The 10 items in the Message

The Statement of Purpose


Some poems

This is about a small part of the package of information I experienced as a 'mindquake' in 1984. The whole package came at once, a single unit of information that began with a certain memory from my  my life. Not one detail was unconnected or separate, it was a package of memories from my past, assembled into a movie like form that instantly conveyed understanding, but it happened in a flash of time.  Embedded within it was a message that I did not experience in any way as thought or any kind of imagery but which I typed out almost a year later. I typed it one day automatically when I intended to do something else, then read what I'd typed  without any curiosity or understanding of what the 10 items meant!  I printed a copy and barely glanced at it. It was a part of the package, embedded deeply. What that means is that  I had to discover this entire 'package' and the message embedded within it almost a year later although part of it happened in a visible form, in my mind. I experienced  'thought', strings of memories that were retrieved from my past that flashed a 'story', and what I realized later was a package of history, recorded history, all in a tiny increment of Time.

The very first words were 'thought words' spoken Those words were specific: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." Following those words, the specific event that happened when I was 13 years old was retrieved, I lived it again although I had forgotten it until that moment. I was alone then, yet this was evidence that could not be distrusted that I was not really alone then.  The Hill  

I would have to write hundreds of pages to convey what happened after those first thought words occurred into my mind. During the next 5 years my mind was a busy place, into which I looked and listened;  from which I watched what was outside of my body, and also listened not only to others, but to myself, in a way that was new to me. So new and incomprehensible to me because it altered everything but at the same time altered no thing at all. 

THE MESSAGE had 10 items, or statements in it but it was almost a year before I typed it one day, months later without recognizing that it had been part of an enormous package of information about my life.

The words that I heard were very few; I've typed those in bold print. I've added some words to elaborate what is mean so the reader can grasp something of what  I 'understood' BEHIND the words that were spoken. There was so much content behind the few words that  conveyed to me encyclopedias of information.  A huge amount of information is  required to understand fully what is meant in each of the 10 items  but  upon first hearing much was true to me because of many particular experiences and interests I'd had throughout my life.  Because a circumstance in my early life had apparently caused me to become focused on  reality, I was without awareness, trying to find out if I imagined things happened. I had been told I imagined something happened, that seemed to me to have really happened in my home.  After that event I was not aware of being constantly trying to prove to myself whether I had imagined something had happened that someone else told me had not happened. So in the first part I was made aware that 'checking out reality' was a primary interest of which I was completely unconscious , it was 'work' that I had always done.

The material in the package went through a long, difficult trek over the next 5 years to a conscious location and I watched its trip through the distance between 'thought' and articulatable words. . 

The first words: "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future."  referred to an incident that had happened that I'd forgotten about until that memory was retrieved. Many memories followed that related  to those words but  on many different levels, This was an enormous package of events that had been retrieved from my past. So  many memories from my past were displayed that  I cannot describe them briefly.

There is quite a difference between a simple understanding of the words as I understood them then and a more complex 'psychologically sensed' understanding of the words that I became aware of  bit of information by bit of information. I realized that during the 9 years prior to 1984 I had been made aware of certain activities in my mind  when of its own volition and will it formed a complete thought from two fragments that I'd noticed in two different books. One fragment was in a chapter titled "Perhaps an Intention"  and it was a statement made by a character in the book that there is a 'secret'/ . The events that happened in real world events during  the 5 years after 1984 slipped into phase with my inner content, and  that brought about real knowledge of what the words mean.

1. When a human being is born on this earth, it begins to assume an identity, to play a role. ( This means gender, characteristics allowed by family, national identity, as well as  trends of the time in which one is born, etc.)

2.  Language was invented by humans, replacing another silent one which encompassed all affairs.  Human language is inadequate to describe other than a few material aspects of life The silent language is the real means of communications of human beings.  (Every human being 'knows' all that has ever been and understands this language beneath the human identity that it assumes.  The 'role' taken filters and  maintains reality to fit that role. A 'human' is not the same as a 'man/woman''. )

3.  Each person from the first opening of its eyes on this earth begins to create an internal dictionary of meanings which is built of that individuals' perceptions and concepts, through which the world (reality) is heard and seen.  (This dictionary in the most accurate sense is a memory bank of meanings which is formed as one lives, and is consulted as one listens to another, ones thoughts are formed from it, according to the patterns of the personality, which are very habitual. All thought, all meanings passing through the filtergrid imposed by personality before entering the level of conscious perception.)

4. Each person 'knows' on the deepest level what is 'done' to them. (psychologically).  (In the most accurate sense, human beings on every level of being, until awakening, are recorders of patterns and recorders of information and each is a recording, specifically themselves. The process is as automatic as the functions of the cells and the organs within ones' body.  It is a function of humanity, those who are loved, can give love. Those who are not loved, do not know how, for  they have never seen it, have never felt it.  One only knows how to do, what one has learned in the most psychological sense.  The most complicated psychological knowledge is understood by the infant as it fits itself into the role assigned by its understanding and reception of 'signals' representing the unspoken language. Every killer is first killed in the mind.  A killer in the flesh has been killed mentally and does only what he has learned. )

 5.  All illness begins in the mind. (The mind is operated by will, intent, 'wishes' on the most remote level, the deepest level. The role enters into this.  On this earth a medicine created by man may appear to cure and indeed may cure as mans' ability to understand his mind and body unfolds and he assumes more control of 'his' universe, but spiritual cure is necessary to remove the source of conflict. When I use the word 'spiritual' it means an abstract process and a process of abstractions that propel the individual towards life examination must be made. A certain recognition of habits, faults, failures must be made then a new pathway opens, which will lead either to better conditions or understanding of why  the condition  is necessary.

