March 25, 2004   

What is a mindquake?  What is a synchronistic 'word'? 

There is a scene in the movie Mercury Rising that has an incident similar to what I'm going to write about,  in which an autistic boy opened a new book of puzzles he'd been given. On one page he looks at the numbers, letters and symbols which on the movie screen seem to shift about. He goes to the telephone, dials a number and says: "You are a stranger." He has made a call that was supposed to be impossible to make because the message was concealed in an unbreakable code. This autistic boy has decoded it. Its a violent movie after that scene. 

In 1993, I  bought The Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix  authored by a Martin Gardner. I'd never heard of him but some clever puzzles on the jacket caught my attention..  The jacket mentioned that Dr. Matrix was the greatest numerologist of all time and that he was the first person to reveal that the name HAL, the crazed computer in the film 2001 was obtained by shifting each letter of IBM back one letter.   (Mr. Gardner asked Arthur C. Clarke if this was a conscious choice but it was not. It was news to him that HAL is one letter  away from IBM.) 

 I began to read the book with the understanding that Dr. Matrix was a real person.  I thought he was diabolically clever but I've known people like him.  Until I'd read most of the book I had no reason to doubt the book was about a  real man but by then I had received a letter from Mr. Gardner in response to one I'd written to him..

I'd read less than half the book when I decided to try to call Martin Gardner. I had just read a vignette in the book about a curious reflection  Dr. Matrix had noticed in the first 32 decimals of pi.  The city where he lived was on the jacket so I called information. He had a number and to my surprise he answered the phone.    When I asked if I could write to him about something I'd read in one of his books,  he said he'd like to hear from me.

 So I interrupted reading the book, wrote to him, sent the letter, then went back to reading it.

  I need to digress at this point because in 1989 I had an  explosion of information in a mind-quake that happened  when I looked  the last pages in Petr  Beckmans' History of Pi.  .It was just an impulse that had aused me to decide to read Petr Beckmann's book when I noticed it.  I had  no mathematical knowledge or specific  interests then but I'd recently  read several mathematical history books. He lived in Boulder so I called information to get a phone number. I wanted  to ask if I could use the two pages of decimals to make a T-shirt.   He answered the phone and we spoke some time but he was dying of cancer then so  he only talked about that. But he told me I could use the Dover edition. I had the T-shirt screen printed and sent one to him. His wife told me he had passed on.  The content of the pi-quake almost caused me to fall over from surprise because so much of my past was used to create a rapid replay of the numbers in the first block of decimals at the back of the book.  That display was extremely rapid but I've never forgot its way of flashing arrangements that revealed patterns in that block in a form no person but me would ever see and understand!  Numbers that had become familiar to me were used in this inner display but certain habits I had learned from an impulse when I was about 9 or 10 years old were used.

At this point I'll describe the 'curious reflection' that Dr. Matrix had discovered in the first 32  decimals of pi. .  Dr. Matrix had noticed that 4 pairs of numbers appear twice  in the first 32 decimals: 26, 79, 32, 38.  He makes several interesting comments about hidden symmetries in the repeating pairs of numbers which are obvious if you notice things like that. I hadn't.


                                       26                                                  26

              79                                                     79

    32                    32

38                  38 

He wrote about how the pairs  mirror in certain ways but I thought nobody but Dr. Matrix  would  notice such an odd pattern and think it worth writing about. I wouldn't have noticed them if he'd not pointed them out but  after reading the story and checking what he wrote, I saw there are  certain 'mirroring'  patterns. The number pairs 79, 32 and 38 are in the middle of the first pair, 26 for instance. He discussed  several 'unlikely' but interesting relationships in the  mirroring of 4 pairs of numbers in the first 32 decimals.

It was his mention of  a 'curious reflection in pi' that caught my attention because I'd had an unusual event  happen in my mind when I glanced at a certain arrangement of pi's decimals in the back of Petr Beckmann's History of Pi in 1989.  A few years later I named the unusual event: it was a mindquake. This is a copy of the two pages, which I had  used to make a T-shirt, more about that later.


The History of Pi  by Petr Beckmann  had come to my attention when I browsed the mathematical section in the library.  I'd decided to read it because my employer,  Boeing has a model of pi inside the security gates. I saw it the first day I became an employee: 2-11-1985. Also the letters PIE (Pride In Excellence) were at the time their awards program logo. Pride In Excellence  was everywhere at Boeing just before their 75th anniversary in 1991 was to be celebrated:  1916-1991.

 Context:    (I was having strange impulses at that point doing some really unusual  things at a newly opened print shop, Kinkos. One of which was trying to create a face card where the  top and bottom figure didn't face opposite directions. That impulse was connected to another one:  I had been affected by a cartoon by Gary Larson that had a caption that had a double context:  one was literal the other was symbolic but both were true. This was to me  a new idea to think about, but  it was only one facet of those impulses that had  led  me to think about creating a face card where the top and bottom figure faced the same direction. I believe it was an idea that had emerged from A New Model Of the Universe by P. D. Ouspensky that prompted  me to want to create a face card with top and  bottom image facing the  same direction..

 More context:  ((At Boeing  their 75th anniversary was approaching so 1916 and 1991 was everywhere on promotion items (T-shirts, posters, cups, leaflets, etc). The 75th anniversary was going to be a big celebration. The  theme was "Doing the Impossible Every Day" which  I read  often  on posters that somehow made me feel 'odd' whenever I noticed those words.  A barely sensed idea  emerged  eventually that the words referred  to, and meant something.... but what? What made me feel something unusual when I noticed them?  It was almost a year later that the words lodged in my mind and they seemed to be about what  I was trying to explain to myself:  a steady flow of events that affected my mind and body so that when they happened, I felt 'weird', oddly disoriented, literally dizzy for a few minutes but  could see no reason why. Also by that point in  1991, I realized I had experienced 3 enormous batches of information suddenly occurring in my thought that I'd named 'mindquakes'. The first one happened in 1984, in a deeply buried remote part of my mind but  somehow it was visible mental territory. It was somehow visible to some level of my mind but that level was not visible to me, the me that experienced the event. It had to be discovered but I realized that during the next 4 years!  It was not connected to words that I could speak, it was literally speechless. My mind was different in 1984.

 The content of the next 2 swarms of information occurred  in 1989 a few months apart  but I 'saw' them and could relate to them immediately, they were  accessible when they happened and that's when I knew I had traversed galaxies of inner space, where my thought was closer to being articulatable.))

 But in that span of time I  had also experienced several much smaller 'suddenly there' batches of information. They were smaller mindquakes but they were information basically.  They were ideas, completely  new to me ideas that I'd not read anywhere  in any book or thought about until they were given suddenly. These smaller events usually occurred after I'd finished reading a book, and the information was very different than what I'd read in the book but they were related to, and had been suggested by, inferred by the ideas in the book! 

 The Phenomenon of  Man, by Teilhard de Chardin was one such book. The idea that 'man' has not been categorized and the difficulty of  discovering the categories of we two legged upright  (He-you-man) be-ings  was displayed in my mind. It seemed strange to me that 'man'  had not been  categorized  and then I wondered  how that could be done.  Another example was  after I read an old book, The Lord of Thought  by  Emmett and Dougall  which triggered a  shockingly heretical 'dump' of new ideas after I'd closed the book. It was about Jesus' life, what was unique and different in his life. The authors had not written anything about the content  that suddenly swarmed in my mind. The net effect of that life was about why 'time' was created among other necessary details that would reveal 'the kingdom of heaven is within 'you'.'    and more than that.  It was Jesus life that was about another world, a kingdom within.  Several ideas  that I had not thought about or read about anywhere was  presented in the summary that occurred when I closed the book after reading it.

At some point when I was reading the History of Pi, I  had turned to the end of the book to the index to look up something.  I had just read about the Fibonacci sequence and noticed several personal details relating to the first few Fibonnaci numbers: 1,1,2,3,5,8...   my birthday 1-2-32 and my fathers' which was 5-23-11. (I didn't look for those associations they just came into my mind.) That's when I saw two pages of pi's decimals, 'the first 10,000  of 100, 265 decimals calculated in 1961'  was the copyright statement at the end. I remember that I had  read the copyright statement then spent some time thinking about the 'strange' number 100,265.   I spent some time wondering why the number had not been rounded off neatly to either 100,000, 100,500? Why 100,265?

