When I was about 9 years old my Sunday school teacher told her version of the Christmas Story. She began with what had to be her version of the history of the Jewish people. She told about how they had expected a messiah for a very long time, because it had been foretold long ago that a 'messenger' would be born. He would be the king of the Jewish people. She told as well about how Mary and Joseph came to be in Bethlehem when the baby Jesus was born and why there wasn't any place for them to stay.

 When she told about how the long wait for the messiah ended when baby Jesus was born, she told us  the Jewish people did not recognize their 'messiah' because, her exact words were:  "when it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places."

I remember hearing what she said because the words repeated in my mind exactly as she had spoken them, as thought: "When it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places." The repetition of what she'd said was followed by another thought. It was a kind of response that  seemed be from another person, one that heard and then responded  to the inner repetition. This  'others' response was:  "The messiah was a He, not an it. She should have said "When He came, He did not come as He was expected to come. He came in the lowest of all places." 

If we had not been learning about pronouns at that point, it may not have happened that I noticed the incongruous use of 'it' rather that the appropriate 'he' pronoun. 

This memory flashed into my mind afterwards, occasionally throughout my life for the next 3 decades. But it obviously flashed  into visibility from such a deep level of mind that I was in my mid forties when I questioned myself about them!  It's likely that by then they were 'closer' to a conscious part of my mind in my late forties because only then did I  wonder to myself about them.  And also 1984 was approaching. I realize now (the date is July 9, 2006) that the 9 years between 1974 and 1984 were a period of gradually being made aware of certain habits I had as well as of this 're-occurring memory' and a few other memories that 're-occurred' but were quite different in content. By 1980 I had I also noticed and begun to wonder about,  the sentence that was formed spontaneously  in my thought, after re-reading the two books I mentioned in another link.  That would have been in the 1970's approximately 9 years  prior to 1984.

 In retrospect I can see that I noticed small details  in that  period that were critically important to what was going to happen in 1984 and afterwards.

This moment was the 'key' moment  in my life, noticing an inappropriate use of an impersonal pronoun rather than a specific gender based pronoun: he. Everything that happened in 1984 depended upon the 'installation' in my memory of this moment. The memory of the event just as it had happened originally,   was re-generated throughout my life at times so that I noticed it then eventually wondered to myself about the 'regeneration' of an event that happened so long ago.  I believe this moment was what P. D. Ouspensky referred to as 'recurring moments' in his life and which Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about as 'remains' instilled during states of innocence for use in the process of regeneration. His term, 'remains' as well as his term for the process itself, is literally accurate and correct.

What is the significance of this incident? The misuse of a pronoun, an impersonal 'it' rather than a specific masculine pronoun may seem to be a trivial thing, not worthy or mentioning. However  there have been three other events that happened later in which displaced or replaced pronouns occurred in thought that came into my mind, that I do not believe I generated myself. The fact that I could not have devised such a complicated way to make me aware of 'non-self generated material' because I'm not that smart, is obvious to me. One of these events in which 'displaced pronouns' were significant prevented me from assuming the experiences I was having were from people I knew, were caused by situations in our lives and the real source was that the experiences came 'through' them, were shaped by their actions and words, which seemed to fit precisely into 'thought' in my mind, that had never been spoken aloud to anyone.

The most important event involving 'displaced pronouns' set a foundation to prevent an error I would have made about the origin of my 'strange experiences' if it had not happened. I would have believed the causes of everything was in front of me, on this planet. In the second 'mindquake' that happened in the fall of 1989 I was made aware by an enormous inflow of memories of experiences I'd had after 1984 that this experience came through what was visible, in a form I'd learned to understand by then, which had been already named by other people, of whom Emanuel Swedenborg and Carl G. Jung were only two important authors. Although I had not read much about Jung at that time and I had read enough of Swedenborg to realize that his term, 'regeneration' and his idea that a 'literal sense' to stories in the Bible had a much more modern relationship to what F. David Peat described as an 'interactive force', i.e. synchronicity.