6.  America and its isolation from civilization was no accident.  (We were reserved to be the birthplace for the idea that man was created free, so it could to be made manifest and that it might grow in the world.) This is difficult to understand and can only be understood in the idea that man was never been free from habitual instinctual responses to the past, which is important for us to survive and is how evolution proceeds towards the best possible use of our lives. If every one had to learn all over again EVERYTHING that had ever occurred we would be a static race, fixed and unmovable. The automatic response to other humans is worse than can be supposed in its affects and effects. I believe Jesus referred to this when he said: "Are you evil because I am good?" inferring that a person is responding with an 'opposite view' automatically and not the real point of view a person might have if they reflected upon ideas and really understood them.  Somehow we read each other like books, due to chemistries that are specific in each person.

7. As we create our technology, we create ourselves. (We are automatically functioning computers, creating now computers, seeking to find one that will emulate the processes of human thought. The workings of our minds and our thoughts, all our ideas are pulled out from the invisible sea in which we  reside, in which we are embedded. They are at some time  made manifest, made material. They are our technology.  Mans' ability to understand increases, evolves and grows as we become more creative mentally. This is very important:  Major ideas evolve slowly and gain strength slowly as the number of those who understand them and believe them increases.  The complexity of the human brain increases as technology increases.

8.  The contents of ones' mind should not be identified with, (The images and the thoughts are passing through the unknown self to the known self, from the source, created by the feelings and emotions that form them.  What this means is look at them, but do not think they are 'you'.  The mind is constantly generating pictures, images, scenarios, resulting from the impingement of what one encounters in the external environment, and its 'hitting' upon the senses. The particular past of the individual is generally the basis of many of these images, which can be 'stories' that reveal something symbolically and important if they can be 'caught' because they are very rapid moving when a person isn't asleep. If they are 'caught' they can perhaps be 'decoded' and understood. The mind generates seemingly at random, apparently evaluating everything encountered sensually, according to that internal directory, in the context of the personality that governs the computer.  There may be information about ones' self, answers to questions asked, or garbage.  Rather like the hundred monkeys typing full time would type out every book ever written eventually. **

9.  Man has changed very little as technology has progressed.  We are still very much like primitive man (One has only to read the newspapers.)

10. What one does physically, one does mentally. (This is a very important one, and requires elaboration because the 'coincidences' that arise are considered 'delusional thinking' by psychiatrists of this day. The symptoms that are part of the process of individuation are the basis of ideas of schizophrenia, split mind disorders in particular. It is not possible to see anything at all about ones self until one can see its opposite, and this is what happens, opposites are generated along a very methodical continuum, one that has stages, levels, progressions simultaneous with regressions through not only the personal past but the past of man as a race. A person must recognize and respond to a signal, an impulse that not only creates a conversation but causes understanding, by degrees and increments, this can be seen. There is in sight, real in sight as well as out sight, one can 'see' ones self and others, although it is my experience that 'deflection' of parts of, or aspects of ones self onto or into others may prevent some from seeing in this way. Much can be lost in this 'deflection'. Although Emmanuel Swedenborg wrote and I believe that in the ultimate result, God alone works and designs in order to 'save' everyone although he does it through what we call 'laws of order'. This would be 'science', which is a process and NOT a fixed content.

By looking carefully at one's life details and by listening to one's own words, then learning to catch the underlying conversation of other peoples 'projections' and understand them one learns that ones own 'hidden' self and of others constantly refer to much more than is realized or understood. The men who discovered psychiatry recognized that individuals 'act out' and even describe in a symbolic  form, much that they don't know about and cannot easily see.!! I read that only a few days ago when I read the Introduction  written by Beatrice Hinkle to C. G. Jungs' Psychology of the Unconscious which I found in google.books!!             

(I was amazed at so many phrases we use that are more literally true than anyone would suppose they are. "thought" less people are really thoughtless. We speak of 'second sight' when we do have a 'second look' at everything after being 'turned on'. Its only at this time a person can hear this 'underlying conversation' as I think of it, that can be very useful if one is careful but horrible if its not understood, if one gets 'stuck'. Its possible to become extremely self centered, megalomania and its possible to fall into severe mental disorders.

The Interpretation Of Schizophrenia by Silvano Arieti mentions a 'symptom', i.e.  'ideas of reference' very frequently. It's definition is 'getting messages from irrational sources', that's the definition I read when I looked it up. The word 'irrational' is difficult to define, and I had to become aware that whatever it is, it prevailed even in Greek times, when I read The Greeks and The Irrationals by . E. B. Dodds. I've not known people who had been psychiatrically diagnosed, so I knew nothing about the origin or history of psychiatry itself until by chance I read a book, The Moebius Strip which is about 'fin de siecle' neuropsychiatry and the word of Paul Moebius, the grandson of Augustus Moebius. . Its a good idea to read as much as possible about it!! I became aware that this 'symptom'  of 'getting messages from irrational sources', is the same thing as meaning-full coincidence.