 That was not typical for me to wonder about a something like that. Reading the copyright statement was unusual too.

Then I turned back to the first page of decimals right  after reading the copyright statement. I saw 265 in the first line, then  while I noticed this 'odd number choice', an amazing kind of new to me rapid and very complicated mental slide show exposed a pattern and many other relationships that were familiar to me in the first block of  pi's numbers  (LOTS OF THEM, several layers ). The first level was  in the first 10 numbers: (3141592653...),  but after seeing 265 in the first of pi's numbers I saw 156, 651 in several ways. They stood out and a slideshow-like effect worked astonishingly rapidly in that rectangle, in that first level. I'd had lots of experiences recently with those numbers  156 and 651which all related to numbers in my birth date: 1-2-32  and my father's birthdate 5-23-11 and the date I was hired 2-11-85.  I had bought an automobile that was tabbed ETW 651 when I bought it. My mind formed a meaning spontaneously Extra Terrestrial Woman 651  and  that made me laugh. I later realized I was beginning to feel 'spaced out' when I noticed the car and asked my husband if I could buy it. He said no but when it didn't get sold I bought it and although it had 51,000 miles on the speedometer it broke down immediately which triggered an event at home.

 Back to Dr. Matrix

 Then  an even more amazing mental slide show  emerged in the  first rectangle of decimals . There were 100 decimals on each line, separated by a space after 10 decimals and a line space after 10 lines. A pattern emerged in the slideshow: The numbers on the left side of 3141592 were coded, requiring 'cross summing'. But the numbers on the right of the number 2, including the number 2, were not coded they were literal. 31415926535 was suddenly 356 2 653 but that is not easy to describe, it was just an introduction.  (This exact same pattern repeated in 1993 when another incident happened after I was transferred to Everett.....well later I'll describe that unexpected event. They always are a surprise. )

The incident involving Petr Beckmanns' book  happened in 1989; the event began with  flashing (somehow) numbers and revealing patterns that were familiar to me right after I noticed 265 in the first 10 decimals on the first line . But remember that I had just read ( and paused to think about) 265 in the copyright statement. The speed cannot be described but I realized immediately (or was caused to remember) that I'd had several incidents happen recently involving 265 and 256.  A  co-worker and I were talking about an item in the newspaper one morning a few weeks previously.  He had pointed out a lottery report that was amazingly 'coincidental' arrangements  of 265  in  three different drawings. That 'shocking event' is described further down. This is like a hall of mirrors isn't it? I'd had several incidents happen that involved the numbers 156/651 after I bought a  1979 Datsun station wagon that was licensed ETW 651. Automatically my mind read: Extra Terrestrial Woman 651 the way  BYOB translates to 'bring your own bottle'.

The mental show happened so rapidly it was over in a few seconds, maybe less. I saw  sequences of numbers form relationships very spontaneously, moving rapidly through that first rectangle.  The Fibonacci sequence was  revealed in the first 10 decimals! 1,1,2,3,5,8! I realized nobody but me would make sense of the event or even see it because it happened in  flash of a second and I had many experiences that I knew were personal and very unique. The numbers in the first line  flashed in a certain way, which I've shown below  then moved to a pattern that involved other numbers in the first rectangle that were very  familiar to me. (The numbers 651 was coded in several ways on the left side and were literal in other places on the right side.) What I saw was recognized by me because habits I'd had and experiences I'd had when I was much younger (9 years old)  were 'used'. That was obvious somehow beginning  in the first line, that nobody but me would know what this meant or be able to see it.

I recognized this habit had its origin from an impulse to do something strange, when I was 9 years old. I realized instantly that an early life impulse had caused me to add numbers in the times table products  together, then discover hidden patterns in each times table. I'd learned other names for 'adding across' later but I knew the impulse has caused me to discover that 'secret' way to use numbers.

 I had immediately  realized  that only this arrangement that Petr Beckmann used brings certain numbers into conjunction, into 'neighborhoods' that would  not occur in any other arrangement.

A  real  reflection in the first 10 numbers was revealed:  3141592653... after cross summing the first 6 decimals: 

The first arrangement was:  3 14 15 92 653   then 3 5 6  11  653   then  356 2  653   

  The result of a complicated internal but visible to me process was: 3 5 6  2   6 5 3   The numbers reflect from the center 2, and of course beginning to  center to end. This is the first 10 numbers in pi. The 'curious reflection' that Martin Gardner wrote about was different than mine, but it was a reflection to him, he was a well known author but I'd never heard of him then.

Two layers followed in the first line,  I describe them further down. The first phase involved the first rectangle in several ways, involving 156/651 cross summed in some places, literally in others. 651 had been in my attention for no reason I could see after I'd bought  a Datsun 210 station wagon in 1985, already licensed as: ETW 651. After I bought that car, I   had some unusual  experiences at home,  one that showed me much about how the psychological mechanism of  'projection' may function in extremes of close marital bonds.  The numbers 156 had been noticed  frequently before  651 began to erupt after I bought the car but I'd not noticed that until later. The numbers 256 seemed to come to my attention so often that I wondered why eventually.

The numbers mirror/reflect in a pattern I'd named the moebius twist pattern after it had come to my attention after 1984 in fragments as  I went about my life which had turned drastically painfully confusing by then.

The 'moebius twist' had methodically been brought to my attention over a span of years, that was obvious although the relevant information occurred to me  in bits and fragments. Events happened over a span of a few years time in circumstances that involved our participation in the activities in two square dance clubs. They were introducing advanced and challenge levels of square dancing to the  mostly reluctant mainstream dancers. They were exceedingly disdainful of the the new level because it removed all gender barriers. That made an already difficult fun activity even more difficult and few people we knew liked to work that hard only to learn a hobby. I experienced discrimination for the first time in my life when our mainstream friends    laughed at us. It's  complicated and very personal experiences but  lots of other people were somehow 'with me' in my mental content. They seemed to share thoughts I'd never said aloud to anyone, and could not speak aloud then.

One fact that  was  obvious to me was that all of that about the moebius concept had originated in my particular past, it was the result of an impulse to do something I had not thought about  myself. The impulse itself produced activity that led one day to discovering the moebius twist mirroring unexpectedly:  It was an impulse that  caused me to draw half a square dance  formation on one end of a transparent band facing out;  the other half on the opposite end, twist one end a half turn then join the ends. The result was a valid image of any square dance figure! The moebius twist reflection had been hidden but it was there!  I had never been satisfied with the usual definition of square dancing as being based on mirror image, the kind one sees in a mirror.

 The moebius twist reflection is the same relationship on the face cards of the top to the bottom image!  It's also the relationship of the number 6 to 9 as I found out one day. I'd found out I had to make a transparency then use the back side to create the card I wanted. That technology, to make transparencies had just become possible at Kinkos..

(This discovery was due to the same impulse. It was only a thought that occurred but it had caused me to make a moebius band when I was 9 years old  then discover the secret forms of that 'band' as time passed and I lived my life. The number 8, the infinity symbol, the recycle logo and the current logo that Chase Bank uses are each examples of the different  moebius band forms. I doodled the figure 8 when I was young, it was automatic.

The 'moebius twist reflection' is the name I'd given it but  when this happened (1989 when I was reading the History of Pi) I believed I'd discovered that concept myself until I saw an equation named the moebius twist equation!  It was on a page of information I'd requested from the library!  Getting information in the late 1980s' was so different, libraries used card files and they had services that were helpful. That was long before computers ran libraries. The effect of seeing  the  pattern which was 'suddenly there', hidden in the first 10 decimals in pi was unexpected but immediately was  more than meaningful to me. It revealed a distinct link back in my first decade because the impulse and what it had caused me to do only a few times when I was less than 10  years old were retrieved along with other memories. Many other ideas were brought forth having to do with Carl Sagan's book Contact. I had read that book in 1985 and as I read it the fictional plot somehow introduced new words and ideas to me but much more than that happened after I'd read that book.

 A few weeks after reading it, I was walking to my car at the end of shift when  an impulse created words and  caused me hear myself say something I'd not thought about and did not immediately understand: "It was a message. I got a message." ) The book is about the first contact with alien intelligence and its about palimpsests.