I'd read a couple of books about 'coincidence', Alan Vaughn's Incredible Coincidence, and been very much affected by  F. David Peat's Synchronicity, The Bridge Between Mind and Matter. There's also a booklet published by Swedenborgian authors, God, Man and Communication that explains 'symbolic correspondences' to some degree but there is no connection in any of those books of certain symptoms that are attributed to mental disorders at present, in our Time, which are the same as what Jung named 'meaningful coincidence'. I became aware myself, privately in many hundreds of thousands of daily events, that the 'symptoms': ideas of reference/thought broadcasting/magical thinking/racing thought' were names for the changes that brought about the kind of hearing and perception I'd had as the result of a 'marital bond' that formed a 'united mindset', somewhat similar to Swedenborg's descriptions  of the deepest relationship of a man and a wife in Conjugal Love.

In the 1984 mindquake: Five sentences that had occurred into my mind  at various times were retrieved from memory and the pronouns in them were changed into actual names: mine and the man I was married to. The gender of the pronouns was reversed in this strange transformation that was so important and significant to  the 1989 mindquake when the implication of this detail was made explicitly clear to me.  I had not noticed this specific replacement although I remembered that these five sentences had occurred into my thought, as quiet thought comments, while  I watched  a certain man who was only a casual acquaintance. He was not a very attractive man but I felt a very strong attachment that I could not understand and had an almost overwhelming need to 'get to know this man'.  The 'thought comments'  that occurred were related to his relationship to his wife and they were very specific, She had told me he loved her so much he could not bear to be away from her for even one night. That and other things she said to me apparently aroused my curiosity at first, then her statement that he seemed to be unable to bear being away from her for even one night  did seem to be true. But there was a sense of something somehow horrifying about this couple's relationship that perhaps love was not the reason he could not bear to be away from her for even one night. 

My attention had been riveted on the man after a brief very vivid dream in which he and one other man were the only people. The dream and it's particular content occurred on a 'streaming band of thought' that began, which would not let me sleep at night for years. I described it as 'non-stop thinking', but it began an continued, with specific content, i.e. the dream, and then later a slow change altered the content of that 'band of thought. It  was identifiable because of the long period of 'thought' about the dream, before new content began to filter in. This 'new content' and the fact that this new content had begun after I began to read books about quantum physics, was pointed out to me in the 1989 mindquake. This was embedded within a very huge batch of information that would require me to write more than two or three books.                                                

A reason for these five thought 'insertions' became obvious, that in fact I was  actually noticing non-self generated thought.

Seeing the 'inappropriate use' of pronouns in these instances was just part of beginning to understand certain memories that flashed into my mind long after the original event had happened.  Why plant an absurdity except to make something obvious?

I remember this incident in a unique way because it was a recurring thought, emerging into my mind for no reason I could ever see, for years after the original event  happened. This incident was recurring into my mind when I was in my mid forties, and it was only at that point that I wondered to myself about why this memory plagued me the way it did. I began at that point to notice this re-occurrence in a few other individual memories, although I did not think to myself that there were several different memories marked by this unaccountable regeneration. The content of each, the exact words in each of them was aimed towards a different context, ahead of me in the future.

The words of my thought, by that I mean the content of each unique event was displaced from that original event that generated them then the words were applied to another situation, to a kind of birth of my own, brought about not by myself it seems to me,  into a higher dimension of life on Earth.

  "But when it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places."  now refers to the experience I had in 1984, which I believe was a global experience, bounded by all of recorded history.  1984 was a year that was made significant by a book authored about it.

Before recorded history, was....? We have records that indicate there was an awareness of gods, many gods, although I had never read them or heard about them until I began to read about the Greeks. I was affected oddly when I read in Sheldon Cheney's Men Who Have Walked With God about Socrates death, which he accepted because the 'god within that tells us about our universe' was silent when he was told he was to die. He said that silence indicated there was no harm in the poison.

