This page contains: The 10 items in the Message,, which was deeply embedded in the 'mindquake' , package. The event that had happened when I was 13 years is described in The Hill link. I suggest reading it later.
The Statement of Purpose which I typed automatically in 1987
Guidelines which was automatically typed in 1987
Some poems I wrote between 1984 and 1989
This is to set a context about the visible part of the package of information I experienced as a 'mindquake' in 1984.
There were no images, it began with the thought words : "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." at the same time a memory of an event that happened when I was 13 years old was retrieved and regenerated, complete in every detail. I re-experienced that event exactly as it had happened when I was 13.
I'd felt my presence on a huge ball in space, my size was agonizingly small and the sky had seemed like a big bowl above me. What I was looking at, how my body felt and a thought that had occurred into my mind as I lay in the grass, was only part of the retrieved event. Every aspect of that moment was retrieved and replayed. Immediately I realized I'd forgotten that event and not been curious about it after it happened although it was a very unusual event.
I was made aware that a thought I'd had in that event was what I was correct about, but much more, many layers of meaning followed.
What I was correct about was the thought that had occurred after I'd felt my presence on the planet, surrounded by so much space that my body felt it; I felt much less than a speck of dust.) "Thought is the common denominator of all humans. All humans think. Thought must do something. We must be IN something or ON something." That connection was made very clear, that humans must be IN something or ON some thing." Then this thought was said: Patterns of the past are to be patterns of the future.)
That moment was just the beginning of a 'download' (that's a word that was unknown to me in 1984) of an enormous package of information and many specific memories from my past, in my marriage primarily. I 'saw' thought that was only a small part of the package as I found out later, but the visible part was mostly strings of memories from my recent past. One string was of memories of events that happened in my marriage. Something my husband had said the first night we were married was the first of a long string of events that I remembered had happened. They told a story immediately the way a movie would although each memory was separate! There were several 'strings' but they all were a package at that point.
Embedded within the event was a message that I did not experience in any way immediately as thought or any kind of imagery. I had to work towards it, to 'unpack it' and that happened as I went about my life until I was hired by Boeing in 1985. Within a few months of working there several events happened that caused me to be very attentive to many changes in my thought and inner content. It was a different kind of content that I experienced as words that automatically came out of my fingers several months later. I had to discover what had happened although my own fingers typed the message automatically one day, which I read but was not even curious about what I'd just typed! I did not recognize it was a message then. That happened some months later (in 1985, a few months after I was a Boeing employee and had read Contact by Carl Sagan. Reading that book was somehow essential, necessary although I know that now, but did not at the time!! ) It's about a message that was received as a palimpsest. My fingers typed it without being willed by me, with some added commentary that clarified each of the 10 items in the message! It came out of my fingers when I intended to do something else! I read what I'd typed without any curiosity or understanding of what the 10 items meant.
Distance in the mind began to become evident when I realized I had printed a copy (which I still have) but barely glanced at it and put the copy away without curiosity or sense of having lost personal volition. The message and everything I added when I typed it one day, almost a year after July 1984, was obviously a part of the package, but obviously that content was embedded deeply.
What I'm trying to convey is that I had to discover the entire 'package' and the message embedded within it but also had to notice the unexpected but important detail: to discover it I had to begin to see that my body did things I had not intended, or willed, and had no reason to do! 'Unpack' the content of the mindquake seems an accurate way to describe what happened but that unpacking process began to happen automatically and I had to discover that also.
I noticed eventually that my own mind was at work, retrieving individual memories that in some way related to the mindquake itself.
I was barely aware of losing volition over my body, but I had some degree of conscious awareness because at the time I believed my brain was trying to repair itself after a bad blow on my head. But other real world causes seemed to explain many other changes in my mind and my body. A certain degree of some form of perception made the event visible but I had no words to use then to describe non tangibles, anything not material but more importantly no words for inner content.
I'd had an 'empty head' for almost 5 decades until late in 1981 when I had an unusual dream. After the dream, thought streamed through my mind without stopping so that I could sleep. Eventually (1986-87) I noticed a relationship at times between the content in that stream of thought and what I was actually doing at work! That kind of connection was unsuspected by me, it had to 'dawn' on me that what I was doing when a certain memory resurfaced suddenly had meaning and was a kind of 'message' to me about my self and that memory had a distinct relationship to what I was doing at the time!
I had to discover, or recognize exactly how that unpacking was being done, that process was part of the package also. Recognizing it as an 'event' that had been waiting for a certain date in Time itself that was perfectly synchronized with a real situation we (a group of people, not just myself) were living, happened very slowly as events happened. The body of a new understanding was assembled in bits and pieces into a visible new strand of 'understanding' in my mind. Recognizing a message deeply imbedded within it happened almost a year later. Although as I've already said, part of it happened in a visible form, in my mind. And overall, I could not relate to the entire event when it happened.
I was hired as a dispatch clerk at Boeing Fabrication division 2-11-1985 and saw the pi model for the first time when I went for orientation.
One day in 1985 , I remember it was a very hot day summer day after my shift ended in the 17-57 building as I walked to my car a thought occurred to me: "It was a message. I got a message."
I had recently read a book by Carl Sagan, Contact. It was about a message from Extra terrestrials that did not come in the form it was expected. Many words and ideas that were new information to me were in the story line. Which was written from a female's mindset! I had not read or heard of the word 'palimpsest' until I read that book. That word and the idea it represented had an unusual affect within me. But it was just a book I noticed as I shopped one day. It was much later that I noticed mentions of pi in the book and of course at that point it was everywhere at Boeing.
In the package, I experienced 'thought', and strings of memories of my relationship with my husband, events that were retrieved from our past that flashed as a 'story' in a fraction of a second as I found out later, when I experienced other 'swarms of thought' packed into a few seconds. But also at that point I experienced what I realized later was a cached package of information, it was history, recorded history: The word 'download' was not known to me then but what has been written was 'suddenly there in my mind'. And this all happened in a tiny increment of Time. It began with installing the words that were the burden of Eve, that was specific. I felt it in my body as an almost unbearable grief.
I would have to write hundreds of pages to convey what happened after those first thought words occurred into my mind. "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future.", was linked directly to a thought I'd had when I was alone when I was 13 years old. What I was correct about was the thought that had occurred: "Thought is the common denominator of all humans. Humans all think. Thought must do something. We must be on something or in something." That connection was made very clear, that humans must be on something or in some thing." "Patterns of the past." was related to a long string of many memories of myself basically wondering about my future when I changed plans or merely saw something. Does my being present change anything?"