Seeing the slide show almost floored me literally, I felt  real shocks. It was obvious that what I had seen was drawn from things that I'd done privately, learned from an impulse that I realized had begun, when I was very young to cause me to do certain things then later I  learned more in life from work  situations and experiences I'd had. Probably millions of events had been used.

I recognized immediately that the 'rules' to the pattern were familiar to me but also that nobody else would ever, could ever have noticed the implications of this slide show. I didn't have to discover this event the way I had to 'work' to recognize the first one in 1984. I saw it happen and can remember all of it.  If it happened to someone else it might have been merely a blur, or not even that. I remember having no inner content, I was really empty headed until at a point I saw something move in my mindscape, (the 'inner blackboard', my ex-husband had used that word ).  It was a blurred content, not exactly lie a cloud or fog but I could see it!!!!!!!!!!! When a few years had passed I had become 'thought full'.  My mind was full of activity that had begun to amaze me because events happening in my real world were joined to my unspoken and unspeakable thoughts. I had begun to feel so strange but what was even stranger was that so many people and even objevts that use words were 'talking' to me as though they knew more than I did, what we were doing. My story was told to me.  I cannot easily prove that but I did try to verify with certain individuals what it seemed to me they had said and done which had caused me to literally hear and experience double-ness of content and  new, very personal context that arose immediately in my mind. The conversational aspect of suh a string og events was difficult to recognize but a few incidents happened that made it impossible not to see that. The first mindquake had required about 4 years to decode as I worked, lived my life and read books that sometimes seemed to know where I was because I found hem just when they were relevant and could supply words, ideas and information necessary at that point. I felt strange when I read Joseph Chilton Pearces' Bond of Power because he wrote about 'folie aux deux', autism, William Blake, and how a suddenly there moments' content can change the world, the 'empty category'.

 The book Contact has such a moment in it. Ellen Arroway  and a crew of 4 take a trip and go through galaxies then  each person  has an experience on a sandy beach. But when the machine returns and they emerge they are told the machine has not left the site!!! The conclusion I made was that the machine had left the site, travelled through space, and returned but at speeds not visible even to billions of watching eyes! I believe I've experienced that a few times.

The most amazing fact to me was that I could see and relate to the first 1989  'mindquake' when it happened, not years later, as had happened with the one I had in 1984. I could see that I had travelled in inner space, from a place where thought and other content emerges, and is somewhat visible but cannot be seen or articulated  by upper levels of consciousness. It was evidence of a great distance that I would not suspect between certain content producing levels. Some are close to speech, others are the equivalent of galaxies away from the moment the event happens and the day it is close to being seen and understood, 'i.e, 'related to'. I have a letter from Wilson van Dusen in which he validated what I'd learned was what has been named 'meaningful coincidences' although his understanding and also mine are deeper than has been written about at this time.

Psychiatric texts used different words for the same kindof eent.  i had to learn a lot but I had no language to use.  My education was so limited but an empty head was essentially required because pre-conceived ideas are like a screen that is not easily removed.   I felt my body as  shaky, quivering, tremoring that was not visible then but was hard to live with.

 By 1989 I had learned that my marital bond had formed a new mind in me, it was a role reversal that few authors have written about.  I'd begun to read books written by C. G. Jungian influenced authors, published by Inner  City Books by 1988 . I had not read anything Jung wrote but what I did read began to seem to relate to what I was going through at home, patterns that I'd not known about, such as the scapegoat, the narcissist,  Cassandra especially, and Juno which was a name my dad's dad called me, June is my middle name.

That was a great change from how much time (5 years between 1984 and 1989)  and how many events that made me feel 'dizzy' had to have happened before I could relate to the one that had happened in 1984.  One idea was hidden from me and  I understood that idea only in 1989 when I had the first of 2  mindquakes that year. It was an idea I had to recognize was an implication , but I  barely understood it even then. In a most peculiar inner event that happened one day while I tried to rest a few minutes in a toilet cubicle! In that event it was pointed out to me that what I was experiencing was not caused by anything I could see, but from another world, that I had named the Larger Domain by then! I had believed it was  caused by certain people in my life, but that was exposed as just an appearance.  That mindquake  had been nothing like the kind of  slide show I saw in pi, because much more than my personal memories had been retrieved and displayed in a movie like fraction of a second. It happened in a strange place at work.......I'll write about it later.

The story told by retrievals of memories from our past in the 1984 event revealed a level of interpretation of 'events that had happened in my home'  that I knew nothing about at the time. The psychological interpretations were all new to me, completely unsuspected meanings were revealed about simple events that had happened in our life.

 It was a psychological interpretation that was given to my marital 'bond'. I was outraged and horrified but motivated afterwards to do things I'd never done before or thought about: Proving I didn't imagine things was one important detail.

Back to my main topic: I wanted to write to Mr. Gardener about my 'curious mirroring' pattern  because it seemed even more ''curious' than  the pattern  he'd written about. That's when I noticed his home town was on the jacket of the book, so I called to ask if I could write to him. I was surprised that he answered the phone but more surprised when he told me he would like to read about my event.  


I  sent the letter to Martin Gardner and wrote some of what I had experienced, about my own ‘curious reflection'  in 3141592653  (that's the first  9 decimals plus the whole number 3) and some of what followed the first glance at the first rectangle of decimals, then explained it as best I could, I resumed reading the book. I received a response to my letter to him very soon,  but by then I'd read another vignette in the book and had an even more real  shocking event happen as I read it. The copy of his response to me is at the end of this page, but I suggest reading further before reading his letter to me.  He accurately assumed that I had believed Dr. Matrix was a real person when I wrote my letter to him!  

In another chapter I read this vignette about a different set of numbers:  

“Dr. Matrix suggested: “Your readers might also enjoy searching for the unconsciously determined order behind THIS number:” Then he wrote 8,549,176,320 in a notebook as he said: “The first name of the woman who produced that arrangement of the 10 digits is named Betty. As another clue you can add that she suffers from a compulsion to put things in order….”  

What? 10 digits, a woman named Betty, suffering from a compulsion to "put things in order"? The fact that my name is Betty and that I had just written a letter that had an arrangement of 10 digits (3141592653) caused me to feel more than a slight degree of surprise. The word 'coincidence' did  not come to mind because obviously  the 10 digits were not the same 10 digits that Dr. Matrix was writing about in this new vignette. It did seem at first glance to be a startling thing that every detail matched except the numbers were different.  

I even felt somewhat vaguely that having a compulsion to put 'things' in order actually described me at that point so I recognized myself in that attribute also. After a few minutes of considering this odd circumstance, I turned back to thinking about the numbers 8,549,176320  that he was writing about. I  looked at the numbers but I couldn’t see any pattern.

Then I saw an inner process work on what I was looking at:  those 10 numbers.  A rapid shift occurred, that I will try to describe although it occurred in a flash and it cannot be described as briefly as it happened.  The rearrangement occurred so that  I clearly read  the numbers in this way:

 854  917  6320

Then the second batch of numbers 917 slid down and  under 854.

I saw 854


With no space between the shifting, some part of me automatically read the result: 854 then read down beneath the 4 and  read 719 backwards  then above the 9 upwards to 8.

The result was 854 7198. Immediately, but most unexpectedly I recognized our family telephone number at the time.  The shifting had revealed our phone number! We’d had that number for more than a decade. I had not until that moment thought about the fact that the first number and the last number were the same, because as I’ve written, and I state this emphatically  I don’t normally look for such relationships and I did not look for this one.

When I realized that my telephone number was in the first 6 digits, 854917(8) of Dr. Matrix' puzzle,  the same process revealed my particular personal data was in the remaining numbers: 6320:  My birth date was 1-2-32, so  numbers (1,2,3)  in my birth date  sum to the next number which is 6, (1+2 + 3). Then 3 2,  the year I was born (1932)  followed by  0 which was my personal point of origin, my beginning point. This all  happened automatically.

 I'd already had several experiences with 'zero' as a point of origin and even written a poem in the same automatic kind of 'unwilled'  operation that created the results in these incidents. .

However I still had not solved Dr. Matrix's puzzle so I had to look for the answer in the back of the book. The hidden ordering of the number 8,549,176,320 is that the numbers are arranged alphabetically according to how the word is spelled: eight, five, four, nine, one, seven, six, three, two, one, zero. 

The entire series of numbers had specific identifying information about me! Even to 'saying' my phone number to me.