 I grew up hearing the word 'crazy' and even 'insane' without any knowledge of the past. Eventually I came to understand, as though a teacher were present and was focused on making the idea distinct, that whatever it is that we experience now,  as 'madness' was experienced long ago in two forms: either an effect of the  divine or otherwise. Knowing nothing about such ideas, it was only my lack of prior knowledge that permitted me to experience this connection as though it had never been written or talked about by anyone else. The irony of this experience is that I became aware an automatic function of mind that I experienced as a 'motor' that drove me to do many things I would not ordinarily have done or said,  was actually describing what I was doing on the planet, physically. There was a process of  lifting out the words that 'described to me' what I was doing very specifically at times, as well as  pointing towards activities  and people we knew at that point in Time,  that indicated they seemed to know exactly what we were all doing! When it began to become obvious to me this apparent participation could not be validated, by asking those who seemed most involved in my 'thought world', I began to understand P. D. Ouspensky's ideas in the Fourth Way in a different way.

 The experience that I began to notice was difficult to recognize was a 'flow of doubleness', and the 'doubleness' was that a 'second underlying context' formed in my mind automatically..  It was a product of 'bands of thought', one of which was filled with scrolling non-stop thought about a dream I'd had. Other kinds of thought than I had ever experienced began to attract my interest, I wondered if I was 'thinking' this new content. Through a very complex kind of interaction I recognized the 'thing itself' had  described itself by selecting certain events, in which certain words occurred and then the words were 're-directed' into a quite different, personal context, which at times described what I was actually doing!

 It, this process of 'abstraction'  described every detail necessary to understand it by abstracting out certain material already present in my ordinary every day life yet the utterly precise timing of many events was evidence it was nothing I was doing, or  was causing to happen. Too many people and too many actual real world events fitted into a drama that emerged in my mind, roughly based on ideas in steady stream of  books I'd read that had affected me to extremes, in a variety of ways. I noticed rather slowly that the titles of such books as The Hidden Dimension by Edward Hall, and The Silent Language also by Edward Hall had a strangely factual relationship, that a 'hidden dimension' was 'speaking', developing it' own words, in a very complicated form of 'word', that was literally a 'silent language' !

 How can an intelligence outside of Time make it's self clear, distinct and obvious in Time, through generations? It can describe the future before it happens.  It can describe what is happening 'now' in a particular way.  I don't know how to write about how this happens in a scholarly or poetic way, because it is very ordinary and simple once the idea is accepted that it can happen. It happened to me, I could never have imagined or fabricated such a perfect, utterly precisely timed experience myself in which so many real people were apparently more aware than I was of certain 'inner content' of mine! Theodore Reik describes how 'inner communication' between people occurs, in his Listening With The Third Ear, another book in which the title of the book eventually assumed a literalness that 'described to me' what I was doing when I read the book.

 It has happened to others, but they have never been believed either: an entire field of experience has been eliminated from the 'rational' mind.

 I hope that  many people  can begin to grasp how this, describing a future event before it  has happened ought to point towards the 'world within', even. Isaac Newton recognized it although that side of his writing was eliminated  because it was 'irrational'.  Christopher Columbus became aware of it late in his life and wrote a book of Prophecy in which he came to understand the reality behind the every day world and the part he played in 'discovering new lands'.  The form by  which I became aware of it is not uncommonly experienced as 'contact' with another world or with what seems to be alien.

The faculties of mind that caused this long period of 'self observation' became visible after I had lived half a century with an empty head, and literally had a 'thought'-less mind..  When my 'thought' less mind began to be 'full of thought', this was a change I could not fail to notice. The quiet mind that was 'normal' for me was replaced with a different 'mindset', one that was not difficult to recognize because it generated 'thought' in a style that was familiar to me, I lived with a person who was literally that 'purely rational mind', embodied.

The recurring memories were experienced by P. D. Ouspensky I believe, because the first paragraph of his A New Model Of The Universe describes similar recurring memories he experienced.

I believe that Emanuel Swedenborg described such memories in his 'Doctrine of Remains'. He wrote that 'remains are instilled without the knowledge of man', but I suspect the memories I experienced as 'recurrences' long after the original event were vivid photographs of a moment of my life, complete with how I felt in some of them, for use later in life.