But they were thought words I'd never said aloud to myself or anyone else; words I'd forgotten myself. I'd never mentioned that incident to anyone else. In fact I'd forgotten that event until it was retrieved, complete in every aspect! That detail did not occur naturally to me until much later.
During the next 5 years my mind was a busy place, into which I looked and listened; from which I watched what was outside of my body, and also listened not only to others, but to myself, in a way that was new to me. It was a condition that was so new and incomprehensible to me because it altered everything but at the same time altered no thing at all. I had begun to recognize a deeper marital bond had connected me to other people I knew then, people I'd become so involved with that I felt strange, doing things I didn't decide to do. I'd been seeing a psychiatrist occasionally since 1983 because my mind was producing a non-stop stream of thought about a dream I'd had late in 1981 and I couldn't sleep normally even in 1989. The dream was a fixed point in my mind and it was about one man until sometime in 1986 as best I can date the point where the thought in that stream of content began to have different content. Ididn't notice the new content until it was made evident in the first of two mindquakes I had in 1989. I had noticed but not understood the real significance of an event that had happened in 1982. It had content in it that was a memory from my past, of my self entering a new school, feeling lonely and angry when a new classmate came to talk to me asking questions that made me feel less lonely. That event was linked to how I had begun to become aware of a kind of 'counselor' that had introduced itself very sparely, and as a quiet thought that was marked by its particular quietness.
(The incident happened one night when a peculiar change made lights at night seem to be eye-like, piercing, a bit evil although they were only lights when I looked carefully. I was frightened that night when I got home and saw my husband had not left the barn light on. We lived in a small farm area so there were no neighbor hood lights. I planned my trip to the door, parking close to the door, keys firmly in hand before I got out of the car prepared to dash to the porch. But something made me stand still, straighten my body and I felt walked slowly to the door. My hand slowly put the key into the door and I heard a quiet thought: "You are afraid. Don't be afraid in your own house." I had never experienced such an event, it was nothing to me then, just unusual until I had more experiences that were almost literally models of what was happening in my mind and/but also in my life.)
THE MESSAGE had 10 items, or statements in it.
The words that I heard were very few; I've typed those in bold print. My hands added some words to elaborate what is meant so the reader (who was me at first) can grasp something of what I 'understood' BEHIND the words that were spoken. There was so much content behind the few words that conveyed to me encyclopedias of information but understanding was somehow part of the content. A huge amount of information is required to understand fully what is meant in each of the 10 items but upon first hearing much was true to me because of many particular experiences and interests I'd had throughout my life.
Because a circumstance in my early life had apparently caused me to become focused on reality, I was always, without awareness, trying to find out if I imagined things happened. I had been told I imagined something happened that seemed to me to have really happened in my home. After that event I was not aware of being constantly trying to prove to myself whether I had imagined something had happened when I differed with anyone, particully in my home. I was focused on finding out if I was wrong, when someone else told me my version had not happened. So in the first part I was made aware that 'checking out reality' was a primary interest of which I was completely unconscious , it was 'work' that I had always done.
The material in the package went through a long, difficult trek over the next 5 years to a conscious location and I watched its trip through the distance between 'thought' and articulatable words. .
The first words: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." referred to an incident that had happened that I'd forgotten about until that memory was retrieved. Many memories followed that related to those words but on many different levels, This was an enormous package of events that had been retrieved from my past. So many memories from my past were displayed that I cannot describe them briefly. My past was obviously known in great detail, but it was years later that I was forced to recognize that.
There is quite a difference between a simple understanding of the words as I understood them then and a more complex 'psychologically sensed' understanding of the words that I became aware of bit of information by bit of information. I realized that during the 9 years prior to 1984 I had been made aware of certain activities in my mind when of its own volition and will it formed a complete thought from two fragments that I'd noticed in two different books. One fragment was in a chapter titled "Perhaps an Intention" and it was a statement made by a character in the book that there is a 'secret' . The events that happened in real world events during the 5 years after 1984 slipped into phase with my inner content, and that brought about real knowledge of what the words mean.
1. When a human being is born on this earth, it begins to assume an identity, to play a role. ( This means gender, characteristics allowed by family, national identity, as well as trends of the time in which one is born, etc.)
2. Language was invented by humans, replacing another silent one which encompassed all affairs. Human language is inadequate to describe other than a few material aspects of life. The silent language is the real means of communications of human beings. (Every human being 'knows' all that has ever been and understands this language beneath the human identity that it assumes. The 'role' taken filters and maintains reality to fit that role. A 'human' is not the same as a 'man/woman''. )
3. Each person from the first opening of its eyes on this earth begins to create an internal dictionary of meanings which is built of that individuals' perceptions and concepts, through which the world (reality) is heard and seen. (This dictionary in the most accurate sense is a memory bank of meanings which is formed as one lives, and is consulted as one listens to another, ones thoughts are formed from it, according to the patterns of the personality, which are very habitual. All thought, all meanings passing through the filtergrid imposed by personality before entering the level of conscious perception.)
4. Each person 'knows' on the deepest level what is 'done' to them. (psychologically). (In the most accurate sense, human beings on every level of being, until awakening, are recorders of patterns and recorders of information and each is a recording, specifically themselves. The process is as automatic as the functions of the cells and the organs within ones' body. It is a function of humanity, those who are loved, can give love. Those who are not loved, do not know how, for they have never seen it, have never felt it. One only knows how to do, what one has learned in the most psychological sense. The most complicated psychological knowledge is understood by the infant as it fits itself into the role assigned by its understanding and reception of 'signals' representing the unspoken language. Every killer is first killed in the mind. A killer in the flesh has been killed mentally and does only what he has learned. )
5. All illness begins in the mind. (The mind is operated by will, intent, 'wishes' on the most remote level, the deepest level. The role enters into this. On this earth a medicine created by man may appear to cure and indeed may cure as mans' ability to understand his mind and body unfolds and he assumes more control of 'his' universe, but spiritual cure is necessary to remove the source of conflict. When I use the word 'spiritual' it means an abstract process and a process of abstractions that propel the individual towards life examination must be made. A certain recognition of habits, faults, failures must be made then a new pathway opens, which will lead either to better conditions or understanding of why the condition is necessary.