The way I think of it now, is that this event was more than a bundle of coincidence. These 10 numbers identified me by 'saying' my telephone number to me and describing something I'd recently done physically. That's an unusual idea. It took many similar events for me to grasp the idea that these events were saying a detail about my life back to me, echoing it so to speak in this unexpected form. This string of events  was utterly a surprise, they always are.

I had not looked for those relationships. I  would not have noticed them  if the 'mental activity' that was so visible to me had not 'presented' this information automatically. I willed none of it. This was a bouquet of 'coincidence', so unexpected that I cannot describe the degree of shock that I felt, except that I'd already had the pi quake experience when I glanced at a page of pi decimals.  That event had been even more unexpected and much more shocking but I'd adjusted to such shocks by then. . It would require quite a lot more information to understand it, because several years of events preceded it. I realized then that years   of  embedded events had  prepared me for that event! I'd read certain books that fitted seamlessly into a band of thought moving through my mind after 1984 and at sporadic points prior to 1984.

((Another pi related  event happened about 2 years later that had this exact same pattern, where the same pattern, a 'coded' part and a literal relationship to literal decimals in pi was revealed. That was a great surprise too but  a long string of events at Boeing created the situation.  I was transferred to a different location or it wouldn't have happened.

That event also involved numbers that were specifically related to certain numbers, 751 and the same pattern.  The union I belonged to after 1985 is IAM 751.  The numbers 751 are in the same block of decimals in History of Pi, but I had barely noticed them in the first event. That 'glance' had centered around  265 then switched to 651 which I'm going to describe later but I noticed 751 in the same pattern that 651 was expressed.

 These numbers: 256/265(2);  156/651; 157/751 are the significant numbers but remember I did not know they were going to be significant until this happened. I had noticed them in various places for several months prior to the day I glanced at the copyright  statement and an independent part of my mind locked onto 265. 

 I was transferred to Everett at Boeing, and within a few weeks got sick from a material I worked with so I had to go to medical. A doctor passing by noticed two books I had with me and told me he'd read them too. He mentioned an article about pi in The New Yorker and asked if I'd read it. I had not. But when I got off work I went to the library and checked it out.

 The last page produced a mini mindquake, using the same pattern. I describe it elsewhere. The Chudnovsky brothers had calculated more decimals of pi that anyone had done. The last two were 31, the last is the same as the first.


   I noticed The History of Pi in the library because the pi symbol was everywhere at Boeing.  That was why I decided to read the book so that explains the origin of  this event.  I had named it a 'pi-mindquake'  (it was a mental earthquake) because it linked back into my past to the very private memories of a few events that had happened as the result of an impulse when I was less than 10 years old.

This particular impulse and it's activities was laid very clearly in front of me in that which was the third big  'mindquake'.  And the first one in 1984 was directly the result of an event my husband had when he was in his late teens, which he'd mentioned was 'sitting under the apple tree with his maker'.

That was not obvious in 1984 but by 1989 it was obvious to me. His 'event' had affected him in a certain way. At first, he told me he'd been told everything he would ever need to know. But his attitude towards it had changed as the years passed. It had been important but by the time I understood mine, and realized it was connected to his, it was so trivial to him he refused to talk about it! It was not worth talking about, he told me.

What it meant instantly was that a kind of message was being  given to me. It  gave me real evidence that I was to have faith in my own interpretations of the  experiences I'd been having since about 1984. A new kind of 'event' had begun to happen occasionally even before then, something in every day life that often made me feel confused, almost overwhelmed because I felt literally like the floor beneath my feet turned to wobbly. 

After a few years I'd begun to grasp that there was a meaning to those new events, and I saw how content in my own mind  was at work helping me understand them, the way  it had 'worked' to create this display. But more strange, I was reading so many books that at times seemed to be directly related to whatever I was at the moment doing, and thinking about. I had never experienced the kind of thought that began after the dream.

It was in 1989 that I had the 'pi mindquake', it was the second of two mindquakes I had that year. One happened when I was resting in a toilet cubicle at work for a few minutes, the other when I glanced at the two pages of pi decimals in Petr Beckmann's book about pi.

I knew that  I would not be able to explain those relationships or how the habits I had in 1989 had been 'installed' very early in my life from an impulse that caused me to discover a pattern in the times tables after a thought occurred to 'add the double numbers across'. This was proof to me that I was not supposed to lose faith in my own interpretations and understanding of the flow of events that had begun in the few years prior to 1984 and continued even then.

 The fact that I knew those memories were unique to me and not another person, was unmistakable evidence that my inner world content was not private, obviously my past is stored somewhere. It was like a computer data base to some other intelligence than mine.  I had experienced that all my most private inner content was accessible many times, even when I was younger but my mind seemed then to be me, just me. .

At the point where I read  the little story about what is the hidden order in 8,549,176,320 I had also begun to figure out that Dr. Matrix was not a real person. Then within a few days I got the letter from Martin Gardener. This is a copy of it:: (It was before I had my maiden name restored. And he has misspelled my name.)

 It was a bit of a surprise to  realize he used a typewriter but I was more surprised that he'd taken the time to find my address. He had made many corrections in the letter and was not apologetic.  It would have been impossible for me to link the author of the letter to the man who wrote that book! I know other  people who do not really care for learning to use software and computers for reasons of their own, one of whom is even more wily and diabolical than Dr. Matrix.

It was very remarkable to me that in the letter he mentioned that I apparently didn’t know Dr. Matrix was not a real person. That indicates he certainly is able to pick up on how I did feel when I wrote to him. He also told me that the book was a ‘spoof’ on numerology, so that is how I became aware of ‘numerology’. I knew nothing about what he named as ‘numerology’. It was only then that I realized his ‘pre-assumption’ that I was 'into numerology'  put a big barrier between us. I knew nothing about the history of patterns in numbers then either.

He pre-assumed I knew what he knew, but I did not know about numerology or 'cranks'. It was news to me that 'numerology' meant seeing the kind of relationships that had happened to me.  I realized he could do the same thing but it was  a 'spoof' to him!.  But worse yet  I thought he'd ignored what I'd written that seemed most important.

 It did not occur to me that he didn't remember the entire book  he'd written until later.

That's why I thought he had not noticed or given any significance to the utterly precise timing of events that I could not have arranged myself. The precise timing of certain events and these are only two of them, had begun to seem unlikely to happen, but this bundle seemed impossible even once anywhere at any time.   At this point I realize that in my original  letter  I had not written  to him  about the 'coincidences' because I had not read the vignette about  8,549,176, 320 when I wrote the letter to him. And it didn't occur to me he wouldn't make the association I did. 

I believe I wrote about that in another letter, but I also mentioned Emanuel Swedenborg's name as well as Carl G. Jung's and mentioned 'synchronicity but he certainly did not like that.


 The way it seemed to me after having lived so many experiences  that were suddenly linked together was a shift in my understanding of my life, a new perception and understanding that was so drastic I almost fainted, literally. It seemed to me that a hidden from anyone else  detail about my very real physical  life had been 'told' to me, 'given' to me to see, revealed but it spoke to me by implying,  not directly 'saying' something that I had to  recognize myself. I realized this batch of events that extended backwards into my past  'echoed' back to me by this strange form of conversation, a detail that identified me in my 'now'.

It's a strange kind of event, one I've had to try to understand over the last years, since 1984.  I think of these events as 'identifying' me, describing details about my life that identify me, to me.  It's a form of 'speaking' to me, about the details of my life. Its self observation but much more than that, a review of my life and my past that is difficult to describe is also happening.


1982, 1984, 1989, 1989, and 1993 were years when I had major 'mindquakes'.  There have been several smaller ones but the big one was in 1984 and it happened when the Olympic games were being played in Los Angeles. It took 5 years to even reach a point where I could relate to it, and that's when the first 1989 event happened.

That one linked back to a smaller event that had happened in 1982, and it caused me to understand that I was not creating them, they were happening to me, and showed that they were being explained in detail through the events in my life and books that sometimes fell off a shelf in front of me, or came to my attention in an unusual experience, usually a trail of 'accidents' and misinformation' created such an event.

 I 'found' Science and Sanity by Alfred Korzybski when it was in the location where Bishop Pike's Morals and Dogma which I was looking for, should have been!

