This link is about the book I  read that served as a foundation from which I began to understand the event that had happened to me in 1984, and had been employed by Boeing for a few months. 

Contact  by Carl Sagan is about the reception of the first transmission from extraterrestrials. Its also about language, codes, learning to discern  complex knowledge from almost no information, and palimpsests. It's my opinion that every life is a palimpsest. Carl Jung wrote that a persons' life is like a story that is lived and it has to be discovered.

There's one line in the book that made no impression on me when I read Contact the first time, but later....I happened to glance through the book and it stood out as though it had been highlighted for me because at that point it meant something. It was  timely new information to me: I recognized what was being 'said to me' as though a person had spoken. Years of events of a similar kind had shown me how to relate to this  timely  'bit of information'.

"In her mind she thought she could hear one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices." 

This sentence is in Carl Sagan's book, Contact spoken by a fictional character in a book.  There have been other sentences in books that described a detail in an emerging story, assembling in my mind as events happen and as I read the kind of books that came to my attention, sometimes literally falling right in front of me, open to just the right page. I read  words I couldn't think of myself but they came to me at just the time I could recognize them. I had to notice my mind was talking to me by a process similar to how a bibliography is assembled; that's not mystical.  Many times I'd already  read the book that contained them and not noticed what was now being drawn into focus so that eventually I realized they were words I'd been looking for, even waiting for.  The embedded-ness of words in a book corresponds to the embedded-ness of one voice among many thoughts implied by this one sentence.   I had not realized there are different levels in my mind that produce its own content and mechanisms that can alter my own thought, that can relate to and can use for its own purposes, anything outside of my body.

There's a particular focus of interest that I experience when this happens, I had to notice that my mind hovers and lingers for no reason I have, a process Theodore Reik described in Fragments of a Great Confession.  I don't experience the hovering point as 'me', or working from 'my interest' but as some other that has it's own purposes and intents.  I need to make that point. It may be a 'soul level' of me, Jung called it the Self, but somehow I believe It, whatever it is, is outside of Time, but Time is It's basic method of establishing contact with those of us living in Time.  I watch this hovering 'point' now in a way I didn't grasp immediately as one that is 'highlighting' certain content so that I will notice it and pay attention to not merely the highlighted material but to the mechanism that is at work.  It creates a kind of echo, a re-view literally of selected content and automatically creates its own context! The reflection may be as simple as switching the meaning of words like 'value' and 'principle' to value and principal, about money. "I cannot do what you are asking me to do, its against my principles." can mean 'money' or ethics. That happened to me.   I felt dizzy when it happened.

There is a band of thought embedded in the mind, that carries the content of the process I have experienced, which I hope I can describe. Basically I've already done that. However in the beginning it is not connected to 'now' and by that I mean there is a visibility to the purely mental content, it is observable but there's a great distance between the 'now' of the event and being able to identify it, to relate to it as to what it is, and even more space between being able to articulate the content specifically. It is visible however, as thought is visible, its embedded and that depth is invisible except that a process seems to release it for articulation.  Norman O. Brown wrote that written words getting connected to emotions releases them and something like that make sense when 'meaningful coincidences need explanations.  It is  not a hallucination just because it is produced by a mental process and has no 'physical visibility' as psychiatrists and many purely 'rational' individuals believe. 

 The young woman scientist Ellen Arroway  has just had confirmation that the signal she heard was  not coming from any known source. She realizes  it is the first real evidence that the signal can be communication from outside of Earth.  It has been my experience that after reading a book all the way through, I may pick up the book at a later time and a sentence I've read without noticing it the first time will leap out as though it's highlighted or electrified somehow so that it stands out.  

I had read Contact when it first came out in 1985. Within a few months I remember a thought came into my mind one day as I walked to my car from work. "It was a message. I got a message." I had read Ouspensky's A New Model of The Universe a couple of times without noticing  that  he had recognized a pattern, that there is some thing that "human thought has been circling and circling around for centuries and thousands of years that it has never succeeded in expressing". It has been named different names in different times but its the same thing. I believe its a signal,  a signal moving in Time. It may be Time itself. When I do notice it, that's just the beginning:  I have to become able to relate to such 'abstractions' from experience in the real world but also from having read information that makes it possible to relate to it.  Meeting words somewhere is part of the mode of 'speaking'.

