documents. Hesiod wrote that he was taught by the muses who could say what IS true, or what seems to be true.

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In the 20 years since 1984 the pattern of forming 'mission statements,  guidelines and statements of purpose' has become a globally recognizable pattern. The pattern itself and an experience with it in 1984  is what this site is about.  This pattern generates the 'second underlying context' which is experienced as 'coincidence' although a better way to describe individual events is that a sense of familiarity or 'already knowing' what that event contains.  The term 'second under 'lying' context is my own term and a Jungian analyst validated that this is a correct definition for  the experience, because it is literally one of 'second sight' from which a kind of 'echo' of the observed object, event or circumstance emerges.   An 'echo' is a 're-sounding, i.e. a resonation, a 'second sight' of an event, a 'double take'. From this a kind of mechanically generated voice emerges and from this voice, a conversation emerges which I believe has been picked up mentally through Time itself on this planet. It is an experience that C. G. Jung related to 'individuation' for which the term 'synchronicity' was coined. The impeccable timing of 'thought' and events in the exterior world is in fact a perfect synchronization of content.

In the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 a strange 'voice' was beginning to be picked out of the 'noise' of words and events contained in the every day life of a small group of people engaged in trying to learn challenge level square dancing. This group was actually trying to leave the 'mainstream level' of square-dancing, entering into a level that was very much disliked because it required losing all gender roles. (Consider the changes in gender relationships that have become evident since 1984.) Females and males had to learn All Position Dancing, which is NOT easy to do when 8 individuals must learn to hear the same thing and do the right thing without hesitation and work as a unit. In this case 4 + 4 = 1)

 Since having fun is what square-dancing is about, it did not seem like fun to have to work so hard to learn APD in the early 1980's. However this small group of individuals were so intensely devoted to learning Challenge level square-dancing they were at times together 8 times a week, that means twice on Sunday.

There were 7 levels of square dancing in 1980. The basic form is an interaction of opposites (4 couples numbered 1,2,3,4; the 'odd numbers work against the even numbers) and there is a 'moebius twist' mirroring in the relationships of the two sub-sets.   What this means is that when I am in a correct formation my counterpart is not a mirrored opposite in  front of me, but is standing beside the person directly in front of me. The concept of 'binary units' (1 + 1 = 1) took me several years to recognize!

 1984 has scrolled away into the past but when it was directly over head so to speak, this small group of individuals provided a stage from which a personal drama, a kind of 'story' emerged during the next 10 years. It was my drama, drawn from memories and experiences I recognized almost immediately were extremely uniquely mine. But astonishing to me, nearly overwhelmingly confusing for a few years prior to and after 1984, was the fact that it became obvious to me everyone else in the 'drama' seemed to know the script before I did!  It was a drama told to me by others, in a language that emerged from the sense of 'familiarity' that I later became aware has been defined as 'coincidences of the meaningful kind'. '  The details of the 'drama' were told to me in an almost impossible to describe form, that I experienced 'bit of information by bit of information'' and which was then assembled into a constantly evolving understanding within my mind.  Some events happened when I was a very young girl, some while I was growing up and other events suddenly emerged that collapsed huge segments of the drama into being recognizable. The 'other' whether it was a person, or an object that uses words became a  participant. I felt a gradual but distinct loss of control of my speech at times and certain of my activities and passivities reversed as to their content. From having read fictions, the change demanded that I read only non-fictions for instance.

What my body did and said  was observed by a part of me that had to have been connected to a source that in 2004 has become a planet wide connection.

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In those 10 days I was nearly incapacitated as to being able to do what had been 'normal' for me to do. During that time I witnessed an enormous package of information that included a message in it, in a place I just happened to be 'watching', due to a stream of thought that had begun after a short extremely vivid dream almost 2 years before 1984!.

During that 10 days in time I was reading a book titled, Mr. God This Is Anna; struggling to make a full circle skirt out of a remnant of warm brown plaid that ought to have been very easy to make; and I had a mind that was producing 'thought content' of a very different kind than I had ever experienced previously. (I had noticed 'new thought'  at times in my mind and wondered to myself about it, wondering if I was 'thinking' it.) I had noticed the remnant when I took a short cut through a fabric store and paused to look at it.  As I fingered the material I remembered a skirt pattern I'd stored away but never used, then a decision to buy the remnant and use that pattern was made. I'm not sure that I made it. When I opened the pattern I saw that it was not the simple front, back, pockets, and waistband I'd expected. This pattern had a history, I'd somehow kept it through several big house-clears, so it seemed odd that it came to mind while I looked at the fabric....later when I realized it was not going to be simple to make.

My mind was teeming with activity as I worked on trying to fit the pattern pieces onto the remnant. I became aware  it was too small because it was a one way mirror image plaid and the colors were widely spaced so matching them was very difficult, nearly impossible.

Thought words emerged into my mind: "You've got to get this right the first time." I recognized that I'd heard the words before. They had been spoken to a squaredance class, a group of people. I was only one of the group that heard the words spoken by the squaredance caller as he prepared to teach a new and complicated movement. When I'd first heard the words spoken I had felt 'strange', very strange because somehow my body responded to them. I felt confused and didn't know why. As I worked on the skirt, the words were retrieved from an incident that had happened at least a year previously and I recognized that I'd heard them before.