6. America and its isolation from civilization was no accident. (We were reserved to be the birthplace for the idea that man was created free, so it could to be made manifest and that it might grow in the world.) This is difficult to understand and can only be understood in the idea that man was never been free from habitual instinctual responses to the past, which is important for us to survive and is how evolution proceeds towards the best possible use of our lives. If every one had to learn all over again EVERYTHING that had ever occurred we would be a static race, fixed and unmovable. The automatic response to other humans is worse than can be supposed in its affects and effects. I believe Jesus referred to this when he said: "Are you evil because I am good?" inferring that a person is responding with an 'opposite view' automatically and not the real point of view a person might have if they reflected upon ideas and really understood them. Somehow we read each other like books, due to chemistries that are specific in each person.
7. As we create our technology, we create ourselves. (We are automatically functioning computers, creating now computers, seeking to find one that will emulate the processes of human thought. The workings of our minds and our thoughts, all our ideas are pulled out from the invisible sea in which we reside, in which we are embedded. They are at some time made manifest, made material. They are our technology. Mans' ability to understand increases, evolves and grows as we become more creative mentally. This is very important: Major ideas evolve slowly and gain strength slowly as the number of those who understand them and believe them increases. The complexity of the human brain increases as technology increases.
8. The contents of ones' mind should not be identified with, (The images and the thoughts are passing through the unknown self to the known self, from the source, created by the feelings and emotions that form them. What this means is look at them, but do not think they are 'you'. The mind is constantly generating pictures, images, scenarios, resulting from the impingement of what one encounters in the external environment, and its 'hitting' upon the senses. The particular past of the individual is generally the basis of many of these images, which can be 'stories' that reveal something symbolically and important if they can be 'caught' because they are very rapid moving when a person isn't asleep. If they are 'caught' they can perhaps be 'decoded' and understood. The mind generates seemingly at random, apparently evaluating everything encountered sensually, according to that internal directory, in the context of the personality that governs the computer. There may be information about ones' self, answers to questions asked, or garbage. Rather like the hundred monkeys typing full time would type out every book ever written eventually. **
9. Man has changed very little as technology has progressed. We are still very much like primitive man. (One has only to read the newspapers.)
10. What one does physically, one does mentally. (This is a very important one, and requires elaboration because the 'coincidences' that arise are considered 'delusional thinking' by psychiatrists of this day. The symptoms that are part of the process of individuation are the basis of ideas of schizophrenia, split mind disorders in particular. It is not possible to see anything at all about ones self until one can see its opposite, and this is what happens, opposites are generated along a very methodical continuum, one that has stages, levels, progressions simultaneous with regressions through not only the personal past but the past of man as a race. A person must recognize and respond to a signal, an impulse that not only creates a conversation but causes understanding, by degrees and increments, this can be seen. There is in sight, real in sight as well as out sight, one can 'see' ones self and others, although it is my experience that 'deflection' of parts of, or aspects of ones self onto or into others may prevent some from seeing in this way. Much can be lost in this 'deflection'. Although Emmanuel Swedenborg wrote and I believe that in the ultimate result, God alone works and designs in order to 'save' everyone although he does it through what we call 'laws of order'. This would be 'science', which is a process and NOT a fixed content.
By looking carefully at one's life details and by listening to one's own words, then learning to catch the underlying conversation of other peoples 'projections' and understand them one learns that ones own 'hidden' self and of others constantly refer to much more than is realized or understood. The men who discovered psychiatry recognized that individuals 'act out' and even describe in a symbolic form, much that they don't know about themselves but cannot easily see.!! I read that only a few days ago when I read the Introduction written by Beatrice Hinkle to C. G. Jungs' Psychology of the Unconscious which I found in google.books!!
(I was amazed at so many phrases we use that are more literally true than anyone would suppose they are. "thought" less people are really thoughtless. We speak of 'second sight' when we do have a 'second look' at everything after being 'turned on'. Its only at this time a person can hear this 'underlying conversation' as I think of it, that can be very useful if one is careful but horrible if its not understood, if one gets 'stuck'. Its possible to become extremely self centered, megalomania and its possible to fall into severe mental disorders.
The Interpretation Of Schizophrenia by Silvano Arieti mentions a 'symptom', i.e. 'ideas of reference' very frequently. It's definition is 'getting messages from irrational sources', that's the definition I read when I looked it up. The word 'irrational' is difficult to define, and I had to become aware that whatever it is, it prevailed even in Greek times, when I read The Greeks and The Irrationals by . E. B. Dodds. I've not known people who had been psychiatrically diagnosed, so I knew nothing about the origin or history of psychiatry itself until by chance I read a book, The Moebius Strip which is about 'fin de siecle' neuropsychiatry and the word of Paul Moebius, the grandson of Augustus Moebius. . Its a good idea to read as much as possible about it!!
I became aware that this 'symptom' of 'getting messages from irrational sources', is the same thing as meaning-full coincidence. I called a Jungian analyst, Dr. William Levy in 1987 and asked several questions about whether a process of individuation exists. He not only validated my hunches but told me he'd experienced those 'symptoms' himself and had almost lost his doctors' license until he got involved with Jungian psychologists.
The problem seems to me to be that in non-Jungian psychiatric theory this kind of personalized 'event' isn't understood to be related to a process of human individuation by the profession. It seems to be a consciousness at lower levels than Carl G. Jungs': the Western mind. I made the connection myself, that they (the symptoms I'd read on a medical chart and meaningful coincidence) are the same, this was my first accomplishment, in my attempts too prove to myself and one other person that I wasn't imagining things and had not finally 'gone off the deep end'. I'd begun to understand what was happening to me. I realized very slowly that I was being shown something by a pattern and was learning from it without having read or heard much about Mr. Jung's ideas about individuation. I was aware of a kind of Presence at work and I'd begun to get information in a form nobody has ever managed to describe and be believed.
I had read quite a number of books by authors such as Joseph Chilton Pearce, then P. D. Ouspensky, Emanuel Swedenborg and a few more modern authors, William Glasser at first, from whom I had learned many ideas I'd never thought about in my life. So it was not Jung's ideas that influenced me although I'd read his name a few times without paying much attention to it. His name simply didn't 'register' for some time.