The problem seems to me to be that in non-Jungian psychiatric theory  this  kind of personalized 'event' isn't understood to be related to a process of human individuation by the profession. It seems to be a conscious at lower levels than Carl G. Jung, the Western mind.  I made the connection myself, that they are the same, this was my first accomplishment, because. I'd begun to understand what was happening to me. I realized very slowly that I was being shown something by a pattern and was learning from it without having read or heard much about Mr. Jung's ideas about individuation.

 I had read quite a number of books by authors such as Joseph Chilton Pearce, then P. D. Ouspensky, Emanuel Swedenborg and a few more modern authors, William Glasser at first,  from whom I had learned many ideas I'd never thought about in my life. So it was not Jung's ideas that influenced me although  I'd read his name a few times without paying much attention to it.

It was F. David Peat's book, Synchronicity, The Bridge Between Mind and Matter and Alan Vaughn's book, Incredible Coincidence, the Baffling World of Synchronicity that introduced the word 'synchronicity' to me. There was nothing to connect the word to symptoms (ideas of reference/thought broadcasting etc)  that I'd read on a medical chart of mine in 1986.  Within 2 years after  1986 I became aware that a kind of inner reflection in my mind, of certain thought, or material I read somewhere  was creating a different 'sense' a different context arose automatically in my mind and this 'reflection' , in fact was creating what I named as a 'second under lying context'.

In 1988  I called a Jungian analyst in Seattle and asked him if the word 'synchronicity' and 'meaningful coincidences'  were the same thing. Then I asked if there was a process of individuation and he said there is. Then I asked if 'ideas of reference/thought broadcasting are psychiatric names for the same experience.  He told me they were, he had experienced it himself which was the only way he would know. It must be experienced and understood since it is actually a conversation being initiated, a real dialogue if the process is understood. It is very symbolic, highly personal and aimed towards bringing new ideas into the world, as well as making that person truly capable and creative in the universe.

It doesn't seem likely this is a new process, it's very old and has been the subject of very much thought throughout the 7 thousand years of which we have some records. It's a process that makes the  parable of the good seed  relevant because from my own experience I believe that story refers to the process, and to the changes that occur along the continuum, even when the 'seed' falls on good ground. It changes at points, it doesn't always create the  kind of religious experience that Richard M. Bucke described in Cosmic Consciousness. It's a continuum  which must be experienced  if its necessary to that person and to the idea being brought into 'the light' of human understanding. It is my opinion that a new idea or new information is being brought into the 'light of day and language' because  that's been my experience. I recognized how the process and the pattern was creating information, that I didn't originally know and would never have thought about myself.

There are points of change and many many changes of  perception, and I believe having a good memory and making records in a diary or  journal  is probably the only way one can be certain that  what one was told really happened.

**((The case is quite different after a person is 'initiated'. There is nothing random or accidental behind the 'workings' of the mind, they are specifically designed and specifically functioning in conjunction with events in the world, events in the persons life, although these workings are based upon the past events of that persons life. There is a symbolism at work that can only be understood when the past of man is understood as well as a process of abstraction at work that creates information that person can discern, in one's own 'language' so to speak.  The specificity of this interaction is difficult to describe the symbolism, the symbolic re-presentation is a good term to use, but it seems to me to be rather as though a 'search' is made through the individual's past memory bank for the closest example that can be found to what is visible in front of ones eyes materially and psychologically. 

The overt world and the covert (covered) world are conjoined and explained to that individual. I was very amused to notice that the difference between 'overt' and 'covert' is also a similarity: a see, a 'c'. The coincidences arise from this as well as the 'story' of ones life, ones 'purpose'. ))

As I've written previously, without any awareness of it as my main interest, I had been trying to establish reality in a certain way as a result of something that had happened when I was very young. I had been told I'd imagined something that I believed had  happened, that it had not really happened. So I was afterwards focused on trying to find out what was real, and whether I imagined anything,  in a particular way. .

This 'search for the truth'  in my life was not only pointed out to me by implication in the opening of the message,  as the opening thought words occurred, but  it  was exposed by  strings of actual  memories themselves from my first 15 years, They were displayed somehow linearly the way a movie is seen. This was only part of a string  that was displayed in an increment of time that had to be less than a small part of a second.

The words that opened this event were spoken as 'thought', without images other than one specific  memory, then other strings of memories were displayed that  explained how the same words that opened the event,  were related to  different levels of mind. There was a variety of thought in the background I believe  that related to  memories I could not 'see'  that were  not connected to words, or to each other initially.  When that content met it's match in the exterior world, I experienced a sense of familiarity, the words seemed already there in some form in my mind or body.

To me this message and the statement of purpose that followed it explains much that has always puzzled me about 'reality' and religion. I've the conviction it was real and it had taken many thousands of what we call 'years' to prepare the situation for its reception.