They were literally retrieved and regenerated, re-used in the most literal use of the idea, to create a statement to me, using that 'event' as it's own voice. "You've got to get this right the first time." was an artificially generated sentence although several years and thousands of similar events happened before I  was certain this and other kinds of somewhat similar 'events' made that connection distinct.

Later I realized there were several  distinct kinds of 'new thought' in my mind. One kind had begun after a short vivid dream I'd had late in 1981, which I described as 'non-stop thinking' because it never stopped after it began so that I could not rest or sleep. I never had the feeling of waking up because I didn't have the 'oblivion' of normal sleep. I was aware of every noise at night, my body felt 'trembly' and was an uncomfortable shell. The  other kinds  of thought did not have this 'constant presence' 24 hours a day, 365 days a year,  absorbing my primary attention so much that a part of me that was watching and listening to it wondered  about how a short vivid dream could generate so much thought about it. When the movie Sleepless In Seattle came out years later, it meant something to me.

This 'one vein', a stream of thought content was about one person, about one dream and it moved through my mind relentlessly after it began. The 'stream of thought'  maintained its solitary idea until about 1986 as best I can date it, and then quite gradually it veered into new to me territory. When I read Other Worlds by Paul Davies which is about quantum level physics.  I had just read The Presence Of Other Worlds, by Wilson Van Dusen. (Mr. Van Dusen's quotation from Emanuel Swedenborg about 'double thought' caused me to pause for some time to consider what 'double thought' could be.) Just prior to that I'd read Steppenwolfe by Herman Hesse in which a man believes he has a wild animal within him;  none of which were interesting or easy to read. However they had a common theme in them which I failed to notice for several years and this theme led away from the dream content from which 'non-stop thinking' originated. This 'one track idea' being maintained for more than two years made its track distinct by it's ever presence when a certain event that happened in 1989 pointed towards this detail which I had not noticed.

 It was the same 'track' so to speak, a different 'track' than other thought veins, so to speak. 

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The sentence below from Carl Sagan's Contact, did not make an impression on me when I first read it, but a few years later.
"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices."    The following  paragraph is Ellen Arroway's declaration about her 'trip' in the film during an investigation into the apparent failure of the Machine.  The Machine had apparently not left the physical site but she and her companions (in the book she did not travel alone)  had experienced travel through space and each person had special experiences with someone from his or her past.

"I had an experience. I can't prove it, I can't even explain it. But everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me it was real. I was given something wonderful. Something that changed me forever, a vision of the universe that tells us undeniably how tiny and significant ,  how rare and precious we all are. A vision that tells us that we belong to something that is greater than ourselves and that we are not, none of us,  are alone. I wish I could share that. I wish that everyone even for one moment could feel that awe and humility.....but...that continues to be my wish." She realizes she is not being heard when she tries to describe what happened on a trip that apparently had not happened at all since the Machine seemed not to have left the launch site. Perhaps the explanation for the apparent failure was that the Machine traveled at speeds too fast for the human eye, even millions of observing eyes to discern....it left and returned but nobody could see at that speed. 

 The basic plot  of the book and the pattern by which the message was decoded in  Contact describes a trip that I experience. During the past 19 years  I've never left the physical territory of this planet but was taken to the 'center of all things' on this plane, a mental circumstance not a physical location.  It is not uncommonly experienced, this trip, it is governed by a pattern that I noticed when I was a very young girl. A particular change in my mind, body, thought, activities and passivity's was the effect of this purpose-filled pattern precisely timed to emerge and mesh with events beginning July 31 through August 11, 1984 and afterwards on this planet. It was particularly evident at the end of 1999 when so many people believed the 'end is near'. 

                                             

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In the two years before 1984 I had begun to read books that ordinarily never interested me, the were at first books my psychiatrist had in his office. I felt compelled to read them, because I didn't understand or remember what I read. Within a few years after 1984 I began to recognize in the books I didn't seem to choose to read, a certain kind of response from my body that at times seemed very close to a jolt of 'electricity'. At other times an entire book seemed 'familiar', such books were The Hidden Dimension and The Silent Language by Edward T. Hall.  The names of the books began to become significant, but not when I first read them.

Everything that had been easy for me to do was now extremely difficult,  as though everything I knew well had been removed to a distance that forced me to 'reach' for knowledge that had been instantly available.

I could not have described all of this in 1984 or even 10 years later in 1994.  A kind of 'school' work had begun in which learning to describe what was going on in my mind, in my life, and in my body was part of the package.

IT WAS THE BEGINNING OF AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE ZEITGEIST, THE 'VOICE' OF THE AGE' THROUGH THE 'IRRATIONAL' ITSELF.