 I have not always noticed number patterns the way I do now, nor have I ever noticed the hidden vein of events that become evident only  when they are retrieved then replayed so unexpectedly in 1989.

This 'event' involving Martin Gardner was connected to a prior event, and would not have happened if I'd not  chanced to spot Petr Beckmanns’ book, The History Of  Pi then decided to read it.  I would never have read it except that  I worked with a company that uses the symbol as their Pride In Excellence  logo.  

It was the first  visible immediately in all details mental event of this kind when it  exposed the hidden pattern in the first block of decimals in pi the particular way  they are arranged.

 I've had memories re-occur in my mind that I didn't notice for decades!!! That caused me to wonder about them, then wonder about why I noticed their re-occurrence now. Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about 'remains', stored up in the mind for use in regeneration,  in a preparation for life after death.  P. D. Ouspensky mentioned  re-occurring memories he had experienced'\; C. G. Jung described a few events that happened when he was young that were later important to his work .  The re-occurance of several events that happened when I was less than 13 years old,  that slipped into my thought for no reason I could see caused me to become curious about those memories. I have experienced  a process myself that I learned about without prior knowledge from an invisible teacher.

  This  second similar event  with Dr. Matrix was trivial in comparison to the pi-quake in 1989. But then about 2 years later a third event happened that was equally precisely timed, it was also about pi and it revealed instantly information that was  personal and significant to me, about me, coded in the same pattern. And it led to seeing my phone number revealed again.   

It is not possible to understand the kind of event I'm trying to describe without knowing many details about me and certain actual real world events that happened in my past.  The information  that sets a context for what I saw in a first glimpse of the first rectangle of decimals at the back of the book are:

1. My birthdate 1232 .  I had noticed when I was much younger the numbers forms a ‘circle’ when the end is joined to the beginning: 1,2,3,2,1,2,3. The numbers repeat forever. That was 'nice' I thought to myself. Throughout the years other incidents caused me to experience #32 quite frequently, for a time it was everywhere. Remember OJ Simpson's number?  Question #32 on the MMPI is "I experience very peculiar and strange events." True   or   False  (I had answered 'False' because at that point I did not know what a 'very peculiar and strange event' was.)

 The number 32 was everywhere for several years but the number had no significance to me, until it showed up so often in unexpected ways. Once  on New Years Eve my daughter had treated me to a birthday gift, we went to a concert at the Kingdome. Two giant T-shirts hung from the rafters: one was number 19 the other was 32. We laughed at the apparent recognition of my birth year, although I knew the numbers had belonged to retired Gus Williams and Lenny Wilkins.  Then many 'events' happened that would require that I write many details about them because each event was significant only afterwards when they were used in the pi quake.

A string of events happened prior to the 'pi quake' that caused me to also notice the numbers 651/156, then later  256 and  265. Many events happened that were unrelated to each other until that day linked them together.

 These events were somewhat humorous when they happened and I recognized the 'coincidental' attribute, because I had become aware of 'coincidences'  already, over a period of 4 years between 1984 and 1988. It had been an arduous 'trip' through  nearly 4 years, filled with new to me experiences that actually made my body feel 'dizzy' and my head literally felt as though it would burst at times.

 Everything seemed changed subtly but I couldn't really see any difference, and I was trying to understand what was going on. I realize now I had become inflamed with a high degree of curiosity and determination that I'd not had before, but there was a situation in my home life that drove me. A certain situation in my life demanded of me that I try to prove I was not 'mentally ill', or worse, 'crazy'.

Real world situations always were the 'first cause', but I became aware by 1989 the real causes were not what I had assumed were the causes of this great change. My mind and thoughts were 'colored' by a marital bond that I recognized but not in the language of psychiatry, which I didn't know.  I heard myself talk and say things I had no reason to say and didn't notice that for a few years.  A change in my mind caused everything outside of my bdy and everything in my thought to

 It became obvious, but not too quickly, that the change outside and inside was the result of a change in my mind.


A co-worker showed me a cartoon in the newspaper, and told me how it related to an astonishing coincidence he's had the prior weekend. He'd gone to the PX to shop for a birthday present for his wife with his three children. The checkout clerk turned out to be his first love. They'd talked and arranged to meet one evening, and in that evening the flame of their love returned, so that they each  immediately planned to leave their spouses and children !! They could not think of anything but being together, and even his parents had told him to do whatever made him happy. He was aflame with happiness,  utterly joyous as he told me what had happened!!!

 Then we got to talking about birthdays. I told him  I had just noticed that the license plate on my automobile, ETW 651 was a pattern:. I had owned the car for 4 years when I glanced out of my window and had what I now realize was a 'bundle' of 'influx' about what was in front of me, which in this event was  the license tab ETW 651. I saw  that the second two numbers were the sum of the first one,  6 = 5 + 1. That's obvious but I'd not thought about that before and I'd seen that tab hundreds of times. 

I had noticed the ETW when I applied for registration and had been astonished as well as amused when an automatic activity generated Extra Terrestrial Woman from the ETW. That was not a vanity plate, this was an instantaneous thing. (I had some unusual experiences with ETW 651, such that one day I thought the 'Extra Terrestrial Woman' was somehow related to my sense of being 'manipulated from afar' as though I were a satellite out in space. I felt 'spaced out', but I had not chosen to think Extra Terrestrial Woman 651, it had just 'bloomed' in my thought the first time I'd looked at it. I'd had some unusual experiences with the red Datsun 210 Station Wagon by the time this happened.)

  In the same 'vision' I noticed that the numbers in my birthdate, 1232 had a relationship to 651. This is the way it came out, and it will take much longer to write it than the time in which it happened:  6 = 1 + 2 + 3. The car  which I'd owned for 4 years had other numbers that suddenly loomed into being very significant, the reverse of 651, i.e. 156 was the address of an attorney that was sending me papers regularly, and I had noticed that if I chanced to look at a street sign or a house number it was 156.

 As we talked he noticed a lottery report on the same page and told me that if I'd added '1' to the first number and bought a lottery ticket on 256, I would have been a winner in the lottery because 256 was the winner of the daily game. This may read as ludicrously irrelevant in any known logic, but this report of the lottery numbers seemed alive in a single glance.

Two lotto reports,

  I don't usually  read that page and would not have read it that day if he'd not wanted to show me something on the page. It just happened that  all the lottery results of the prior week were on the page. After I saw 256, in a flash I recognized 256 in each drawing in that report. The cards in the  Quinto Game were the Queen of hearts, 2 of spades, 4 of clubs, 5 of diamonds and 3 of clubs. What emerged was the 'difference' between  the 2 and  4, . between 4 and, 9 and between 9 and 3 which was 2 5, 6, the same numbers drawn in the daily game. This was not something I looked for, it just 'bloomed' out of a glance at the report.

Then the Lotto drawing numbers, 11, 14, 15, 16 23, 44 suddenly took the form of  'sum of digits addition:  11 = 2, 14 = 5; 15 = 6 and there was 256 again.. In the same glance the August 3 Lotto drawing numbers,  3, 4, 6, 16,28, 30  contained the same 256 in the difference between 4 and 6, and between the 1 and 6 in 16, and between the 2 and 8 in 28.

 I realized how those events had gradually brought '256/265' into prominence in the few months before I read The History of Pi only when the 'batch of events' was complete and it was used in what I thought of as my 'pi quake'. It built upon much that had happened in my life, as well as many purely mental events beginning (I believed) with  the first 'mindquake'  in 1984 another in 1989 which occurred in a location I thought I could never tell anyone about.

This event had made me aware that I'd really learned to understand what was going on in the painful flow of circumstances in my real life, as well as in the almost overwhelmingly confusing mental world that had become so visible to me. But I'd had some therapy, read quite a lot and been validated by a Jungian therapist that  I had come to understand how this inner change had happened, as a result of a marital relationship. I could see my mind at work, and realized  how a mechanism altered how I heard and saw what was outside of my body.  My marital bond had created a new way of hearing myself and others as well as a new understanding of what I heard and saw but I believe professional therapy creates this kind of bond. I had recognized my mother in laws' voice and her way of talking in my own mind when my marital bond was suddenly broken and my husband told me to file for divorce.  It was a change that altered my relationship to all of  reality.  But it originated in a pattern that had been experienced by Isaac Newton and described by him and its a pattern he had written about which would prove the existence of Divine Providence. I believe its the kind of experience that many individuals have in life.  C. G. Jung named it as an individuation process. When I began to notice numbers and other details that I had not noticed te real world seemed to be talking to me through whatever I was hearing, looking at and impossible to explain: thinking.