This is the most grandiose claim a person could make, but its been illustrated to me very well, that 'time' was a construction not of the human mind, but of a Larger Domain. However 'grandiose' the idea  may seem,  there were always other  humans  than myself involved in how it was 'decoded' and that  took more than 5 very busy years.

 I know it was not a product of my own imagination nor was it a personal fantasy because so much participation was evident to me from every area of my life then, and later.  The mechanisms known as 'projection' in psychiatry do not begin to explain  the relationships of people to other people, and  when the Larger Domain is functioning,  the relationship of the individual to objects that use words where ever they occur as well  changes radically.. There is a change also in that  'events' in the most ordinary every day situations take on an added 'something' that was to me, not only unexpected but unexplainable for the 3 years after 1984. Within that time span a body of new experiences had built up and it was becoming apparent the thing was really explaining every aspect of it, itself. And something almost undetectable by ordinary 'rational thinking' was being accomplished at the same time. What I was physically doing was being 'said' to me in a form, through a variety of events in which impeccable timing was as unmistakable as was also the fact that as a person, I could not have arranged those events.

It seems to me this is what the Bible means when it says the 'last state of those is worse than the first state' These projections, 'second sight' really does take place: its an extremely rapid echoing back of every event, mental or physically observable so that its 'seen again' with new and different contexts. There is personal reference and this is where the apparent or real 'coincidences' arise. Due to a certain faculty of mind, this can be a real disaster or a real blessing.

 My husband had that faculty of mind and I 'caught' it, or acquired it as a real product of a long period of being on the receiving  end of  being defined and related to in a way that had nothing to do with the way I actually was. The fact that I am an American who married a European who was growing up in a country where the war actually happened is of utmost importance. The way I acquired a new mind caused me to know that males replicate themselves in a way we don't suspect and that males and females have different forms of replications.  A certain mechanism of mind was either part of the acquired mindset, or it was already within me and was initialized, or 'switched on' at a specific time that coincided with the the advent of the Los Angeles Olympic Games.

 It took me quite a while to identify this extremely rapid mechanism of mind that is known to exist in the idea of projection as its psychiatrically defined. At first was invisible and the confusing effect it caused was not possible to discern. After a time I had a sense of what was going on, a kind of extremely rapid 'replaying' of content  seemed to be there and  I was 'hearing again' everything people said . But this change overlaid everything, so  my  own thought was also echoed, or so it seemed after I had become somewhat more able to relate to what was going on in my head.

 But one day I noticed it for certain, that my thought about something I was doing, described a physical activity I was really doing, but it also described something I was mentally doing. . The same words described both activities. It was distinct in that incident. That thought validated that I was actually  involved in exploring the depths of mind, seeing into it. This incident  came about from being given a new job at work, having to walk out onto a metal grid floor that was 15 feet high and through which the room below could be seen. I was startled when I felt dizzy after walking onto the metal grid. I clung to the edge of the nearest tank and the thought emerged: "Its just like being lifted up, I can see more, I can see what's below me and what's going on around me at the same time." That's a simple thought,  but it was all that was necessary.  The words generated by the suddenly invisible floor described what I was doing in two worlds.

That day was  to me, very much like the day Helen Keller understood her first 'word',. I felt somehow rewarded as though a great accomplishment had been made. Memories of other times in my past when I had done something well flashed into my mind, but I did not recognize for quite some time that they were 'regenerating' the sense I'd had of having done well thought experiences regenerated from my past. 'Work' in earnest began after that day. )  The 'second sight' in that thought was the first trustworthy incident where I experienced very literally that  whatever is heard or observed in this process, reveals what one does really on Earth and can learn to do in the larger domain. I was watching what was going on in my mind without realizing I had been switched from being primarily focused on what was outside of my body.

This requires not only awareness and attention but consciousness to be effective in the mental world, I believe.  This was most astonishing to notice that people continually repeat words, ideas and concepts that imply they know they consciously live in the Larger Domain, but this is obviously not so.

The incredible way people define words so uniquely should make it obvious that nonverbal communication is present in humans, and that psychologically we 'mate' and make friends with only those creatures similar to or useful to our selves. Denial is quite as potent a reality shaper as hallucinations, it is the opposite side of the coin, deleting what could be seen. Physically lived patterns once recognized are the basis for growth, individuation.  The family of origin personality is a necessity, a point of reference, a point of origin only. I always thought I wouldn't believe in anything until it explains everything.  This explains everything when its understood, although the implications of my experience are very, very hard to handle. 

It is strange to try to describe an event that took more than 10 years to really understand. By 1989 I had come to understand a new language, had learned at least one important new idea that I had not suspected. It was an idea  that answered a question asked in a supposedly fictional book I'd read years before. I was made aware that I had been named, talked to and guided towards understanding this language and had become functional in a connection to a Larger Domain as I named it when I first became aware of it.

 I was also aware of another world, a world of appearances as I came to think of it almost inadvertently because for five years everything that was happening to me 'seemed' to be impossible but it kept happening.. Then I understood as only a few have that we live in a universe that is quite different than we suppose it is. And I hope no one jumps to conclusions that are incorrect. There are many ideas about ourselves that are very old but of which many people are just becoming aware, and they don't know that those ideas are very old because they haven't read the older philosophies and even some new ones.