 

The year 1984 has moved through Time and scrolled away. When it was directly 'overhead' in the ten days the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played,  July 31-August 11, 1984 something happened that I believe has changed the affairs on this planet forever. I believe it was a planet-wide encounter in which all of recorded history was involved.  1984  was not  just any year. No other year has been made significant by a book as  that year and the book  was subtitled "Big Brother Is Watching You".  George Orwell (Eric Blair) described a world in which everyone was watched, nobody was unobserved. In the 20 years since 1984 that condition has become prevailing to a degree nobody could have guessed would happen.  The book is about re-writing the past, creating a common language, its about 'double speak', double thought and above all bombarding the citizens with news and statistics.  I saw a bumper sticker recently that said: "Orwell was 20 years off".  The book described the future in advance.

In 2004, almost 20 years after the experience of my first 'mindquake', which certainly changed MY world forever, it is possible to recognize that the book described the future before it happened. That's one way to look at it. My reasons for creating this web site is to report what happened under the guise of ordinary every day circumstances in those 10 days and afterwards. The enormous package of information about my life as it was at that point in Time was an event that took place in the inscape in a location that was visible. However it  had to be discovered afterwards and identified as what it was. It contained a message that had 10 statements embedded within it as though the part of mind that watched and listened to it when it happened was in a very remote place,  where 'thought words' had occurred very rarely in my past. How could such a remote location make it's identity distinct from other thought  generated by  'me'? The package of information was produced by the intelligence that has been named the 'zeitgeist', not by any intent or purpose of mine.

 Every individual alive at this point in Time has experienced 20 years of nearly unbelievable alteration of knowledge about what 'time' is and how it can be expanded. The space between one second and another second has been extended in computer speeds. The discoveries of quantum level physics indicates that the human mind, human thought and human activities are involved although this would seem obvious from Mr. Einstein's famous equation.

Whatever it is that generates the 'voice of the age', it is not a physical presence on this planet but it plays with whatever is available to create information that can be decoded only by the individual.

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George Orwell's (Eric Blair) book, 1984: Big Brother Is Watching You was published in 1948. Orwell's Revenge: The 1984 Palimpsest (1996) was written by Peter Huber who scanned Orwells, 1984 and other output of Eric Blair into his computer then re-used Orwell's words  to write his book. One sentence in his book stood out as though highlighted when I read it: "We (the proletarians) are watching You." This was an answer to 'big brother', but it had a personal significance to me, which makes the event qualify as a kind of coincidence of the meaningful kind. The words were 'highlighted' in some way, by a function of mind that I've not always noticed, but the words were no longer words on a page, they were directed to me, with an attribute of 'self reference'. The effect was of a double context, the ordinary one and a new one that 'reflected the words back' to me; doubled to include the 'speaker' of the words  (which in this circumstance was a book) used to create a response to something I could have said. (I am aware that this is a psychiatrically defined 'symptom' and that it's definition is: "Getting messages from irrational sources., the opposite side of which is 'thought broadcasting', which would make it seem  in this instance that the book knows what's in my thought, or in some internal content that I'm not conscious of...yet. ) I had become aware of a 'literal sense', and 'self reference' as a pattern that was 'mythologized' by the Greeks, but I had become aware from experiences of my own prior to knowing they Greek  stories about Narcissus and Echo.  I understood by 1989  how it affected my 'interface' with the exterior world, and how this mechanism of mind had brought about the changes in my life. Where this new (to me) literal sense had it's origin was obvious to me fairly quickly (it was another psychiatrically defined situation that I recognized myself but the precise timing of when this new (to me) sense was acquired took several years to notice and to understand.  Doubleness, reversals, re-writing  history into a language where there was no doubt of what words meant are the main attributes of the two books. Double speak, double think, a sense that there is a 'thought police' agency that knows my exact past and can retrieve specific incidents, replay them in batches or singly....a new language, re-viewing the past have been real life experiences in my life since July 31-August 11., 1984 and to the present time.

It began with a change that caused real mixed signals to begin, in a real world situation that served as a model for a change that has already been initiated long ago in Time.  If there are mixed signals, there are signals. A signal moving steadily through Time, as a pattern would be difficult to discern then establish as to it's origins. In my past there were a few experiences in which I obeyed an impulse and learned something from it, that later in life I learned about in different forms from people or books. It was the impulse itself that had to be identified and isolated.

"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other (thought) voices."   From Contact by Carl Sagan. Ellen Arroway has just had confirmation that the signal is coming from unknown sources...

There are NO voices in the mind, only 'thought' with an attribute of 'self reference' which 'turns the direction' towards the observer. A 'reflection' has occurred although the word 'echo' is a better term. Narcissus and his Echo are two parts of a whole, a mind whose 'reflections' seem to be divided.

 

The first event happened in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 during the Los Angeles Olympic Games. The message was embedded within the contents of  an enormous package of information about my life in a form that may have been similar to C. S. Knott's experience. He does not write about the content of his event, or whether he could relate to it when it happened, which I could not do. I experienced a retrieval of memories from my past beginning with something that happened when I was 13 years old, (1945) that I'd forgotten about. Behind that one memory was a movie like retrieval of memories beginning with something that happened the first night I was married in 1954.  Overall, certain specific memories from my past that were very unique in content  were retrieved in a movie like display that immediately told a story, in a very small increment of a moment. But there was much that was hidden behind that display.  Every word and idea in this package of information had to be 'unpacked' later, over the next 6 years. This  page contains  the  message  that was embedded in the first  'thought package' that was delivered in 1984 to me in the most remote location in  unsuspected depths of mind, the inscape. It also contains the two documents that I typed out automatically at different times, in 1986 and 1987l the  Statement Of Purpose, and the Guidelines.