 I had by then noticed that the numbers 156/651 had been occurring for years in certain a ways which had no significance to me  other than that I noticed them. How could I just happen to glance at a street sign when it was 156th Street or Ave?  That happened so regularly I was puzzled, after I noticed it.

 This reads as trivial but that moment had enormous content in it of memories abstracted from my past that formed instantaneous recognition, without any understanding then of what it meant because  the 'last event'  was being built up from these every day events.

A period of time was somehow 'marked off', when I realized that the  numbers 156 had been coming 'at' me for several years before I bought ETW 651 which  was NOT a vanity license tab. The progression of  a span of time when  events marked by 156 moved forward  and changed into  256 (a new stage) had  passed without my noticing it until I had read most of Petr Beckmann's book. Then I looked in the index and noticed 2 pages of decimals, after reading the copy write statement. "The first 10,000 decimals of 100, 265 decimals calculated in July 1961."

With hindsight, I suddenly recognized long strings of related situations marked by those numbers. (my husband's attorney's address was 156th Ave. and his mail had angered me very much for several years between 1983 and 1989.)

The impact of the 'pi quake'  immediately  formed a link back into my past beginning with certain specific events that happened at about the time I was 9 years old. It revealed immediately a hidden 'vein of activity' that had been carried forwards in my life, leading exactly to that precise moment. They were all assembled on a string.  Two of them are especially significant because they were linked then to an impulse. It was  a specific impulse that I experienced as a kind of 'thought voice' that caused me to do something specific without hesitation. I'd learned something from the impulsive activity that later I read about or heard about in a different way. Having learned from the impulse was brought into memory by a childish thought that I experienced whenever I 'met' in some form, named differently  what I'd learned privately from the impulse: I thought:  "I can learn new things on my own." A description of those two events follows after the next three paragraphs.

 I had experienced the same impulse afterwards a few times, but very rarely. I'd not considered  it in relation to those two events that had happened when I was 9 years old until the pi quake exposed the entire line of hidden endeavor that had lead towards that specific moment. The fact that this impulse and no physical person had brought forth this hidden vein of activities was made quite distinct by a retrieval of memories from the past, batched as a unit so unexpectedly that  I nearly lost consciousness... Literally I almost swooned at the undeniable validation of the hidden 'vein of activity'  that  had been events that were abstracted from their embeddedness in all the events in my life and displayed in a fraction of a second. 

 I believe Emanuel Swedenborg's idea about 'remains' explains this kind of event. There were  a few events that happened only once really, but which afterwards flashed into my mind for no apparent reason. I was in my mid forties before I even wondered to myself about them, having barely noticed them  with some level of awareness by then!  P. D. Ouspensky also mentions certain 'reoccurring memories' in the first paragraph of the introduction to A New Model Of The Universe. In addition he makes reference to  experiences that must be similar to what I named 'mind quakes' in that book, when he experiences 'time slowed down' such that the distance between one word and another was so great it was impossible to connect words together. .

One event was this:  (1). Trying to memorize the 'times tables', I wrote them down on my Golden Rod Tablet. As I looked at them a thought occurred to me: "Add the double numbers in each  product across." so without hesitation I added the numbers in each product across. When I finished I noticed a different repeating pattern in each table. That's nice, I thought to myself.

(2) I read dictionaries and encyclopedias that we had in our grade school library when I got through with assignments. One day I read a definition for a moebius band: "Take a strip of paper of any length, twist it one half and join the ends." I cut a strip of paper, pasted the ends together then looked at the result. (This was not easy to do with the 'paste' I made out of flour and water.) "What can the use of such a thing be?" occurred to me. Then a thought followed it: "Cut it around it's center length." which I did without hesitation. The surprising result was a single band twice as long, half as wide. The thought repeated: "Cut it around it's center length." and again I responded without hesitation. This cut produced another surprising result: two completely separate bands but knotted together in a way that probably could  not be separated without cutting them apart. They were together forever but also forever apart. This idea at linked up in my mind later to a real world circumstance in which the past with its present day effects as Carl G. Jung wrote of them,  could be 'cut off', but that's a very complex idea.

Four decades later when I was 53 years old, I was a passionate challenge level square dancer, struggling with what I had been told were the effects of a complete hysterectomy, then a terrible blow on my head a year later. Nothing was easy to do, everything looked subtly different to me and I believed the effects of those two events had caused all the changes I was experiencing. After 3 years of prolonged effort at trying to regain some of the skills I'd lost I stopped in one day to ask for an application to work for Boeing.

During that period of time I had felt, or sensed words formed within my mind,  that I was getting ready for my job at Boeing.

 On the first day that I walked through the corporate security gates, 2-11-85, I saw the pi symbol for the first time.  A fellow square-dancer whom I knew had worked for Boeing had formed what he hoped would be an elite challenge level square dance club using the Pride In Excellence logo.  Only then was I aware of where he’d gotten the slogan. The connection was surprising because this man had said something important to me that I wouldn’t have thought about otherwise. He had remarked one night, that a certain club my husband and I belonged to would never achieve his goal or ours, which was to learn advanced and challenge levels of square-dancing. He mentioned a group that he believed had the potential to reach his goal: go right through the levels, Mainstream Plus, Advanced, Challenge 1,2,3,4.

As a result of what he said that night my husband and I eventually joined him in that club. It was the exact opposite in many ways to the one we belonged to at that point. The men who operated each club were passionate about their love of challenge level square-dancing but as to their personalities and relationships to their respective clubs they were exact opposites. One man had a reputation for being hard, even mean to his dancers so we didn't attend any of his dances until we moved close to him.

 There I met the one man who generated the dream I had, that initiated the stream of 'nonstop thinking' that was so troubling to me that I didn't sleep normally afterwards for years. But that's a long story and not related to the pi quake directly.

When I saw the pi symbol in the Boeing plaza I realized then that the man who had worked for Boeing had gotten his idea of Pride In Excellence from that model.   I saw it without thinking much about what the pi symbol meant,  other than as a logo for a high level square-dance group. Later several incidents happened that could not have occurred randomly or by chance but they were directly connected to that model of the pi symbol. See the picture of David Blatner standing by the pi model, it's a link, click on it.

The group we  had joined was using a new concept: there were  no gender roles in the set. This was a radical change and it angered mainstream clubs very, very much.  It  was known  then only as All Position Dancing, or APD but to the mainstream dancers this was their 'f' word. They were not just angered very much by such an idea, they were outraged and very expressive of how they felt. .  The removal of gender roles  required the females and males to learn each other’s positions. This 'role reversal' made an already complicated 'dance' more difficult.  It was the first time in my life that I ever experienced being discriminated against, which is not to say I had never been discriminated against

Think about that a minute or two: in the early 1980’s a small group of people were really ‘leaving the mainstream level’ and really entering into ‘higher levels’ where the rules changed radically by deleting ‘gender’, thus adding role reversal into the definitions of a square-dance movement.

4. On 2-11-85 I drove an automobile ETW 651 to my orientation to my new job.  The car was already tabbed when I bought it. Although an automatic  association had formed in my mind when I looked at ETW, Extra Terrestrial Woman 651, this had only made me smile somewhat to myself. THIS HAD NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. One reads FYI and the words 'for your information' magically appear, but ETW forming Extra Terrestrial Woman? Nothing like that had ever happened to me.

(Years later I realized that my attention had already been focused on 'small details' in front of me, such as the numbers and letters on license tabs. I had noticed that my mind seemed to dwell on making some kind of 'sense' out of them. This had been irritating but I had not connected it to the one incident where the letters ETW did generate meaningful set of words: Extra Terrestrial Woman. It was not a use of attention that made sense to me, and I had not realized a 'non voluntary activity' had been initiated.  I had basically been 'looking for meaningful combinations' already.  This 'non-volitional activity' had occurred periodically for a couple of years before it became 'a new normal for me' loss of control. A part of me watched and listened, without knowing why or what was being watched as well as listened to.