What is 'new' to some is very, very old and until people know how old Eastern ideas in particular are, they cannot examine them as to the results of them, which generally encourage passivity.    


Typed automatically  in 1987, The Statement of Purpose

                         STATEMENT OF PURPOSE


The Counselor: (to me) 

THEE MUST ACT ON THIS, AND PERSEVERE. Procrastinate no longer. Allot thy time to me. Thee has finished with this world of substance and must proceed.  Thou asked of me to know:  what?  and why? and how does???, and thee asked it well. Now thee has thy story, and must tell or it is lost in time. It will take thee time, thou must begin. 

Response: (from me) 

It is so much to tell, and I don't know where to start; how to put it all together and I'm not sure if it means anything to anyone but me.  How can I explain it all to people who never asked just the questions that I asked and read what I have read? Or pondered in just the way, in just the specific area that interested me? 

The common denominators make it almost impossible to break the barriers time has made so firm, and the irony of the trap into which we all fall, that we do not abandon to the past most of our ways and efforts, constantly learning more, and all that is new; depending more on intuition, learning more about the immaterial world. There are obviously rules and methods to reach it. 

As WE READ NOT ONLY DO WE LEARN WHAT THE AUTHOR HAS TO SAY, BUT WE MAY ALSO PICK UP SOMETHING OF THE AUTHOR.  I think it is something that is woven into the substance of the book or story. 

As children read the folk tales and myths, the fairy tales and poems that have been passed down through time from our ancestors; we learn something of their experience as well, each in a way that is quite individual. Each generation is quite different from the next; child is the culmination of all that has gone before and so is the beneficiary of its parents and others as well. Each according to its ability to recognize and identify with what has been learned up to the point of his or her existence. It has always mystified me why for instance parents immediately begin to teach their children everything they have learned with such zeal, when it is obvious that the parents habits and tastes in most cases are already obsolete; that there is little more reason to train a child to be like its parents in other than basic survival techniques.  It has been recognized recently, more so than in other eras that each person is an individual and needs to develop independently of what has been necessary in prior times. 

As people weep at the passing of the family as the institution which fosters the growth of the future, it is obvious that the best interests of the children who must develop more fully in different ways than their parents, is no longer served in merely being the possessions of their parents, to train as they see fit. 

At the age of forty seven years I began to enter into a phase of life that has been to some degree known, but in large is an entirely uncharted period of our existence in the material world. 

It has been known that we have a spiritual life, (mental life) but I didn't know it.  The words that speak of that world were nearly nonexistent in my life experience.  At the age of forty seven I began to have my attention diverted from the material world and my life and place in it as girl, woman, wife, and mother. 

I began to experience what are now called depression, withdrawal and an inability to perform the (mundane) tasks and (ordinary daily) works of that woman.

 The end of the Statement of Purpose




 Typed automatically in 1986 


The person as a window on the world a unique entity who progresses through life gathering a thinking viewpoint through evaluation of personal experience and observations and evaluations of the material world. 

The caliber of observation and evaluation depend upon the intelligence that is inherent or developed. Intelligence is defined as the ability to isolate and associate relevant details and facts. 

Originality is the keen intelligence that gathers together from experience and observation facts which elude ordinary thinking.  Creativity is the ability to translate into words that may benefit those whose personal experience is not such that the same facts may be made clear by the same deductive reasoning. 

One who may not originate an idea and creatively express it for the benefit of others may yet use the originality of others and with correct evaluations of personal observations of mental material accrued via their window on the world, become an originator. 

Ideas in the material world may be proved by repetitive experiment. Ideas which shed light on the immaterial world are much more difficult, since at this time levels of sensitivity are so random and sparse.  The uniqueness of the individual comes to its full importance, in that no fact other than the material world may cause the conclusion to be reached. 

The individual acquires his or her own unique dictionary which is so to speak built into the 'personal computer' and myriad of divergent reference points cause the apparent 'facts' to take on meaning for one that may have no relation to what another may perceive. 

As the 'personal computer' is filled it becomes programmed by habitual thinking and reasoning trends so that eventually a 'personality grid' is superimposed upon all events of personal observation and experience. 

The 'grid' works on all input experience as well as on all output experience. 

Perceptions begin to assume a predictable aspect, probably very young. To be free from habit is nearly impossible, the familiar is comforting. 

Unless the unfamiliar becomes as habitual as the familiar then the unfamiliar is threatening to the very fragile human ego and will be experienced with fear and pain. 

Only exposure allows what is unfamiliar to become familiar and without stress become a springboard for further experience then further development towards an idea which may be larger than presently exposed.

The end of the Guidelines


Typed automatically  June 25, 1987


When I was about seven or eight years old I saw a movie serial, titles The Missing Link.  It was about some scientists who were in a jungle looking for the 'link' between man and ape, supposedly an ape with manlike qualities. 

The words 'missing link' have been the two oldest 'floaters' that I can remember. I will define a floater as a word or simple phrase that appeared in my mind for no reason that I could think of. I could be reading a book, talking to a person or just musing and reflecting on something specific, or nothing that I could recall that was specific and the words or phrase would float across the backroads of my mind. 