 Foxglove images/1989   Foxglove images/1990      Foxglove images/1996  

These are pictures of a 'polyploid'  foxglove that I nearly mowed down in 1989 and its progeny. Every year since 1989 there have been plants that carried forwards some aspect of an idea that was at first a purely mentally discernable idea that had developed in my mind after 1984. The plants were self seeded and in some years they generated in locations far from where the first one had bloomed. Each year's topper flowers were real world objects that served as a model for learning a language that I had not suspected was able to teach itself. A distinct relationship between 'thought' and this material world evidence that there is a way to convey the information necessary to understand an idea that had been brought to my attention in the 9 years prior to 1984. The form of how information became discernable seems to be within our body. The content however was uniquely bound always to my particular life with specific people at a very, very specific point in Time:1984 and 2001, irregardless of the fact that they were arbitrarily established in Time. Both years had books authored about them that caused them to become significant points in Time.

 In 1984 I experienced a world that had begun to talk, using a kind of 'word' that is quite different from verbal language. It was at first a kind of 'voice' that was confusing to me because it was not like any kind of 'voice' I had ever heard. One of the two unrelated causal chains was my 'normal' way of hearing and understanding and the second one emerged slowly, in the two years prior to 1984 and  with a few precisely timed incidents that barely caught my attention when they happened. After a series of these incidents I became involved in a situation in my real world life that generated further incidents so that by 1984, every word and event was my 'normal' but there was a change that changed everything without altering any thing, and then in July I experienced the first stage of a package of information about my life.

There must be an observer, someone to experience the 'two unrelated causal chains', to discover or to serve as a witness when  meaning and context emerge from the 'two apparently unrelated causal chains'.  I believe the observer has a specific, unique personal past that contains within it a few events embedded  that are the basis for recognizing the 'second causal chain' itself, because it arises out of every day 'normal' events. Understanding the  meaning and context when it is generated,  is brought about by 'thought' of a kind that is difficult to convert to ordinary language.  Between 1984 and 1989, I watched as my 'normal' way of understanding was replaced, through what seemed to be a doubleness of thought, that was not easy to identify, but which I named 'second underlying contexts' about midway through that time span. It's a kind of mental experience that  corresponds directly to something in the external world in each event,  thus precise timing is an aspect of the two 'unrelated causal chains, such that I couldn't have contrived the points of convergence by any means myself. Noticing them when they began was not a simple observation that something 'new' was happening. The  kinds of convergences when mental content or 'non-volitional activities' coincided precisely with something external and not mental happened continually over a period of about 5 years between 1984 and 1989. By then I had become aware of the relationship I just mentioned, as a kind of 'new event' from which thought of a different kind emerged, a kind of 'echo' or 'reflection' of thought that had been 'generated' by ordinary daily content. The 'reflection' or 'echo' was experienced as a 'bundle' a single unit without space between words and I'm certain that's not an easy to grasp, nor was it a simple task to realize this name, 'echo' was given to me, I did not think of it myself. I did coin the term 'second underlying context' myself, and was told by a Jungian therapist I called one day to verify if certain symptoms I had read on a medical chart of mine were what Jung had named 'synchronicity', that indeed they were the same. He had experienced it himself and almost lost his license until he became connected to a Jungian group. I did not know anything about Jung or his ideas, what I experienced came from witnessing within my own mind the effects of a change that had it's origins in a marital bond that went deeper than I had ever suspected, and the unique situations in my personal life were distinctly essential and necessary content. Many other people gave every evidence of being aware of what I was thinking, even more aware than I was of a situation emerging in my thought! These 'second underlying contexts' became a conversation helping to understand the event that happened during the 10 days the 1984 Olympic Games were being played. Then an enormous package of information about my life, carrying a message aimed through Time was given to me, although there were several other people who gave evidence in their speech and in their actions that they were actually more aware than I was then, of what was coming in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984. An almost overwhelming kind of change had already  gradually changed how I heard the ordinary words of every day life by that time. Two small groups of challenge level square-dancers and what they were literally doing, that is, leave the mainstream level and learn to 'dance' at higher levels was a perfect model for that conversation to begin.

A new language that actually taught itself had to be learned by the only observer that I'm aware of at this point of the 'seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in coincidental events'. 'Second underlying contexts' emerged from every day words, irregardless of their original context and the new context described quite often exactly what I was doing at the moment on this planet. It's not a new pattern, it's very old.

 

The following paragraph is abstracted  from a book that I read recently (2005):  "War In Heaven" by Charles Williams.    Read the paragraph through, ignoring the underlined words. Then read only the underlined words that have been abstracted out.