5. That day during orientation for my new job,  I was told  that if I wanted the job I had to join a union: IAM 751. So by the end of the day I belonged to a union IAM 751.  Those numbers had no significance to me , they did not in any way relate to ETW 651 until  almost 5 years later. That's  when a glance at the first rectangle of decimals on a page in the New Yorker Magazine in a article about pi that an arrangement of  the most recent calculation of decimals on it revealed another amazing relationship. That's another story.

In a flash a pattern I knew very well by then suddenly exposed.651 and  also 751but only in a glimmer of relatedness. Until that incident which I named a 'pi quake' after I could think about it,  ETW 651 and IAM 751 were just isolated numbers, there was no connection between them on that date.: 2-11-85

When the ‘hidden relationships’ to my personal past had been exposed in a surprising flurry of mental activity it was so unexpected that I nearly fainted because of the implications: a purpose filled endeavor had been building towards this moment, beginning with my painful struggle to memorize the 'times tables', and a habit I had of reading dictionaries and encyclopedias.

  I don’t believe I consciously had any part of generating the relationships. Certainly I did not have any idea about ‘numerology’ the way Mr. Gardener thought about it. . I just watched and remembered afterwards what happened, then later I named this my pi mindquake.

It was a truly astonishing event, linked to my earliest years and I want to write about it, to try to describe at least enough to make my point about what happened when I wrote to Mr. Gardener, unawares that he was well known, even a genius with the kind of stuff that in another mind would be ‘irrational’. 

I had just read the copyright statement that the first 10,000 of 100,265 decimals calculated in 1961 were on the two pages at the back of the book.  This number 100, 265 seemed an odd choice.  I remember thinking about why it was not a round number like 100, 000 or 100,250 or 100,500. When I turned back to the first page the number 265 was in my mind as a result of the thought about it, so right away I noticed 265 was in the first row of the first rectangle of decimals: 1415926535…

It is impossible to describe how suddenly in rapid succession, incredibly rapidly I saw the numbers grouped this way:  3. 14 15 92 6535   8...

I recognized the first Fibonacci  numbers::  1 . 1. .2. .3 . 5   8...   (I had just read about them in History of Pi. The 11th decimal is 8, the next Fibonacci number.)

Almost simultaneously it occurred into my mind that these numbers were also my father’s birth date in reverse (He was born 52311) except that the 32 was a ‘twisted pair’, reversed. ) The numbers also contained my birth date, 1232 which I’ve always thought was nice because it forms a circle when the end is joined to the beginning: 1,2,3, 2,1,2,3,… ( I have a daughter born 4563 which is a related pattern to mine, (45634563…) although I didn’t notice it until she was into her twenties) 

Then I saw the result of this grouping, but in a different form,  arranged with the paired numbers 'cross summed' in my old familiar way:  From  3.14 15 92 65 35, I saw  3 5 6 2 653  5… Explanation: 3,  then (1 + 4 = 5) then  (1 + 5 = 6)  then (9 + 2 = 11  = 2).  The first 6 decimals were ‘cross summed’ but the numbers after 9 were not.

The result was that the first 10 numbers in pi, ignoring the decimal,  mirrored from the center out.  3 5 6 2 653   There was a 'mini mirroring' in the 5 3 5, which also mirrored from the center outwards.)

3. 14 15 92 65 35 … another perception generated:      3  5  6 11 11  8   the result of 'cross summing' pairs after the decimal point:

                                                                                       3   11  11  11 8      3 + 8 = 11         the next level

  11  11  11  11         

                                                                                        2   2    2    2   equals the next decimal 8, which is 23


Because what I saw so suddenly that day involved the first block of decimals, I wrote more to Mr. Gardner than what I’ve written above, but this is sufficient to get on with my recitation, in case anyone is still reading.

The 'moebius twist' refers to an idea  that had emerged over a period of years (1975 to 1989) while I learned challenge level square dancing. This pattern is the basis of the square dance set, but I was unawares of it when I began learning this seemingly simple ‘dance’.)

 Many long strings of real world events brought this one event into ‘being’ and nobody could have been more surprised than I was.

The habit of adding numbers across was one I'd used for many years as a bookkeeper because the difference between transposed numbers are always divisible by 9.  I'd learned this to find errors when I was a bookkeeper at Sears, my first real employer after I graduated..

 99999999992 = 2;  293 = 5; 1234 = 10 = 1 since 9’s don’t change anything.  Any number that is 9 or sums to 9 can be ignored.  It was interesting to me  when I was a young girl struggling with memorizing the 'times tables' that the products in the table of 9’s  summed to 9 and that in the middle, 45 twisted around to 54. Then every product repeated, but twisted around.

Later I learned other names for this kind of addition (casting out 9’s, modulo 9)  but I always remembered that it was a personal discovery.  At age 9 one takes pride in such seemingly trivial incidents.

This links with copies of 2 letters I got from Mr. Gardener after I read The Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix.

Two Letters from Martin Gardener 

It's not possible to describe how  suddenly in rapid succession, incredibly rapidly I saw the numbers grouped this way:  3. 14 159 265 35…  Then the Fibonacci  numbers loomed into prominence:  1 . 1. .2. .3 . 5  There was a pattern marked by 1 1 2 3 5  (I had just read about them in History of Pi. The 11th decimal is 8, the next Fibonacci number. Almost simultaneously it occurred into my mind that these numbers were also my father’s birth date in reverse (He was born 52311) except that the 32 was a ‘twisted pair’, reversed. ) The numbers also contained my birth date, 1232 which I’ve always thought was nice because it forms a circle when the end is joined to the beginning: 1,2,3, 2,1,2,3,… (Another of those child hood discoveries.  I have a daughter born 4563 which is a related pattern to mine, (45634563…) although I didn’t notice it until she was into her twenties.)   I just noticed it one day in the same kind of 'event' that seems to have 'just happened' to bring a detail to my attention.

 3. 14 15 was 3. 5 6 automatically as quickly as I saw the result of this grouping this way: 3 5 6 2 653  5…  and noticed the 'reflection' of 356 2 653 in the first 10 numbers, ignoring the decimal point. The same numbers mirrored from the center outwards. I saw this in two ways: 3562  (2)653 and this was because 9 + 2 = 11; 1 + 1 = 2 thus a 'double use' of the number 2. (Really, this reasoning just came into my thought without any work from me. I felt like I was watching something happen, not making it happen.) The pattern was that the  numbers before 9 were ‘cross summed’; the numbers after 9 were not and the resulting numbers mirrored from the center out.  (The first 10 numbers included the whole number 3, excluding the last 5.  I saw that 535 also mirrored from the center outwards, a very small reflection, but the pattern was there.) 

This is the first rectangle of decimals; the first ten of each of the first hundred decimals.


1415926535 8…        The first 6 Fibonacci numbers are in the first 11 decimals. A pattern is marked:

14 15 92

             26535 8...


1415926535 8...        x5x6xxxxxx  8...                  

8214808651              x1x5xxx651        

4428810975              xx6xxxxxx5

7245870066              xxxxxxxxx6







These numbers were familiar to me:

 651 and 156                          ETW 651 was my license tab, it was not a vanity plate.  156 was also familiar.

 751  and  157                        IAM 751 was the  number of my union lodge

The number 651 stood out in many arrangements in the first rectangle, immediately:


14    15  xx  65  3x                          5   6   65  3                    1 +4  = 5    1+ 5 = 6    the last numbers are uncoded.

82  14  xx  x6  51                          1    5   6  51                    8 + 2 = 1          6  51

      x4  2x  xx  xx  75                              6          75                       6                        75

      xx  xx  xx  xx  x6                                             6

      xx  xx  xx   xx  xx

      xx  xx  xx   xx  xx

      xx  xx  xx  xx   xx  


There are other mirroring relationships, in this particular arrangement also, there are 3  levels of coding because: #3 can be #1 on the second level.

Modulo 9 is a mathematical term, meaning ‘divide a number by 9 and consider the remainder. It’s used to test whether a number is divisible evenly by any number, and I’m using ‘modulo 9’ in this case, because 9 is the number I’m testing. I could ‘test’ modulo 5, or ‘mod 5’ or I could test ‘mod  6’ if 5 or 6 were the number I wanted to test for divisibility.