It was F. David Peat's book, Synchronicity, The Bridge Between Mind and Matter and Alan Vaughn's book, Incredible Coincidence, the Baffling World of Synchronicity that introduced the word 'synchronicity' to me. There was nothing to connect the word to symptoms (ideas of reference/thought broadcasting, magical thinking, racing thought (which does not 'race', its not possible to stop it, capture one word long enough to write it down, easily, it is on its' own 'track' in my opinion) etc. Those are words that I'd read on a medical chart of mine in 1986. Within 2 years after 1986 I became aware that a kind of inner reflection in my mind, of certain thought, or material I read somewhere, was creating a different 'sense' of meaning. There were incidents, only a few, in which I could see a different context arise automatically in my mind and this 'reflection' , in fact was creating what I named after I was certain it was happening, as a 'second under lying context'.
In 1987 as best I can date it, I called a Jungian analyst in Seattle and asked him if the word 'synchronicity' and 'meaningful coincidences' were the same thing. Then I asked if there was a process of individuation and he said there is. Then I asked if 'ideas of reference/thought broadcasting are psychiatric names for the same experience. He told me they were, he had experienced it himself which was the only way he would know. It must be experienced and understood because its been my expxerience that this is actually a conversation being initiated, a real dialogue if the process is understood. It is very symbolic, highly personal and aimed towards bringing new ideas into the world, as well as making that person truly capable and creative in the universe.
It doesn't seem likely this is a new process, it's very old and has been the subject of very much thought throughout the 7 thousand years of which we have some records. It's a process that makes the parable of the good seed relevant because from my own experience I believe that story refers to the process, and to the changes that occur along the continuum, even when the 'seed' falls on good ground. It changes at points, it doesn't always create the kind of religious experience that Richard M. Bucke described in Cosmic Consciousness. It's a continuum which must be experienced if its necessary to that person and to the idea being brought into 'the light' of human understanding. It is my opinion that a new idea or new information is being brought into the 'light of day and language' because that's been my experience. I recognized how the process and the pattern was creating information, that I didn't originally know and would never have thought about myself. I'm not that smart.
There are points of change and many, many changes of perception and I believe having a good memory and making records in a diary or journal is probably the only way one can be certain that what one was told really happened.
**((The case is quite different after a person is 'initiated'. There is nothing random or accidental behind the 'workings' of the mind, they are specifically designed and specifically functioning in conjunction with events in the world, events in the persons' life, although these workings are based upon the past events of that persons' life. There is a symbolism at work that can only be understood when the past of man is understood, as well as a process of abstraction at work which creates information that person can discern, in one's own 'language' so to speak. The specificity of this interaction is difficult to describe; the symbolism, symbolic re-presentation is a good term to use, seems to me to be rather as though a 'search' is made through the individual's past memory bank to find and retrieve from the past, the closest example that can be found to what is visible in front of ones eyes materially and psychologically.
The overt world and the covert (covered) world are conjoined and explained to that individual. I was very amused to notice that the difference between 'overt' and 'covert' is also a similarity: a see, a 'c'. The coincidences arise from this as well as the 'story' of ones life, ones 'purpose'. ))
As I've written previously, without any awareness of it as my main interest, I had been trying to establish reality in a certain way as a result of something that had happened when I was very young. I had been told I'd imagined something that I believed had happened, had not really happened. So I was afterwards focused on trying to find out what was real, and whether I imagined anything, in a particular way. .
This 'search for the truth' in my life was not only pointed out to me by implication in the opening of the message, as the opening thought words occurred, but it was exposed by strings of actual memories , a few from my first 15 years, They were displayed somehow linearly the way a movie is seen. This was only part of a string that was displayed in an increment of time that had to be less than a small part of a second.
The words that opened this event were spoken as 'thought', without images other than one specific memory, then other strings of memories were displayed that explained how the same words that opened the event, were related to different levels of mind. There was a variety of thought in the background I believe that related to memories I could not 'see' then, that were not connected to words, or to each other initially.
When that content met it's match in the exterior world, I experienced a sense of familiarity, the words seemed already there in some form in my mind or body.
To me this message and the statement of purpose that followed it explains much that has always puzzled me about 'reality' and religion. I've the conviction it was real and it had taken many thousands of what we call 'years' to prepare the situation for its reception.
This is the most grandiose claim a person could make, but its been illustrated to me very well, that 'time' was a construction not of the human mind, but of a Larger Domain. However 'grandiose' the idea may seem, there were always other humans than myself involved in how it was 'decoded' and that took more than 5 very busy years. When 1989 scrolled into our lives, I'd begun to know that what I was doing physically was being described back to me, just barely begun to know.
I know it was not a product of my own imagination nor was it a personal fantasy because so much participation was evident to me from every area of my life then, and later.
The mechanisms known as 'projection' in psychiatry do not begin to explain the relationships of people to other people, and when the Larger Domain is functioning, the relationship of the individual to objects that use words where ever they occur which changes radically. There is a change also in that 'events' in the most ordinary every day situations take on an added meaning and a different context when the Larger Domain is functioning, i.e., at work. That was 'something' that was to me, not only new, unexpected but unexplainable for the 3 years after 1984. Within that time span a body of new experiences had built up and it was becoming apparent the thing was really explaining every aspect of it, itself. And something almost undetectable by ordinary 'rational thinking' was being accomplished at the same time. What I was physically doing was being 'said' to me in a form, through a variety of events in which impeccable timing was as unmistakable as was also the fact that as a person, I could not have arranged those events.
It seems to me this is what the Bible means when it says the 'last state of those is worse than the first state' if an individual doesn't have some kind of help, some validation that this is 'reality' itself beginning to instruct that individual These projections, 'second sight' really do take place: its an extremely rapid echoing back of every event, mental or physically observable so that it's reflected then 'seen again' with new and different contexts. There is personal reference and this is where the apparent or real 'coincidences' arise. Due to a certain faculty of mind, this can be a real disaster or a real blessing.
My husband had that faculty of mind and I 'caught' it, or acquired it as a real product of a long period of being on the receiving end of being defined and related to in a way that had nothing to do with the way I actually was. The fact that I am an American who married a European who was growing up in a country where the war actually happened is of utmost importance. The way I acquired a new mind caused me to know that males replicate themselves in a way we don't suspect and that males and females have different forms of replications. A certain mechanism of mind was either part of the acquired mindset, or it was already within me and was initialized, or 'switched on' at a specific time that coincided with the the advent of the Los Angeles Olympic Games.