"When Mr. Batesby had spoken that morning it had seemed as if two streams of things--actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world. He reminded himself now that such a simplicity was unlikely; explanations did not lucidly arise from mere accidents and present themselves as all but an ordered whole." 

The way the 'two streams of things, actual events and my own personal meditations' (a new kind of mental activity for me) flowed gently together was not easy to notice or trust after I did notice it. Many almost impossible events happened before I really noticed a distinct relationship between my thought, (generated by normal events and circumstances), seemed to 're-occur' at almost impossible to notice speeds. The 're-occurrence' were experienced as 'packets' without space between the words, in a flash of a second. This 'inner replay' was difficult to notice because it happened so rapidly. An inner 'replay' happened one day in 1987 that could not be misunderstood, then several other  incidents happened in that year that  made this 'replay' distinct. These events could not be explained by any explanation other than that they were not random accidents, there was a purpose-filled intent creating them, and it was not my intent or purposes, but they were being 'aimed' specifically at me, to notice and to try to understand in a way that was quite different from 'words' we use every day.  It seemed impossible for almost 5 years, 1984-1989 but because it was so steadfastly and consistently impossible, it was possible and the accumulation of these events brought about an entirely different 'understanding' that paralleled my former 'normal' understanding. I was confused by 1989 because both contexts for the 'two streams of things' made sense by then. Gradually my 'normal' was just a memory of how I used to understand and get meaning. I could look up a word in a dictionary select only one meaning. By 1989 I could no longer relate to one definition of any word in the dictionary, most words required using all possible definitions, particularly those words that have to do with perception. The word 'abstraction' is a verb and a noun, both definitions are required in this new language, to understand what 'abstraction' means.

 By 1989 I'd had several experiences that were evidence I was not delusional, not imagining anything and could not have imagined all this;  too many other people, living at the time and some dead for hundreds of years were involved in these two streams of actual events which 'corresponded precisely at man points with a stream of thought moving through my mind. A thought process that at this point I don't believe was mine originally nor  was it self generated. It was part of a pattern that as Arthur Koestler wrote, was known before myths were made. It was old when Hesiod wrote that he was instructed by the muses, while he tended his flock. These muses  could say what is true or what SEEMS to be true, whichever they chose to do. The 'world of appearances' which was not the world I was born into in 1932, was the world into which I was born in 1984. It was a world based on history, ideas conceived by masculine thought, without any content from the real female. In 2006, very much is concerned with uniting the 'feminine qualities' that have been put off by the male over centuries and thousands of years. The reason for such a severing of 'qualities' seems to me to be linked to establishing beyond a doubt whether we are alone in the universe, whether the Space Station and the exploration of Space is the result of 'mans' intelligence or another intelligence that 'man' cannot detect easily, within their mind/thought/body. The 'psychological sense' itself, seems to me at this point to require learning to understand a relationship between symbolic information and a 'literal sense' united, the result of which was written in the fictional book by Charles Williams: "two streams of things--actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world."

This paragraph is an accurate description of one kind of 'coincidence' that I've become aware of in the 22 years after the summer of 1984, when I had my first experience. Overall the paragraph  actually describes how the content of a specific mind,  it's specific unique thought content, understanding and memories blend with 'actual events' to create an individualized interface with  a pattern that's embedded in Time. The paragraph describes a fact about my life, that is it describes exactly how  a certain experience began, and continues even now, that was most difficult to understand for a period of years. Until many events happened that caused me to  I realize this 'certain experience' was describing itself in the form the paragraph indicates, I was confused, almost overwhelmed with 'strangeness'. After the second event happened I knew that it's source, wherever it originated, was very often 'aware' of precisely where I was on the planet and was somehow aware of what I was doing at that moment!  It 'felt like' being in a well planned drama, being audience and actor but having to figure out the script from little 'clews 'that were presented in the form this paragraph described.

 In the ten days between July 31 and August 11, 1984 the Los Angeles Olympic Games were being played. A gigantic lightening storm occurred  in the sky over Seattle, Washington on July 31, 1984. On May  18, 1980 at 8:32.a.m when Mt. St. Helens erupted nearby a scenario was in place for an event that many people I knew were involved in and it happened during that 10 day period. Those who were involved gave subtle evidence of being aware of what was beginning to scroll through Time in their lives in certain offhand remarks that I had not paid attention to until then, and it was not my decision to begin to notice them. A change of hearing was initiated that brought about a new kind of attention as well as a relentless curiosity about what was going on. By 1984 I had experienced the beginning of a 'voice' that had it's beginning as a  'line of thought' in my mind. By 1984, a stream of non-stop thinking  that had already begun to merge and mesh  precisely, timed perfectly to correspond with real world events had been  moving through my mind.  Occasionally at first, and then more frequently until 'thought' and events in the exterior world coincided so precisely that randomness or chance cannot explain the precise timing,  events in the mundane world were utilized by a hidden world to make it's own existence distinct and unmistakable. It was seemingly a simple setting:  Two small groups of people were engaged in leaving the mainstream level to enter the 'advanced and challenge levels' of square dancing. Those two small groups met with discrimination from the 'mainstream' dancers that was puzzling to me for several years. When I realized that the mental work that learning at that level requires does not seem like 'fun' to most dancers, I had experienced discrimination for the first time in my life...consciously.  That was the setting I was in, not alone because I was working with two groups of individuals whose lives at that point unexpectedly intersected mine in specific details. Yet  by 1984 I felt completely isolated in another world that had the unexpected and confusing attribute of seeming to talk to me at times. Within 5 years I had become aware there is  a world hidden, embedded, within thought producing levels in the mind.  "The Kingdom of heaven is within you..." I had my first mindquake during that ten days.  There was a message imbedded within the enormous package of information about my specific life that  opened in my mind during that 10 days. It had to be discovered as though it had occurred in a far away galaxy but there was a methodical mentally distinct process that had already laid down a foundation for discovering the message and learning to understand it, in my very earliest memories. The mindquake happened as two groups of individuals participated apparently consciously, doing  the preparatory work that made it possible. The attribute of being a voice, of  being a kind of signal moving through time was not easy to grasp, nor that a mental process that was not under my own control worked with what was actually in front of me many times to make its 'self' quite distinct. It knew what was in front of me throughout my life.