Several years passed before I chanced to notice this single sentence 'accidentally'. I was doing something and the book fell to the floor so I picked it up to put it away. A few pages had creased so I smoothed them flat. As my finger moved across the crease I noticed the word 'pi' on the page so I paused to read that reference. Many events relating to pi had happened over a span of years but that's a long story. Then I re-read the entire book again, noticing not only the many references to pi in the book that were not in the film, but this particular sentence about 'one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices'. It meant something when I read it this time, because I had become aware of a relationship between these 'lifted out of their original context' fragments and an idea that had developed as they gathered and accumulated into my memory. I watched that gathering process within my mind and I also felt the 'bits of information, when I encountered them because they really affected my body, as though they were electrified somehow. It was a process of 'abstraction' that is easily explained if you look at the bibliography at the end of a book such as Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown, or Douglas Hofstadter's Godel, Escher, Bach; The Eternal Golden Braid. The author has abstracted from many books, the same kind of fragments that built the ideas I have about what synchronicity is, it is a language. Ernst Cassirer describes 'mythic consciousness' in a different way than C. G. Jung wrote about it, in his Philosophy of Symbolic Forms, all 4 weighty volumes.  He describes the scientific thought and mythic thought as two forms, both of which are necessary to human understanding. 

The 'abstract sense' of Sagans'  book is that a signal is picked up by radio waves. The signal is a palimpsest which means the first image is packed with levels of information that have to be decoded, then other levels emerge each building on the previous stage. A trip is taken by 5 scientists in a conveyance that does not seem to leave the physical territory. Nobody believes the story told by the people who took the trip because it seems they hadn't gone anywhere. Their Machine remained visible all the time; it never left the launching pad. There was no explanation  other than to presume  that the conveyance apparently left and returned at such a speed that nobody saw it leave and return. But in the movie that apparently didn't occur to anyone.  Who could imagine that even with  millions of people watching, human perception could not 'catch' the departure and the arrival because it traveled at speeds beyond human perception? Or it could be assumed the trip was purely a mental trip, the passengers in the Machine lived their adventure in their mind. This is never resolved in the book. 

This is a description of my trip in this 'abstract sense' of what the book is about. Displace the scenario in the book to my life and it describes what happened to me: I took a trip, which was purely mentally constructed. I observed a drama built  from what was in front of me quite often but at other times from what had been at one time in front of my eyes. There was as well  a continual reference to certain unusual re-occurring thoughts I'd had earlier in my life. The  'abstract sense' of Contact really happened to me although this probably won't make sense to anyone that hasn't taken a similar journey, built around their own individual experience. 

The book is an excellent example of a certain kind of coincidence in which the 'abstract sense' of the plot relates to something I've experienced myself.  You may not think about the way a complex non-fiction book is created, but if you consider the end notes, foot notes, bibliography, index you will realize the author has abstracted from other books and other sources a great many ideas and re-formed them into his own complex. A book such as Life Against Death by Norman O. Brown is an excellent example of what I mean by this because his ideas are not only freshly interpreted, according to a Freudian perspective, but the sense of 'second sight' is made evident. In the chapter titled The Excremental Vision for instance, in which he writes about his 'vision' of Gullivers' Travels, he abstracts the relationships hidden in the book, to Protestantism, capitalism, as well as anality. My 1989 mindquake happened in the same physical location, in a different time of course, than Martin Luthers! He was on the privy in the tower. I was trying to rest a few minutes in the 'john'. This was surprising and extremely hilarious to me because until I read Life Against Death I believed I could never describe where I was and what happened when I was trying to rest a few minutes, 'on the john', one morning in September of 1989. 

 If I'd not had those 're-occurring memories' and if I'd not noticed them eventually, (nearly 4 decades of time passed before I wondered to myself about them)  and wondered about them, I suspect nothing would have caused me to notice the distances between certain thought, a particular band and it's content and 'now'. P. D. Ouspensky also had these 'recurring memories'  and Emanuel Swedenborg formed a name for them:  'remains'.  He wrote that remains are stored up without man's knowledge for use in 'regeneration'. There are no references to the other gender, of which I am one, but I was aware of these memories eventually by the time I was in my mid forties. The 're-occurring memories' marked a track of thought, in my opinion, one that was embedded in my mind, among 'other thought generating tracks' so to speak but it was very remote from 'now' and from articulation. 