It took me quite a while to identify this extremely rapid mechanism of mind that is known to exist in the idea of projection as its psychiatrically defined. It creates self observation. At first the effect was invisible and the confusing effect on what's outside my body was not possible to discern. After a time I had a sense of what was going on, a kind of extremely rapid 'replaying' of content seemed to be there and I was 'hearing again' everything people said . But this change overlaid everything, so my own thought was also echoed, or so it seemed after I had become somewhat more able to relate to what was going on in my head.
But one day I noticed it for certain, that my thought about something I was doing, described a physical activity I was really doing, but it also described something I was mentally doing. The same words described both activities. It was distinct in that incident. That thought validated that I was actually involved in exploring the depths of mind, seeing into it. This incident came about from being given a new job at work, having to walk out onto a metal grid floor that was 15 feet above a room below and through which the room below could be seen. I was startled when I felt dizzy after walking onto the metal grid. I clung to the edge of the nearest tank and the thought emerged: "Its just like being lifted up, I can see more, I can see what's below me and what's going on around me at the same time." That's a simple thought, but it was all that was necessary. The words that were re-generated by the suddenly invisible floor, described what I was doing in two worlds. Clearly the bundled replay of words seemed spoken to me, and they described what I was doing mentally.
That day was to me, very much like the day Helen Keller understood her first 'word'. I felt somehow rewarded as though a great accomplishment had been made. Memories of other times in my past when I had done something well flashed into my mind, but I did not recognize for quite some time that they were 'regenerating' the sense I'd had of having done well through the bundle of past experiences regenerated from my past. 'Work' in earnest began after that day. ) The 'second sight' in that thought was the first trustworthy incident where I experienced very literally that whatever is heard or observed in this process, reveals what one does really on Earth and can learn to do in the larger domain.
After the dream I was watching what was going on in my mind without realizing I had been switched from being primarily focused on what was outside of my body.
This requires not only awareness and attention but consciousness to be effective in the mental world, I believe. This was most astonishing to notice that people continually repeat words, ideas and concepts that imply they know they consciously live in the Larger Domain, but this is obviously not so. I tried to verify what other people, one in particular said to me, he was the man in the dream, that indicated to me that the person knew and seemed to know he responded to my unspoken thoughts.
The incredible way people define words so uniquely should make it obvious that nonverbal communication is present in humans, and that psychologically we 'mate' and make friends with only those creatures similar to or useful to our selves. Denial is quite as potent a reality shaper as hallucinations, it is the opposite side of the coin, deleting what could be seen. Physically lived patterns once recognized are the basis for growth, individuation. The family of origin personality is a necessity, a point of reference, a point of origin only. I always thought I wouldn't believe in anything until it explains everything. This explains everything when its understood, although the implications of my experience are very, very hard to handle.
It is strange to try to describe an event that took more than 10 years to really understand. By 1989 I had come to understand a new language, had learned at least one important new idea that I had not suspected. It was an idea that answered a question asked in a supposedly fictional book I'd read years before. I was made aware that I had been named, talked to and guided towards understanding this language and had become functional in a connection to a Larger Domain. That was my name for it when I first became aware of it. That happened when I saw a documentary about John Lilly. He mentioned ECCO, Earth Coincidence Control Office. "HE KNOWS!! Its real, HE KNOWS about the Larger Domain!!", I thought.
I was also aware of another world, a world of appearances as I came to think of it almost inadvertently because for five years everything that was happening to me 'seemed' to be impossible but it kept happening.. Then I understood as only a few have, that we live in a universe that is quite different than we suppose it is. And I hope no one jumps to conclusions that are incorrect. There are many ideas about ourselves that are very old but of which many people are just becoming aware, and they don't know that those ideas are very old because they haven't read the older philosophies and even some new ones.
What is 'new' to some is very, very old and until people know how old Eastern ideas in particular are, they cannot examine them as to the results of them, which generally encourage passivity.
Typed automatically in 1987, The Statement of Purpose
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
The Counselor: (to me)
THEE MUST ACT ON THIS, AND PERSEVERE. Procrastinate no longer. Allot thy time to me. Thee has finished with this world of substance and must proceed. Thou asked of me to know: what? and why? and how does???, and thee asked it well. Now thee has thy story, and must tell or it is lost in time. It will take thee time, thou must begin.
Response: (from me)
It is so much to tell, and I don't know where to start; how to put it all together and I'm not sure if it means anything to anyone but me. How can I explain it all to people who never asked just the questions that I asked and read what I have read? Or pondered in just the way, in just the specific area that interested me?
The common denominators make it almost impossible to break the barriers time has made so firm, and the irony of the trap into which we all fall, that we do not abandon to the past most of our ways and efforts, constantly learning more, and all that is new; depending more on intuition, learning more about the immaterial world. There are obviously rules and methods to reach it.
As WE READ NOT ONLY DO WE LEARN WHAT THE AUTHOR HAS TO SAY, BUT WE MAY ALSO PICK UP SOMETHING OF THE AUTHOR. I think it is something that is woven into the substance of the book or story.
As children read the folk tales and myths, the fairy tales and poems that have been passed down through time from our ancestors; we learn something of their experience as well, each in a way that is quite individual. Each generation is quite different from the next; child is the culmination of all that has gone before and so is the beneficiary of its parents and others as well. Each according to its ability to recognize and identify with what has been learned up to the point of his or her existence. It has always mystified me why for instance parents immediately begin to teach their children everything they have learned with such zeal, when it is obvious that the parents habits and tastes in most cases are already obsolete; that there is little more reason to train a child to be like its parents in other than basic survival techniques. It has been recognized recently, more so than in other eras that each person is an individual and needs to develop independently of what has been necessary in prior times.
As people weep at the passing of the family as the institution which fosters the growth of the future, it is obvious that the best interests of the children who must develop more fully in different ways than their parents, is no longer served in merely being the possessions of their parents, to train as they see fit.
At the age of forty seven years I began to enter into a phase of life that has been to some degree known, but in large is an entirely uncharted period of our existence in the material world.
It has been known that we have a spiritual life, (mental life) but I didn't know it. The words that speak of that world were nearly nonexistent in my life experience. At the age of forty seven I began to have my attention diverted from the material world and my life and place in it as girl, woman, wife, and mother.