The 1984 event was an enormous package of information about my specific life, and I repeat that it seemed to be the first one  until after 1989 when 2 other events happened,. The built upon what I'd learned in the 5 years after 1984.  I named it a 'mindquake'  only after 1989 when I could relate to it because it opened up two 'fault lines' in my life. One was my personal life as a woman as she has been experienced by a particular male and the other as Eve, who was 'blamed' for causing the fall of Adam, and that is the 'collective experience', it seems to me, of how the female is experienced by most males and I'm not male bashing. Since 1984 it has become evident that history is a purely masculine viewpoint, a world view without any female content.  

My actual life was neither of those versions of what the female experiences.  It was an enormous package of events that were abstracted from my actual life, displayed to me in a movie like form, in a flash of time  that were revealed in the most visible  parts of this package of information.  Much of it had to be discovered later and that happened in a way that's difficult to describe, perhaps to believe.  I typed parts of it on my new computer before I could understand what I had typed! When I read the printout I glanced at the message with it's 10 items without any curiosity, without realizing I'd not thought about what I typed, the words had automatically been typed by my hands! That happened in 1985, I had become employed by then after several years of very difficult real world experiences. Several changes in my mind, in my body and in my 'thought'  had occurred as early as 1981, so by 1985 I had managed to survive those changes to some degree.

I did not sleep normally after a dream in 1981; it was the loss of normal sleep that was a serious problem to me. The content of the dream kept me awake but this fact was not easy to distinguish even after 1989, when the fact that this particular content about the dream was moving through my mind on it's own 'track', embedded, hidden almost invisible as a distinct level of mind. It was the fact that so much 'thought' about a seeming simple dream had been noticed by me that  made an observing point within  me curious about its quantity of thought, I could not understand how a simple dream could produce that much content. That alone marked that 'track', and made it as well as the 'curious observing point' itself, quite distinct to me....eventually.   That particular content altered without my noticing it, moving away from the dream and the man in the dream, to another area: ideas of quantum physics without my noticing it! The content of the dream slowly changed, as I began to read books that were usually not the books I would have chosen. The 'observing point within me', really observed loss of volition,  which I felt it as a powerful motor that 'drove' me relentlessly, and which made me feel exactly like a kind of space vehicle, being manipulated from afar. It was speech-less literally although it observed constantly. It had to pass through a kind of 'chaos' literally to speak even one word  and I will describe that kind of 'chaos' in detail. It may be that some toddlers go through it, because I noticed myself seeming to have to 'reach' for words I wanted to say the way some toddlers I've known have done.  The effort required as well as the intent focus on trying to 'arrest' one word of thought that scrolled mercilessly through my mind, day and night was not generated by my own will. But until I had managed to hold one word in memory long enough to write it down, I did not realize it was a task that had been imposed on me.  A memory from my past was retrieved at that point, of a person who had made a 'breakthrough' in learning a new language; a scene from The Miracle Worker which was about Helen Keller. She finally 'gets' a message from her teacher and she understands her first word. Symbolically that image informed me that I had made a breakthrough, and that I had learned from my teacher, I had accomplished a breakthrough task. It was not immediately evident that the regenerated scene was a word that had been  'spoken' to me, and that it described to me, what I was doing in my real world life. That would never have occurred to me until many such events followed.

By 1989 I was aware that I'd  learned a new language, because I had become aware that certain 'symptoms' in psychiatric texts are what F. David Peat attempted to describe as the results of an 'interactive force', in his book Synchronicity, the Bridge Between Mind and Matter. I had understood it as an information generating 'force', but I'm not the kind of author that can write about quantum physics from the mathematical perspective. The "importance of an observer' was mentioned in Paul Davies Other Worlds, The words had already been in my thought...before I read them. It was a very strange feeling to read them and recognize them, it was a new kind of event then.

 Years later I realized it, this 'force'  may be a pattern, that governs some toddler children, one in particular that had fits of anger until she had learned to read a few words and then did begin to speak words  that her mother  could understand.