There was nothing more magical or mystical than the timing of events after 1980, when Mt. St. Helens erupted, continuing until 1984 and afterwards as well as the participation of other people,   whether they remember what they said and did or not, in creating my 'drama'. Nobody could have been more surprised than I was, to realize how many other people were involved in this drawn out 'play' and that they could not or would not remember what they said and did when I tried to validate their participation. Challenge level squaredancing and it's 'attribute' of being based on mirror image concepts that have the peculiar 'moebius twist' to it, provided the background for my 'school work'. The moebius band with a 180 degree twist in it, chess board with it's interaction of opposites, the I Ching, ideas about quantum level physics, and believe it or not a mechanism of mind that creates 'projected self observation' have this 'moebius twist' in common. The mechanism of mind is made explicit to some degree in the 'myth' about Narcissus who could not recognize his own reflection (thought) as being his own, so Echo emerged. The 'echo'ing mechanism involved in this 'projection' (and rejection) came to my attention quite gradually, and the word, echo emerged also quite gradually as a descriptive term, between 1986 and 1988.  I believe Swedenborg's term 'double thought' arose from his experience with this mechanism of mind. As a 'coincidence' of a very high magnitude, the very first actual quotation I read of Swedenborg contained the term 'double thought'. It was in Wilson Van Dusen's The Presence of Other Worlds and the booklet, God, Man and Communication, which was also a 'coincidence' of very high magnitude although I didn't realize it immediately. 

The signal  that was picked up in Contact is very mechanical and learning to get information from implication is necessary in order to move from one level to the next.  The first image 'implies' our television transmissions move through space and can be picked up then decoded to some degree  because a television image is returned to Earth in the first level of the palimpsest. An image that generates outrage carries more information than a non-controversial image, and the first image was of the opening of the Olympic Games in 1936 in Germany.

 The Olympic Games were being played in Los Angeles between July 31 and August 11, 1984 when I heard the words in my thought that preceded the message and it's 10 statements: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." Then my life as it was  in the 'historical viewpoint' at that point in Time was laid open. By the term 'historical viewpoint' I mean that all that has been written from the masculine mind, which I did not know  at that point, was used to reveal my life to me, as an individual woman but also as Eve/Pandora/Cassandra/Athena/Juno. It was Eve that I experienced first, and directly from that moment, but experiencing  the other 'mythical females' followed  in the next 10 years, as I became aware that 'myths' convey information about the evolution of the human mind, and poets such as William Blake often convey in their poems solid facts about the mind in their 'art form'. I hope this gives some kind of introductory explanation to what I mean about the 'historical viewpoint' which has no female content in it, as females originated none of it themselves in the beginning. 

Los Angeles also hosted the Olympic Games in 1932, the year I was physically born on Earth, for what that's worth. I didn't know about that until about 3 years ago when my favorite classical music station played a piece of music that the announcer said had been commissioned for the 1932 Olympic Games in Los Angeles: To a New Life was the name of the composition but I don't remember the name of the composer. 

 Pi was mentioned in the book several times, but  not in the film. When I read Contact for the first time,  I didn't  notice the mentions of pi in the book.  It was  several years after 1985 that I  re-read the book noticing only then the many references to pi in the book. I laughed somewhat 'madly' when I read the words of a character in the book who said that pi was coded. This character said that when the human race has developed sufficiently we will be able to decode pi. "Carl Sagan told me to look into pi!" I thought rather puzzled, but aware I had read without remembering that pi was coded. I'd had my 'pi quake' by then, so it was after 1990 that I re-read Contact.  It was the first new fiction book I'd ever bought, I always buy used books. I chanced to be walking past a bookstore that had a rack of the book and after reading the jacket I saw my hand reach for my checkbook . I saw my body complete the transaction as though the decision to buy the book was not mine. The way I observed what my body was doing in 1985, how I listened to myself and to other people was a new kind of observation. At the time I had no way to describe how detached I felt, how isolated and alone I felt as well as how different everything seemed to me than was normal for me. 

I knew nothing about pi in 1985,  except as a formula that I had problems dealing with in grade school arithmetic. Lots of problems, because mathematics was difficult for me.

Contact, the  book is very different from the movie so if you have not read the book what I have to say  won't make sense to you. An unabridged version is on audio tape by the way finally, by Chivers Sound Books. One startling fact about Contact is that it's  written by a man  but the heroine is a female. A friend of mine told me she thought Carl Sagan 'pushed the envelope' when he wrote Contact. For a time I wondered myself how he could write so well from a female perspective. As I learned more about myself and my relationships with men I realized there is a way to understand how Carl could put himself into a female mindset. 