I began to experience what are now called depression, withdrawal and an inability to perform the (mundane) tasks and (ordinary daily) works of that woman.
The end of the Statement of Purpose
Typed automatically in 1986
The person as a window on the world a unique entity who progresses through life gathering a thinking viewpoint through evaluation of personal experience and observations and evaluations of the material world.
The caliber of observation and evaluation depend upon the intelligence that is inherent or developed. Intelligence is defined as the ability to isolate and associate relevant details and facts.
Originality is the keen intelligence that gathers together from experience and observation facts which elude ordinary thinking. Creativity is the ability to translate into words that may benefit those whose personal experience is not such that the same facts may be made clear by the same deductive reasoning.
One who may not originate an idea and creatively express it for the benefit of others may yet use the originality of others and with correct evaluations of personal observations of mental material accrued via their window on the world, become an originator.
Ideas in the material world may be proved by repetitive experiment. Ideas which shed light on the immaterial world are much more difficult, since at this time levels of sensitivity are so random and sparse. The uniqueness of the individual comes to its full importance, in that no fact other than the material world may cause the conclusion to be reached.
The individual acquires his or her own unique dictionary which is so to speak built into the 'personal computer' and myriad of divergent reference points cause the apparent 'facts' to take on meaning for one that may have no relation to what another may perceive.
As the 'personal computer' is filled it becomes programmed by habitual thinking and reasoning trends so that eventually a 'personality grid' is superimposed upon all events of personal observation and experience.
The 'grid' works on all input experience as well as on all output experience.
Perceptions begin to assume a predictable aspect, probably very young. To be free from habit is nearly impossible, the familiar is comforting.
Unless the unfamiliar becomes as habitual as the familiar then the unfamiliar is threatening to the very fragile human ego and will be experienced with fear and pain.
Only exposure allows what is unfamiliar to become familiar and without stress become a springboard for further experience then further development towards an idea which may be larger than presently exposed.
The end of the Guidelines
Typed automatically June 25, 1987
When I was about seven or eight years old I saw a movie serial, titled: The Missing Link. It was about some scientists, led by a woman, who were in a jungle looking for the 'link' between man and ape, supposedly an ape with manlike qualities.
The words 'missing link' have been the two oldest 'floaters' that I can remember. I will define a floater as a word or simple phrase that appeared in my mind for no reason that I could think of. I could be reading a book, talking to a person or just musing and reflecting on something specific, or nothing that I could recall that was specific and the words or phrase would float across the back roads of my mind.
It was not long afterwards that I saw another old serial called the Clutching Hand." It was simply a very scary movie of a haunted house. There is a small difference in that phrase in that it just seems to have disappeared into my mind and did not emerge until about ten years ago, when that phrase began to emerge in a similar way with the others. Somehow it became a more important phrase. It felt different.
The words 'common denominator' were the most frequent floater. This phrase of course originated from arithmetic when I was in grade school. I don't remember any specific incident when 'common denominator' flitted across my mind but it like 'missing link' would cross my mind at times when reading; particularly newspapers or magazines.
I think I was well into middle age before this began to catch my attention, only then I wondered why those repetitious words kept occurring in my mind. There was no reason that I could see for those 'ghosts along the back roads of my mind'.
At about the same time that I began to feel such heaviness, listlessness and 'mind pain' a children's book about Luther Burbank that I'd read, the only bibliography I can recall reading, began to emerge in the same way. Ideas about 'pollinating', 'cross pollinating' to create a hybrid, a new daisy was the the subject of that book. I must have been only nine or ten years old when I read it. It was the story of how he saw a field daisy and loving nature as he did began to wonder if he could 'help' it and improve it. He began to select the daisies that had more petals, specifically wanting to create a daisy that had more than one row of petals.
He began to collect from the field those daisies with the most petals and worked out a way to take pollen from one, brush it across the female part of another. In that way he acted as a 'bee' but with a design in mind. As the seed matured he planted it and selected from each batch those daisies with the most petals and finally began to see signs of 'doubleness' emerge. The daisies had more petals than common field daisies. He finally did succeed in producing a daisy with two rows of petals, becoming the father of hybridizing.
That concept, the idea of taking desirable qualities from one and crossing it with the desirable qualities of another began to join the other floaters. ( Added April 10, 1993: This related to my own minds attempts to 'draft' information of its own, 'informing' me, on the top of my mind by this 'closest example I can find' to what was happening to me at the time. I'd been told quite casually by Dr. Phillip Rehngren of Seattle, that 'folie aux duex' was the reason I felt I was 'seeing the world through Jan's eyes, as though his 'viewpoint' was sitting on top of mine and I was looking "up" through it. That's how I described it one day, without thinking about that, I heard the words spontaneously come out of my mouth.
I recall how hesitantly I spoke, how vaguely I spoke, searching for words to describe the terrible anquish I was feeling. When I was in my early teens, I'd had an unusually gripping reaction to 'Of Human Bondage' as a radio screenplay. That level of involvement caused me to want to read the book. I felt a great interest and attention towards the plight of the crippled Phillip. He became deeply enmeshed with Mildred, who cared nothing for him. She thought he was below her and she was openly insulting to him.
It was of interest to me to look back upon the way the story affected me, when 'codependency' became well known, that after he met a woman who cared for him, I lost interest in the story
Another thing that I began to wonder about at nearly this time was that my spare time had always been absorbed in tracing patterns, no matter where I am. I noticed small details that I did, in the early 1980's. I saw that I have always mentally traced patterns, looking for hidden things, similarities to 'something else' in nearly everything that happened to be in front of me, looking for patterns on the ceiling, a sort of mental doodling. Figure 8's were my most common doodle.
At about the time 'looking for patterns' joined the other floaters, I also began to be aware of where this had been instilled in me. I had somehow taken the idea from intelligence tests given as a routine when I was in grade school. This used to be done every year, sometimes every semester. I loved them, particularly the questions where a series of numbers were given and the next in the series had to be 'figured out'; pictures that had similarities or differences.