I typed two other documents, the Statement of Purpose and the Guidelines two years later and since I dated the Guideline I know that was in 1987.

 I believe if I'd not 'chanced' to spot a rack of one specific book that had just come out, while I walked through Southcenter and walked over to that rack I would not be writing this today.  One word on the book's cover stood out even from a distance: CONTACT by Carl Sagan. I glanced at the inside of the jacket, reading the words without real interest but I saw my body walk over to buy it, write out the check without any sense of deciding to pay full price for a fictional book  which I NEVER did. I read the book as I had read other fictional books, there was nothing unusual about it because I'd read science fictions from a very early age. Because it was authored by Carl Sagan, there were real facts that I'd not known about, the word palimpsest for instance, the idea of codes hidden within codes, and of how one event could be decoded to reveal another level of coding and once that level was decoded, yet another level of coding was revealed. That was new to me, who  had a minor, very minor interest in 'codes' and puzzles.  By that I mean I had loved to do the cryptograms in a certain sophisticated magazine, the Saturday Review.

The 'stereotyped' version of woman was imposed upon me in the 1984 event because I had unwittingly been living with people whose only understanding was from that 'world view', it was collectively believed and accepted in modern civilization after Newton made his contribution to it. . It may have been old when Aristotelian logic was new, but I didn't know much about that kind of strictly linear logic in which what follows has to relate directly to what has proceeded.

 The package contained within it a message, a statement of purpose, guidelines as well as distinct proof that on this planet my location and what I'm doing is known. Proof that some of my most private  personal experiences with a specific impulse, not a person  were installed early in life in a particular way so that later in my life this impulse would become somewhat distinct. (In 2006 mission statements, statements of purpose, guidelines are everywhere, but keep it in mind that  in 1984 that would not have been a fact.) It was a kind of 'contact' from another world that many individuals experience; it's a pattern that I believe can be considered to be a  kind of 'signal' moving steadily through Time, and its extension is Time conveys a message that we are not alone in the universe.

This impulse is only somewhat distinct now, it has isolated it's activities to some degree, I can see it's operations with 'hindsight' quite often. An example is that a few years ago I drove to Alki Beach and spent an entire day on the beach taking pictures early in the morning and some in the evening.  I know that I spent hours near a replica of the Statue of Liberty in New York, I took several pictures of her.  A few days later, the evening of 9-11-01  I returned to that place and took pictures of the statue, now wreathed with flowers, the American flag and other tokens from people who shared the grief of what had happened on the opposite coast.  There was not a clew in my mind that anything was going to happen when I spent a meditative day near that replica of Miss Liberty. Occasionally I notice it , the impulse when it's working in my 'now', but  not with 'foresight.'

It has been a very busy 26 years, because the eruption of Mt. St. Helens in 1980 on May 18, at 8:32 a.m. was a 'Wake Up! NOW!' signal to a part of me that was permanently  awakened at that point in Time. It had taken a few 'vivid snapshots' of what I was looking at, what I was doing at several points in my early life, and very, very many less vivid snapshots afterwards. The first night of my marriage something was said to me, it was on one of the 'strings' in this package. On a certain Christmas in 1958 a specific event happened, it was retrieved on a different 'string' along with many, many significant events  that I had not noticed when they happened. As a movie reveals a 'story' only after it's been seen, many strings 'told a story about my life', telling me what had happened in my past, in a psychological sense, a sense that literally was new to me. I believe at this point in Time, it's the 'sense' that in biblical terms, makes all things in an individual life, new. During the past 25 years, it has been real work, demanding and painful to experience how this new sense operates, and it explained itself. That is most difficult to understand because in the past 26 years psychiatric terms and ideas have emerged from textbooks that few non-professional people read into every day topics.

This sense is one that I believe was old when the Bible was written: "Behold, I make all things new." The 1984 event retrieved memories from my past, displayed them in a movie like form,  but the content of hundreds of movies was 'flashed into my mind, in a few seconds and it was in a depth of mind that was extremely remote from articulatable words. The event that happened in 1984 really began when I was born but I was unawares of that until after 1989 when two inner events that happened only a few months apart,  revealed a hidden vein of activity that had been embedded in all the experiences in my life.  One of these events, the last one which I named my  'pi quake'  reached out of my personal life into an ongoing endeavor in Time itself, that I had barely begun to become aware of in a way that science would laugh at, denigrate and ignore! It was an inner event that I believed I could never tell anyone about until I chanced to read about another person's 'inner event', which I'd not known about. It happened in the same location: Martin Luther was on the toilet, in the tower when he had his great revelation according to Norman O. Brown in a chapter in his book titled The Excremental Vision. That's where I was when I had the first 1989 event. By then  I had  learned a language, one that actually taught itself to me in a most distinct kind of event, one that other people had named but which I knew nothing about until after a long period of isolation, with a 'force' that took authority over my life, and of several people who were at that point in time 'actors' in my 'script', seemingly aware of what they were doing! They said specific words, they did specific activities, certain passivities may have overcome their 'normal' as it also worked in my life. This was a detail I could see, it alarmed and horrified me almost from the beginning because it began with feeling stifled, of being unable to speak about a situation in my real life because it was not possible to talk about this particular situation then, literally as well as symbolically.