 The heroine, Ellen Arroway  lives her life believing something that she finds out ultimately was based on a lie.  She hates the man her mother married  after her father's death and throughout her life she worships the father she barely knew. When her mother reveals her real father is the one she believed was her stepfather, and that he really loved her and her mother very much in spite of being what seemed to Ellen a harsh and unloving person,  Ellen has to adjust to the unsuspected reality that was hidden from her. It is a humbling shock to her rational mind to find out she's been so wrong.  Her mother's love for the man  she'd hated and his love for her mother was a real love, Ellen was forced to acknowledge. 

That is a summation of the book, as I understood it, a condensed version so that I can write about the book and it's affect in my life. What I read on the jacket was somehow very attractive to me, and I mean this literally but I understood nothing  in 1985 that I understand now, particularly about communication from extraterrestrials. The summations is  what I think of as the 'abstract sense' or at least part of it, of the book.  I've 'abstracted' out a few details relevant to what I'm going to write about.  This is an important theme,  relating not only to an idea from my experience, that 'man' has displaced by abstracting out some component of his own mind onto the actual female. In some relationships 'she' is related to as 'bone of my body, flesh of my flesh.'  It was an astonishing experience to find out 'she' is unawares of how this affects her relationship to him and how literally an idea that was a mental displacement can become an actual 'transaction' that 'gives' her the information that 'he' embodies in that transaction. Its a replication, a kind of hybridizing.  There's a name for the condition, folie aux duex or participation mystique. She, the actual woman is invisible because of this displacement. This is an experience that cannot be described without recognizing that a chemistry exists between people, not man and wife necessarily, but between people that creates such 'information' and its shared condition. 

Once the "rejected/projected' that he experienced and despised as 'feminine' has been integrated, everything makes sense, a new mind has come into being. It is my opinion that once this 'integration' has been accomplished, then and only then can a man relate to an actual woman. My reasons for writing that is  fairly well accepted   in 2002  that the actual female is not easy for a male to experience. He relates to something within himself, it's been named 'archetypes' by Jung, but most myths and religious ideas about women seem to me to be patterns that structure thought and belief;  patterns that individuals are just beginning to identify. This 'structuring' pattern level  is presumed to be an 'other', and it's generally the female that takes that role. 

Anyway what Ellen Arroway hated was not what it seemed to be  so  she had to soften her paradigm to include what she'd hated.  This is usually named a 'shadow' side, but  I'm not saying it's one's own 'shadow'  that one has to integrate, there is a shadow in history itself, something that has been believed but which is not true. I believe there's another explanation for  the concept of the 'shadow' as a projected part of one's own self.

The book is remarkable because the 'abstract sense' of the book described something that was happening to me when I read it, although I did not recognize that  attribute of the uncomfortable flow of experiences I was trying to deal with in 1985. By 1989 I was aware that what I was actually doing in my physical life was being described to me literally in many events and symbolically or in the 'abstract sense', consistently and persistently.

This is a circumstance that  I suspect everyone on Earth  and history itself participated in , whether they understood it then or not. Some experiences happen and it takes years, centuries and thousands of years to decode them. The study of the Big Bang is one example.

There have been moments in my life when everything changed in a flash of time, although a 'flash' of time can vary from less than the blink of an eye to 7,000 years or more. I could not describe what happened in a few days in 1984 if I wrote for a very long time because I would have to describe too much of my personal experience! We can understand  Time quite differently now than was possible in 1985. Almost anyone can grasp the idea that a 'second' of time is at this point in Time 'infinite' because we've seen it's expansion. Computer speeds have made this quite explicit.

I have experienced that a great deal of information can 'swoosh' into the mind in a brief segment of time but it cannot be written or spoken in the same span of time. An understanding of 'Time' has expanded in the mind of non-physicists almost beyond anything that could have been imagined in 1985. Perhaps Carl Sagan knew of the 'infinity' within  a second when he wrote Contact but now almost anyone can understand it.  

I would like to focus on a concept that is very important at this point, the 'abstract sense'.  The 'abstract sense' of this book is this: a signal was picked up, it had been traveling through Time/space at least since 1936 because the first level of the signal, once it had been decoded returned  a signal Earth had sent out in 1936. The message was given by implication;  it said: "You are not alone in the universe".  An implied statement, not directly  worded is significant to me, this was a kind of coincidence, something implied pointed to a fact.