End of Reminder of my Remains
I did not recognize or feel astonished that I'd written something that I had not intended to write until quite a period of time had passed. There was no curiosity in me when I read what the Counselor said to me, although I knew what the questions "Thee asked of me to know, What? And why? and How does?" referred to. They were questions I'd asked of myself, each very specific content while I looked at something or thought about something I'd just read. The way I felt then was a coma like state, I felt remote, isolated, nearly inert at times, just being an observer unable to say anything about what I was seeing in my own mind. In was not strange at first, hearing what came out of my mouth, that I had not thought about and had no reason to say. Noticing that took a few years!!!!
After several years I realized I was seeing from a deep level within my own mind that was looking out, and the changes in perception were overlaying everything outside of my body. This experience was confusing but now I realize the word 'projection' is very poorly understood in psychiatric ideas. Self observation on this level is presumed to be an apparent refusal to acknowledge 'self' material, i.e one's own 'shadow material'.
I knew nothing about C. G. Jung's term 'shadow', I knew nothing about Jung or his ideas until close to 1988. It was in the year before 1984 that something so startling happened: I felt such a shock when I noticed the quiet repetition of the name of a square dance call: "cast a shadow' into my mind after the caller (the one thad chanted it. When I noticed this repetition once, the quiet thought words, 'cast a shadow' reoccurred every time the caller chanted the name of that figure. I wondered to myself about it, then my early life experiences with a comic book titled The Shadow came to mind, then the radio show with it's awesome statement: "Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men? The Shadow knows. The Shadow has the power to blind men's mind so they cannot see him." That was the totality of my knowledge of the 'shadow' until a few years later, when I came upon the term in a book, The Scapegoat Complex authored by a Jungian author.
Being an observer without any curiosity at such an unusual 'event' has been my basic life it seems to me now, until the 90's brought a sense of 'critical evaluation' to me.
SYNCHRONICITY, a poem
Beneath the surface of my life, There lies a continuity,
A flowing sense of a direction, A goal that lays ahead of me.
A sense that mountains steep and dangerfilled,
Exist in places the eye alone can't see.
And my connection to my Source,
Is the cord that leadeth me,
The single shield that guardeth me.
If the secret of life you would find,
It will be in one of a different mind
For what I gave to thee is only half
To her I gave the rest,
Like a coin cut in twain and cast far apart.
A man has a role that he must play
And it is not what he will choose
But what will guide his mate whom I will guide.
A man is a creature of logic
And cannot hear my voice for it is pain.
And pain and logic are not twins.
My logic changes with the need,
Its pattern lays within her seed.
My voice was lost long ago to man and mate,
Now it is but felt within the soul,
Of her who carries the future and pays the toll
That you can barely see, feel not at all.
Her anguish is but My Voice to with her be whole.
This poem seemed a little self serving to me even when I wrote it, until I read The Arrow Of Time by Peter Coveney and Roger Highfield. The arrow of time seems to be reversible except in biology where it is 'aimed' in only one direction. This connects woman, through her process of replication directly with that arrow and indicates she has never been separated from it. The sense of 'isolation' the male feels generally may be due to this although males do replicate also, this is obvious since all ideas that we pass forward in time came from the male mind, those of religions and those of science.
The 'religious' experience has always taken place in the minds of men getting information that becomes a basis for belief. There is nowhere a major religion based on the religious experience of a woman. Synchronicity as much more than the second birth process, more than the mystical experience should be regarded as the experience that will bring science and religion together when its recognized that no man discovers anything. Every facet of our world of society, art, science, technology began with an idea revealed and acted upon in a mind. The bibliography at the end of a book is the result of a person experiencing exactly what I've experienced within the past 10 years, without the recognition of the process, the set of patterns that guided that life while the textbook was being assembled.
The first event happened in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984, to an unsuspecting woman who was mentally foggy and struggling to maintain a semblance of normality. I named it a 'mindquake' sometime after the second event happened in 1989. I cannot hope to be linear in writing about what happened in 1984, then during the 5 years after 1984 until 1989. During that point in Time, I had to 'unpack' so to speak the content in the 1984 event, and I had also to realize I was 'unpacking' it, bit of information by bit of information'. By 1989 I could relate immediately to the content moving through my mind, a certain isolated, distinct 'band of thought' that had contained the message embedded within it.
It was a very great change, an unexpected and nearly undetectable situation had caused me to be able to relate to 'thought' immediately. It had taken that 5 years long period, a 24 hours long, 7 days a week, 365 days a year period to relate to the content that happened in 1984. Still later, more than a decade after the 1989 event, I could understand that in the 9 years prior to 1984 a critical phase had happened, relating to what was going to happen in 1984. This critical phase culminated in a 'minor' mindquake one night in 1982 such that it was possible to eventually realize this experience had begun long before I was born physically on this planet. It has been an ongoing endeavor in Time itself, before written records of any kind.
There are three documents in this page, The Message, Statement of Purpose, and Guidelines. Each of which was typed at different times after 1984, each was typed automatically. The Message was the first document I typed and that happened several months after July 31, 1984, when I intended to write something else. What that means is that my fingers typed without any intent of mine, or conscious awareness on my part of what was being typed. A will other than mine operated the typewriter, my eyes glanced at what I'd typed but there was no curiosity about the material, nor a recognition that I'd heard it in the packaged content I had experienced already, in that 10 days period.
In fact even after I printed it out, I read what I'd typed without any recognition that I'd not thought consciously about what came out of my fingers which was very different than what I'd intended to type. Later it became obvious that what had been typed was embedded in the event that had happened in 1984, in my 'mental space'. There was 'visible content' in that event but now I believe masses of notvisible content was suddenly 'switched on'.
The 1984 event began with specific words, "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." and these words were followed by a very specific incident that had happened when I was about 13 years old. It's described in the link, The Hill Behind that memory the same words were given meaning by the retrieval of long strings of memories from my past on two different levels, which I had to recognize in detail in the 5 years after 1984. One 'vein' began with something my husband had said the first night we were married: "Have you said your prayers?". Then I heard as 'thought words' 5 sentences, about him, followed by a mass of long strings of memories from our marriage that made a point immediately the way an entire movie is experienced. These 5 sentences were simple, but they were so critical to being able to really understand this event, that I hope I can elaborate later about them. All of this happened in a flash. It all came at once, as an enormous bundle of content.