Each individual recurring memory had specific words attached to it, that were intended to be used in the future, I believe, they were references to an experience I had July 31, 1984 that has not ended in May of 2003.

This incident that happened so early in my life  generated 'words of thought', which I believe now were  created in  an incident that happened in 1941   but the words were intended to be relevant to a package of information about my life, that I received in 1984. It was a package of information that occurred in a visible way, as thought words, without images of any kind, that began with another different memory  of an event that happened when I was  13 or  thereabouts.  Read the link The Hill, it is about that incident.                                      

This  is only one sentence, one my re-occurring memories, which I believe Petr D. Ouspensky experienced also in his life. He  made a reference to "recurring memories' that he felt had been the basis of his life because they were marked with a 'certain sensation peculiar to them'. What marked my 'recurring memories' was that they re-occurred throughout my life for no reason I could see. Their strange regeneration was what marked them. He mentioned them only  once in the first paragraph of the introduction to his New Model Of The Universe but there was no meaning in that paragraph the first time I read it, which would have been after 1987. 

 In my life each memory was of a real event that had happened. The memory flashed  into mind  complete with how I felt, what I was doing at the time as well as the thought generated by that event.  Ouspensky seems to have  experienced his in a slightly different way than I did however. I experienced each individually and didn't realize that I had experienced  a 'batch' of re-occurring memories until the late 1980's. The idea I have about them at this point  is that  Emanuel Swedenborg also wrote about 'regenerated memories' in  his short Doctrine of Remains although he wrote "Man does not know this..." , that 'remains' are stored up without man's  knowledge.

This is not a complicated idea if it is kept in mind that the contents of one's own mind have many attributes that can be noticed only if one pays attention to them. In my 1984 'event' I had already begun to 'watch/listen' with a primary attention (that means I had limited energy and attention for 'normal' activities) certain content that was streaming through my mind: It was thought of a new kind, new to me at least, that had began after a short extremely vivid dream. The stream of thought was about a man that was in the dream, only that one man although another man had been in the dream. This stream of thought containing nothing other than 'thought' about the man in the dream dream kept me awake day and night after the night I dreamed it. At  a certain point in time however thought veered away from the dream and I recognized 'thought' content in that stream that clearly related to books I'd been reading, and it had seemed to me I could not read and remember anything that I read. It was obvious that what I was reading was generating thought and it emerged in that band that had carried nothing but thought about the man in the dream.

"When it came it did not come as it was expected to come. It came in the lowest of all places." refers to only one of my recurring memories. It was  an event that had a meaning I could not have grasped myself, until it was made explicit to me that it referred to a 'second coming' in the context of Emanuel Swedenborg's writings. He wrote that the second coming is not a physical coming, but a 'spiritual' one.  I cannot use the word 'spiritual' because it was a 'mental event', clearly visible when it happened. The event had to happen in a deep place in mind, one unconnected to 'now', the moment it happened because I could not relate to it when it happened. It was literally inexpressible and I suspect that 'getting connected with words in some form in the exterior world' was necessary to be able to relate to that content!  I typed the message one day without recognizing what I'd written, in fact I was not even curious after I'd glanced at the ten items along with introduction that began with the experience on the Hill.

 I remembered the content of the first event in 1984  but could not relate to it until t after I had discovered it, word by word I believe, idea by idea, in the years after 1984. After reading Contact by Carl Sagan, and many other events that were significant happened a thought occurred into my mind: "It was a message. I got a message." It is very odd that a mind can produce visible 'material' that must be discovered this way

There was a message in the enormous package of information that erupted into my mind while I struggled to make a full circle skirt out of a remnant of one way mirror image plaid that ought to have been very easy for me.

Although this incident happened when I was very young, I believe it was intended to form a special kind of memory,  and to isolate the depths of mind from which it emerged. One level of thought that would become distinct, different from other thought  was marked, because the incident re-occurred into my thought  in a distinctly noticeable way.  The memory flashed into my mind even when I was nearing 50 years old! It was only about that point in Time that I really wondered to myself, why that memory had done this 're-occurring' so long. then I wondered why I'd not wondered about it before!  I noticed the re-appearance of each of those re-occurring memories eventually, but I wondered to myself about them after almost 3 decades had passed!   One memory was of a movie serial titled, The Missing Link I'd seen sometimes in 1940 or thereabouts. The theme of the movie serial always re-occurred;  it was about a woman scientist leading an expedition into Africa to search for the missing link between man and animals.