The next level was hidden in the first level, it had to be decoded.  Learning by 'implication' was necessary to decode the next levels of the signal  and it  revealed plans for a Machine. The Machine was built by a global effort. In the book there were 4  people who entered it  and took the trip rather than only one,  Ellen Arroway as the movie depicted. The trip was described in the book in great detail and once the Machine reached it's destination each traveler had an experience quite different than the others. Ellen Arroway met a man who seemed to be her father, who told her that when the human race is sufficiently evolved we will be able to decode pi, because it is coded in base 11. 

When they returned and tried to talk about their experiences nobody believed them because the Machine had apparently not left the site. The only explanation I could think of was that the trip happened in much less than the time it takes to blink, very much less time.  The entire trip happened so quickly not one person saw it leave, observe its absence then see it return. Another explanation could be that they 'imagined' everything, but I suspect the first explanation was the best one. The Machine went somewhere far away and returned at a speed much greater than human perception and understanding. Nobody believed anything the travelers tried to tell about their trip and they were stunned to find out they couldn't talk about it to anyone. 

This book, in it's abstract sense as well as it's entire theme is a particular kind of coincidence to me: .I took a kind of trip myself, without apparently leaving the physical site, between 1984 and 1989. I did not leave the physical location during that time but I was taken into another world, The four years prior to 1984 were years when subtle changes were affecting my body, then my thought changed; a distinctly new kind of thought attracted my attention and without awareness of how important it was, I was very puzzled by it.

Everything changed within 4 years, slowly and then drastically in July of 1984 a completely new world emerged, one that talked to me.  If it's real, it's not a delusion. The 'trip' that I took began to make sense to me a few weeks after I read Contact,, a year after 1984. It occurred to me soon after I finished Contact that I had 'gotten a message' . Being able to think: "It was a message. I got a message." after I read the book did not make an impression on me immediately, nor was I aware I could not say aloud the words in that thought.  Several very specific events happened between 1985 and 1987 that caused me to realize how deeply embedded in a memory that was not connected to speech, or even to 'now', the present minute, such thoughts were buried. Later I realized  that I had taken a trip but I had not left the physical site. The abstract sense of the book was 'coincidentally' a description given to me of what was going on in my actual life.

 I'd gone into another world and been instructed about it. I named it the Larger Domain because I was compelled to try to name everything and that is what I named it. Like Adam had to name everything he saw, and as an infant must learn to do, I had to name everything. What I was forced to try to name was not tangible, material or visible directly and I had never tried to name what is not directly visible or tangible.

I've read books that I'm certain I cannot make much of a reference towards in a few words. The ideas of Theodore Reik in Creation of Woman were of almost critical importance. I had a very difficult time finding a copy of it because of course the internet didn't exist then., in 1988 or thereabouts. Theodore Reik's book, The Creation of Woman was a stunning presentation of ideas about the two stories of Genesis in the Bible that depict the 'creation of Eve'.  Mr. Reik had an experience when he was about 9 years old that caused him to write the book much later in his life.  He gave a very good case for  the second story about Eve as being a case of 'role reversal', it was really about Adam's initiation out of the world of the mother, into the world of men when he was an adolescent. Theodore Reik's books have been essential to me, without his ideas on paper, I would not be writing today what I'm writing. He had read everything written by Goethe by the time he was 18 years old but he did not mention his obsession until he was much older. It seems very likely to me he could not speak about this kind of private experience for the same reason I could not speak about mine.

 I heard a tape of an essay and lecture given by John Woodcock about the 'individuating out of the mother', as well as many ideas that Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about how Jesus made the human divine, by putting off the 'natural' which came from the mother. These ideas  align precisely with my actual experiences,  of entering into the Larger Domain through an experience that 'man' has had, but which woman has not had, at least not directly. It came to me through a real person, an actual person who had a very unexpected way of relating to his own inner content, and making  off hand remarks about it that I did hear but did not wonder about as being 'strange' or even very absurdly out of context always.