Following this initial content was the retrieval of two poems, Invictus, by Henley which I knew I had read and memorized and another poem, Myself that I knew I'd only read and felt very much attracted towards. The last lines: "I don't want to stand in the setting sun and hate myself for things I've done." had always remained with me. As the words to the poems were experienced I felt the content of the words become embedded within my body. I was literally infused with the 'need to do right, to be fair, to be honest and upright', as well as with much more that I can only relate to generally even now. The words in the poems had the effect of 'modeling' a structure within me, forming a permanent part of me that has never left.
The other 'vein' began with Eve, who was burdened literally with guilt at a certain point in Time. I felt the enormous burden immediately, although I was unawares of something that had happened in the two years prior to 1984, such that I had already been feeling a terrible physical feeling of almost unbearable grief. It had begun in a specific moment, and it had seemed to be connected to a real person that I knew only casually but had become somewhat fascinated with, for reasons I could not understand. The grief began instantaneously with a thought that occurred one night when I looked at the man: "Oh, no! Oh, God NO! NOT HIM.", and it was so painful that I wept floods of tears. (Later I found out why I felt such grief, someone else in the same group of people who were in our square dance club had also felt it, for the same reasons basically that I had. I asked him why he had left the group for almost a year, then returned skeletally thin and emaciated. He shook his head as he replied: "It was the grief. I could not bear the grief any longer." The 'grief' I'd felt had seemed related to a situation between this man I'd become fascinated with and his wife as well as their relationship to their club.
The 'double life' of my real existence and the hidden life described in 'history itself, all of it' was laid open with the same words and memory retrievals. "You are Correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." applied on many levels and they were all exposed at once. The 'whole thing' happened as a seamless batch, and it was necessary to take it apart later. I believe I did not 'take it apart' myself, I watched all of the processes of 'unpacking' and rearranging the content, almost phrase by phrase, clause by clause, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, page by page, chapter by chapter and even book by book, as an observer. A detached, isolated 'viewing machine', but one that was intensely curious and focused on proving that I was not 'crazy'.
I had a specific reason for being almost driven to the point of insanity (a word I did not understand but was very much afraid of) to prove I was not insane.
The message was received in 1984, perceived and apparently remembered by some component within me and was typed almost a year later. The message was typed in 1985 and I was not even curious about what I'd typed then read when it was printed out. The Statement of Purpose and the Guidelines were typed in 1986/7.
After 1984, and even prior to that, my mind was a busy place, but it had become a visible territory, unknown to me as a real place, into which it was possible to look, from which it was possible to hear in a particular way, that was not like what one hears in the exterior world. This was a very new place to me, one that was full of activity and I had noticed thought of different varieties rather slowly. Because this thought content was new to me, I was curious about it, without being as curious of another 'vein of thought' that was scrolling relentlessly through my mind that was connected with a dream I'd had late in 1982, and this was connected to the man I'd felt a powerful 'need' to get to know and talk to. There was nothing romantic in this attraction which made it that much more unexplainable.
By 1984, I was not aware that a preparatory period of about 9 years had brought forth an awareness of a few memories that had plagued me by their persistence throughout my life, after the original event had happened. I became aware these persistent retrievals of memories from my past had been happening for most of my life and I had not noticed them beyond just being aware of each one, and had not been curious about them until at point in Time.
The Statement of Purpose, The Guidelines, The Message. (1984)
The Message was embedded in an enormous package of information, I did not hear the message in the package, the 10 items were hidden, embedded within it at the point in time when I typed it. This content was new to me even when I typed it, close to a year after July 31, 1984 August 11, 1984. I know that it was in 1985, I'd been working at Boeing a couple of months and had just finished reading Carl Sagans' book, Contact which is about a message also.
The preface to the package of information was visible/audible as thought. The rest of the package obviously contained an enormous amount of information that I now realize, had to meet its' match in the exterior world, probably word for word as well meeting the psychological content, in 'events' of quite a variety. This 'conjunction' of inner content with outer content was experienced as a body feeling before it became words, of that I am certain. That I believe accounts for what has been named 'coincidence of the meaningful kind'. In ordinary psychiatric language (which I knew nothing about in 19841988) this is also a batch of 'symptoms' that are defined as mental delusions.
The 10 items in the message were typed automatically at some point before I had read Carl Sagan's book, Contact. I remember noticing the book as I walked through a mall, and I stopped to read the jacket. A hand that did not seem to be mine wrote a check for the book, the first new book I'd ever bought that cost that much other than a school book that I had to buy. I read the book without any sense it was more than an ordinary book.
I remember a thought occurring to me one day as I left work, walking to the parking lot: "It was a message. I got a message." The emergence of that thought into a mind that had become visible did not startle me or arouse curiosity about what such a thought implied. I merely remember that moment quite vividly.
Carl Sagan's book is about a message and a palimpsest, which is a puzzle that had to be decoded layer by layer. The plot of the book was a new idea to me, but as time passed and a clear link between what I was reading, what was in my thought, and what I was physically doing became unmistakeable. Read the link, The Hidden Glimmer which is about a trip back to the hill in 2000. I'd graduated in 1950, so this was the half century mark. That event could not have been foreseen by me, and could not have been arranged by me. Yet it was obviously foreseen, but by whom?
The 10 items were part of an enormous package of information. Bear in mind that I did not 'hear' the content that had the 10 items of the message, so that explains why I did not recognize it or wonder to myself about it's emergence one day when I was typing.
The preface and 'introduction' to the message was so distinctly linked to my actual real world life that I was at first outraged and grief stricken because it seemed to me then, that someone I knew intimately had tricked me and manipulated us into a situation which he detested on one level but seemed quite pleased with on another level. What he was pleased with overall, was what seemed to be indications that I had 'finally gone over the edge' although he also seemed genuinely concerned and wanted to help find out what was going on that made me feel so unlike my normal self.
The 'double bind', or 'mixed signals', (words I knew nothing about then) situation I had begun to experience physically, had created a new mind and perceptual condition.
It was more than a decade after 1984 that I could begin to realize that if there are mixed signals, there are signals. As a human born into a flow of events that extend backwards, mixed signals may be the only way to begin to detect signals.
I had not a clue that there were 'levels' in understanding then, as well as obviously different 'thought generating' entities within the body. Who would suspect that 'thought' can emerge from a location so deep, so remote from words that one would have to struggle to 'reach it' and struggle even more to speak even one word from that level?
By 1989 I had learned about levels from a source that I had begun to realize comes 'through' what is visible but which is not directly visible its self.