 "When it came it did not come as it was expected to come." means something specific to me: "The second coming of the messiah is not a physical event (yet, but I don't rule it out), it is a mental event, as visible as any event in the exterior world. 

At some point in time a connection formed in my mind with the strange use of an inappropriate plural pronoun in the Bible: "Let US make man in OUR image." It has puzzled others in the same way it puzzled me, if there is only one God, how is it possible that it was said by that One, "Let US make man in OUR image."

The inappropriate use of pronouns, has been a benchmark that marks a certain deeply embedded 'train of thought', I believe that was initiated in fall of 1981 after a short extremely vivid dream. Then 'thought' about the dream afterwards constantly moved through my mind, which  I experienced and described as 'non-stop thinking'. The only way I could describe it for a few years was that I could not sleep.  Nobody asked what was going on in my mind, other causes were the focus of therapists I went to. I'd thought I had a head injury and had brain damage but therapists immediately focused on my marital relationship. It took a long time to understand much that was going on then, more than10 years of very uncomfortable events happened. 

That content was visible of course, but I became aware that thought  was emerging on a scrolling band  that was  literally so far below speech, literally  distant from its 'now' moment, that it was inexpressible. I could see it, hear it as one does hear one's thought (although it was new to me) and eventually I wondered to myself about how my mind could produce so much thought about a fairly short  dream. . Until a very lengthy trip in mind space formed a bridge that began to bring it towards a place where a word, then gradually a few words could be written down, then spoken aloud, I could not say anything about what I 'saw/heard' in this stream of thought.

 There were  occasional experiences in my life after 1980 that I experienced in a different way than 'normal' for me, but I believed a complete hysterectomy in 1979 followed a year later by a terrible blow on my head was the cause for the changes in my body and in my mind.

In 1987 I began to realize that the causes for the changes could not possibly have their origin in either the surgery or the blow on my head. I had begun seeing a psychiatrist in 1983, and quite by chance or so it seemed I noticed a book in his office and asked about it: "Reality Therapy" by William Glasser. He offered to loan it to me and I read it, slowly it seemed to me and painfully because reading now made my head feel as though it would burst but also it seemed that I got no meaning from words. They seemed to fall into a black hole after I read them.  Watching myself try to read, wanting to put the book aside because it wasn't interesting and I didn't 'get' anything from it, I was puzzled at feeling forced to read them. Now a likely explanation is that I experienced the 'force of habit' which kept me reading, even when it was very uncomfortable. My head felt as though it would burst for a few years. The thought "all the words seem to fall into a black hole' occurred to me frequently because I could not remember the beginning of a sentence or a paragraph, a page or a book when I had finished it .

 I always remembered the word 'black hole' had been in a book I'd read when I was in my mid twenties: One, Two, Three Infinity by George Gamow. It was about Einstein's theories and my husband had just finished reading it.

 I could not understand one word in that book although I could easily read it.

There is an unsuspected problem in the visibility of that level of mind: what happens cannot be related to when it happens. If I had not read Contact by Carl Sagan I don't believe I would ever had noticed the way my mind had begun to work, using memories from my past other than the few 'remains' that I realized eventually were trying to describe to me, or get me to describe to myself for the first time in my life, non-tangibles.

There is a 'material world' full of objects, but in the 'immaterial world' a psychological 'sense' is required and that is a 'sense' I did not possess. An intelligence other than my own was purposefully at work, that became so obvious I can never doubt it. It has access to my past, every moment of my life that has been shown to me so that I suspect this faculty of mind was at work in those who wrote about the 'Akashic records' and Swedenborg in his writings who said that not one whit of experience is not saved.

This has been made very evident to me, that my memories are stored away and are available  singly or in strings that are very carefully assembled so that a 'story' becomes quite evident.