The very experience its self, the process and the pattern that generates it is what I have been led carefully through. It was not easy to realize I was being carefully instructed and everything was being illustrated in my every day life, through events and circumstances that were apparently ordinary and mundane, but within a few years after 1984 it was obvious something purposeful was at work. That it was being described in a particularly unexpected kind of experience, through what some people have named 'coincidences' was made very clear to me, before I knew anything about what others, males always, have written about this pattern and the process its self.  Except that I am an actual woman and knew nothing about 'history' as a masculine version of everything, I don't believe what happened in 1984 could have happened at all.  

Reading Contact was very difficult in 1985 because words did not seem to go anywhere. It's a new attribute of  coincidence that they  'describe by a process of 're-iteration' what is happening at the moment. This  're-iterating' the event in words  and ideas that are more or less symbolically stated is not easy to understand; it has to be understood from experiences, and many people have this experience!

 The effect on my body, of reading the words in this kind of 'coincidence' was at first confusing.  it may have an overwhelming impact on the mind and body but after a time one begins to get the 'sense' of what is being conveyed in this symbolic 'projection' of an idea emerging. The 'echo' or 'resonation within' is not recognized, at least that I have read about in detail anywhere as an effect that is uncomfortable at first, but one becomes comfortable with whatever repeats until it becomes familiar. The familiar generates no response of this kind, other than 'pleasure' if one understands and agrees with what one reads, or 'displeasure' if one does not understand. 

I had to recognize when I read something in a book that provided the words and the 'story' line that I needed to describe an experience I'd had.  It 'felt funny' to glance at the jacket of Contact that is the only way I could describe it at the time. And it happened without my 'choosing' the book myself, consciously deciding to read it.  I saw myself pick the book from the rack, glance at the jacket long enough to read that it was about a message, then I saw myself buy it. This was the first fictional book I had ever bought at a new price, I never bought just off the press books, not ever, not once in my life until I saw my hand write the check for this one. It was difficult for me to read at that point, it  seemed to my my head would burst at times, but I felt a strong 'motor' that compelled me to read anyway. After a time it was not so difficult to read and I became interested in the way my mind related to what I read. I was watching what was going on in my 'head', and that was a new thing. The book Contact described something that had happened to me, in my head, but even after a year I had not managed to 'connect' to it, to recognize it and name it. The book and it's content provided the words and ideas I needed. This kind of coincidence was new to me then. It is not new to me now.

The theme of the book is about a message traveling through Space, it was a signal, coded on several levels and each level had to be decoded before the next level could begin to be decoded. It was a palimpsest. There was a trip taken by several people after the machine was built, but it seemed that the Machine never left the physical site so nobody believed the travelers when they tried to talk about what they'd seen. It was apparent the Machine had either traveled at speeds so great it had left and returned in less time than it takes to blink, much less time than that. Or the travelers had taken a mental trip, and 'imagined' everything that happened.

In general this happened to me. I picked up a signal, coded on several levels although the whole thing came at once as a package the way the Message was picked up. It was the kind of signal nobody is searching to find contact from extra terrestrials, it's a mind wave, a pattern and a process that creates personalized experiences, new information, and specifically it targets one individual, isolating one individual from the 'mass'. The entire 'mass' may be picking up the form of the signal, but the content is linked to every person's mind. Nobody but this 'one' will pick up the precise content, and Contact was very precise content that 're-iterated' the content and theme of my 1984 mindquake.

It happened when  I passed a bookstore that had a display of Carl Sagan's book Contact outside the store, or I wouldn't have bought it. I never bought new books, I borrowed them from the library or at used book stores, garage sales and swap-meets. If the display had not been virtually in my path I don't believe I would have bought the book. I glanced at the jacket, read a few sentences then I went in to buy the book.  It was about a message, the first contact with extra terrestrials but what could that have meant to me then unless some chemistry formed a bond when I read a few words?

Four years later I had not been able to relate to what had happened in my mind in July of 1984, which I had named as a 'mindquake', because it extended down to two faults in my life, one as a single female and the other as a female defined by others. This fault line extended precisely back to Eve, and I felt a burden of guilt quite suddenly that I realized was linked to the story of woman as the cause of 'evil'. The individual life I had actually lived was revealed through strings of memories that I experienced the way I would get the story in a movie if it were shown in less time that it takes to blink. It happened at an impossible to describe speed, packed with information that was distinct, discrete and observable as memories from my past that told the story I had not known about. The story was drawn from my actual circumstances and the people in my life at that time.