It was not long afterwards that I saw another old serial called the Clutching Hand."  It was simply a very scary movie of a haunted house. There is a small difference in that phrase in that it just seems to have disappeared into my mind and did not emerge until about ten years ago, when that phrase began to emerge in a similar way with the others. Somehow it became a more important phrase. It felt different. 

The words 'common denominator' were the most frequent floater. This phrase of course originated from arithmetic when I was in grade school. I don't remember any specific incident when 'common denominator' flitted across my mind but it like 'missing link' would cross my mind at times when reading; particularly newspapers or magazines. 

I think I was well into middle age before this began to catch my attention and I wondered why those repetitious words kept occurring in my mind. There was no reason that I could see for those 'ghosts along the backroads of my mind'. 

At about the same time that I began to feel such heaviness, listlessness and 'mind pain' a childrens' book about Luther Burbank that I'd read, the only bibliography I can recall reading, began to emerge in the same way. Ideas about 'pollinating', 'cross pollinating' being the subject of that book.  I must have been only nine or ten years old when I read it. It was the story of how he saw a field daisy and loving nature as he did began to wonder if he could 'help' it and improve it; specifically wanting to create a daisy that had more than one row of petals. 

He began to collect from the field those daisies with the most petals and worked out a way to take pollen from one, brush it across the female part of another. In that way he acted as a 'bee' but with a design in mind. As the seed matured he planted it  and selected from each batch those daisies with the most petals and finally began to see signs of 'doubleness' emerge. The daisies had more petals than common field daisies. He finally did succeed in producing a daisy with two rows of petals, becoming the father of hybridizing.   

That concept, the idea of taking desirable qualities from one and crossing it with the desirable qualities of another began to join the other floaters.  ( Added April 10, 1993: This related to my own minds attempts to 'draft' information of its own, 'informing' me, on the top of my mind by this 'closest example I can find' to what was happening to me at the time. I'd been told quite casually by Dr. Phillip Rehngren of Seattle, that 'folie aux duex' was the reason I felt I was 'seeing the world through Jan's eyes, as though is 'viewpoint' was sitting on top of mine and I was looking "up" through it. I recall how hesitantly I spoke, how vaguely I spoke, searching for words to describe the terrible anquish I was feeling. There had been an unusually gripping reaction to 'Of Human Bondage' as a radio screenplay when I'd heard it, causing me to read the book with great interest and attention to the plight of Phillip who became enmeshed with Mildred, who cared nothing for him.

It was of interest to me to look back upon the way the story affected me, when 'codependency' became well known, that after he met a woman who cared for him, I lost interest in the story!)  

Another thing that I began to wonder about at nearly this time was that my spare time had always been absorbed in tracing patterns, no matter where I am, I have always mentally traced patterns, looking for hidden things, similarities to 'something else' in nearly everything that happened to be in front of me, looking for patterns on the ceiling, a sort of mental doodling.


At about the time 'looking for patterns' joined the other floaters, I also began to be aware of where this had been instilled in me. I had somehow taken the idea from intelligence tests given as a routine when I was in grade school. This used to be done every year, sometimes every semester. I loved them, particularly the questions where a series of numbers were given and the next in the series had to be 'figured out'; pictures that had similarities or differences.

 End of Reminder of my Remains


 I did not recognize or feel astonished that I'd written something that I had not intended to write until quite a period of time had passed. There was no curiosity in me when I read what the Counselor said to me, although I knew what the questions  "Thee asked of me to know, What? And why? and How does?" referred to. They were questions I'd asked of myself, each very specific content while I looked at something or thought about something I'd just read. The way I felt then was a coma like state, I felt remote, isolated, nearly inert at times, just being an observer unable to say anything about what I was seeing in my own mind.

After several years I realized I was seeing from a deep level within my own mind that was looking out, and the changes in perception were overlaying everything outside of my body. This experience was confusing but now I realize the word 'projection' is very poorly understood in psychiatric ideas. Self observation on this level is presumed to be an apparent refusal to acknowledge 'self' material, i.e one's own 'shadow material'.

 I knew nothing about C. G. Jung's term 'shadow' when I noticed the quiet repetition of the name of a square dance call: "cast a shadow' into my mind after the caller had chanted it. When I noticed this repetition once, the quiet thought words, 'cast a shadow' reoccurred every time the caller chanted the name of that figure. I wondered to myself about it, then my early life experiences with a comic book titled The Shadow came to mind, then the radio show with it's awesome statement: "Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men? The Shadow knows. The Shadow has the power to blind men's mind so they cannot see him." That was the totality of my knowledge of the 'shadow' until a few years later, when I came upon the term in a book, The Scapegoat Complex authored by a Jungian author.

Being an observer without any curiosity at such an unusual 'event' has been my  basic life it seems to me now, until the 90's brought a sense of 'critical evaluation' to me.          

, a poem

Beneath the surface of my life, There lies a continuity,

A flowing sense of a direction, A goal that lays ahead of me.

A sense that mountains steep and dangerfilled,

Exist in places the eye alone can't see.

And my connection to my Source,

Is the cord that leadeth me,

The single shield that guardeth me.



If the secret of life you would find,

  It will be in one of a different mind

For what I gave to thee is only half

  To her I gave the rest,

Like a coin cut in twain and cast far apart.