14 15 xx xx xx      5  6  XX  65  3X       5 6 XX   65  3X

82 14 xx xx xx      1 5  XX XX  X1      1 5  XX  X6  51

x4 2x xx xx xx      X6  XX XX  X5      X6  XX  XX  75

xx xx xx xx xx       XX XX XX  X6      XX XX  XX  X6

xx xx xx xx xx

Notice 5,6,1   in several forms in the first five lines, after transforming according to the rules  of modulo 9. (or casting out 9's or sum of digits)

The numbers are coded in the same way then repeated uncoded in the same block of decimals. I am still working on this page.

There is more, much more. 6,5,1 ends  the 2nd, 3rd,4th row, and is encoded in several ways in the rectangle.


3. 14 15 92 65 35 … another perception generated:   3  5  6 11 11  8    The pairs were 'cross summed'

                                                                                     3   11  11  11 8     And cross summed again.

11  11  11  11     3 and 8, the single numbers were joined and cross summed. Then 'cross sums' formed:

                                                                                      2   2    2    2   which equals the next decimal 8,  23    

    The result was 8, which is 2 cubed:  23   Oddly, I also 'saw' 8:32' emerge  in another paper. the news of my birthdate that I got in Chicago in 1989, along with a memory of Mt. St. Helens Eruption May 18, 8:32.  The number 8 and the 'twisted around' 2,3' were related to another  event, which happened May 18, 1989, but that's another part of the 'story'.

 It is not my habit to write to authors or to call them although I had done this once before in 1989, after reading The History of Pi by Petr Beckmann in 1990. His home town was on the books' jacket also. I had  called information, got his phone number, dialed it and he answered the phone. He was very ill then and we talked about his illness  for some time. He did not want to die, he was very sad so I didn't talk to him about what  I wanted most to talk about. the pattern in pi.  I asked if I could use the decimals to make a T- shirt I had in mind to make and he told me I could use the Dover edition. I told him I'd send him a T-shirt which I did do.  When  I called a few months later, his wife answered to tell me he had passed away.

It is important to understand that until I read about 'squaring the circle' in his book I had not heard of 'quadrature of the circle' or 'squaring the circle'.   I had been a challenge level square-dancer for several years when this 'pi' quake happened so the thought occurred to me that there was one place where 'squaring the circle'  or 'circling the square' could easily be done: in the square dance. The pattern of the moebius twist and the 'twisted pair' had become evident slowly as two small groups of people worked to learn the very challenging levels of square-dancing.

In the normal square there are two subsets of 4 dancers. The 'odds numbers' (1 and 3)  and the 'even numbers' (2 and 4)  work against each other to form a single unit of 8. The 'head couples'  are the 'odd number 1 and 3. They face each other across the square and the 'side couples', 2 and 4, face each other. The binariness of the set has many levels. There are times when two dancers are a unit, working as a single body, so 1 + 1 = 1. . There are certain movements that require learning to dance with 'phantoms', they are imaginary people  whose position one must know in order to make the dance succeed.

 When phantoms are added to the 8 real people, the chess board is a good representation of the positions that can be used on many movements.  

  The set requires 8 real people but  at higher levels  'phantom' people can be added to the set, as few as 2 depending on the movement the caller chants.  This is where I almost 'lost it', literally because I could not 'imagine' the position of a 'phantom', or myself for that matter. These 'phantoms' have to be tracked as though they were real and every step changes their location.

I had thought quite a lot about the way people talked about 'mirror image' in the square dance set. In a real mirror image I could look across the set and see my counterpart, my opposite. But  in the set my opposite was standing beside the person across from me. That puzzled me for some time, until I really understood the 'binary unit' i.e 1 + 1 = 1. The couple across from me was a binary unit, one body was the right hand, the other body  the left hand although they separated at the beginning of a set and had to be restored  to the proper position and partner at the end of the set. I could not see how the term 'mirror image' applied.

Then one day an impulse occurred to me to draw half of a square dance formation on the end of a transparent strip and draw the other half on the opposite end of the same strip. When I joined the ends, this was a normal mirroring but it did not represent the way the dancers actually look. I twisted one end of the strip half a turn and then joined the ends. The result was a legitimate formation, and any formation could be used. This was the first incident in which the 'twisted pair' that I later named the 'moebius twist' first became evident to me.

I had always been puzzled by the fact that my opposite, my counterpart in the set was not directly across from me, but was beside the person across from me, and this explained it although I had recently read Anatomy Of Reality by Jonas Salk. In that book he wrote that nothing occurs in nature that is not binary.

Keep in mind that this was my first acquaintance with Martin Gardner when I bought the book, The Magic Numbers of Dr. Matrix. I noticed it only because the jacket had several interesting (to me) puzzles. There was a background of experience behind what happened when my telephone number was suddenly exposed  in the vignette about 8549176320. I was not looking for it, but I saw clearly how the 'display' happened because I'd had the  even more astonishing event happen when I'd  read Petr Beckman's History Of Pi a year or so prior .

This  was a pattern I'd had to learn from a state of ignorance (or innocence), and it built itself, and even named itself as  the 'moebius twist' reflection'. I had recognized detail by detail while I tried to learn challenge level square-dancing between 1979 and 1989 the information necessary to understand it and recognize it later in  The History Of Pi.  I had to discover that this 'moebius relationship' was the basic form of not only the square dance set, but the chess board,  the I Ching, the structure of quantum level physics and  believe it or not, a psychiatric idea about projection and the interaction of opposites.

The 'pi quake'  was an amazing event, because it retrieved an enormous assembly of memories and experiences from my past, beginning with my first memory and including certain memories that had made themselves quite distinct because they reoccurred into my mind, as thought, for no reason I could understand. P. D. Ouspensky mentioned them accurately as  'recurring memories'.  I believe Emanuel Swedenborg named them also accurately, as 'remains'. They  were memories of a real event that had happened only once, they certainly do remain and one becomes familiar with them unconsciously before a more conscious level of mind really wonders why they do regenerate for no reason. The fact that they reoccurred spontaneously into my mind for almost 3 decades before I really was aware enough of them to ask myself why they flashed into my mind made them distinctly different.

The level of mind that could 'see' them and 'wonder' about them became distinct also.

The content of each memory is quite important and it is not possible to understand their real relationship to this 'pi quake' without knowing that content. The display occurred to an unsuspecting individual and it happened  in a flash of time, although I remembered afterwards everything that had been exposed.  This 'movie in a  flash of time' exposed a previously hidden line of endeavor that extended back from that moment to the first memory I had on this planet. This was a link with my past that I would never have been able to trace myself.

A ‘ strange event’ relating to pi and I. happened two years later as a result of my being transferred to another job site. It relates to the Martin Gardener incident and it was further validation that irregardless of how absurd it seems to 'trust' in this kind of experience, one can in fact consider them to be 'identification' processes, similar to road signs. "I know thee...." is being 'said' to the person who 'gets the message' from them.

 IAM 751 

I can cite a scene in a movie that is somewhat close to representing what happened in this event.  Mercury Rising has a scene in which an autistic boy opens a new puzzle book he’s been given. He turns to a page, which is shown on the screen and as he looks the numbers, letters and symbols  they seem to shift about. He goes to the telephone, dials a number and says: “You are a Stranger.” He had somehow uncoded a hidden message on the page and it was supposed to be an unbreakable code. 

The ‘event’ that I experienced had the effect of exposing something hidden, although the process of ‘exposing’ what was hidden was familiar to me. It was unexpected and I felt a real shock, not a symbolic shock when it happened.  

An aside: I looked for the meaning of my birth name and was more than interested to read that ‘Eldritch’, a form of my name means ‘strange’. I could relate to what the boy said: “You are a Stranger.” Because I have become aware of my ‘strangeness’. That is the name of a quark also, if I remember correctly.  The most surprising attribute of this kind of ‘event’ is that they identify the one that ‘gets’ them. 

In 1992 I was transferred to Everett, Washington. After a few weeks I had to go to medical because I was affected by a chemical. While I waited I read one of two books I had with me. The doctor passed me and made a comment about the books: “We read the same books.” The one I was reading was History of Pi by Petr Beckmann, the other was Godel, Escher and Bach by Douglas Hofstadter. He asked me if I’d read the recent article in The New Yorker Magazine about two brothers who had calculated pi to 2 billion places. I had not but that evening I went to the library and checked out the magazine. The Chudnovski incident