 As odd as that may seem I had not recognized that a bundle of information containing a message had been 'dumped' into my mind even when I typed it in 1986 or thereabout. I had no words to use to describe this event, the word 'dump' had come into my mind from an experience I'd had as a bookkeeper in the early 1970's. A programmer had told me about a computer 'dump', which printed out the contents of the computer. "It was a dump." came into my mind, along with many other 'random thoughts' that I did not realize were drawn from my past in the same way the idea of a 'dump' had occurred. There were memories of quite a variety that came into my mind, I wondered about them because this was not normal, typical, it was all new to me. Carl Sagan's book was about a message that came as a package, layers that had to be decoded before the next level could begin to be decoded. And it began with an image from the Olympic Games. The package that burst into my mind was virtually identical to the 'sense' of the book.

Everything seems to me now to have depended on that thin edge of my noticing the flow of something new, but intangible to my everyday life. And it seemed to be impossible every day.  It kept happening every day for so long that it gained credibility with me because it was impossible for so long, and it still seems impossible yet it happened. When I read the statement (Arthur Koestler heard the voice and recognized it's effects and described it:  "There exists a type of phenomenon, even more mysterious than telepathy or precognition, which has puzzled man since the dawn of mythology: the seeming accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event which appears both highly improbable and highly significant."   in Synchronicity, Science and Myth in 1989 I was astonished to read such words.  I had experienced already, for a period of about 8 years, the long flow of 'doubleness of context' that I recognized the authors were describing, unawares it had existed and been written about. Thus the few words in that statement not only validated the 'impossible thing' but linked it to an ongoing flow in history itself, a pattern that I had become aware of, in a particular way. I did not discover the pattern, I discovered that it was being shown to me, and that words, events in my life, and all circumstances in my life up to that point had been 'given' to me with the explicit purpose behind them, that I realize I was being shown this pattern. It has been invisible to some degree, so because I had not known about it's history I saw it as though it had never been observed before. I had noticed certain details of the pattern when I was very young however strange that may read, and I had become aware it was associated with 'the end of the world'. 

The reason I am writing about Carl Sagan's book is to give an example of the process of abstraction that I have experienced since 1984, after my first explosion of information about my life at that point in time into my mind, and how a conversation aimed at me was generated by this process.  The 'abstract sense' of Contact is it's general plot, theme and certain elements of Timing when the I read the book, soon after it was published in 1984.

Contact is about the first contact with extra terrestrials.  A signal was picked up and  decoded level by level. After the first level was decoded, a second level of coding was identified, and after it had been decoded  a third level emerged. The first level  was a picture of Adolph Hitler welcoming the world to the 1936 Olympic Game.  The obvious implication was that the signal had been returned by another intelligence, it was a way of saying: "We are out here."  The next two levels were plans for building a machine that was obviously designed to take a few travelers somewhere. The machine was built by a united global effort and the travelers that had been selected entered it. Their trip was described in great detail and when the machine landed each one had an experience given in a familiar form that the particular person could understand.  An entity formed like Ellen Arroway's father met her and told her among other things that the irrational number pi was coded in base 11 and it would be possible to decode it when the human intelligence has evolved to a much higher level than it is. The travelers returned to Earth and were excited to have such  wondrous proof that we are not alone in the universe. As soon as they began to talk however, they were informed that the machine had not left the spot where they had entered it. They could not have anything to say that anyone would believe because nobody left the physical territory.

The most significant detail as it came to me some time after I read the book, is that a trip was taken but nobody left the physical territory.   I had not left my physical world but I had been taken on a trip.  The signal, moving through Time and space had been picked up and decoded level by level, each level being revealed after the prior level had been understood. The signal contained the entire package of information necessary to decode it and build the machine.  The fact that the machine seemed to have never left was explained in my mind, a few years later when  Time itself had expanded in computer processor speeds and I understood how infinite the space between one second and another very likely is. The machine had taken a trip but at a speed far greater than the human eye can see. It seemed likely that they left and returned between a blink of the eye with space left over.

It seemed to me after I had read Contact that it basically described in the 'abstract sense' what I had experienced myself. I had picked up a 'signal' although it was moving through Time and Space in an unexpected form, as thought driven by and powered by a complex pattern, or a pattern of complexes. In 1984 I had heard a 'thought voice' that I had never heard before and have not heard since then as it delivered the preliminary parts of a package of information that I had unwittingly been prepared to decode afterwards. The package was complete with a decoding mechanism, which I can only describe as certain memories and experiences I'd had earlier in my life that had periodically re-occurred into my mind for no reason I could see. These few memories were familiar to me, unwittingly I had noticed them and wondered about them but the experiences were of a different kind than those memories. The experiences were always related to what I was doing or had done, it was clearly my own experiences and m y particular understanding that this decoding process was working with to teach me a language that I had not known about. It was a language built around my understanding, whether it was accurate or not did not matter. It was a language built around my personal memories and my past, created in my 'jargon' so to speak.