A man has a role that  he must play

  And it is not what he will choose

But what will guide his mate whom I will guide.

A man is a creature of logic

  And cannot hear my voice for it is pain.

And pain and logic are not twins.

  My logic changes with the need,

Its pattern lays within her seed.

My voice was lost long ago to man and mate,

  Now it is but felt within the soul,

Of her who carries the future and pays the toll

  That you can barely see, feel not at all.

Her anguish is but My Voice to with her be whole.

This poem seemed a little self serving to me even when I wrote it, until I read The Arrow Of Time by Peter Coveney and Roger Highfield. The arrow of time seems to be reversible except in biology where it is 'aimed' in only one direction. This connects woman, through her process of replication directly with that arrow and indicates she has never been separated from it. The sense of 'isolation' the male feels generally may be due to this although males do replicate also, this is obvious since all ideas that we pass forward in time came from the male mind, those of religions and those of science.

The 'religious' experience has always taken place in the minds of men getting information that becomes a basis for belief.  There is nowhere a major religion based on the religious experience of a woman. Synchronicity as much more than  the second birth process, more than the mystical experience should be regarded as the experience that will bring science and religion together when its recognized that no man discovers anything.  Every facet of our world of society, art, science, technology began with an idea revealed and acted upon in a mind.  The bibliography at the end of a book is the result of a person experiencing exactly what I've experienced within the past 10 years, without the recognition of the process, the set of patterns that guided that life while the textbook was being assembled. 



The first event happened in the 10 days between July 31 and August 11, 1984, to an unsuspecting woman who was mentally foggy and struggling to maintain a semblance of normality. I named it a 'mindquake' sometime after the second event happened in 1989. I cannot hope to be linear in writing about what happened in 1984,  then during the 5 years after 1984 until 1989. During that point in Time, I had to 'unpack' so to speak the content in the 1984 event, and I had also to realize I was 'unpacking' it, bit of information by bit of information'. By 1989 I could relate immediately to the content moving through my mind, a certain isolated, distinct 'band of thought' that had contained the message embedded within it.

 It was a very great change, an unexpected and nearly undetectable situation had caused me to be able to relate to 'thought' immediately. It had taken that 5 years long period, a 24 hours long, 7 days a week,  365 days a year period to relate to the content that happened in 1984. Still later, more than a decade after the 1989 event, I could understand that in the 9 years prior to 1984 a critical phase had happened, relating to what was going to happen in 1984. This critical phase culminated in a 'minor' mindquake one night in 1982 such that it was possible to eventually realize this experience had begun long before I was born physically on this planet. It has been an ongoing endeavor in Time itself, before written records of any kind.

There are three documents in this page, The Message, Statement of Purpose, and Guidelines. Each of which was typed at different times after 1984, each was typed automatically. The Message was the first document I typed and that happened several months after July 31, 1984, when I intended to write something else.  What that means is that my fingers typed without any intent of mine, or conscious awareness on my part of what was being typed. A will other than mine operated the typewriter, my eyes glanced at what I'd typed but there was no curiosity about the material, nor a recognition that I'd heard it in the packaged content I had experienced already, in that 10 days period. 

In fact even after I printed it out, I read what I'd typed without any recognition that I'd not thought consciously about what came out of my fingers which was very different than what I'd intended to type. Later it became obvious that what had been typed was embedded in the event that had happened in 1984, in my 'mental space'. There was 'visible content' in that event but now I believe masses of notvisible content was suddenly 'switched on'.

The 1984 event began with specific words, "You are correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." and these words were followed by a very specific incident that had happened when I was about 13 years old. It's described in the link, The Hill.  Behind that memory the same words were given meaning by the retrieval of long strings of memories from my past on two different levels, which I had to recognize in detail in the 5 years after 1984. One 'vein' began with something my husband had said the first night we were married: "Have you said your prayers?". Then I heard as 'thought words' 5 sentences, about him, followed by a mass of long strings of memories from our marriage that made a point immediately the way an entire movie is experienced. These 5 sentences were simple, but they were so critical to being able to really understand this event, that I hope I can elaborate later about them. All of this happened in a flash. It all came at once, as an enormous bundle of content.

Following this initial content was the retrieval of two poems, Invictus, by Henley which I knew I had read and memorized and another poem, Myself that I knew I'd only read and felt very much attracted towards. The last lines: "I don't want to stand in the setting sun and hate myself for things I've done." had always remained with me. As the words to the poems were experienced I felt the content of the words become embedded within my body. I was literally infused with the 'need to do right, to be fair, to be honest and upright', as well as with much more that I can only relate to generally even now. The words in the poems had the effect of 'modeling' a structure within me, forming a permanent part of me that has never left.

The other 'vein' began with Eve, who was burdened literally with guilt at a certain point in Time. I felt the enormous burden immediately, although I was unawares of something that had happened in the two years prior to 1984, such that I had already been feeling a terrible physical feeling of almost unbearable grief. It had begun in a specific moment, and it had seemed to be connected to a real person that I knew only casually but had become somewhat fascinated with, for reasons I could not understand. The grief began instantaneously with a thought that occurred one night when I looked at the man: "Oh, no! Oh, God NO! NOT HIM.", and it was so painful that I wept floods of tears. (Later I found out why I felt such grief, someone else in the same group of people who were in our square dance club had also felt it, for the same reasons basically that I had. I asked him why he had left the group for almost a year, then returned skeletally thin and emaciated. He shook his head as he replied: "It was the grief. I could not bear the grief any longer." The 'grief' I'd felt had seemed related to a situation between this man I'd become fascinated with and his wife as well as their relationship to their club.