In 1989 when the second mindquake occurred I had become connected to the depths of mind where the 1984 event had happened. The difference was very great:  I could recognize immediately this event, it was possible to 'relate' to it immediately, to understand what was being 'said' to me in it immediately.

In 1984 I was in a 'fog' that manifested itself strangely in a material world. Every picture I took between 1981 and about 1985 was out of focus and hazy! Many events happened between 1981 and 1985 that were of a 'kind' that I'd not noticed, although after the 'toilet' event in 1989, I was caused to understand that it had always been happening. Such events were 'embedded' within every day events that were not significant, and  I could not have 'abstracted them from their embeddedness' myself. That had to be accomplished for me, and the results revealed to me.

 A very great change on this planet has occurred in the past 22 years, anyone can agree on that. In 1984 and the few years prior to 1984 events in my  physical location in this planet were perfectly timed, synchronized precisely to happen when the Los Angeles Olympic Games were advancing and being played. The change which I believe is a new way to relate to what's going on in one's individual  life was almost certainly 'in the works', before the event happened that inserted 'zero' into Time 1500 years later, and when Stonehenge was built. Others have heard the 'voice' of the age but this event was different than any encounter I've read about. In 1984 I knew nothing about philosophy, psychiatry and very little about history. 

  I was not aware of  ideas about  'right/left' brain until several years after 1984, so I believed trauma to my head caused the changes in my thought and my  habits.  Now I believe there was a 'general change' in  the consciousness behind my 'normal' habits,  their specific content and their specific  reversals, involving my specific family and my specific personal relationships. The specificity is almost impossible to describe but everything  'meshed and fit' so perfectly (over more than 3 decades because Mt. St. Helens eruption on May 18, 1980 at 8:32was a 'WAKE UP! NOW! call to me) that it could not have occurred without careful 'providence', foresight and purpose  at work, outside of Time as we experienced it prior to and after 1984. The history of many people played very significant roles in making what happened in 1984 possible to witness and understand, eventually, it was not an event that could have happened without real people who spoke and acted as though they were aware of a script, a complicated scenario that related to a single idea in my mind/thought which they could not possibly know about. The sense of a planet that could 'talk' emerged very, very slowly, between 1984 and 1989, through events that always involved real people, books I chanced to select,  quite often when I was in places that ordinarily I wouldn't have been.

 By the time 1984 approached  I had begun to see a psychiatrist because everything I could usually do easily was no longer easy or even possible to do. I couldn't read and remember what I read, I was unable to type accurately, I couldn't dial a phone number the way I had always done, I forgot the number several times, every time. One day I noticed a book in his office, asked him what it was about and he offered it to me to read. The book was Reality Therapy by William Glasser.  I couldn't understand what the book was about, it was a kind of material I'd never read.  Then 1984 advanced. When  the ten days between July 31 and August 11 scrolled directly into our 'now' on this planet I felt nearly inert, I'd not been sleeping normally for two years, and a new kind of 'event' had begun to happen, affecting my body for several years before I knew what had changed the way I saw and heard in my physical world. During that time  an enormous bundle of information about my life emerged in my mind. It happened over a period of days, while I struggled, really felt driven to make a warm brown plaid skirt that was almost impossible to make.  Buried within that primary bundle was another level of information that had to be discovered as though it were on another planet in a different galaxy. It was a package within a package and yet another package and still another package, each building on understanding the prior one. I  named them 'mindquakes' after the two in 1989 because by then I had become aware of a language that taught itself, requiring only an ability to learn directly from a source of intelligence that I believe has to exist outside of our comfortable experience in Time. It was just the barest edge of possible, almost impossible.

My mind was a busy but visible place after 1984 and within  5 years, (1989)  the first  level had been 'unpacked'  so to speak. By that I mean I had managed to begin, just begin to speak my own words, for the first time in my life.  I had become aware that the experiences I was trying to understand are 'symptoms' that have existed in Time, and were named various names in different times. C.  G. Jung named them 'synchronicity' but it was Emanuel Swedenborg's terms, (he had several) 'double thought' that I encountered early in 1986, in a booklet, God, Man Communication authored by Wilson Van Dusen and George Dole.  It is difficult to describe how it is possible to read a book easily, but have only a simple grasp of what they mean; then read the same book years later and experience a level of understanding that has changed radically because one has experienced personally what the words are attempting to convey. Such a booklet is God Man Communication in which I came upon a quotation from Swedenborg that caused me to pause over it, wonder what it meant and then move on to the next paragraph.   He mentioned 'double thought'. I feared my double thought might be torn asunder..". It was only after a few event filled years  that it was possible to realize this was a major coincidence because it described exactly a kind of thought I had noticed by then in my own thought. A mechanism of mind produced a 'repetition' of content but it occurs so rapidly it's virtually impossible to notice this effect. The kind of 'coincidences' that builds up the 'language that alters with the 'spirit' of the time began to happen before 1984, I had noticed a few by then.

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