The Los Angeles Olympic Games opened July 31, 1984 and whether it's a coincidence or not to anyone else  there was a gigantic lightening storm over Seattle on that night. It was recorded by a photograph Rick Morely captured.  I was not feeling like my normal self then, I was having a very difficult time  and I don't remember the storm. I was not aware the Olympic Games were being played in Los Angeles in 1932, the year I was born. The coincidence involves the Timing of the year 1932 and the significance of the year 1984 and the first transmission from extraterrestrials in Contact involving a transmission from the Olympic Games.   1984 was a year about which a book was written that singled it out, making it significant.  The subtitle of the book was Big Brother Is Watching You and I don't believe that is an insignificant detail either. George Orwell's real name was Eric Blair by the way.  Another book was published about the year 1984 in 1992. It was titled Orwell's Revenge and subtitled The 1984 Palmimpsest  (!!) by author Peter Huber.  A song was commissioned for the 1932 games, titled To a New Life although I didn't know of it or hear it until a few years ago. Since I was actually born in 1932 and I was a 'new life' this is  just a minor coincidence but it is a factual relationship to me.  

 In 1984 I was hearing what I later came to understand is a 'voice'; a 'voice' that I believe has been moving through Time and through Space carried along through the minds of some of  we two-legged uprights. I don't believe everyone hears it it or can hear it, or has heard it yet, but that's all part of the plan. I believe there is a Plan behind what happened in 1984. The plan is carried forwards by what some have named Gaia. others named it the Zeitgeist. It was coded within Carl Sagan's book, Contact as it was also coded within the book Eric Blair (George Orwell)  wrote about the year 1984 and in Peter Huber's response to 1984 in the subtitle of his book, The 1984 Palimpsest and the way he constructed the book. He wrote that he took all 314 pages of Orwell's book, 1984 and scanned them randomly into his computer along with everything else Eric Blair had written or spoken. The result was the book, Orwell's Revenge which was a colossal coincidence to me, in every possible way. It had a response to Big Brother is Watching you."

We are watching you.

 Orwell's book 1984 is  all about 'doubleness, double think, double speak and that is the most important attribute, because my experience involved doubleness of thought and speech, a mechanism  created the 'voice' effect. The book is about, the development of a new language that re-wrote the past. It's about  being watched,  about being constantly inundated by propaganda and statistics.

Does this seem prophetic to anyone but me? The way we are in 2002 was  described in 1984. The thing that can describe the future before it happens, quite accurately must in some way be outside of Time, its self in my opinion.

By 1987 I realized this Presence was describing itself to me, making its self evident as well as identifying me by describing what I was doing, literally at times.  It is very difficult to explain how it is possible to identify an other, and at the same time, in exactly the same circumstances, using the same words, describe It's self. A distinct Other,  not me or a part of me, made IT's self evident by using certain memories and experiences I had when I was much younger as a foundation. 

The names and words I needed were given to me in a way that I have become aware many other people experience, but the form itself has been attributed by others to being merely a part of the experiencing 'self', not a genuine Other with it's own identity. An extra terrestrial Other. If there is a God, we are not alone in the universe and I believe this Voice has been carried forwards in Time in a unique form.

It was not coincidence that I and a group of other individual experienced, it was a convergence of the details of my daily life with theirs, the particular content at that time with words I read in books that I found seemingly randomly and by chance with thought moving through my mind on a band of what I described as 'non-stop thinking'. That's a 3 way convergence. On July 31 through August 11, 1984 I heard a thought voice that I've not heard since and I'd not heard it before although a few incidents happened  in which there was a different thought voice that I had to notice because of the spare, quiet content. I thought of it later as having been the Counselor. The real Voice spoke only once, it told me what the real life I'd been living had been and illustrated that in a way that was as visible to me as any object outside of my eyes is visible. It delivered a package of information into my mind that pre-occupied me afterwards so that ordinary daily life became nearly impossible, just barely possible.