 The 'double life' of my real existence and the hidden life described in 'history itself, all of it' was laid open with the same words and memory retrievals. "You are Correct. Patterns of the past are to be the patterns of the future." applied on many levels and they were all exposed at once. The 'whole thing' happened  as a seamless batch, and it was necessary to take it apart later. I believe I did not 'take it apart' myself, I watched all of the processes of 'unpacking' and rearranging the content, almost phrase by phrase, clause by clause, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, page by page, chapter by chapter and even book by book,  as an observer. A detached, isolated 'viewing machine', but one that was intensely curious and focused on proving that I was not 'crazy'.

I had a specific reason for being almost driven to the point of insanity (a word I did not understand but was very much afraid of) to prove I was not insane.

The message was received in 1984, perceived and apparently remembered by some component within me and was typed almost a year later. The message was typed in 1985 and I was not even curious about what I'd typed then read when it was printed out. The Statement of Purpose and the Guidelines were typed in 1986/7.

After 1984, and even prior to that, my mind was a busy place, but it had become a visible territory, unknown to me as a real place, into which it was possible to look, from which it was possible to hear in a particular way, that was not like what one hears in the exterior world. This was a very new place to me, one that was full of activity and I had noticed thought of different varieties rather slowly. Because this thought content was new to me, I was curious about it, without being as curious of another 'vein of thought' that was scrolling relentlessly through my mind that was connected with a dream I'd had late in 1982, and this was connected to the man I'd felt a powerful 'need' to get to know and talk to. There was nothing romantic in this attraction which made it that much more unexplainable.

By 1984, I was not aware that a preparatory period of about 9 years had brought forth an awareness of  a few memories that had plagued me by their persistence throughout my life, after the original event had happened. I became aware these persistent retrievals of memories from my past had been happening for most of my life and I had not noticed them beyond just being aware of each one, and had not been curious about them until at point in Time.

The Statement of Purpose, The Guidelines, The Message. (1984)

The Message was embedded in an enormous package of information, I did not hear the message in the package,  the 10 items were hidden, embedded within it at the point in time when I typed it. This content was new to me even when I typed it, close to a year after July 31, 1984 August 11, 1984. I know that it was in 1985, I'd been working at Boeing a couple of months and had just finished reading Carl Sagans' book, Contact which is about a message also.

The preface to the package of information was visible/audible as thought. The rest of the package obviously contained an enormous amount of information that I now realize, had to meet its' match in the exterior world, probably word for word as well meeting the psychological content, in 'events' of quite a variety. This 'conjunction' of inner content with outer content was experienced as a body feeling before it became words, of that I am certain. That I believe accounts for what has been named 'coincidence of the meaningful kind'. In ordinary psychiatric language (which I knew nothing about in 19841988) this is also a batch of 'symptoms' that are defined as mental delusions.

 The 10 items in the message were typed automatically at some point before I had read Carl Sagan's book, Contact. I remember noticing the book as I walked through a mall, and I stopped to read the jacket. A hand that did not seem to be mine wrote a check for the book, the first new book I'd ever bought that cost that much other than a school book that I had to buy. I read the book without any sense it was more than an ordinary book and had finished it by the time I got my job at Boeing.

I remember a thought occurring to me one day as I left work, walking to the parking lot: "It was a message. I got a message." The emergence of that thought into a mind that had become visible did not startle me or arouse curiosity about what such a thought implied. I merely remember that moment quite vividly.

Carl Sagan's book is about a message and a palimpsest, which is a puzzle that had to be decoded layer by layer.

The 10 items were part of an enormous package of information. Bear in mind that I did not 'hear' the content that had the 10 items of the message, so that explains why I did not recognize it or wonder to myself about it's emergence one day when I was typing.

The preface and 'introduction' to the message was so distinctly linked to my actual real world life that I was at first outraged and griefstricken because it seemed to me then, that someone I knew intimately had tricked me and manipulated us into a situation which he detested on one level but seemed quite pleased with on another level. What he was pleased with overall, was what seemed to be indications that I had 'finally gone over the edge' although he also seemed genuinely concerned and wanted to help find out what was going on that made me feel so unlike my normal self.

 The 'double bind', or 'mixed signals', (words I knew nothing about then) situation I had begun to experience physically, had created a new mind and perceptual condition.

It was more than a decade after 1984 that I could begin to realize that if there are mixed signals, there are signals. As a human born into a flow of events that extend backwards, mixed signals may be the only way to begin to detect signals.

I had not a clue that there were 'levels' in understanding then, as well as obviously different 'thought generating' entities within the body. Who would suspect that 'thought' can emerge from a location so deep, so remote from words that one would have to struggle to 'reach it' and struggle even more to speak even one word from that level?

By 1989 I had learned about levels from a source that I had begun to realize comes 'through' what is visible but which is not directly visible its self.